Quin

Nah. I mean, it's theoretically possible you might get a jerk of a bishop (if unlikely), it's mostly just us thinking things through. We like talking about all the different variables and things in play, and we all have different backgrounds/ways of going about it. So a fairly simple question /answer to one person, is more complex to another, and then everyone starts talking about the complexities. Or lack thereof. We go off on tangents a lot, round here. :) Things are a lot more simple in real life than we make them in here, because in real life we don't have all the variables. Each person is just themselves. But in here when we start talking about the overarching stuff, we aren't just dealing with, say, personQ... But personA-perzonZ. Q

Just as a heads up.... iPhone screen will so wit,es spiderweb crack so badly one will get splinters BUT, if you is a (dry) dish scrubber, you can knock off all the teensy splinters, and then it works just fine for all touch applications. I used one for more than a year after that trick. Even for games and such. Not sure about the glass used on other screens. It may contine to split. But iPhone glass, at least, doesn't keep speeling off shards. Q

My exercise program starts in March I seriously don't know why, but excluding snowsports, other kids of exercise seem cursed in winter. Plague by illness, injury, inlaws, broken cars, and heaven knows what else... I have NEVER been able to have an exercise program in Jan&Feb. Ever. So I dont even try until the Ides of March. Then I'm good until December. Q

Desert Rules : If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down! Edit. I take that back: If it's yellow, drink more water. But, really, we learned that rhyme in school. How bizarre IS that, come to think of it?

Ever notice it's never just "yellow cake w chocolate frosting" but "the GOOD yellow cake"? It's like it's its own flavor. The Good... VS... some horrible travesty of a cake pretending to be yellow bought in a time where grown men wept. Or possibly, in comparison against all other cakes, only one shall reign. And, darnit, it's the good yellow cake. Okay. Now I need cake. The good kind. Absolutely no sarcasm in this post whatsoever. Including here. I have so talked myself into pregnant-Level-cravings. I can practically feel the slightly crisp edge of the frosting crumble and melt. Oy. Fast Sundays. Q

What she said! It's an abuse of - power - guardianship/trust Like a judge having sex with a defendant, doctor with a patient, commanding officer with junior personel, boss with employee... Are all abuses of power, because there is an inequity on the relationship... However, When an adult is having sex with a teen/child/someone entrusted wih their care, it also becomes and abuse of guardianship. Someone who is responsible for your well being, trading on that. The defendant whose freedom depends on the judge's good will, the patient whose life is in the hands of their doctor, the CO who can put you in harms way, the boss who threatens your livelihood... There's a good reason why these offenses are treated more harshly, even between adults; it's coercive. Between an adult and child, it's more than coercive. I don't care how badly my 2yo wants to ride her scooter in the street. She doesn't understand the consequences of her actions. And if I let her, just because She wants to... That's neglect of care. Not her fault. Mine. As the burden of understanding and guardianship is on my shoulders. My 16yo, or the neighbors 16yo, wants something ... Great. They want something. Whoopteedo. Nothing new. As the responsible adult, it's my duty to deny them when it's dangerous/ illegal/ etc. To be safe. To be trusted. Not to neglect their needs for my wants. When there is inequity in a relationship (professional or personal) , it is the person with greater status/power who is responsible for drawing and holding the line. Q

I love what Kimberly had to say in AskGramps Q

Since everyone else is sounding so healthy today.... And then there's my post.

Marzipan dipped in dark chocolate. Also gumbo. But mostly marzipan dipped in dark chocolate. Q

Also the accent in yummy. LOL... It's a broad stroke "accent"... We can't tell the difference between anywhere, or any class 99:100*. And we don't care. It's all delicious. ((Similar to how most Americans (not from the south) also can't tell the difference between American Southern accents. My brother has a Manc accent, and people imitate him with this absurd BBC+Cockney love child. It makes my eyeballs fall out of my head and roll under the nearest gutter, but he finds it amusing. )) Actually, almost all English speaking accents get dreamy eyed droves following them around. English, Irish, Scottish, South African, Aussie, NZ. Only Canada gets short shrift. They sound too much like us, so them we make fun of, ay? Q

