Quin

Now I'm hearing a badly dubbed Spanish release of Princess Bride in my head! (Hotel in Mexico) Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewe. Thanks Anddenex. I thought I'd blocked that memory forever. It's just wrong. So. So. Wrong. Q

I spent too much time in the Deep South. Anyone entering my home gets food & drink & directions to the loo almost in the same breath (including deadly enemies, bless their hearts ) That said... I've gone through periods of extreme financial difficulty... And when I don't feel like having to explain why I don't have water or power for a few months, I just arrange to meet at the meeting house (Yes. I am aware that this negates my HTs knowing I need help, but I'm obnoxious that way.), or at the library, or coffee shop (can't walk half a block in most cities without running into a Starbucks, and they've all got free water, non-coffee & tea drinks, soda, pastries, etc... And custom is you pay for yourself, so I can "feed" my guests if theyre hungry without paying to feed them).

Many of the newer tests have threshold levels to rule out opioid levels in small quantities... But in my o-chem class the professor had us all test, then eat, then test (as a "get students involved!" Kind of activity). Everyone tested negative to begin with, ALMOST everyone tested positive afterward. Which also emphasized the different metabolism can make. Q

But put your kid in the ICU & family court will give you 50/50 custody.

I haven't seem that interview, so don't know his affect / his case in particular... HOWEVER "Feeling so lost" & "deserve repentance/forgiveness" I'll chime in on. In my experience, most people begging for forgiveness don't really deserve it. Because they aren't "there" yet. They're still going to be making the same mistakes over and over and over again. It's when people STOP begging for forgiveness, and actually change their lives, that true forgiveness can happen. Which is NOT to say - that GOd shouldn't or won't forgive them, nor - that they don't deserve a hand up, respect, compassion, friendship, etc. Because, again just in my experience, most people aren't actually asking for forgiveness. They're asking for either tolerance or help. Which are totally different. Because they're honest in the "thing" continuing. Asking for forgiveness, instead of tolerance or friendship or help, tacitly shows that they WANT it to be in the past. I LIKE what Dude has to say: that he's not asking for forgiveness... Because it shows that he knows that even things in the past that never repeat... Still cause pain. To ME that very much shows a cognitive awareness that means I'd lay serious money down that he WAS a very good father. If he were begging families to forgive him, I'd be worried for his own family... As that shows a selfcentered blindness towards the hearts and mind of others. It makes an act committed against someone else turned around to make it all about the person committing it. Which is the opposite of being lost. It's knowing exactly what and who you are, and what you've done. It owns the acts and the implications of those acts. It's selfless, instead of selfish. Since I'm not the ape that guards the balance, nor in charge, I have no idea what that means to God. But I rather suspect that someone that honest & selfless is someone who can be worked with. Q

My grandfather was from northern saskatuan. So everything was built with double walls. Including hutches. I copied the practice down in the baking desert, and in rain soaked mud. LOVE doubled walled hutches. Keeps warm or cool or dry as needed. Which means chickens get sick less often. ALSO... If you have a husky (or live in an area with foxes or raccoons) try cutting off about 2' of rabbit fence, and wiring it to the hutch along every ground surface. Makes it so escape artists & common predators can't dig under the fence, save you digging fence down 3 feet, and eventually the dirt and grass just grows straight over it, so it,s not ugly!

I've known quite a few kids from abusive homes who were the "adults" at age 5 or so. They fed, bathed, dressed, and in all,ways parented their siblings. (One requirement for foster parents is always to have ramen accessible, since that's what these kids often eat for every meal). Stealing or begging when necessary. Cutting wood to keep the house warm, or digging holes in sheltered places if their parents are locking them out for days at a time to get high. Et cetera. Including putting their parents into recovery position (so they don't aspirate on their vomit, or down in the bath). Doing laundry, hiding rent money (and paying it when people come looking for it). The list goes on The average 5yo can figure out how to not only survive, but keep those around them alive when forced to from neglect/abuse, war, or natural disaster. Kids. Are. AMAZING. In homes where they're cared for, they get to focus on things aside from survival, and have "real" childhoods. But when they don't have a good home, or any home at all, 5yos are wicked smart, and stronger than you might ever believe. It causes ALL kinds of problems, but problems can be dealt with if you can manage to survive. I stand in awe, and have the deepest respect for those who have managed to survive in these conditions. Q

