Quin

Every 2 years like clockwork! So I blame hormones. Don't get me wrong, the baby-cravings I'm talking about are vastly different from the heart-glow wanting to add another child to your family. I still get those from time to time (at present, with the tinge of regret/never going to happen)... Which are TOTALLY different from the 'Widdle fwingers, and beeeeeeeg eyes, and new baby smell, and snuggles, and wuuuuuuv" would-you-just-stop-that! baby cravings that hit every 2 years. Most women I know get the cravings ever 18mo-3years. Including after they are done-done-done Until menopause. I find puppies help! The whole durn cycle of baaaaaaaby to teen in about 6 months. Awesome. All the annoying parts condensed, AND you can crate them when you need a break! How cool is that? Other people's babies are hit or miss. Sometimes they help scratch the itch Sometimes they make the itch worse! Q

I'm ambivalent. If revealed, great. If not, great. I have no dog in this fight. I honestly don't care. Which infuriates some of my friends.. But I joined this church with an all male priesthood. I'm fine with churches limiting clergy by gender (male or female), and fine with churches who don't. I AM curious though... Do you see the RS being abolished in favor of a bisexual (hmmm... Probably a better word for this exists. Have I mentioned this cold I have this week?) organization that does the same stuff? Women & Men intent on the priesthood heading through Door P Woken & Men abstaining from the priesthood heading though door Q OR... ? Quin

For those saying to strike @ Islam for the actions of a few terrorists.... The direct parallel is to nuke the Vatican the next time the IRA does something. The vast majority of Muslims are both moderate and NOT terrorists. Just as the vast majority of Catholics are moderate and NOT terrorists. Granted, nuking the Vatican or Mecca would have -interesting- global effects, these are not the effects one is after, I suspect.

That's exactly what many companies have done. Not most, for sure, but that's capitalism for ya. The only place I trust morality LESS than govt? Companies Because there is no mandate that companies HAVE to do that. Most just pocket the savings, yah? Of course, the companies that REALLY care about their employees... Don't up their salary. They up non-taxable, non-health coverage up-rate, benefits (tuition reimbursement, gym & club membership, on site catering, grocery & expense accounts, company cars or zip cars, bus passes, PTO, on site childcare, certification trainin& testing) things that if salaried could well add 1-2 zeros (a couple tax brackets).... To keep salaried income low, and quality of living high. Besides...the group rates that companies covered employees under was nowhere near as expensive as individual insurance. We ran into that with my ex contracting. Companies would offer insurance, or offer the increased salary. Which, at best, would only cover up,to 40% of an individual plan. Not including me & kid lets. Great for a young, single, healthy guy. Not great for families, or those with regular medical needs. Also wouldn't cover the 10s of millions (who are now covered) whose companies didn't offer insurance, or who were unable to get individual health insurance (self employed, unemployed, pre-existing conditions). Q

I wonder how FAST I'd be with really BIG feet. Every once in awhile I stick my teensy tiny (stubby little knobs on the ends of my legs) feet into my son's or my dad's shoes, and am just stunned. The LEVERAGE I'd have to push off the ground with dogs like those! Whoa. Mind. Blowing. Q

<grin> JFF Laterally, Manhattan is really the scariest place for a sitting president to lose. By any means. Nuke in DC? No worries. He'll be dead. Someone else's problem at that point. Anywhere else has advantages over NYC. Morbid advantages, but advantages none the less. Q

...What happened to the post I was just answering? ** Poof ** Gone. Eaten by monsters. ... If JAGs (MOE? Drats, I theeeenk it was JAGs) response is still on file somewhere, cause I wanted to cut/paste/save it for a friend. Q

Prostitution is already illegal. Q

Body language is almost entirely a cultural construct. What is considered shielding & closed off in one culture is considered open & welcoming / respectful in another. Ditto respectful, disrespectful, aggressive, welcoming, etc. even things one might THINK to be universal (like nodding in agreement, and shaking in disagreement) are reversed in some cultures (shaking in agreement, and nodding in disagreement), or waving (the way westerners wave, with palm out, can mean go and DONT come back in some cultures (like flipping someone the bird), while western gesturing 'come here' forward wave is used for the "good bye" wave). There are some really cool species-things (micro-expressions, for example)... But most macro-body-language things are constructs. The culture I was raised in considers folding your arms across your body to be a respectful & centering gesture, as well as somewhat submissive. (Meanwhile arms out, like clasped hands praying to be overtly aggressive / prepared to strike). Q

