Quin

One thing to consider is whether unburdening yourself by casting it on your wife is the right thing to do. I'm the kind of person who would want to know. But not all are. And many who have betrayed their spouse don't care about the pain they will be causing their spouse, as long as they don't have to feel the guilt and shame any more. It's such a relief to them, that's all hey care about. The telling is just another aspect to the selfishness that led them to betray them in the first place. I say this not to make you feel worse, but as something that you should discuss with your therapist. Whether the right thing to do is to disclose to your wife, or not. Q

Since you've shifted from "what is the church's stance" to "should we advocate XYZ politics". Nope. I believe very strongly in there being equal protection, rights, and responsibilities under the law for everyone. Which means that I not only would NOT support such a law, but would fight against any such law that would prohibit someone from adopting children based on their race, creed, sex, sexual identity, marital status, age, religion, etc. I doubt it would ever come to that, however, since most people desire to choose their children's godparents / guardians-in-the-event-of-their-death. Placing laws making it illegal for grandparents (age), Unmarried adults (siblings, widowed or divorced parents/ uncles/aunts, best friends), et cetera to adopt or raise children entrusted into their care will gets hundreds of millions of angry parents flooding to the polling stations regardless of party. Specifically back to same sex couples adopting... Many of the BEST parents I know are same sex couples & singles. If anyone tried to pass a law taking their children from them, you'd better believe I would do everything in my power to help them escape such an awful circumstance. Q

One of the traits I click with the most is just that, PC; When a person knows what they're talking about to a degree that they can use their own voice... Instead of either the sing-song-dreamy voice people use when they're repeating something they've heard but don't fully grok, nor the abrasiveness of those trying to force their opinion on others. Laterally, also when a person is in their own voice, and says they haven't a clue (or any other degree of partial understanding) rather than parroting or picking a fight. Either knowing what you're talking about, or knowing your own limitations (and not thing to cover them up) are surprisingly rare things. I like the honesty in both. Q

I would be depressed, too, if I thought that ALL joy, pleasure, and relief in life was sin!!! I'm almost in tears right now, and I'm not that sort who usually is. Whatever happened to your poor sweet girl that would twist good and make it evil needs help. I'm sorry, but your bishop is a well intentioned idiot*. A strong second for getting in touch with LDS Family Services to find a counselor. Please. Please, please, please. Q _________ * This is my catch phrase for otherwise intelligent, godly, awesome, amazing, et cetera or whatever, people... Who have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. It's no reflection or judgement on him as a person, but in this he is completely and totally wrong & unqualified to have made the determination he has. There are so many red flags in what you've posted as to outfit the GOP, & I only have ancillary psych training & education.

I've gotten stuck in mountain jobs with "freezing mist". Stuff gets sucked into the engine & vents & that's all she wrote. Apparently the Afghanistan stuff has meant the US Govt has designed engines and heating systems & rebreathers that can handle it (breathing it is no bueno if you like your lungs not coated in ice)... But we didn't have cool stuff like that. Like you, it was STOP!!! I will sooooooo not have a tombstone that reads death fog. Q

Laugh button needed ^^^^^

iTunes & burn. If you don't have a CD burner on your computer... You can not only burn one at FedEx Kinkos (or similar) but print out the label directly onto the CD (the paint kind). If you DO have a burner on your computer, but still want to print the paint label, OfficeDepot has the kits for it. Can't remember if they're for inkjet or laser printers. Course a trip to FedExKinkos for that would work, too! Q

Exchanging sex for things is known as prostitution. Meaning... That's not the way marriage works. I mean... Sure... It might be tempting to turn marriage into a business arrangement from time to time (either in flirtation or frustration), but it's not a good working model! There SHOULDNT be a "one thing" you trade sex for. Whether it's money or yard work or childcare. Trading sex for a thing = being pimped out or pimping yourself out. Even worse, though, is coercive sex. AKA sex being traded for good behavior / under threat of mistreatment. I'll be nice to you if you have sex with me/ I won't be mean to you if you have sex with me = W.R.O.N.G. Q

