viannqueen3

I think you just need to continue being a good example and teaching at his own pace. You really shouldn't convince him that there is a "right" and "wrong" choice... just be an example and let him make his own choice when he is ready. Anything less just comes across as coercive. I know there is a lot of pressure within the church to have children baptized right at age 8. Considering he has some learning issues it may take him more time.

Probably not your cup of tea but I enjoy DIY blogs: House of Smiths YoungHouseLove Centsational Girl I also like C Jane and Moosh in Indy. I also like Mormon Feminist Housewives.

I don't believe he punishes per say but allows consequences to happen. Say for example an otherwise chaste person slips up and sleeps with someone. I don't believe that God punishes that person in the physical sense (possibly emotional) but he/she might think that if they come away from that experience with an STD or pregnancy as a consequence of that behavior. I know we as LDS people like to think that if we do what we should be doing then we'll be blessed and nothing bad will ever happen to us. But I've lived long enough to see that often times horrible and tragic things happen to even the best of people, people who are obedient and living as they should.

What topics are you interested in?

Congrats!!!

Sweet!!! That is a lot of pressure though. Awesome news though. The MFH will be happy for sure.

If this is the case our ward would be in trouble. I'm pretty sure at least of half of those attending sunday school every week use electronic devices of some sort. I agree that I probably won't let my children bring electronic devices, nor cell phones to their church classes/mutual/seminary. Too distracting for them. Though I admit I let them play coloring apps on our ipod after the sacrament has been passed. Which is a topic for another thread I guess.

I think attitudes and comments of your Mission President in this regard are completely asinine. Nobody in 10 years is going to remember that brother so and so didn't stop by their house for an additional visit or ministry work. Children of those leaders WILL however remember that dad was never around for them because he was gone doing church "stuff" all the time. I understand that sometimes the time we dedicate to church responsibilities ebbs and flows but people also have to learn how to say no for the sake of their families. I have to say I am FIERCELY protective of my husbands time dedicated to church service as I have three young children at home and he works till 7pm most nights. Our oldest child was adopted through LDSFS and it never ceases to amaze me that the church promotes adoption so that these children "can have a father figure in the home" and in that same breath attitudes like your mission president would gladly guilt my husband into never being around for their waking hours.

I'm with ya. I don't use twitter so I'll have to figure out something soon. Any ideas would be nice.

I'd have to say go with morningstar's comment. Do you think she could have dementia? We had a very similar experience happen with my elderly grandmother. She had been in a car accident and my mother and aunt cleaned her home and replaced some really outdated flooring when she was in the hospital. She was a hoarder and many of the rooms were so filled with literal junk that you couldn't walk in the rooms. She was furious when she got back and claimed that my mom and aunt had stolen X, Y and Z. Some of the items my mom was just able to tell her where they were moved. She was furious and met with their lawyer and removed several children off of the will. Some of the things were so ridiculous to us. Imagine being cut from your family's will because you threw out a few pieces of 50 year old fabric that were soaked in cat urine. Some of the items she claims were stolen were items that any rational person would send to the D.I or throw out. I *get* that they were important to her, but by that time I think she had some dementia or hording issues clouding her thoughts. It caused such so much drama in our family. My mom finally got into her good graces with a handwritten letter apologizing (even though she didn't take any of the items). My aunt, who did the majority of the cleaning never did regain her good graces. Which I find so sad, especially since this aunt is the one primarily taking care of my 85+ year old grandfather. She was completely shut out of their life during those final three years of my grandma's life. So sucking it up and writing an apology letter is probably the way to go.

(SAHM of three kids under the age of 5 speaking, former career lady) My thoughts are that it depends. I actually told my husband that I wanted to go work for the next two days and he could stay home with the kids. The children about did me in yesterday. Windseeker's ecard is SO true. It's just impossible to keep all the balls up in the air. If I make a great dinner, the kids have trashed the house. If the house is clean, we are picking up pizza because I have no energy left to make dinner. Yesterday while I was cleaning the house and dealing with a baby that was screaming every 20 minutes the kids went outside and covered themselves in mud and dumped a 3 gallon container of fertilizer all over the front driveway and neighbors sidewalk. So yes the inside got cleaned but dinner didn't get made and the kids trashed the front yard. I'm kind of a neat freak so I can only handle so much clutter or dirty laundry before I start to go crazy. I'd say my house is usually pretty clean but I honestly spend at least 2-3 hours every day cleaning and doing laundry. I can totally understand how a husband can get frustrated with constantly coming home to a disorganized home. It's one thing to have clutter around caused by the kids but I also think it's part of the job to have laundry kept up, basic housekeeping done on a routine basis. My husband is terrible about helping out with housework. But he puts in long days at work and will also come home and play with the kids for an hour or two. I'm able to look past his lack of housekeeping skills because he's happy to help out with the kids and make dinner occasionally. I usually sleep in and feel absolutely no guilt over it. That said, I'm also the primary parent to get up with our newborn in the middle of the night. I'm usually up 3-4 times a night with him or my other son. I hold no guilt. If there are multiple young children in the household I think the husband just needs to suck it up and help out with the household cleaning when he gets home. If that's not the case then I think a lot of his frustrations are justified.

