baver3

Lets just say he DID sign up. I am so sorry. My heart would be broken too but you need to get up the nerve to talk to him. Dont assume ANYTHING. Let him tell YOU! This may be a long road you are about to be on. That doesnt mean you have to love your husband any less but I know you are hurting. (I have suffered this same thing) I would ask your husband to show you (if he denies it) that it wasnt him that signed up and that it is just spam. You seriously need to have these suspiciouns put out. You need to get your faith in your spouse back. I know that even though your husband may tell you nothing is going on, now you are going to be on your guard. I dont care what anyone says, it really does break your confidence and trust in your spouse. You will always wonder and now may feel like you want to 'check his email' and 'snoop' to find out if he was telling the truth. These are natural feelings. That is why you have GOT to get to the bottom of this. Remember and know that porn is NOT about you. Its hard not to take it personally. I am sure your husband loves you to pieces. Porn is not about rejecting you. Maybe you should, in the meantime, educate yourself on this addiciton and find out how you can be a supportive wife and understand a little bit better why people who view porn have this porblem. You asked if you should ignore this: the answer is NO. I wish you the best.

I would echo the same thing as golflovingpres and just go and try to get a job and start preparing. You never know what the Lord has in store for you. I think as long as you have the desire and you are preparing that the blessings you need will come. You bishop told you, 'a while'. He didnt say NO. So just stay hopeful with that. You very well may get permission from the first presidency. You may just be that person that has the perfect situation to serve and you are right you did NOTHING wrong. Stay faithful and keep the hope that you can go. I think it would serve you well to go ahead and start doing all you can to save money for your mission and start doing those things you can to prepare.

Im just chiming in. Ive been away for a bit. Im glad you are feeling happier these days Mirancs8. I think that is the point when you decide to divorce. My court date was continued today. My husband said he 'couldnt go' and he BEGGED me to actually have it cancelled. We met at mediation today (again ugh!) and as soon as the mediator left the room he swore at me numerous times and called me the c word. Just a question to all those going through or having gone through a divorce....is it that you ACTUALLY turn into a terrible person during the divorce, or is is purely perception? I feel like I am trying to do whats right and defend myself and my kids. Its too bad he sees me in such a terrible light. As the mother of his children and being 8 months pregnant with his child, I DEFINATELY did not deserve that today...or any day. I SOOOO hope your childrens schedule changes back to your husband only seeing the kids on weekends. I recently heard of this crazy child visitation schedule in AZ that said that the kids live in a house and the parents have to share the house and the kids just get to stay there (in stead of the kids moving from house to house). I would seriously hate that. I think the fact that you are focusing on your happiness right now will do you and your children A LOT of good, more than you know. I so hope the judge will see how terrible of a schedule that is for your kids. And your husband will NOT be able to handle that schedule for too long. Hes going to crumble. Get some popcorn, take a seat and prepare to be entertained. He is in for the shock of his life if he thinks he can handle it. He is going to be a basket case. I wish only the best for you. Thanks for keeping us updated! :)

I like that advice john doe (subscribing to magazines) I think at this point it sounds essential that you get your spirituality back. Get back to church asap. Allow your wife to see the difference in you. Pray for her. You will be able to find ways to integrate your happiness and some simple lessons into your children's lives (in the meantime). The Lord has said that he will not give us commandments without a way for us to be able to follow them. I think it may be important for your wife to know that you are on board with what she wants, ie. not taking the kids with you. (for now.) However, there are many activities that you will be able to invite your wife and children to. I believe that over time your wife will soften. I will also say that you have a lot going for you in that your wife is Methodist. Its not TOO FAR from what you believe and I think you will be able to build upon common beliefs. Dont push anything right now. Just go for you and focus on you. Get spiritually right again. Pray for guidance. The Holy Ghost will reveal to you what you should do.