I don't usually recommend this site on here... It's secular/nondenominational/all welcome and although it is heavily moderates, people are in extreme pain, so the language & graphic nature of many posts reflect that. However it's ALSO the best place I know of to get educated about infidelity. You don't have to go to the forums (where the language will make a sailor blush) ... 'The Healing Library' articles, books, & links has publishing standards. What is generally thought of as most useful is understanding - Blameshifting - Trickle Truth - Gaslighting - 180 - Friends of the Affair vs Friends of the Marriage - No Contact - Transparency - and probably a few things I'm forgetting Along with basics like getting STD tests on both yourself & your kids, how to protect yourself & your kids legally (especially if you're reconciling, which may seem counterintuitive, but in divorce you have an attorney looking out for you. Reconciling, you're on your own), and what the general timeline is on both reconciliation & divorce. SurvivingInfidelity.com - Support for Those Affected by Infidelity Q

Yep. Doctors note. :) Then accommodations are made on a case by case basis. Q

Unless... Of course... It IS the garments triggering the depression. I only threw my own stuff up there to show that there are others with (sometimes major) issues with garments that have absolutely nothing to do with faith, or keeping covenants. Sensory Processing Disorder (or the sensory component common in ADHD, Aspie, ASD, Biplar Disorder, Gifted Spectrum) is only one of a small handful of medical issues which make wearing traditional garments impossible for many people. LOL ... Not that we go around advertising that fact outside of faceless internet land! But if she is SPD or has that component... You can't sort the depression without dealing with garments. Like with - Post Partum Depression... Where the depression is caused by the pregnancy. - SAD... Vitamin deficiency - PTSD... Trauma - Grieving - PostAcademic Depression Certain forms of depression are situation based. Can't ignore the situation & still effectively treat the depression. To be clear, not saying the OP is sensory. Just a thing to keep in mind. Q

We could have "wear kilts to church day". Q

LOL... I viewed my husbands forays into kitchen buying like getting flowers: essentially useless, but a nice thought. Every time he was TRYING to do something nice (like thinking HERE was something that would allow him to venture off the map where dragons lived)... Even though the man cooked a grand total of 3 times in 11 years. And twice that was cup noodle. Don't get me wrong... He'd start cooking dozens of times (about four times a year) and I'd end up with a pot thrown through my kitchen window, my egg beaters jumped on, what have you (man had temper issues in a big way). But there were only 3 times he actually went in hungry and came out with food. ((Seriously, when we divorced, he moved in with another family, as feeding himself is not in his skill-set. Not even ready made food. When our child was in hospital, before the divorce, he ate out at restaurants 4x per day. Our restaurant bill was a close second to our hospital bill.)) Electric potato peelers, automized thingmys, digital sparkly what's-it's, and something that may have actually been a sex toy... They all went into "his" box of kitchen weapons. When I still liked the man, that box made me grin. Some women get flowers, others get "It slices, it dices, makes julienne fries! Will not break! Oh. It broke." Q

It is my understanding that - There is truth in every religion - HF likes questions. That he gave us these minds to use. Scientifically.... - Yes. They have found many, many, many, many "monkey looking people". All over the world. In dozens of subtypes. Not just one. - Yes. We have skeletons of modern humans (lots) dating back 60,000 + years. - Yes. We have actual cities and civilizations dating back 10,000+ years (some that were thought to be human actually Neanderthal, which is pretty spectacular news in archeology! Also fun, the red hair gene is a Neanderthal trait.). - Evolution, DNA, & science in general does NOT disprove God. We know HOW genes recombine via mitosis & meiosis. The how part is science. The why part is God. - The 7000 (6000?) number is found nowhere in the bible. Where it ORIGINIATES is with priest & amateur archeologist _________ (will find his name in a bit, gah) who ALSO believed that obsidian shards created from lightening strikes were fossilized dragon &/or lizard tongues. Which is not to discredit him. Merely to show that scientists of ANY ilk (religion based or not) work with what they have. Sometimes their theories are nonsense. Sometimes they're dead on. He didn't have any way of testing either of those theories... But they became hugely popular, none the less. To the point that many still quote him, unknowingly. (Can't even quick google search him, have to dig through my textbooks. If you'd prefer, I know it's in Pearson, somewhere. Great text. Link below). ANYHOW... I prersonally hold our prophets to the same yardstick. If modern prophets may quote science in saying 6 billion, then historacal prophets saying 6 thousand phases me not a twitch. http://www.pearsonhighered.com/assets/hip/us/hip_us_pearsonhighered/samplechapter/0205803504.pdf. Here's a 101 textbook in archeology that is really quite good. Q

