Quin

My family is multifaith... But the one thing we all have in common is that we use holidays as an excuse to go crazy. Some Easter Fun: - Painting Eggs Some years we paint, some years we dye. Painting years are started weeks in advance. Dying usually happens in a mad frenzy the night before. I predict the second one this year. Since I\'ve done nothin but nothin to prep, and we\'re already a week away. -It\\\'s a rule. When one finds an X on a map, one is compelled to follow that map to the X. No excuses. It must be done. My chilluns are older now, so we\\\'ve replaced the traditional egg hunt with a scavenger/treasure hunt that\\\'s part riddle, part geocaching, part excuse to go running around crowing in triumph & generally being silly. (We all need more of that in our lives). We used to have things like scriptures in the eggs (or a nail, etc.), in addition to treats... we now cheat outrageously and have an \\\"I dare you to relate this back to scripture!\\\" game with the prizes in the eggs. This game can sometimes get dangerous (but, hey, it proves they\\\'re reading & paying attention!). Prizes include things like ties, games, movies. We start with an empty basket & fill it up. - Foooooooood Glorious Fooooooooooood. LOL... I really do serve lamb. Usually in the form of gyros. We also do a bit of a Pessach &/or Naw Ruz tradition with new greens, an egg, etc. - The annual \\\"This year we\\\'ll have city-chickens\\\" never happens crusade. Self explanatory. Some years we get really ambitious and add other baby animals to our list of nevah gonna appen Q

I'm with ya. I have to periodically restrain myself from attacking with cut glass & lead (one college course in stained glass work has given me delusions of ability inside my own head), and dearly miss carved wood & stone, textiles, symbols. I'll often still go to cathedrals and mosques, shrines and temples JUST for the beauty. Whether gravitas or liveliness. Conversely, as someone who grew up in hotel rooms... I also like the simplicity of being in church for the purpose of people, but the world itself is where we find HF. Living in hotels one learns very quickly that the building doesn't matter. It's what and who you bring with you. Rooms are all the same. They aren't the important part. We are. And what we do with ourselves. (Every time I start living in a house, though, I start forgetting that. Putting emotional significance in the space, instead of what happens IN the space) It's very easy (for me, myself, & I...don't know about others) to lose sight of HF being absolutely everywhere, when Notre Dame is a 20 minute walk away. I'd rather go to the cathedral, than stare out over the Seine and see the Spirit right there with me. I LIKE going somewhere beautiful, and set apart. Compulsively like. Start designing windows in my head during sacrament compulsive. But I'm more and more growing to LOVE the simplicity that demands action. Like a hotel room. The building isn't important. It's what we do outside of it that matters. The building is functional, our lives are to be made beautiful. Just my own opinion. From someone who reeeeeeally misses art & tokens, so I may be overly adding meaning. Q

I am a terrible journalist. Journaler? Journaltrix? Yeesh. I'm bad a it! I've tried numerous times, to always fail miserably. I thought the internet might actually make it a feasible endeavor (can't lose the internet... Or at least, if the Internet is lost... We have bigger fish to fry), but alas. No. I created a fake blog for a novel, and THAT I managed to write in consistently. As the character. But my own life? Snicker. A lost cause. The most interesting bits I'm far too busy to be able to, and the boring bits have already caused me enough pain the first go-round. Not that I don't periodically keep taking stabs at it. I've always had a soft spot for lost causes. Q

"Don't worry. I serve lamb." Q

Just to know... While AA et al are the most famous, as well as extremely successful, and I am in NO way putting them down whatsoever... They're also not the only game in town. There are 2 main branches in addiction med (disease model, and disease model + learned behavior). 12-step programs actually address both theories... Which is part of what makes them so successful, but there are other programs which do so as well. And are as effective if not more effective for many people. ESPECIALLY for - addictions & addictive behavior which CANNOT be abstained from, or which require moderation in order to live normal / healthy lives to their best potential. (Think food, sex, shopping, etc.)... - Dual-diagnosis (addiction + other neurological disorder, ESP those which require meds & med management), and - Situational related heavy use, abuse &/or addiction (ESPx2 when it's an addiction, but the person themselves is not an addict. AA/NA/et al are amaaaaaaazing for a very select group of people, but they also completely miss a wide swath of people who are struggling with addictions & need help just as badly. The LDS church based recovery programs are designed to help address that shortfall (as are many many other secular & religious organizations & agencies), in addition to people who are able to be completely served by standard 12-step programs. Q

