pkstpaul

I'm on board with this. It isn't easy to do but changing something that increases your selfconfidence and how you portray yourself to others. Obviously, I don't know you, but I would tell anyone this... take some college courses, lose weight, change of hair style, go clothes shopping, learn a language, remodel something inside or outside the house...the list is endless. All these things help you change as a person and people see that. They really do. It will help with the dates if not the marriage part. And...why not date outside of the Church? You are a missionary, aren't you? :)

Yes, by all means, this is no time to be soft. The decisions made during the divorce may last a life time. It is not about being punitive, it is about protecting your interest and the interest of the children. You may love her and feel compassion, but the law (her lawyer) isn't going to measure that when it strips you to the bone because they know just exactly what I said; what happens now may last a lifetime and they want the most. I hate that my own tone had to change from "please try to make it work" to "don't give an inch". It is only from watching others go through this process that I know you'll get the short end of the stick unless you hold tight. You can be compassionate later - literally, you can always choose to help more later.

I wanted to be as supportive as possible, but understand you face the day-to-day reality and only you could know what is best for your family. Nobody wants to tell you to throw in the towel. In terms of custody, I found what works well is one week on, one week off. That keeps kids in a routine they can grasp. That may be more applicable to school age children. It sounds like your wife is obsessed with anti-church without supplimenting it with anything faith based. I would suggest you show your children a balanced approach at life and not try to give as much focus on church as your wife is giving as anti. Just be a good active member and find lots of other healthy physical and mental activities outside of church. That is hard for LDS to do, but I think to be fully church focused will cause a polarity in their lives and at some point they will feel to be draw to one extreme over the other. Generally, it is that anti that will win that battle. Satan is very powerful. Best wishes

Rarely. I am thinking of vacations that don't afford a lot of time. I don't go visiting family for weeks at a time where going to church would be a break. It is great to get to a sacrament meeting, but that is generally a sacrafice when traveling abroad.

I gave an overly simplistic response early in your thread. I'm sticking to it. The back and forth you and your wife are displaying are demonstrating your youth and attempts to grow. As time goes, you will actually bond in these experiences. Until/unless she actually walks out the door, or hires a lawyer to walk you out the door, you are married and working things out. You can give all the details you want and people can nit-pic the behaviours and responses, but honestly you just need to be patient and live this out. She has issues, but so do you. Time is the great healer. I'm not trying to reduce this to sound-bites. I'm simply stating that marriage is work and you need to keep at it.

The inspiration for Dilbert.

I love it!

Your situation is very unfortunate. I feel for you. You may wish to take this up with the Stake President. They love and care for the members of the stake and should honor your request for a conversation. We have a unique culture in the Church. It is one that creates expectations that may not be completely in line with reality. This thread has four pages of responses and when someone created a separate thread just to talk about positive HT results, it didn't fill a page. Half of that wasn't even addressing the OP's request to speak of how we personally were impacted by a HT. Many of the responses were by women regarding VT. I posted how I gained a testimony of HT, but I couldn't find an example fitting for the thread myself. It is very sad. I think a change in calling would be your best point of integration. You can't pick your calling of course, and something like Primary or Nursery will kill your ability to integrate, but still, a calling would really, really help in integration.

My frustration in learning has been the need for verbal instruction, due to time constraints (listen in car or walking) and not having a visual of the text of the lesson. It would be extremely helpful to read the lesson and then walk with a mp4 to listen and review. Pinsler has a great immersion listening course, but no text. What I saw of Rosetta is it requires you to be at a computer. Immersion is the best. Going to a foreign country and having to find your away around in day-to-day tasks really reinforces what you have learned and opens you up to key important words. Unfortunately, after more than a week you feel beat up and don't want to do any more.

There is no "requirement" as such. If at a point you become divorced, you will want your records updated. The only time it is required to come up is in a Temple Recommend interview. You will be asked about spousal relationships/obligations. Having said that, it is better if you discuss it with your bishop at your convenience. He should keep it confidential. Any clerk updating records should do the same.

I didn't even read the news conference thread. I've been debating the topic of civility in this forum in my own mind the last few weeks. I am new to this. I came her to share ideas not debate them. I do take it personal when someone critizes a comment of mine in which I feel they simply misunderstand me. They think I am being critical when I am not. Then I feel they are being critical - are they not? I don't enjoy the forum and considered leaving myself. Which is really sad because we should be a more cohesive community of Saints. Instead, at this point, I am thinking I am just having to learn how this unsocial form of communication works. I have resorted to leaving threads where I feel there is contention. I don't return to them. My list of updated, unread threads is growing. I mean no malice to any of you. I'm sorry if you have taken any communcation as such.