I have major sensory issues... Which is par for the course with ADHD. Fortunately, there are different garments for military & law enforcement/first response. Those are the ONLY kind I can wear without having a mild ongoing panic attack (which gradually leads from panic to depression to despair to suicide), all the way to full blown shaking, crying, and throwing up active panic attacks... Which is outright impossible in the short term. People who don't have SPD, or ADHD, just generally cannot understand a brain that processes information differently than theirs. Why a cap sleeve shirt feels like rape, but a tank top or long sleeve shirt is fine. Heck, even those of us with sensory issues don't always understand it. I know my OWN stuff (can't do wide straps on my shoulders, can't have anything that pulls over this inch of my skin, but the inch below and above are FINE), so I work around it. But I often have to shake myself to remind myself that other people have different needs. Just because something is uncomfortable to me, doesn't mean that it's the same level for someone else (aka suck it up). It may well be intolerable to them. Or it may be the best thing ever. It's been a real lesson in humility to take people at their word. You're hardly alone, though, even if you don't have sensory issues. Female Garments: The Underwear Business – By Common Consent, a Mormon Blog

Sniff. I feel badly used, Mirkwood. Badly, badly used. Q

I absolutely promise you: God goes outside. _______ Seriously, though, one of the few lasting gripes I have about the LDS Church is that I can't make up mass. Aaaaaaargh. Drives me nuts. No Wednesday, no midnight, nothing, zip, nada, zilch except for 1 time on Sunday. Okay, technically not mass, but you get what I mean. I had to miss sacrament for nearly a whole YEAR at one point. Now... Before I converted, I was never bothered by the 'walls of stone' bit. God was everywhere. All around me. Every breath. I'm only one quarter catholic, so I wasn't exactly bound there, either... But if I felt a pressing need to avoid the world, I could head to any cathedral, and many churches 24/7. (I could also go to temple, mosque, shrine, or glade... But then that's my very mixed up heritage). Once I converted, though, I suddenly felt very limited. My world narrowed considerably. And I allowed my relationship with my Heavenly Father to do so, likewise. It was a mistake. Come to find, God is still everywhere. Face. Palm. Great job there, Quinn. In every breath and moment. All I have to do is to remember that. Remembering is the hard part. Because I want "it" to be special. And for some stupid, annoying, vexing reason... I've got those "walls of stone" stuck in my head as "special". When, really, ALL moments with the Spirit & HF are special. Doesn't have to be LDS-centric. Spirit transcends boundaries. Q