Technically we have THREE different ways of writing dates. Just to confuse the issue further. 1) Civilian Month DD YYYY or MM DD YYYY Mar 15 2014 3/15/14 2) Military A DDMONTHYYYY 15MAR2014 7MAY1996 2JULY2025 3) Military B YYYYMMDD if we're going for pure numbers 20140315 19960507 20250702

I've got durn freezing rain here, too. Bah humbug. Tupid tupid rain! Can't play in it, cant drive home. Q

Even easier. Skip 2:3 meals. Along with reverence, prayer, et al. https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-25-fasting?lang=eng Q

I would be less concerned about the church... As with real repentance & work HF will always forgive you... But the same is not true of wives. Q

There isn't one. There are lots. And they're all different. I realize, though, as I'm thinking about those traits... That I'm essentially describing personalities. And that the same traits that cause me to MIS-trust, not respect, (antonym for admire) someone's spiritual walk is what makes me feel that way about them as a person. Which is some serious food for thought. Q

Totally depends on the woman. Meaning we all want different things. Except... Possibly... For good hygeine. Even the almighty "confidence" which is one of the most wanted attributes isn't universal. A lot of women like shy guys, others are leaders whose perfect foil isn't another leader, others have got the Nightengale thing going (knight in shining armor, if they were a guy, the rescuing type), etc., etc., etc.. "generalities are always wrong" Books and magazine purporting to sell the keys to men/women may very well get it right for significant percentages (most, a third, whatever), but just like men want different things in a wife from other men, women want different things in a man. No matter who ya are, what ya look like, etc.... You'll appeal to a certain subsection of the opposite sex who want someone just like you. Good thing. My bestie and I have always dated polar opposite guys. Hers make my teeth itch, mine she would slap. I should have taken it as a "doomed to failure" notice when she liked my exHusband. You know what I mean, though? Like some men like sassy women, some like sweethearts, some like thoughtful, some like impulsive, some like outspoken, some like diplomatic.... some like pixies, some like amazons, some like driven, some like dependent .... And for every subsection that loves XYZ in their women, there's another subsection that can't stand the same thing. Women are just the same. We're all different people who want different things. Always better to be yourself. Most people can't pretend to be someone else for an eternity. I know more failed marriages & LTRs because at least 1 of the people was trying to be what they thought someone else wanted, instead of themselves. Low & behold, after a couple years pretender is all resentful & exhausted, while the person they lied to is livid & confused. No bueno. _____ As an aside: ROFL.... Glad you said USAF! Q

Night Broken! by Patricia Briggs Using this image since the full cover isn't exactly modesty-standard-compliant. But haha! It's oooooooout!

Sadly, I'm already Dictator For Life....

I can do it, therefore you can do it too!" = Terminally low self esteem. Seriously. Whenever I hear this from people, I feel a lot of sympathy for them. Q

Bipolar disorder is a health condition. If in a mixed episode they killed themselves, should their spouse not grieve? Ebola is a health condition. Should one just ignore quarantine, snuggle close, and catch Ebola,,too? The stomach flu is a health condition. Do you just lay there in puke? Or do you do something about it? Health conditions AFFECT LIVES. Not all health conditions affect all people,the same. I don't love my kids more than you (or anyone else) loves their kids JUST because I can be woken up a zillion times at night & wake up refreshed while most new parents are an exhausted wreck. It doesn't bother me to be woken up a zillion times. It doesn't mean I love my kids more. Promise. In fact, it might even mean I love them a bit less, since it's easy for me... While others have to struggle, and come up with working solutions in order to do what I do naturally. THEIR struggle actually shows a lot more commitment, dedication, and love than my ease. Course, it doesn't mean I love my kids less, because I don't need a lot of sleep, interrupted sleep is fine. But those who have to work hard, are definitely SHOWING their love, more. It's AWESOME that your parents weren't negatively affected by this one thing to the point of needing to come up with alternate solutions. But it doesn't mean that other people who are affected love their spouse less. Just because something is easy for one, doesn't mean it's easy for all. Just because something is hard for one, doesn't mean anyone could do it if they can. Q