I wasn't really being literal. The point is to not argue trivial matters. People in young relationships are often petty about things as they try to learn the "living together" roles. I remember arguing about ziploc bags and being upset that my spouse used them instead of fold over baggies. One day, much later, I was looking at the box of bags on the grocery store shelves and saw they were $1.95 or something like that. I thought to myself, 'why did I ever think $1.95 was important enough to make a deal about it?' In the OP's case, the spouse's choice of music on Sunday morning is not something to cause an argument - especially as you are about to go out in public. A older married spouse would roll their eyes (to themself) and say (to themself) 'this too shall pass'. I told the baggie story to some friends one day twenty years later and my spouse responded "I never knew that", telling me it was even less important than I thought, as I carried that with me for a long time (still do I guess).

I thought the same thing about how she could feel robbed. Robbed of the cosequences of making poor choices. I wish I had my youth back so I could join the Church and not screw up my life as I did before I joined. Nonetheless, I am happy to hear you are together and working things out. It will take time. Her animosity - and participation in acidic groups - will wain. Nobody can sustain that much hate mongering. It amazes me that ex-Mormons do so much hating, but hey, they are hurting and greiving something. As for the tithing, yjacket has some valid points. I would have probably conceeded in your wife's favor, if only for the sake of harmony. I don't think you would be held accountable for accommodating your spouse's request. We are taught that we are in partnership. She'll be accountable.

I do the viewing thing because I think the family expects it. I don't like it much - as was said about it being the last visual to remember - but I've become accustomed to seeing the maniquin look. I don't think it harmful to children, but I wouldn't say it a necessary ritual. I have found most LDS funerals to be lighthearted. The viewing may not be, but the service sometimes borders on a roast. I'm sure all families are different, but I am speaking from experience of about 10 LDS state-side funerals.

5 years is way too long for a bishop to leave this unresolved. Any good bishop would have created a plan for going to the temple.

One more voting for an appointment with the Stake President.

My, you are a charming Saint.

To acknowledge it would give it relevance.

I was in Ward Council when the funeral of a young member of our ward was being planned. When discussing arrangements for the chairs being setup, the bishop waved it off saying "Bob's the hometeacher, I'm not going to worry about that." It was an inspirational moment for me as I came to understand the HT role in lightening the burden of the bishop. I never looked at HT the same after that.

Your responses are condescending and thus interpreted as an attack.

It seems to me he expressed his testimony in the program. Did you all miss that?

After years of marriage you learn not to correct a spouse on music, or TV, or movies, or clothes, or their weight, or foods, etc. All you will get is resentment and anger. They know right from wrong and they are chosing to excerise their agency. The best you do is demonstrate through actions that you do not do the same thing. You don't lecture. I'm betting he won't do it twice. Besides, music not appropriate for Sunday is music not appropriate for Monday. Correcting her at that time was a mistake any person in a young relationship would make. The same with justifying going to Church and leaving a distraught spouse home (not that she had justification). Church will go on without you. Live for the Gospel, not the Church.

Hi Faith4, I have been to many Christmas midnight masses. It would be my preference to go to a Catholic service, but in my town of late, the Catholic church doesn't hold a midnight mass so we go to a Lutheran mass. The last Catholic one I went to was at Jackson Square in New Orleans. They had a Cardinal conducting, so it was really special.

I know this is an old post and probably closed as far as the OP is concerned, but I have some input not considered in the previous responses. The older I get the more I see genetics as being a prime driver in our person. We hear we are made up 50/50 of genetics and environment, but I have moved to believe more than 50% is genetics - more like 80%. I think it important to keep that family relationship open so your children (and yourself) can learn the personality traits of the family and learn how to correct imperfections influenced by genetics. I am sure there is some argument about what part of us is spirit and developed in pre-existance, etc. I am stating that my life experiences show a very definite vein of our behaviors are inherited and we CAN correct (or enhance) our behaviors when we are aware of them. For the OP, I say you should curtail the influence of your mother, but not avoid it.

Besides being in general agreement with Anatess, I will again rather state things in simplistic terms, although I see you are more than willing to dive into some deep discussions. There are times when the Spirit confirms things clearly whether postive or negative. But quite often we are left to use the "intellect" you state. There shouldn't be the 'repeat' until you get the response you want. I am expected to be more patient than that. Answers can take months and years or we just work things out ourselves. Having said that, I appreciate the many times the Spirit has given me confirmation and I seek the Spirit for important decisions.