This won't be super helpful, at least not yet, since you're pre-op... But it's a good place to start: Mormons and Gays You wouldn't be kicked out for being transgender. In fact, there are a small handful of intermittent posters on this site who are both trans & full members. It does get sticky, since we do divide things by sex/gender (& conflate them) with the priesthood & relief society. We don't have a lot of Trans people, but we do have 'em, although in my observation (aka limited) while we tend to have a lot more GLB people than many churches (since we don't view same sex attraction as a sin), we tend to have fewer trans people than more liberal churches. Which is definitely a thing to know. To pull a totally made up number out of my ear... I'd say about 10-20% of the LDS Church are either liberal or midliners. The vast majority are very conservative. In general, one tends to find more liberal wards in college areas, and in very liberal states/cities... And more conservative wards across the Midwest & red states. Something to know, too, is that there are several...stages? Progressions? Someone help me out with a better word. My brain is made of marshmallow fluff tonight... Of membership. Not everyone in the church (by a long shot!) holds/has gone through all stages. A Temple Recommend is one of those stages, that simply not everyone always has (even if they've had one in the past, and will again in the future). A TR takes at least a year post baptism to work towards, and often longer. So no one new has one. Similarly many many people lose their TR, or don't renew it for some time when it expires. So it's not like NOT holding one is like wearing a big ole scarlet A, or something that would make you feel wildly out of place. We WORSHIP in chapel/church/meeting halls. We go to Temple to make more promises, on top of the ones we covenant outside of the Temple. I would strongly second talking with the missionaries. As to tithing... Even long term members (especially long term members?) debate tithing quite a bit in the details of it. To know up front; it's 10% of your increase. Which, on the surface would mean $70. HOWEVER, there are a lot of caveats. You don't pay tithing on loans, for example. So students living off of financial aid often pay $0 in tithing for 4-12 years while they're in school. You don't pay tithing on debt. Generally one doesn't pay tithing on gifts, which includes gifts of money, food, etc. (although many do, remember the only hard & fast rule everyone agrees on is 10%, 10% of "what" is where we start to diverge. Net, gross, gifts, aid that's not loan based -like scholarships, or social security-, and many others are just some of the things we debate about). One of my favorite quotes of all time is actually from the link I posted above "Reasonable people can and do differ." I love this as it applies to sooooo many things. Tithing being one of them. Most people are doing the best they can. How they go about doing their best often differs from someone else. Q

OMG!!! But who's Indy??? <<< typing this as I curse my connection for being so slow. C'mon google! Don't fail me now. I. Need. Answers. Q

1) Set up a goodbye/hello* routine! She probably won't need it now... But it's amaaaaazing to already have ground in at bone level that when mommy goes away she ALWAYS comes back. So when separation anxiety hits in toddler years, you have thay bone deep knowledge & routine that both shortens the phase (often to less than a week), and is super comforting (to both of you). Doesn't really matter what the routine is, you're just going for Pavlov. Mine was kisses at the door, and waving out the window on my way out to the car, and then waving out my sunroof. My mum waved baby arms until he could wave himself. 1.5) You're a teacher, so you already know not to prolong goodbyes or make them all tearful & emotional since kids take their cues from us. Same durn thing when you're leaving them at home instead of leaving them at school. Upbeat & nonchalant is the name of the game. 2) I had to remind myself a LOT with my first that "It's a good thing for him to bond, form relationships, and be loved by other people. It's a good thing to feel loved by other people. Good thing. Good thing. Good thing." 2.5) Other people do things differently, and will have different relationships with him, AND that's okay. 3*) DONT come straight home. No matter how much you miss them and WANT to come straight home. Instead, find a coffee place or cafe or whatever, as close to home as you can. Ideally less than 5 minutes. (Close to home. Not close to work, -spoiler alert- because you don't want to ruin the "zen" by sitting in yucky traffic and getting all stressed out again.) AT said cafe, coffee shop, whathaveyou... Park. Go inside & wash your face. Change your clothes. Order a drink or pastry & sit and read, listen to music, surf the web -whatever- for 10 or 15 minutes. Here's why: After being all stressed and gross feeling when you "come home from work" ALL you are goin. To want to do is change outta your work clothes, sit, and de stress for a few minutes. Since hubs or gran has been "on" with the baby all day, all THEY are going to want to do is "come home from work" (same thing, take 10-15, wash up, clear their head). If YOU have already done that just a few minutes away, you can jump in with a huge smile & send them off to collapse for a few minutes, and everyone is all warm & happy. If you DONT change gears before coming home, then BOTH of you will be wanting to do the same thing, only one gets to, and it leads to both people feeling super tired, and the kids feeling like a burden instead of *excitement, yayayay, mommy's home!*. From a kids point of view, too at least IMHO, it's always better to be loved and swooped up from the door... Trains them to be excited to see you (love. this. Especially in teen years. Eyes light up and get the half stand before they remember they're supposed to be mad &/or "cool & ignore" at me) Ha Ha. You're haaaaappy to seeee me.... Instead of training them to "Be quiet, don't pester your mother/father, let them have a few minutes of peace and quiet, sheesh! Show some respect. They work hard all day and are tired and don't need you bugging them." which trains them to ignore you or avoid you. 1&3) The "Hello!" Routine. Just like the goodbye routine... It can be whatever you want. Same thing every time conditions a response. I like to double up both the secure attachment / they know I always come back AND happy face by pouncing /playing /loving on them when I do... But how one goes about that is different in every family. Like bedtime. There's 10,000 right ways and only 2 or 3 wrong ones. 4) With babies... Expect their sleep schedule to change so that they sleep more & eat less when you're gone... And are awake more when you're home. Everyone I know has had this happen to them. So you THINK you'll get the same sleep, but really, you don't. Awake awake awake wee one, or an added night feeding (or 3) or both. It's really not the fault of the other parent or grandparent or caregiver. Babies just DO this. They don't care about day/night. Takes them a month or so, but they're wiley creatures who figure out when mom is home & glom onto it. Q