Or the Cripling Warriors for us creaky in the knees folk? Q

If you'd like to get a reeeeeeally long list, long enough to be able to choose the voices of your authors as well as find out what you're looking for, Google Jewish Conversion. There is apx 12-18 months worth of study required BEFORE a person is allowed to convert to Judaeism. A good portion of that is studying the history of the Jewish people. While your Rabbi would give you a list of required reading, that list is variable from Rabbi to Rabbi to a certain extent... And those lists are often published. So, too, many people blog about their journey to conversion, including their reading. A brief scan online gave me about 150 titles, probably 1/4 of them pure history. Since you're online, you could download a sample from Amazon, and find which authors suit you best. Wish I could give you a short list, but it's been a couple decades since I last read them. All my best, Q

My sister works with a largely African company... With most of the employees from countries that view female beauty as "Never too fat, or too rich" (This sister is a bit on the Reubanesque side, and is simply chuffed working with people who find her lovely, instead of repulsive. As I'm sure most of us would!). Anyhow, She texts me her culture-clash-isms, and you just reminded me of one of my favorites: "America is a strange country: You feed your dogs, starve your women, and children make you poorer." Yup. Hole in one. Q

Gosh I hope this isn't blasphemous in any way. If it is , like there's a D&C that says we don't do monastic orders n'here'swhy, So daydreaming and brainstorming is you know, anathema ... would someone be kind enough to delete this & add that in its place? My musings get me into enough trouble as it is. ________ Okay... So I was just watching a show where one of the ancillary characters is a monk. And I'm a little blue tonight (something in an aqua marine, perhaps), so I have to admit that retiring from society to live a life of devotion sounds darn right appealing. Alas. No LDS Nunneries. But it got me to thinking... What if there WAS such a thing? What would it look like? - Something more cowboy themed... Ranching herds & raising crops for the storehouse? - Something more education themed... Architects designing Temples; Doctors & Midwives teaching their craft; aid workers, first response, counselors for disaster response; languages & diplomacy; musicians; scientists; theologians; et al. ? - Something more librarian themed... Genealogy, illuminations, records, safe keeping? - Something more Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon themed... A martial arts order? It would be the Mo-Ni-stery. Mormon Ninja. I am so ON this. LOL. Actually, I'd probably want to rotate, but then, this is my daydream,... So it makes sense that all 4 options are ones I'd kinda like to do, anyway. Since one doesn't earn any money to tithe, would one devote 36.5 days a year in some capacity? Midwest is bestest food? Green jell-0, meat & potatoes at every meal? Jedi robes or Driza-Bones? To be clear, I'm not saying we should, just sort of wondering what it would look like if we did. Thoughts? Themes? Q

Yep. Millions in this country do. Every single person in my DV group, thousands and thousands in my city alone, and millions in this country. People think abuse stops when you leave. It doesn't. It just means that now you have a court order requiring you to allow your children to be abused. Because "2 parent families" and "children need a mother & a father" = good. Here are two of the least gut wrenching (grain of salt, my standards have lowered over the years) but still super common: - You stop your kids from getting in the car with a drunk driver... If it's your ex, it's custodial interference & kidnapping. You can lose custody. Even go to jail. Especially if he's not stupid enough to wait around for the cops. Which also adds in wasting police resources. Added benefit, you get to be the crazy-lady at 221 who is calling the cops all the time when there's no one there, and nothing they can do. Police just love that. - Your ex calls your kids every day (Oh you're so LUCKY to have such an involved father :vomit:, but that's what the courts think, too)... Doesn't matter that he's calling with the express purpose of getting them to break down in tears. Ripping them to pieces, telling them they're stupid, fat, ugly, unwanted, worthless. Swearing at them. Threatening them. Until they're hiding in their rooms bawling for hours after every call. If you block those phonecalls, it's interference. Ditto losing custody. If you record those phonecalls, and you live in a consent state like I do, then not only are those calls inadmissible in court, but you're on the hook for illegal surveillance / stalking/ etc. Q