How weird. I guess it doesnt matter what sex a person is or whether or not they are a member. If they need help, then the Bishop will need to decide to help them. I was in a Branch a few years ago and the town's grossest lady (no running toilets in their home, over 25 dogs, fleas all over the place, super nasty) came to church on sunday and was asking the Branch President for some money. I saw them give her some. I, of course, have no idea what it was for but honestly I believed she probably ran right over to the gas station and bough cigarettes. Its probably not for us to judge. They will be judged for their actions and what they do with the money. The Lord doesnt NEED money so the acutal money isnt the issue. We are the ones that need money and use it as a tool. Im sure if this person whom you spoke with continues to ask for money and it apprears they are abusing the help, then the Bishop may choose to no longer help. And that will be the end of that. Regarding this person's sex, If he/she comes back to church they will have to decide if they are going to attend priesthood or relief society. What a strange strange predicament.

This is great advice. I think that is why even though you didnt feel like praying or reading your scriptures, you MUST press on! You NEED that strength (llike you said how you were able to compose yourself in the attempt to show how put together YOU are and how FREAKING CRAZY he is). My heart goes out to you. It also makes me scared because my first court date is coming up on the 17th and I am not sure what to expect. I have a question for you about your recordings: I have been recording my conversations with my spouse for some time now. What is the most effective way to use these recordings? a trascription? I am just not sure how I can make them useful. I cannot believe he wanted to have dinner with you. And what I REALLY cant believe it that you went (even though I think it was a smart move in order to get information from him). I cant imagine that. How could you even have an appetite in a meeting like that one? I am sooo soo sorry about how court went but I really and truly believe that eventually...and you must be patient...that the visitation thing will get ironed out so that your kids will be more stable and you will get what you really want. CLEARLY he cant handle it. Clearly he will be unable to take care of the children for an entire week with all their school stuff etc. He will be a frazzled mess. The Court will not let him get away with paying less child support when you will be the one eventually caring for the children. Be strong and keep up your faith. I know you got kicked down a bit but get yourself back up! You can do it!

wow. I love these stories. You are all amazing.

Its not scripture or anything as far as saying 'dont date anyone who is separated' actually IN the scriptures but I am separated right now and when I went to talk to the Stake President about getting a temple reccommend he said that I should NOT date anyone until my divorce is final. So there you go.

I like this. I just cant imagine being in a new relationship and bringing up all your past sins and questioning eachother about what you've done in the past. That sounds ridiculous to me. I would think it could come up when the relationship became more serious but at that point it would make sense that you had confidence in eachother to share some of those things. And yes, its always best to be honest.

I did this exact same thing...but in college...and AFTER serving a full-time mission. Its too hard and I dont think its worth it. Take it from someone who knows. I just wish I could at some point find someone to marry in the temple. I wish I could know for sure this is in the cards for me. I guess I have to have faith. I will never date another non member again. I learned my lesson and to be truthful it is a waste of time because you dont want to wake up one day after being married for 7 years and then find yourself getting divorced.

You should go. You will never regret it. Never. It will change you forever and every decision you make thereafter. It is wise to go. I dont know what to say about the cancer except that is ridiculous and selfish. If you marry her and you have cancer this poor woman will have to take care of you. Think of this uproad battle! I cant believe you would choose that path over a growing experience in following the Lord. Think of all the people you will meet whose lives will change becuase of you and your life will change as well. You will change. This girl will respect you more. Time will move on you will get older and if you dont go, you will regret it. You are worthy, YOU SHOULD GO. You can still love her while you are on your mission. Two years isnt that long. I really really REALLY hope you dont have cancer.

You did the right thing. I dont think he will change himself until he starts to suffer some of the consequences to his poor decisions. One of these consequences happens to be not having the support of his parents in continuing on this path. To me thats a no brainer and for him to throw such a tantrum and say you lost a son is really immature. But thats okay. When he hits rock bottom he will be back. And believe me, it wont take long. You are a good Mom. He is in college and is experimenting with his new found freedom. He is on his own path and you have to respect his decisions, no matter how poor. That doesnt mean you have to like it and it doesnt mean that you have to put up with it. But you are going to have to accept it. Just keep praying and being strong and holding your ground.