I was taught As a guest: One must match the hostess. Whether it's gloves & gowns, or skivvies. As a hostess: Take your level down to the lowest of your guests. (And then, your other guests follow suit, clearly... As they must needs imitate you). To do anything less on EITHER side shows poor grace. A proper hostess should NEVER make a guest feel uncomfortable. It's the worst of bad manners, and a deliberate insult. _______ So I'm especially irked at these tacky classless hostesses. It's intolerably rude of them. _______ All of that said... While I had (multicultural) etiquette pounded into me from birth onward... I've turned down countless invitations because I didn't have the attire needed for a function. The older generations have all understood (as coming in less puts that pressure on a hostess to accommodate me, which then puts pressure on the rest of the guests to follow suit)... But the younger generation's rules are far more liberal / there is a great deal less class distinction. Most younger generation parties have more than one class in them, and it's very much a "come as you are" mentality. Which I find charming. As many/most KNOW the rules at least in a general sense, but are deliberately choosing to ignore them in favor of being able to spend time with more than one group of people at a time. Meaning class barriers are being broken down. Which I'm always fond of. But I was indoctrinated young into the ideal of "an aristocracy of talent" being what should be strived for. Class distinctions in America are peculiar, because schools teach that they don't exist, and a lot of people like to pretend that they don't... Because there IS mobility between them. Especially with the narrowing of the middle class, though, classes are becoming far more recognizable for the younger generation than they are for the elder. I LIKE that the younger generation is thumbing its nose at the distinctions and inviting whom they like, come as you are, we want YOU as an individual. Q

All y'all are better people than I. He doesn't make my lists, because my lists are all personal, but I DO have a short list of people that I shall dance (or micturate, we'll just have to see when the time comes which seems more apropriate) upon their graves when they die. But then, I also support assassination, as well as believe that some people are absolutely worth spending life in jail & eternity elsewhere to rid the world of. Mad dogs should be out down. So I'm glad you folk are around, if only to balance out my sort. Q

Well I am, and I also fully support same sex marriage. As I said before, as does most of my ward, and most of the wards in my area. . https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/selected-church-policies?lang=eng#21.1.29Q

Ahem. Several of us on this site are pro-SSM. Even of those who are not... You began by asking for the Church's official view. Not our own, nor our own experiences within the church. Our church also does NOT tell us how to vote. On any issue. The church may hand down standards of living for OURSELVES as members to follow (modesty standards, word of wisdom, law of chastity, etc,) but that doesn't mean that we all go around trying to change laws to get everyone to cover their shoulders and not drink coffee, purely because we choose to follow those standards. I'm sure some do. But that hardly means we ALL do. Sure. Many members of the church are against SSM. Maybe even most. I wouldn't know. In my area most are part of Mormons for Marriage Equality or similar groups. But I live in a fairly liberal area. One of the really AWESOME things about the LDS church? We're allowed to be. We are encouraged by our leaders to educate ourselves and vote our consciences. As I said before, our church does not tell us how to vote, nor which causes to champion. Next time, before picking a fight, you might want to do a little more research. Q