There's a catchphrase in 12-step addiction programs: "When is a problem a problem? When it's a problem." That simple. _______________ A problem I personally have, no pun intended, is that addiction/physical dependence is an actual physical reaction of the brain: Neurons literally growing more receptors for the substance at hand. This is something most people's brains do to a certain extent. It's how we build up tolerances. It IS tolerance. And it is exceptionally rare for a person's brain to be unable to do this. Bell curve time. Rare = unable to build a tolerance Most = able to build a tolerance Rare = unfettered tolerance That LAST one is "classic addiction". The "One is too many; One thousand never enough". The CENTER one is where one finds both heavy users (who literally can quit whenever they want to) AND another subset of addiction. People who have finite tolerance, but become dependent at high levels (cancer patients are a great example). This second group of addicts ARE physically addicted, will go through lethal withdrawal, and need to be backed off of their meds and slowly weaned down. The difference between them and OTHER "addicts"? They can continue using any substance after being weaned off, and not get addicted again. Even using the same substance. As the neurons shut down the extra receptors. By calling something an addiction... A person is actually describing a physical process/state of being. To call something an addiction that ISNT ticks me off. Because it's wrong. It's like calling a car a motorcycle, or a house a potted plant, or a spider a banana. There is MONUMENTAL difference between addiction and undesirable. Q

My mum has this. She can be heard three FLOORS (in a high quality hotel) away. At home, my parents sept over $25,000 sound proofing a room for her to sleep in (not to mention 10s of thousands in repeated surgeries which did little if any good). Even so, some noise escapes. But you don't have to shout to be heard by the person you're talking to. And the neighbors down the street no longer complain. My ex-husband also had this. His version was so quiet that music set on the lowest setting drowned him out. Personally (possibly from having grown up with my mum), I can sleep next to a construction site, by the ice machine & elevator, next to the El-train rumbling by shaking the whole room... Like a baby. Noise doesn't bother my sleep even a wink. Others are such light sleepers that someone rolling over in bed (as everyone save coma patients do), or a dripping faucet wakes hem up dozens of times a night. I suggest that the OP is in no way overreacting, or upset for no reason. Instead that they say they're having a huge problem, because they're actually having a huge problem. While it may make some people feel less loved, I can personally assure you, that for others it makes them feel more loved that their spouse is attempting to deal with a very serious problem. My own mum looooooves the fact that my father will -quite literally- go to any lengths to stay married to her. Myself, I'm the kind of person that needs to be all tangled arms and legs with the person I love to feel best. But while there are some people like me, I've found there are a lot more people like my parents. They honestly don't care WHERE they sleep... As they're not awake. They do care where they spend their waking hours. Q

I'm a bit confused by the article. It's my understanding that the US Govt rotates each year on which American Auto Manufacturer it buys from (GM being one of, what? 3? Ford, GM, Chrysler?). Which is why govie cars (from police cruisers to parks dept trucks to motorcade limos) alternate between them. If it was GMs turn that year, then it has absolutely nothing to do with Whomever is sitting POTUS. Nor with whatever manufacturing or financial difficulties were being had by the company. Q

I'll diverge a bit: I pray in both Latin & Arabic on a fairly regular basis. While the words are deeply meaningful to me, they are also set prayers. Sometimes my focus is on the words themselves, sometimes they're merely a focus while the true prayer is in my heart & mind. I figure that if they irked HF the Spirit might mention it. So far, radio silence on that score. While I respect, and agree, with the caution against set prayers... As it's easy to ONLY go through the motions... We DO have hymns / songs in the church. I consider my set prayers as those; spoken music that makes my heart & mind sing. Especially as I'm rubbish at singing / my body cannot. Q