My 2 cents (take it for what it's worth). I think if you consider the option of staying home then do that but then use time to gain training or education in a career that you can enter down the road so that you won't be constantly struggling forever. Could you possibly have your family member watch the littlest one, go to school in the morning/ early afternoon and be home by time your oldest kids are getting out of school? Just thinking out loud here. Also remember that church assistance is not designed with longevity in mind. If you ask me honestly I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea of my fast offering donations being used to assist someone who want to stay at home when they have the option to work. I feel differently if they are using that time while on assistance to get training and education so that they can be self sufficient down the road. I TOTALLY get the desire to stay at home. Don't beat yourself up about it if your individual circumstances don't make it possible.

To the OP- I feel your pain. My husband came home from work on Valentines evening with dead flowers in tow. He had stopped off at a grocery chain that morning and picked out an inexpensive bouquet of roses. I'm not entirely sure what happened, if he forgot to put them in water while at work or what but they were completely DEAD by time he got home. I let him know how happy I was that he gave them to be but I'm honestly kind of miffed that he didn't return/exchange them on the way home when he saw what happened to them. It was just so obvious. So I was the one that had drag two kids to the store to exchange them the next morning. Generally my husband has had a pretty good track record for special holidays of at least remembering to get something. However two years ago I think pretty much out of pure laziness he didn't get me anything for Mother's Day. I really didn't say much at the time but I was pretty upset by time we left for my MIL's and it was a long and quiet two hour ride where I pretty much cried on and off the entire time. I was SO HURT. I'm embarrassed that it bothered me so much but I'm sure that sent the message through clear. I'm pretty sure that's the last Mother's Day he will pull that again.

Wow thanks so much for all your replies. Funny someone should mention the name Seth- unfortunately an ex-boyfriend of mine. I concur that unique spellings are really annoying and are a pet peeve of mine. We have been calling this little guy Carter for the past few days and my anxiety has been shooting through the roof. I told my family that we are calling this baby Thatcher for the next day or two and see how it feels and re-evaluate from there. But I'm just really struggling to commit to the former. My BIL's parent's changed his name when he was a year old so even through this is dragging on at least it hasn't gone on that long.

That is a good point Skippy. Our last name is fairly uncommon on a national level but in Utah I'd say it's more common (think along the lines of Petersons, Larsons... our background is danish). My husband served his mission in the midwest and there were only one or two other people in the phone book in a really large metro area with our last name. But in Utah it's another story. I guess another consideration is what I call the "nerd" test. Many of the men in my family and his (6+) have ended up pursuing engineering as careers. Is having an uncommon first name and being the nerdy, math-wiz kid in class just asking for it? I think I'm officially overthinking this. Thanks for the quick reply's.

Out newest addition was born six days ago and my husband and I are STILL at odds with what to name this sweet boy!! He's so perfect I feel so stressed about the finality of it. I feel like I'm second guessing myself constantly. I guess my question if for the men out there (or wives of such men)- if you had a common name growing up did you like it? Dislike it? Did it help during those tumultuous years of growing up having a name that wasn't one more reason to be teased about? If you've had an uncommon name how has that gone over for you? We gave our three year old son a name that is very different- so different it doesn't show up in the SSA top 1000 male names (his name is Kipton if your curious). Regardless we love the name and it fits him so well. The names we are throwing around for our newest addition are Carter Benjamin or possibly Thatcher Benjamin. I've always loved the name Carter but it's a more common name (top 50 SSA). I wonder if there might be value in having a more common name as an adult and on a professional level? I started calling him that a few days ago and am second guessing myself. My husband says that if we name him Thatcher he will constantly be called Thatch. On the other hand we've gotten lots of positive feedback from friends/ family about the name Thatcher. Everyone seems to like it. I wish we could just use Benjamin as his first name but my hubby has issues with it (grandpa's name). Any thoughts from a male perspective about how having a common vs uncommon name would be appreciated.