One thing you may consider doing is going to some open AA NA CA meetings, as well as some open al-anon, nar-anon, etc. meetings. If you get a schedule (online or elsewhere), there are codes which show which meetings are open to the public, and which meetings are addicts only / closed to the public. Most meetings are open. Q

Aka Poetry Q

To start backwards? What happens if you fail?I actually call this the \\\"and then what?\\\" game... Which is a way to calm down from freaking out / future tripping. Which may seem ironic, but future tripping is just as blinding as getting stuck and unable to see a way out. We make choices, and choices all have a couple different outcomes. Being dispassionate about those outcomes \\\"Okay. We got this. Or that. Whichever happens.\\\" Tooooooooooones down the adrenaline. (Like \\\"What if he breaks up with me???\\\" then I\\\'m going to feel crummy. And then what? I\\\'m going to eat too many brownies and spend too much time at the gym. And then what? I\\\'m going to start feeling better, and lay off the brownies. & gym. And then what? I\\\'ll probably start dating someone new. And then what? We\\\'ll either break up or get married. And then what? Okay. Fail. And then what? Either you keep doing it, or you start over. Okay. 30 days. And then what? 60/90/6mo/12mo... Days become weeks, become months, become years, become a lifetime. Sometimes we end up in a holding pattern in our lives, repeating the same things over and over... Either because we\\\'re making the same mistakes (be it drinking alcohol, dating jerks, running from embarrassment, going to bed too late to wake up on time), or because that\\\'s the way of it (like one usually has to date many people, or find more than one job in their life, etc.). The first bit we can learn to stop making those mistakes. In time. With practice. In my own life, I\\\'ve learned that the \\\"weight lifted\\\" / \\\"this is easy\\\" feeling is the GIFT. Not the normal course of events. The normal course of events = struggling. With periods of gifted ease. Those periods of ease stretch into longer and longer times (seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years) Until EVENTUALLY instead of a moment of respite, it\\\'s a moment of being torn up. It\'s not that struggle = wrong. It\'s that struggle = new. When you\'re new at something, it\'s rarely easy. And that\'s okay. It\'s going to be hard when you\'re new at something. For a while. And then it gets easier in time. Q

I'm neither a bishop, nor in leadership... So I don't know the exact guidelines given. That said... In my very limited experience... That sounds pretty normal. In talks over at RS & w friends there seem to be 2 groups. First has a long history of tithing (monthly, quarterly, annually, whatever) that miss a period, and catch up, an no worries. Second group is either new OR has a long history of not tithing, so the bishop wants to see a consistent commitment honored for a period of time before issuing a recommend. Clearly, I don't know if you're in either (or neither) group. Nor am making a judgement as to whether what he's doing is right or not (since I don't know). Others here will know more & better! Q

I've never actually received a meal... Now that I think on it... But I DID recieve gift cards for food delivery!! OMG. Loved. Those. Pizza. Chinese. Halal. Heaven. I usually send gift cards, kebabs, or casseroles. Mostly kebabs, though. Because food on a stick is AWESOME. Also, it lets me cater to people I don't know. Meat & Veg & Sauces & Starches all seperate... So vegetarian & allergic folk can mix & match. I also list the ingredients. On sharpie on the ziplock bags, or a card taped to the foil. (Can you tell my circle of friends contains allergies, kosher/halal, vegetarian/vegan, diabetes, celiacs?) And for people with kids who can't be trusted with sticks (we all know those kids!), it can be slid right off. Voila. I usually make about 100 kebabs a month to freeze out of leftover meats (Korean BBQ, tandoori, carne asada, steak, meatballs, whatever) plus the sturdier starch veg (plantains, potatoes, mochi, etc.)... label them & throw them in my deep freeze. Ditto, I keep extras of sauces in the freezer or pantry. So all I need to do is buy some fresh veg. for the veggie sticks. I send a casserole if I'm already making one, and just double it. Q