In my experience.... Either through sheer luck of circumstance... Or through years of hard work. In changing thoughts, that's usually cognitive behaviorial therapy (CBT) Here's a quote that has been useful in my own life COUPLED with a second piece: 1) ]Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” ― Laozi 2) "You cannot control the first thought. You can control the second." - Anonymous. As well as gospel/ chapter & verse in ADHD & PTSD land. As some examples. Redefine I hate myself. First thought. Just pops in there. So grit your teeth & control the second. No, I don't. I'm angry at myself. Second thought. Redefining shapes a thought you can't do anything about into something you can. Hate is inflexible. Anger has solutions. Or, if anger is inflexible/ you don't have tools for dealing with anger, break it down even further until it's in pieces you CAN work with. Like if you're angry at yourself that you yelled at someone, that also translates into I'm disappointed I yelled, I need to apologize. Regardless of HOW you redefine a thought, it takes it from untouchable, to something you can act upon. Disagree, fight back I'm helpless I'm strong This works in the opposite way as redefining. It gives no quarter. If every time you think you're helpless, you refute that you're strong, the thought pattern changes. And what you think, you say, what you say, you do, what you do you become. Change the Result (similar to redefining) I wish I were dead I wish I didn't feel this way Changes the action from the thought from suicide to changing how you feel. ___________ As a caution: A lot of abusive & neglectful people DO change. Most are completely capable of it (one of the posters above talks about now havin a healthy & loving relationship with one such). Not all do. In fact, most probably don't. My niece and nephew have both been molested multiple times, because my exSIL wants to believe her mother has changed. So she keeps giving my niece and nephew to her to be abused. My ex-husband tried to do the same with our kids. Insisting that his mother would get better FOR our kids. No. That's not the way that it works. You do not use our kids as a carrot or a stick. Forgiveness is NOT doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. That's insanity. Not forgiveness. Forgiveness is an amazing thing. But just because YOU forgive someone, it doesn't follow that they're changed. And it is NOTHING about you. There is NOTHING you can do to "make" them better. Ther is NOTHING wrong with you, or lacking in you, or that you could have done differently to make them better. It's not your fault. Forgiveness does NOT mean acceptance, although the two can go together, they don't always. There are a lot of great definitions of forgiveness out there. The one I find most useful is: Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past. Meaning the past is done, and nothing can change it, so we deal with the present and the future. Changing THAT. It doesn't mean you forget the past, or that the past didn't happen or is acceptable. To the contrary, our present is created by our past. Changing the present, like changing thoughts, gives you a different past to work from. In the beginning it will be 10,000 times you've called yourself stupid / helpless/ (or whatever) to 6 times of telling yourself that you're learning/ you're strong/ (or whatever). But, over time, it become 10,000 : 100,000. So the past that has the strength to shape your present ... Becomes the healthy one. But it takes time. The only person in the world you can change is yourself. It's hard, hard, hard work. Good on you for starting. Q

When protecting your kids is evil, and abusing them is good. Trust me. There is no end of woe. Q

Hmmmm. Does "administering electric shocks" in the same thought as "to the brain" make anyone else a wee but nervous? Heck. Electric shocks, period. Shudder. Q

Ooooh! Oooooh! Pick me, pick me! I wanna go to EnZedd!! (Sorry, England, but it's summer time down south. You understand.) Q

Hilarious! So true! Q

Don't know about the UK... But here in the States, I wore pants/trousers to church for more than a year, (2?) when "Wear pants to Church Day" made me go; Say Wha? Oh. Am I not supposed to be wearing trousers to church? It hadn't even occurred to me not to wear trousers. When I converted the only dresses I owned were slinky, über sexy, spaghetti strap gowns for military balls & cocktail dresses. I wasn't going to wear them to church! So I dressed in business attire, which for me, was trousers & a dress shirt. A few years down the road, I do actually wear skirts and dresses, as well as pants/trousers. Usually in the winter months, where I can be wearing knee high riding boots and under armor leggings (the kind people wear not only under clothes but just for exercise all by themselves) with a skirt. If I can't chase my boys out of a tree by climbing up after them, or run full tilt boogey down a street if there's a need, I don't feel comfortable. I'm a single mom & ex-military/first responder. If something needs sorting, I'm not going to be stuck because of my clothes. In my ward, out of about 100 women, generally 3-5 are wearing pants/trousers on any given Sunday. Sometimes I'm one of them. Sometimes not. There's never been any kind of an issue. Q