Changed- I was able to hold our baby in the middle of the circle for her blessing. But she was a wiggly 11 month old (we adopted her at birth and it took a long time for the legal issues to work out so we could have her sealed and blessed). I've never seen it done with an infant but I have to admit it was a really neat experience!

I'm sorry your wife is hurting. We were childless for the first six years of our marriages and in the LDS culture that's a long time. It was REALLY hard. Church was often a harsh reminder of what you don't have. I remember for many years my weekly ritual was to come home from church- I'd immediately curl up in a ball with a blanket in what was supposed to be our future nursery and bawl for a good hour or so. Every week. It sounds so pathetic now, but those childless years having no end in sight were so difficult. Mother's day was usually the worst day of the year so don't be surprised if she falls apart royally at church that day. Absolutely make sure you go all out to celebrate mothers day for her (bring her flowers etc). I'd encourage her to find local infertility support groups. For me it truly just helped staying busy. I was working full time, more than full time actually and it gave me a chance not to dwell on our infertility issues as much. Encouraging her hobbies, talents, and volunteer opportunities to fill up her time if she isn't working could help. I also think it could be helpful to have a long term plan. Can you both wrap your minds around being childless for the long term? That answer is going to be different for everyone and there are no easy answers. For us we decided that we'd try XXX for a year or two and if that didn't work then we'd try an alternative route. In our case we were both fairly young and healthy and couldn't couldn't imagine our lives without children in the long term. It was just a matter of trying to decide what avenue to bring children to our family and making contingency plans for our contingency plans. Again I'm sorry she's hurting, it must be very difficult on top of the medical issues she is facing.

I'm not familiar with the specifics but we've owned some of the smaller toy versions ($30) or so and they are a big hit around this place. We usually have to replace them every few months though. My BIL had a much more larger one- a 4C believe. He loved it but was outside flying it one day in his backyard. Somehow it got away from him and he watched it fly off into the sunset (literally) and since they live in the suburbs they never did find it.

My sister has run a small licensed daycare out of her home for the past five years now. I know rates in our area are very low compared to the national average... I want to say she charges about $25/day for kids older than 2 and slightly more for infants (maybe $30) but honestly I can't remember. Pro's: it's been a legitimate way for her to raise her two small children and bring in some income. She has to maximize the amount of children she watches to make it worth it financially though. Con's: Very stressful. Often she's up by 6:30 or 7am when people drop their children off, hours before her own kids get up. She can't leave her house until kids go home (usually about 6pm) and there are lots of rules to be licensed. For example even though she has a fully fenced backyard with a playset/sandbox if the kids are in the backyard playing she must physically be out there with them. When she started she had many parents take advantage of her, not pay her etc. She now charges for the month upfront and requires a small deposit.

Thankfully I just recently ended my 7 year tenure as the ward organist... which isn't too bad except that they also had me playing in RS for the past year or two. The thought of trying to juggle the organ and three young kids (3rd due this Jan) under the age of 5 was scaring me! I can't tell you how many times I've had to make a diaper run and being panicked about getting back in time to do the rest or closing hymn. I'm so glad I've never gotten pulled into accompanying people though. Not as good in that area.

I like jennamarie's idea of sandwiches and chips. You could always have people bring side dishes if you want to do something more elaborate. I think it's courteous to have more than just token refreshments if it's close to dinner time. My cute niece was baptized recently and the service started either at 5pm or 6pm (I can't remember). Pretty much all the family members, us included had to travel over an hour to get there. Honestly I was kind of annoyed that basically right after the baptism we had to run over to a local restaurant and spend $25-30 to feed my little kids because all they were all starving. My SIL was just having cookies and light refreshments afterwards. Which is fine if your an adult, but my little kids aren't going to last on snacks alone during a four hour event that's happening during dinner time (figuring one hour travel time both ways, one hour service and one hour spent and family members home after).

Good job! Do you think you can keep the fasting thing going long term though? My husband has done really well with a low carb diet and cutting out the sugar. He's not a huge guy himself (185 lbs at his heaviest, 5'9"). He's lost 20 or 25 lbs and has lost that "spare tire" and surprisingly he's been able to maintain it pretty well over the past year. He's sitting behind a computer all day at work so he doesn't get hardly any time for exercise. He stopped eating cereal for breakfast. Eats a salad almost every day for lunch. And then for dinner he pretty much eats whatever he wants as long as it's low on the carbs. I've got little kids who live off carbs so it kind of stinks that he won't eat my dinners though . A lot of the time he'll eat bacon and chips/salsa for dinner, lol. So it's not exactly like he's living off of fish and veggies. He's had naturally high triglycerides for years and doing the low carb thing has finally lowered them. Just an idea if you get tired of the fasting.