Happy as in the emotion? At the moment, absolutely. Happy as in the overall state of being? Pshaw. Nowhere near. My life is, how shall we put it politely? Completely sideways right now. In every way you can think of. If I were to write a list it would start with death, and work it\\\'s way upward to misery & despair with the occasional sprinkling of murderous rage. Whee. Could my life be worse? Yep. Absolutely. In fact, I\\\'m sure it will be from time to time. It\\\'s certainly BEEN worse than it is right now. It\\\'s also been about a gazillion times better. Which is where the happy v not happy comes into play. I had an unfortunate realization this Christmas: People don\\\'t kill themselves at Christmas because they\\\'re unhappy They kill themselves because they can still remember what it was like to be happy. Why am I happy right now? My kids are safe upstairs tonight. I\\\'ve eaten today. I\\\'ve slept within the past 48 hours. I\\\'m warm, and in a clean dry house. I\\\'m flexing my brain amongst friends and frenemies and interesting strangers on one of my favorite forums. No one I love has died recently. (Recently = this month). The people I love who are in pain have narcotic pain killers. My standards for happiness right now are very low. I would loooooooove to be able to raise the bar to include: - My children are safe, period. (Abusive ex has partial custody). - Job satisfaction - Stable Home - Mental & Emotional fulfillment But right now, and for the past several years (since my divorce) I\\\'m still just trying to survive. Basic necessities like food, shelter, security are often up in the air. So I can (and usually am) happy as in the emotion. But I haven\'t been happy as in the state of building and achieving in life to my own satisfaction for a very long time, and probably won\'t be for a considerable time to come. If ever. Surviving only leaves time for moments of happiness. Not the overall state of being happy. Q

I learned to NOT swear in the Marine Corps (Doggone, Dagnabit, Durn, Dratted, Crackbaby, Knucklehead, Individual). 3 months of invective above a g-rating = pain and suffering = some SERIOUS Yosamite Samming it. And then, of course, I learned how the F-word can replace all previously used adjectives, and F+A = most adverbs. Sailors still have the gold ... But making a sailor blush earned big time brownie points with those above. So I left the USMC with a rather limited vocabulary. When I started my family, I reinvoked bootcamp rules with swearing. With the caveat that swearing in Chinese was okay. Nothing sounds better than Chinese swear words. They have a British Ingenuity in their composition (blanch. Wow. That\'s colorful. And anatomically impossible. I hope.) AND Chinese is a tonal language! Honestly, you can say words like peace, love, & happiness and make them sound like you are about to die. Screaming. My current employment is a mix of both. Absolute lack of profanity + Absolute lack of being able to use multisyllabic adjectives. Q

Not Lakumi, here, but the benefits for society?The exact same benefits of heterosexual marriage. Unique benefits? As in over and beyond the benefits given to society via heterosexual marriage? Only one I can think of : No unwanted pregnancies. Homosexual couples HAVE to make the conscious & reasoned decision to become parents. Q

Maybe it\\\'s shared Pacific Rim & diplomatic corps upbringing, but I don\\\'t catch defensive or aggressive tone in any of what Annatess has written! In fact, I catch a lot of humor, introspection, \\\"lightening\\\" (adding turns of phrase / colloquialisms to keep a topic light instead of bogging down in bum bum bum seeeeeeerious.), and bon homie. I do believe she\\\'s dead on, in that we read tone through cultural spectacles. I moderate on a forum that has not only has no italics, bold, or other font modifiers (so I\\\'m constantly capitalizing all of my accent words even off forum;, I promise, I don\\\'t have a weird shouting disorder!), but that also went from regional locations to national. We had a HUGE problem (and lost about 5,000 members) during the first 6 months. The single reason, given 50 different ways, was cultural variation. Northeast tended to be blunt, northwest tended to be wordy and beat around the bush, Midwest kind and to the point, etc. but out of 9 different regions, EVERY region hated the way other regions gave advice, even when it was the same advice they themselves were giving. Don\\\'t even get me started on regional variations between spanking & timeouts, breast feeding v formula, etc. Oy. Vey. People were seriously ticked that last month (preconversion, years ago) \\\"everyone\\\" responded with \\\"Yep! I\\\'d pop \\\'em on the bum!\\\" and now this month people were saying \\\"How DARE you strike your child?!?\\\" It\\\'s been years, but about twice a month we have a \\\"Why are people so mean?\\\" Q pop up from a new member. It\\\'s actually the KINDEST forum I\\\'ve ever been on (all of us are vipers over here in LDSnet by comparison ). It\\\'s just huge, and nationwide with a few UK & Russian peeps for even more cultural misunderstanding. Q