We learned the name & location & Capitol of every country in the world (and major geographical features) when I was in middle school (Finland Helsinki, Oman Muscat, Painted Desert, Marianas Trench, etc...and could write them in on a blank outline map)... But NOT the name/location/Capitol of all 50 states! Our music teacher, in elementary however, taught us the 50 Nifty United States song... And that has served me in ridiculous good stead over the years. Albeit, I only know them in alphabetical order, so I so entires have to run 2/3s of the way through the song to get to Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee ... Okay. We have 2 states with a "south" in them). Even the SATs at the time had a "list as many states as you can in however many seconds, ready start go! So I taught my kids that song!!! (And then hammer in territories, like Guam). Q

Deep blue skies. Brilliant sunshine. Stars at night so thick they don't look real. Perfect snow or Perfect surf. No school. whichever months have those. 2nd favorite are spicy mornings where the sky is pink and orange and silver, and birds with huge white wings seem to glow against crazy verdant green, and the only thing that feels better than being out and moving is sluicing off in the shower, after... The nights all warm and balmy, and eating dinner outside barefoot under twinkle lights. Or brisk wind, chill in the air, jackets thrown over shorts and flip flops. Spring or fall, the seasons changing, and everything is all charged up and expectant. People rushing, although no one is late. A sense of urgency and expectation zips about like static. Also... Months with fireworks. Because.... Fireworks. Q

Different families have different ways of showing affection. That picture could very well be a picture of MY family. Brother and sister, father and daughter, cousins, grandparents & grandchildren. Heck. My cousins are footballers... 6'5 and up... And will sit on their teeny tiny mom's lap (well, half on the arm of the chair and half in her lap). My dad will throw his arm around me as we go for a walk. We're like a dogpile on family movie night or the holidays, with arms and legs thrown over each other, back rubs, rib pokes, etc. Grandparents climb into grandkid's beds to read stories with flashlights in a blanket fort. Everything in between. We're a rough & tumble, touchy feely, very close family. Keys to houses for those that live near, extended visits for the rest (we're scattered all over the EU, North America, & the Pacific Rim). There's no sexual abuse in my family. The implication, that because we're very comfortable with each other, that it's inappropriate... Is as insulting as the idea that families that DONT have 6 people crammed onto a 3 person sofa are cold and unloving, stiff and hateful. They're not. :) & we're not. :) NEITHER is wrong. Nor all of the variables in between. Like, I'm sure there are some who think your family's hello hugs are gross & sexually deviant. (There are. I know people for whom anything beyond a brief handshake with their adult child they consider to be sexually charged and wildly inappropriate. There are those who think that men kissing men's cheeks -like is done in Italy, and other parts of Europe- make those men homosexual.) Point being... There are all kinds of totally healthy versions of normal... That are very different from each other. Just as you would get angry at someone for thinking your family either sexually deviant, or cold and uncaring... Because their own family is more or less touchy freely than your own... Your wife, too, will be hurt by you treating her family as such. Q

Do you only want scriptural references for your own viewpoint, or scriptural references for both sides of your argument? Because I do believe that "Honor thy father & thy mother" might just be somewhere in the 10 commandments. Although... Here comes that personal viewpoint... I had a very bad marriage. Very, very bad. One of its hallmarks was needing to "win" arguments like this. Instead of a) recognizing that both needs are equally valid, and b) figuring out how BOTH people's needs can be met. Here's a totally separate (and common) problem to illuminate what I'm saying. Sexes randomly assigned. - Wife is mad that Husband is going out and hanging out with friends, while she stays home with the kids (only 1 person is happy) - Actual problem = BOTH people need a break from the kids. - Bad solution (aka no one is happy ) = Hubby stops hanging out with friends - Good solution (both people are happy) = BOTH get time off. You could EACH find 10,000 logical reasons why either of you "win" this argument. Or you could, the two of you, find a way so that BOTH of you are happy. My .02 anytime "winning" means only one person is happy, isn't winning. Q