Balance, as always. Being too dependent is bad. Being arrogant and refusing to seek council is bad. Q

When I was 11 I decided that pain was the (individual) spirit's way of getting used to leaving its body. Otherwise, why not stick around forever? I think that by causing ourselves and others pain we run exactly that risk, separating body & spirit. Damage lingers, builds when it doesn't heal, or can only partially heal. Just like sex is hardly always sin, pain is hardly always a bad thing... But as we're talking about all these concepts, I too, am leery of separating body and spirit. Since way back when. (Of course, way bac when I also thought candy for breakfast was the way to go... But while that one got tossed... Pain+preparing a soul to leave has stuck around.) It makes me cautious. Emotional/neurological is also always physical. (Plus the atonement aspect, of course. Every jot of unnecessary pain we go through, or cause others, is felt.) physical and emotional/mental cannot be split. Physical & spiritual cannot be split. We're all glued together. Until we aren't. Q

Also, how 'bout a nice doctor? Q

Can't win for losing.

LOL...Actually... #4 on my list is a full on raid on GLaxoSmithKlein for Ventolin. I can make penicillin & opium, but can't make albuterol, much less aerosolize it! Numbers 1-3 all involve schlepping to GlaxoSmithklein. (With way points at UPS/ FedEx distribution centers). Little bigger than Prozac. But, hey. _______ Late shout out to LMM.. 3 months into fire recovery... How's your area doing? Q

In my experience... A couple things: 1) Men are like busses. You wait and wait and wait... And then 4 arrive at the same time. 2) There ISN'T "the one". That's a popular misconception. I stead, there are "the many". Many for whom each of us could be happy with, and make happy. Many for whom we could have stellar marriages, good marriages, loving marriages. And the inverse, as well. Many for whom we can drive to despair and drive us to despair. Each person we MIGHT marry brings o different things in us, and we bring out different things in them than the other people they've dated. In long marriages, partners are usually familiar with this... Because we run into people we could have married instead over the decades. They bring flashes with them, of what life with them would be like. And then it passes. Until the next time we run into one of "the many". ((Some never really seem to realize there ARE many people out there, and with each successive meeting throw away their lives and their marriages in pursuit of this other "many" thinking they've made a mistake in "finding the ONE". Because bloke 2, or lady 6 is obviously the "real" "one".)) in long loneliness, as well. People give up chances at a life with one person because of something they THINK disqualifies them from being "the one". Their ideals so specific, that no real person ever stands a chance of meeting them. It's a delicate balance. Not getting married or being with someone because they're in love with love (instead of the other person), or scared (ill never find anyone else... Pearl jams "better man" comes to mind). As well as not staying aloof in an ivory tower missing opportunities for happiness left and right. Missing the trees for the forest. The pivot, again in my experience, is knowing yourself. .02 Q

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV. If you're experiencing symptoms...

Ditto Eowyn.

I took my Louisville Slugger to both headlights

I should add, as the daughter of a diplomat, I "blend". Without being borderline, at all, I just modify my speech and behavior to disappear into the background. I can chill on street corners with junkies and bangers, or chat up dignitaries in Savile Row Suits, or mom it up on the playground. I'm ME, but I don't think there's an opposite of "me" out there... Unless we want to get into psychopathy & whatnot. I've found that I can relate to most people, most of the time, in one way or another, without compromising myself. Sooooooo I'm sticking with the physical! Q

Total opposite? Small Asian man. Less literal? Small Asian woman. I'm this Daryl Hannah Attack of the 50 foot woman, Scandanavian chick, with wild curly hair. Who grew up in Asia. So the dichotomy was always very abrupt. Q

Mawahige is the weeezun we ah gavered to-gevah today. Wuv. Twooooooo wuv...