I operate under the theory that almost anything in life can be laughed at. It may be a military habit. As an example, Chesty Puller is famous for shouting out to his troops, when his unit became completely surrounded by 10 divisions of enemy soldiers (outnumbered apx 1000:1) "We've got em right where we want em NOW boys!!! We can shoot in ANY direction!!!" ... So that's what I do. In every situation I come across, or find myself in, I look for the funny part of it. Whether it's the apocalypse diet (tins of food, because I'm too broke to buy food), or shaking hands with the cop and welcoming him into my spectacularly bad night (he ended up becoming a good friend), or zombie-days (I often work 36hour shifts)... I laugh at myself. A lot. As long as I can still laugh at myself, I'm going to be okay. Q

Threadjack... All the /////////////////////////////// are driving me bonkers. I'm not adding them. They're adding themselves! And we now return you to your regularly programmed thread.

Being married to a man who used truth as a weapon... I\\\\\\\'m more than a little leery when the word \\\\\\\"blunt\\\\\\\" comes into play... Even though most people describe me as a weird mix of blunt & waaaaaaaaay over detailed. (I take simple things and complex them up, and complex things and make them simple). One of my favorite things is this acronym: THINK before you speak. Is it: True Helpful Inspirational Necessary Kind ? I think a lot of people use straight shooter, just being honest, it\\\\\\\'s the truth, I say it like I see it, to be blunt, etc... As a way to be cruel, controlling, dismissive, disrespectful, etc. I\\\\\\\'m a fan of blunt speech. I deplore bullying. Sometimes, in order to avoid the appearance one, we have to ditch the other. Like the phrase \\\\\\\"Women aren\\\\\\\'t equal\\\\\\\" can be taken in multiple ways, but in our society, it\\\\\\\'s taken to mean as less than / unimportant. Hence the rephrasing to show value added. Without adding the detail, different groups will take the short version different ways, and all of them as gospel. Creates a lot of division, confusion, and misunderstanding. Personally, I blame English. It\\\'s the language of diplomacy for a very good reason: We HAVE to add more words, because it\\\'s one of the (if not \\\"the\\\" vaguest language on the planet. If we want people to understand the exact meaning of what we\\\'re trying to convey. Q

I stream stuff, so these are all in the past 5 or so years (if I went to 10+ we\\\'d also have things like west wing, firefly, dollhouse, etc.) SciFi / Fantasy - DoctorWho/ Torchwood - Falling Skies - StarCrossed (total guilty pleasure, teen wuuuuuv) - Fringe Cops&Robbers - MI-5 / Spooks (best spy show, ever) - Sherlock - Lie to Me - Leverage (sometimes bad guys make the best good guys) - Glades -comedic/light - Castle -comedic/light - Burn Notice -comedic/light - Justified - Flashpoint - RookieBlue - Chicago Code -cx\'d but I really liked the diverse race cast (Irish mob, Latina hotshot top cop, black in power both good & evil) - Whitechapel Historical Fiction (warning: All of these are PG13+) -Vikings - Rome - Tudors - Copper Insert Genre Here - Friday Night Lights - Big Bang Theory

If you hate Under the Dome, and haven\\\'t watched Jericho, yet (older show, about 10 years ago)... Check out Jericho! It\\\'s like they\\\'re the opposite sides of the same coin. Total 180. Awful terrible people doing the worst thing possible in UTD vs amazing, inspirational people doing their absolute best in Jericho. Q