I will pinch my sons shoulder, like Spak style, in public (in lieu of a spanking). I have only had to do this very very few times and it made me feel guilty. I am extremely reluctant to do this but believe me it works and in public I like it better than spanking because its not so agressive and honestly you dont have to pinch very hard for it to hurt. I think it just gets their attention. I have spanked hands before, like when they are very young but I think the absolute most effective way of disciplining is taking something away from them, time outs and teaching them. The longer I am a parent the more I realize that physical discipline has lasting negative effects and I dont want that kind of relationship with my child. I also think just because you dont spank your child but you yell all of the time or use an intimidating lloud voice is just as destructive. I like putting my childs nose in the corner. It takes a lot of patience as a parent to do this one and I found it only necessary during the terrible two's. Now that my child is 4, he is so much more teachable and we can sit down and talk and I can reason with him. I agree with mightnancy, children get out of control and they dont know what to do. They need boundaries and are so much happier when we create those for them.

Reading your initial post was like reading the past 7 years of my life. You said you are going through a divorce so it sounds like you have already made up your mind to not be married to him. In my opinion it doesnt matter at this point if you made a mistake. What is done is done and if you had babies with this man this situation would be A LOT STICKIER! Dont think of the past 3 years as a mistake. JUST. MOVE. ON. And when you finally get your divorce focus focus focus on your NEW goal to find a man that perhaps matches what Heavenly Father is intending for you (like in your Pat. blessing). Counseling may be in order since you said you came from a dysfunctional family. Get yourself straight and prepare to meet this person who is going to take you to the temple. Like your blessing says, dont expect perfection. Understand that no one is perfect, even if they are or seem like they are. Dont go searching for someone perfect. Just let yourself be led by the spirit.

Be patient! I think I am like that to a degree and in every ward Ive been in it has taken me at LEAST 2-3 years to really start feeling like I belonged and to get to know people. Smiling and not being afraid to introduce yourself is the best way. Show up every sunday and go to the thrid meeting. I mostly socialize when Im in Relief Society, NOT Sacrament. So its important to go to that meeting. Be open. Try to not use codewords.

Let me warn you that the spirit in the MTC is so strong that you will practically feel COMPELLED to expel your past sins. So if you dont take care of that now then you are going to have to face it in the MTC and believe me you dont want that. You dont want to risk having to possibly go home after having come so far. That will be very painful. You will want EVERY SINGLE past wrong taken care of so that you can have full confidence in your spiritually and worthiness. I am happy you went and talked to someone. I would say if you are addicted then definately talk to your bishop, if you just slipped up and did it once and then corrected yourself then I would say you could fix the problem promptly through prayer and rededication to following the commandments. From here on out I would make your scripture study a priority since you mentioned that it only happens when you stop reading (aka: having the spirit with you).

I say dont ask. Asking is selfish. Go on your mission. Keep writing. Let her make her own decision without your influence. If you are meant to be together then it will happen, you will stay connected through letters. I know you cant see this perspective now but you are so incredibly young. You will have PLENTY AND PLENTY of time to date when you get back. And believe me 2 years goes by so incredibly fast!!!! If your connection is genuine then she will feel the same way towards you and she will want you as well. Take stock in that and stay strong. But I wouldnt ask her to wait. It is painful and it causes a lot of guilt when the time would perhaps surface when someone would ask her out (for example). She should be able to explore other options and KNOW FOR SURE that you are the best thing out there for her. She really cant do that unless you set her free and just let things happen. The Lord will make things right as long as you are faithful to your covenants and duties.

Maybe you could explain some of the experiences you have had that make you an unbeliever. What efforts have you made to find out for yourself the truth? I think its awful that you are feeling stuck. I hope you can find some support here.

I think you should go see the bishop and see what can be done. How old are you? How much longer before before you can move out? Everyone must find their own way in life. Of course its not what I would do and obviously not what I believe but everyone must make their own path to happiness. Whether or not you are right, and you WILL find out when you die...for sure...this is the life and opportunity for you to be tested and live your life and be responsible for your own decisions. I think if you cannot change your situation whatsoever you need to have a heart to heart with your mom and then maybe bring it down a level on the hatred toward the church. Maybe your mom will try to listen to you. I dont think your dad will be much help. I think you just need to hang in there. You are a minor and you MUST listen to your parents. You will realize how this all works one day when you are a parent and you will want the best for your child. Until then my heart is breaking for you. I really hope you find a solution for this and can find your own happiness, whatever that is.