I haven't known any where trust STAYS broken. The broken part tends to be the crisis point. Do or die. Stay or leave. Because one way r another trust returns. Either the "good" kind of trust... the kind of trust where you know you come first. OR trusting that this is just the latest affair (aka more coming), or that this time they're really sorry (only to be hit again, it may be stupid, but it's still trust), that it really isn't his/her fault but their own (of course they trust their spouse! It was their fault, not their spouse's), etc. Trust (the good kimd) Is often broken multiple times in a marriage before it reforms into sick-trust or I don't trust. I've never known anyone who didn't trust their spouse who stayed married. Either they stayed married and trusted that more (affairs,,beatings, lies, etc.) was in their future, or they stopped trusting all together and got divorced. Q

I can totally emphasize with this, though on the surface surrogacy is much more difficult in most cases. 1) Have some friends who work with NGOs dealing with human trafficking & exploited kids. So many kids are literally stolen from their parents to funnel into first world adoption rings, that it makes one physically ill. Especially light skinned, or dark skin light eyed infants & toddlers. Sold children aren't any better... As the small percentage of sold kids fuels the huge percentage of stolen kids. Of course, only the luckiest are sold into adoption. The prettiest are sold into prostitution from age 4 or so onward, and the strongest are sold into physical slavery (usually farm labor, or "mine sweeper"). Ugh. To all of the above. 2) Then one jumps into nations that abhors the concepts of raising other people's children as a cultural more (Russia is a prime example)... And the 2 problems people run into are - orphanages lightening their load by handing off the most medically fragile children (brain damaged, heart defects, downs, autism) that are likely to live a long time and drain their funding (just in food and housing, no medical services are provided in most)... EQUALS immediate and vast associated costs. - Neurological conditions stemming from lack of physical contact, patterning, etc.. AKA Physiological psychologists have a love/hate relationship with Russian orphanages. Because they provide unimpeachable data as to what neglect, abuse, and neglect+abuse do to the human mind at various stages of life. The BEST you can hope for is SEVERE Attachment Disorder. More commonly, sociopathy* & psychopathy*. In an "ideal" situation, one is adopting either. Medically fragile infant theyre trying to offload as fast as possible who can have surgeries to correct defects, or a "black" Russian toddler in Moscow whose parents have been killed. ("Black" Russians look Scottish. Brownish hair, light or dark eyes, tans easily). Since Black Russians in Moscow are often killed out of hand, and if their kids aren't killed as well, tossed in the nearest hole of an orphanage. Chechen babies, or babies from war stricken areas, are more often stolen and sold. Which ties right back into the human trafficking issue. * Sociopathy & Psychopathy cannot technically be diagnosed in children, as modern testing cannot distinguish between neurology & alter able behavior. So the field gives kids the benefit of the doubt until their 18th birthday. Whether its diagnosable or not, though, one still has to deal with all the symptomology of sociopathy and psychopathy for several years, or in perpetuity. STILL... My ideal place to look for international adoption would be Russia. As its better than any other option. Scary thought. -... Yeah. So, unlike many, adoption is something that really makes me leery. Q