Fine dining = Sommeliers. So no worries. Also, the restaurant industry is up to its eyeballs in alcoholics & addicts....and RECOVERING alcoholics and addicts. Which means it's really common in a working kitchen to have a few people who won't even tip of the tongue & spit taste. But there are always loads who'll taste &/or consult for you. That said,.. I DO use wines, beers, & spirits when I cook. I DO taste in the process of cooking. I also taste dairy items (and spit, then wash my mouth out with alcohol to denature the proteins) ... Even though dairy makes me violently ill. I do NOT attend wine tastings anymore, or if there is a wine/whiskey tasting as part of an event, I simply order coke or club soda. The people working it always understand, even if the other guests don't. Although there's sometimes a misunderstanding, since coke addicts usually don't drink, I'm sometimes offered harder drugs instead. Q

Who says there won\\\'t be ESPN???Granted, it might need another acronym if it broadcasts all sporting events, from all inhabited planets, in all the galaxies, in all of time. Q

Maureen... Not sure how things are done in other wards, or even what the exact doctrine is now... But in every Baby Blessing in our ward... The mother DOES hold the child in her arms for the blessing. I find myself quite confused to hear that that isn't the way it is ordinarily done. There have been many many babies born in our ward, and with each, either a chair is brought, or the mother kneels, and the priesthood encircle parents and child together, and the blessing is given. Also, in each case, all of the important people who have chosen to be present (LDS or not) are right there in the front pews set aside / kept for them. Just like in a christening, the important people are there, and the parents are involved. I think I find that the alternative presented, is downright heartbreaking. And, so, too... Can't see any reason why the Power of God and His Priesthood should be stymied by a mother holding her baby. If so, then I reserve the right to be completely ticked off at Our Heavenly Father for such a hurtful and exclusionary practice of sending a mother away from her newborn child. That makes no sense to me, whatsoever. Which has nothing to do with my faith and belief in Himself, nor the Gospel. It was difficult enough for me when my son was baptized/confirmed, as a single mother, there being no one to stand with my child, no one bound by blood, oaths, and love to stand there with him. As if he were alone in the world. I looked upon it as my son making his first promise to HF & the Spirit on his own. Because that's what he was doing. But an infant child?! And what of children who don't have a father who holds the priesthood? Should they be cleaved from both their parents? How does any of this make sense? This just doesn't sound like the church I know and love. It sounds wrong. It feels wrong. So... DP... If what you're saying is that mothers ARENT allowed, that my ward is "doing it wrong" , can you take a moment and think about what that would be like if it were true for all parents? Why that might ring wrong, for some, to separate parents from their children? Q

The same way parents everywhere do it : by the skin of our teeth when we're new, and as easy as breathing later. Parenting is a steep learning curve. It just is. But people find their groove. Their style. What works for them, and their family. . And the moment you find your groove, things change. So you have to find another one. So it's also constantly adapting to changing circumstances. So we change over time, as our lives change. Sometime dramatically (death, divorce, illness/Injury, job loss, etc.) And always gradually (lifespan development). Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying its easy easy. Parenting is hard. Agonizing, crazy making, cry yourself to sleep HARD sometimes. But breathing gets hard, from time to time, too. It's just also a PART of us. Something we HAVE to do. Not because we're LDS. But because we're parents. Honestly... Being a convert with kids... It's EASIER being an LDS parent, than back when I wasn't. Because the church is super family friendly / child friendly. There is a ton of support, shared values, shared experience. But parenting is still hard. That's the name of the game. Q

Whoops. Okay, now that we've got M&M attending... Quinn could be found at the Church of the Holy Comforter this Sunday. Where 'Day of Rest' is taken literally. Like the LDS Church, St. Arbucks is neither canonized nor recognized Gah. I don't get to attend my ward very often (work, although I get to attend other people's wards almost every Sunday). So this week, I'm HOME, and not sick (I spent 3 Sundays home sick with a multiple resistant form of strep, not bringing THAT around babies) ... And what do I do? Sleep right through it. Q

I think it's a rather beautiful quote, myself. Replace 'the moon' with 'the galaxy or all the galaxies in the universe" and the same durn thing holds true. Even the most learned of us know so precious little of the millions and millions of stars and worlds out there. Might some be inhabited? I rather think so. None of us know, however, and it is an ignorance we all share. We are all ingnorant in different ways, although in some ways we may all share the same ignorances. It is humility to recognize how little we know, and how much there is to be learned. Q