Our RS has a Facebook page (secret group / invite only) where we have subgroups. There's always plenty of women interested in doing super feminine things like a pickup game of Aussie Rules Football in the mud, right along with their husbands doing very manly things like cooking lasagna for the boys, babies, & book club night. And vice versa. Although, more commonly, events are for all. And we're all out skiing or doing photoshop together. Granted, my ward is spec-tacu-lar.... But I just visited a ward last week that the RS changed the venue for the barrel racing / announced that. Sniff. I want MY RS to do roping and barrel racing! How much fun would that be? Really,.. People like doing fun things. Fun can follow gender lines or divert from them. All it takes are 2 people to like the same thing to get something started. I wasn't used to having girlfriends until I converted. I'm a pretty classic lipstick tomboy, most of my friends (read all) were men. But the gender role lines turned out to mostly be in my own head. I've got tons of girlfriends, now. More guyfriends, still, but tons of girls. Because we think the same things are fun. Femme, tom, butch... Doesna matter. Up for a good time, does. Whether it's service work, or playtime. RS sponsored, or ward sponsored, or semi-sponsored by either. Q

Who didn't know that Leto would make a gorgeous woman??? He's such an obvious pick! But seriously... It's not like any gay actors portray straight characters... Wait. Okay. Precedence. Precedence. Let's look at Shakespeare, then! Oh. Men always played women. Darn darn darn. More modern? They only hire REAL cops and spies and star fleet captains to portray...Hmm. The argument is legless. Q

Young Adult Fiction & Classics as whole genres! Friends in publishing were complaining about 15 years ago that all,of the "talent" had moved into YA... Which means that there's actually an awful lot of amazing writers in the genre (and long ago enough for things to be serialized). But it also means that here's a lot of tripe over there, as well. Because writers follow trends, too, and when publishers are buying YA like it's coming Ito style, a lot of garbage floods the market, right along with the great stuff. (Like sciFi, before it). In YA, you've actually got every sub genre (fiction, sciFi, fantasy, mystery, romance, etc.) so there's usually something for everyone. You can even look up favorite / well known authors - (Kathy Reichs & James Patterson both write YA in the sci-fi vein, while Grishm sticks with law, Horrowitz with Spies, etc.) Anything over 70 years old (in the US) is free at Free ebooks - Project Gutenberg Which is pure awesomeness. In that vein, older mysteries & westerns, while not classics... Follow older rules (no swearing, sex, etc.). - Clearly, Sherlock Holmes. - The Nero Wolf (by Rex Stout) mysteries start in the 1930s, so they're only just becoming free. But they're also on kindle, etc. They're light (mostly murder mysteries, I should caveat), and there are about 50 of them! - Louis L'amour westerns number around 100! Historical Fiction is hit or miss. Sometimes, like with Elizabeth Peters, the author follows old rules, and sometimes they follow new rules to the point of being pornography. Then you've got authors like Bernard Cornwell, in his Sharpe series that are a totally borderline PG-PG13 depending on the book. - The Amelia Peabody mysteries / Elizabeth Peters are SET in the 1890s-1920s, and first person, follow older prose rules of decorum. They're lighthearted, fun, and totally addictive. Sneaky books, I was warned that Od be unimpressed with the first half / take it or leave it, and up till 2am finishing. Yep. For something like the first 10 books. I can set it down at any point in the first half, and CANT set it down after. So I get comfy after about a 1/3 & settle in. Granted, the author was an archeologist in the early/mid part of the 1900s, so that also helps. Older/Newer SciFi. Sexual ideologies are often brought up (hullo Heinlein), but most allude at most, and swearing is always morphed (Shards, Frak, Frell, et al). I say older/newer, because I like female characters with brains, which the older-older ones almost universally lacked. Still... Genre heavyweights off the top of my head are Issac Asimov, Andre Norton, Arthur C Clark, Orson Scott Card, Harry Harrison, Ray Bradbury, Anne McCaffrey, Robert A Heinlein. I haven't read everything by all of em, but I've read most at one point. Q