It's important to know, too, that surrogates all work differently. - I have a girlfriend who surrogates (3-6mo off per pregnancy) that NEVER uses her own DNA. It's all IVF. And she, personally, will only use familial DNA (either prospective parents, or young grandparents). But many others use their own eggs, or have preferred egg donors/sperm donors, or preferred clinics, or, or, or, or. Some will carry to term regardless of birth defect (trisomy of various numbers, spina bifida, etc.) Meanwhile others absolutely refuse testing. Some require rather a lot of genetic counseling, others won't allow genetic counseling. Some, like my friend, are near perpetually pregnant. Others take 1-2 years off in between. Some habe no kdea what or how ey'll do things as thos is their first (surrogacy). Others have very detailed contracts and expectations based off of years of experience. Some allow parents in for all medical. Some only allow skype, some only allow notes&doctor provilege, some maintain total medical confidentiality. There are no standards universally, or even generally, adopted. So, before you start looking at donors, you would need to start looking at surrogates. Find out what their requirements are. Ditto... Adoption, at about 20k to 45k, is often FAR LESS EXPENSIVE than surrogacy. Each IVF round tends to cost about 10-20k, and there can be multiple rounds necessary. Similarly, many insurance companies will not pay for 3rd party pregnancies. Prenatal care + normal delivery is easily another 10k-20k out of pocket. But can jump up to 100k or more if there are serious complications. Millions, even, if there are birth defects that need surgery in utero or the surrogate needs hospital supervised bed rest (about 200k per month inpatient... & some women are stuck in hospital for 3-6mo) Find out what (if any) your insurance will pay Best case, is typically about 35k-45k. Worse (normal = high risk pregnancy with lots of associated monitoring + emergency csect) about 100k Worst is into the millions. And thats if you know the surrogate and they're doing it for free. If they need living expenses... Tack on 50k-100k. So.... Adoption = 25k-45k Surrogacy = 25k-100k-millions. .... Whoops. Just read you're in the UK... So pregnancy & medical costs may be vastly different. I have no idea whether National Health covers 3rd party pregnancies, IVF, & associated costs... Or if you'd have to go through a private facility. But the above are the fairly standard costs for adoption and surrogacy in the US. Q

I'm reminded of 2 things 1) So... In parenting-forum-land... There's a tagline that reads "As always, not everything works for every child, not even for every child in the same family, and what is best for one family is not best for all families." I think if we were righteous enough, and never interacted with other humans, that would be enough. But for those of us with parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, allies, rivals, frenemy, enemies, nemeses, neighbors, coworkers, commutes on public transport, street walking (not the risqué kind), shopping, mail, teachers, travelers, clubs, creditors, service providers, governments, nations, et cetera... As long as we're walking about in the world with others... There are degrees of Truth. My way is not the right way for anyone else, much less everyone else. 2) My life is spent travelling. I adopt different cultural mores on a fairly regular basis (Japanese moms eating seperate from husbands and kids is amaaaaaaaazing, even though it might seem ridiculous. I can't tell you how good it felt to finish cooking, serve up, and. Walk. Away. And. Curl. Up. With. A. Book. And. Nosh. After 14 hours of working. I don't do it all the time, but I can totally see how e custom got started. "Here, hon! Enjoy. I'll see you in 45 when I'm human again. The kids can tell you about their day, while I decide not to shuffle off this mortal coil.") What I'm actually reminded of, though, is The Poisonwood Bible. Where the IDIOT wanted full immersion baptism in crocodile infested waters. (I've see this kind of thing in real life waaaaaay to often: "There's only 1 right way." Well, suuuuuuuure, that may be right in x, but not y. Living prophets take "the stupid" out. Allow for adaptation in changing cultures and climates Which, again, ties into #1. Not being a hermit. Either literally, or geopolitically/geographically. When to bend, completely alter, or hold firm. Q

<grinning> I'm having fun going "conversely" with you, PC! I like the way your mind works. Conversely... One could also view sexual expression as worshiping and drawing closer to God, himself. Reveling in his creation. Sharing goodness, and love, and joy. Exultation instead of degradation. Q

I'd honestly get in as big of a knock down drag out fight as one could with a deity if I were ever lobbed the status of prophet. I have immense sympathy and pity for Gods prophets on earth. Simply put: When I'm talking to God, I only have to worry about myself. What's right for me. Prophets have to do what's right for everyone. Which is often a very different thing than what's right for the individual, or the individual's nearest to their heart. That is an immense burden almost always accompanied by personal tragedy. My heart goes out to them. ... As far as why we need a living prophet? I'll borrow from the Qur'an for that one. Luqman (chapter, I don't have the verse lines). Translation by Khalidi If every tree on earth was a pen refilled by the sea, and 7 more seas besides... The word of god would not be exhausted. God is all knowing. All wise. Q