The whole argument of "What is best for the child?" is difficult because every adoption single situation is so different. Your never going to get the same answer. I also have to say I've seen more than one contested situation where the birthfather has fought the adoption and won- just so that his mom or aunt or whoever can raise the baby. Is that really in the child's best interest to be ripped from the only parents they've ever known so grandma can parent? We don't know the intimate details of this case and how things have unfolded over the past few years so it's hard to say. What we do know is this child is two and transition is going to need to be done carefully. Unfortunately in the adoption world we see all too often unfit birthparents take their children home (but not quite unfit enough to get them removed by CPS). Just talking in a general sense but there were/are legitimate good reasons for an adoption plan to be in place for the benefit of the child but the tug of a beautiful newborn in the hospital and the match/placement fails. I've also known couples who have gone through failed placements where birthmothers who are literally homeless, no job, have addiction issues have decided to take their newborn home with them instead of follow through with their adoption plan. The one situation I know of where that happened the baby ended up in the care of DSFS anyway. Is that best for the baby? Like I said- it's going to be a different situation and answer every time.

(long) These stories always make me ache because I've been there. I'm an adoptive parent and I've personally lived through a contested adoption. We adopted our oldest as a newborn through LDSFS a little over five years ago. Shortly after her birth it turned into an "at risk" adoption, which we were not prepared for. We flew out for her birth several states away and two weeks after placement, but before rights of either birth parent were terminated we found out that her 14 year old birth father was contesting the adoption. Birthmom had just turned 16. We knew the risks, the situation and we chose to pursue the legal process. But granted we made that decision with enough legal counsel to believe that we had a good chance at winning. Her birthmom wanted her raised in a loving two parent home, not being bounced between houses. Birthfather had not been involved in the pregnancy, was on drugs half the time and constantly in and out of the juvenile detention center. And he was what- in 9th grade!!! Right before our trial he was sent to the juvie for over a month for something else the cops picked him up for. Regardless, their state laws were in our favor and after many months and a trial were were able to proceed with the adoption. Had he been over 18, or filed his petition for paternity before our adoption petition was filed and we would been up a creek without a paddle. Ironically after all of that and despite yearly updates for five years we literally didn't hear a word, receive a letter or a gift for our daughter from him or his family until this month. He tells us he's finally trying to get his life back in order. Let me just tell you that I am SO FREAKING GLAD that my daughter was not in his care for five years while his life was out of control.... makes my head spin. So coming from someone who has lived through it here are my thoughts... I find it absolutely APPALLING that the lies of the birthmother have lead to this heartbreak for the adoptive family and for the birth father. Oh what a web of lies. Contested situations are so complex. Yes I get that the AP's decided to drag things out but you never know what they've been told by the birthmother or led to believe by the agency. In the article he sounds like a stand up guy but I wouldn't put it past birthmom to have led the agency and AP's into thinking that he was the most evil guy on the planet or who knows what other nonsense. There is a reason they were exe's. I also admit it's hard for me not to have compassion on the AP's after being there/ done that. I think it's easy for people to say they should have never accepted an "at risk" placement but in the world of adoption often there are SO MANY RISKS. Risks of getting chosen/not getting chosen. Risks of failed match. Risks of birthmom changing her mind after birth. Often birthfathers are in and out of the process, or want to control the situation and make threats and demands on the birthmom's to assert control. Agencies deal with this all the time but still- shame on this particular agency for their policies. This whole situation could have been resolved much earlier and allowed the AP's to lick their wounds and move forward. Something that caught my eye immediately with this case is once the AP's knew that the birthfather was MARRIED to the birthmother they should have known they were done for. Cases like that are pretty much cut and dry. Often AP's will hold out hope that things will work out but usually the situations are "pugitive fathers or potential fathers". This guy was 100% the legal father of this girl from the get go. My mother's heart knows why they have continued to fight but sadly it's just postponing the inevitable. It's hearing these stories that make me SO GLAD that we are 100% done with domestic adoption- such a difficult process both emotionally and physically. I remember waking up at night with anxiety attacks when our daughter was a newborn. And I fully agree that Utah's laws regarding birthfathers need to be changed. We are going to continue hearing about these stories every year until these laws get changed. I'm on a national adoption forum quite regularly and Utah has a horrible, horrible reputation. I'm so ready for that to change.