I would agree with the anxiety issues but I am sure you feel this way due to your past negative experiences as well. My advice to you would be to ask yourself why you seem to automatically assume that someone is going to let you down or twist your words. You said you didnt want to disclose any personal info on this board because someone 'may twist' your words. Do you have a basis for thinking that? What basis do you have for thinking (before it even happens) that someone is going to disappoint you or do something mean to you? I am not a psychologist or anything but I think anxiety could be part of the problem. I realize that you dont have insurance right now. Can you look into state health assistance? I also really liked the advice about taking vitamins. I have suffered anxiety a lot in my life (not as severe sounding as yours) but it is a difficult burden to bear. You must pray when you DONT feel like it. You must ask for a blessing when you DONT think you deserve it. You must push yourself to do those things you need to do when you DONT FEEL LIKE IT. I know what you mean about the church leaders saying the same things to you. Maybe you can get help from an LDS Family Services counselor. Your branch can probably pay for it or help. They dont ask you to pay much but that may really help you. I think you need some one on one counseling and they are great becuase they are gospel and spiritual based. Make sure you are inviting the spirit every single day of your life. Dont allow Satan to use your despair to keep you from the light of truth and to further prevent you from joy and happiness. I truly believe that is the only way to overcome this. You can do it though. I know you can.

Ask your family first if they are okay with you having home teachers. If they arent comfortable then I personally would NOT have them over. And if they are okay with it then I wouldnt assume that they would be present when the home teachers are visiting you either. I would HOPE that the home teachers could be smart enough and SENSATIVE enough to know your situation and build on common beliefs and THATS ALL. My husband is not a member and when the home teachers would come he would sit in. It was important to me as I saw no harm in allowing them in our home. They would often volunteer their services, ask if we needed anything and would just try to fellowship. But a few times they were not sensative as they probably should have been and they asked us point blank when we were going to get married in the temple (remember he isnt even a member and had no plans of even wanting to be). It caused a LOT of tension and strife between us and made my spouse terribly upset. There are other problems so I cannot blame this stricktly on the home teachers but looking back it was kind of lame for them to be so insensative. My bishop currently agrees it a good idea to NOT have home teachers in our home.

Amen.

I think you raise a really good question. However, you cant HIDE certain things about what goes on (even if it is in the personal and private lives of members) just because you think it may urge them toward accepting the gospel. I think that is ridiculous and manipulative. Our greatest exercise and trial in life is to deal with all the garbage and nastiness that the world hands us in a manner that is congruent with the teachings of the Savior. I would never want to give off the vibe that because I am LDS my life is rosey (...and yours can be too if you JUST join!). I just dont think portraying that is right. Sure, we all could be trying harder to be more Christlike and we all could be doing MORE to live as he did but that doesnt mean we somehow diminish or shy away from talking about the things going on in our lives. The gospel didnt BRING those things into our lives. There is a great lesson to be learned in all of the forums regarding marriage and adultry and porn, etc. I think if people's eyes are really opened, no matter what religion they happen to be, they can see that truth is truth no matter what. One would be a fool not to take the knowlege and run with it.

Some may disagree with this but I believe that people in the LDS faith have a greater grasp on simple doctrines than MOST people in other religions by virtue of the fact that the truths that we receive are given to us in such an organized manner in which many people can plainly understand and discern when given by a simple format. All of the church resources are plainly spelled out and the lessons are not left up for much interpretation. We are taught plain and simple truths. Yes, there are deeper doctines that can be difficult to comprehend and truth be told, (but really whats the point of arguing back and forth on these issues anyways when we dont have a full grasp on those simple truths?) Everyone is different in the LDS faith. Everyone is on their own 'level', if you will, of learning and spiritual progression. I personally dont see the point in making obvious this fact that when people dont have a "firm grasp on their faith" it is seen as an incorrect interpretation of the gospel as opposed to just being on a learning curve.

If you were to become a member of the church then you would have to wait a considerable amount of time (one year) to actaully get married in the temple and be sealed. So if you two were to decide to get married you could do it civilly and then wait your 1 year and marry in the temple later. I believe you can also be married in the temple for time ONLY if you want (AND NOT FOR ETERNITY) but I guess that would depend on your situation and I dont really know all the ins and outs of that.