David13

As I have read and thought about your comments, I can't help but think about the cartoon imagery of a person with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. You know how it goes, both sides whispering different opposing things to the  individual. While in cartoons this imagery may appear funny, in real life however, it is not very fun at all because it causes "Doubt". Sometimes serious doubt, doubt that paralyzes you, doubt that makes you question everything around you down to your own self identity. Which side is right? Which side is better? Which side is telling me the truth? Which side leads me to happiness? If everything I've ever been taught is wrong, then really who am I? Doubt is real. 
It sounds like you are at a crossroads, is your doubt going to destroy you, OR are you going to allow the Lord to help you turn that doubt around and make you stronger than ever. 
Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
You are the not first person to have a faith crisis. You are not the first person to hear, see or read something that appears "troubling" about the church, church history or current policies. You are not alone. In fact there are some of "us" on this very forum who have experienced a faith crisis before. 
At some point you need to make a choice, a real choice... which voices are you going to listen to? Those on your left shoulder or right? You are fence sitting right now, so choose a side. By your own words:
Results of the CHURCH SIDE: 
1. "I found security in the church growing up and was pretty happy."
2. "I still feel the spirit and feel that it's true,"
3. "I want to stay in the church and on a spiritual level I feel like it is the right thing to do,"
Results of the ANTI-SIDE:
1. "made me feel broken"
2. "life seems really dark and meaningless"
3. "I just can't trust it"
 So, what joy, happiness, peace to your soul has all the "anti-mormon stuff" brought you? You sound smart enough to understand why we are advised not to read anti-mormon stuff. If internalized, it breaks us down, takes us to dark places without meaning/hope and creates trust issues... exactly what has happened to you. 
Joshua 24:15 "...choose you this day whom ye will serve...".  
The Spirit trying to pull you back OR the Anti-Mormon stuff?

Conclusion: 
1. Decide to follow the promptings of the spirit that you expressed above in "Results of the CHURCH SIDE"
2. STOP being involved with anti-Mormon stuff (misery loves company)
3. Have faith that the Lord can help you turn this experience into a strength!
4. If you have questions/doubts... ask strong faithful members for faithful answers instead, ask how they deal with complex issues and still remain as strong as ever. 
5. As mentioned above by LP & Tesuji: do your sincere prayers & scripture study to bring the spirit to you on a daily basis. 
6. We are here to help too!
 

I'm on my mobile so I'll be brief.
My advice is to have faith and feast on the words of Christ.  Stop reading anti-Mormon stuff, which poisons faith,  and instead pray and immerse yourself in the Scriptures. Try to be humble and grateful. Forgive and repent.  Most of all remember the great commandment:  Love and serve God and others.
 Maybe these are all Sunday School answers. But I have found that the simple Sunday School answers are very profound.

OK well temple stuff aside I'm going to get baptised next weekend. 

I honestly, truly was sad at his passing, he was the prophet that I personally needed when he was here. One moment you are crying at his story, the next you get to laugh at his humor. My favorite Mormon Message of all time, 4 minutes that always tugs at my heart strings:
Lessons I Learned as a Boy

By the way, about getting tuned out...
I tell you, my husband on Football Season has the attention span of a gnat.  I was in the hospital right after a c-section, trying to figure out how to get the baby to latch, with the baby colicky and jaundiced, with my belly hurting like the dickens... and I ask my husband to help with the baby and he asks me, "what do you want me to do?" with his face glued to the small hospital TV playing football.  Arrggg... SOMETHING!  DO SOMETHING!  But, that's my husband.  I know he's a football freak - I mean, we almost cancelled the wedding because his football team was about to lose Monday Night Football!  Anyway... so, when he says, "what do you want me to do?" he literally means it.  So, I tell him EXACTLY what I want him to do... "take the baby and walk around the room rocking him... maybe he'll stop crying."  Something he can do while watching football.  Because, if I would say something like, "I'm overwhelmed, the baby is not latching, my stomach hurts, the baby is crying..." he'll just flounder around not knowing what to do about it so he'll just tune me out and watch football.
Of course, because he is Mr. Anatess... he calls the nurse and asks her to help figure out what's wrong with the baby... while he holds the baby, walking around the room, and watching football.  I love that guy!
And so I go through all this stuff for the baby and my husband is so happy he has this expression of adoration on his face when he looks at me and baby together.  But then he takes this pose and asks me, "what is this?".. and I said, "The Heisman Trophy".  And he looks at me with complete surprise that I knew what the Heisman Trophy is let alone what it looks like... and he breaks out in a big grin... and gives me diamond earrings the next day... not because I just went through 24 hours of labor plus a c-section... but because I knew what The Heisman Trophy is.
Yeah, people think we're crazy... but, I've started to love his football obsession (I still don't like football although I can tolerate it), and just know that if I want him to listen to me, I have to stand right between him and his game and tell him, "THIS CAN'T WAIT... YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW AND YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION".  And he will... even if it's the last 30 seconds of the 4th quarter with the offense down by 1 point driving at the 50-yard line...

AGMom, years and years of living in a divorce-is-illegal country has brought me to this realization that works perfectly for my house:
Mr. Anatess is Mr. Anatess and does Mr. Anatess things.  These things are a byproduct of his own personality and a healthy dose of how he was raised. Mrs. Anatess is Mrs. Anatess and does Mrs. Anatess things.  Also a byproduct of my own personality and a healthy dose of how I was raised. I don't expect Mr. Anatess to be Mrs. Anatess nor do Mrs. Anatess things.  Because he's not me.  Likewise, Mr. Anatess doesn't expect me to do Mr. Anatess things.
So, the trick to marriage is to figure out how Mr. Anatess' and Mrs. Anatess' completely different personalities, traits, and everything-else-that-make-them-who-they-are-individually work as a team to get things accomplished.
Mr. Anatess is not the romantic kind of guy.  If I ask him do I look fat in this dress, he will tell me Yes if that's what he sees.  That's just the way he is.  It's not because he's a rude, uncharitable person.  It is because he just doesn't see how it benefits me to go out looking fat when there are better dresses that doesn't make me look fat.  He's a dress expert after all having been a runway model in his younger years.  So, I have learned that if I don't want him to tell me I'm fat, instead of asking him do I look fat in dress, I tell him - I want you to compliment my dress.  Then he'll find something about the dress or me in it to compliment.  Do I wish he is more the romantic type who has the ability to "read me" and be able to say the nice things I want to hear without me telling him what I want to hear?  YES YES YES.  But, that's not who he is.  And Mr. Anatess is the guy I married because of who he is.... so it's silly to expect something different.
Now, about house chores.... I'm a clean freak but I hate house chores.  My mother is OCD so I grew up with a very well-organized very clean house.  My husband doesn't mind house chores but he has a different idea of what clean means.  The gas station restroom down the road is cleaner than His parents' house's bathroom.  That's the way he grew up.  So, he will literally leave mud streaks on the floor and not see it.  Drove me insane on the membrane in our first few years together.  But, that's who he is.  I understand it, I get it.  So, I have to work with it.  So, I instilled the no shoes anywhere in the house rule... which is how I grew up.  Cut down on most of the stuff.  Then I divided the house into my job and his job.  I cook, he washes dishes.  I do laundry, he puts it away.  I clean the house, he cleans the bathrooms and the outdoor spaces.  Etc. Etc.  And so... I would cook and then it's NFL season, so he sits infront of the TV until midnight so I wake up in the morning with the dirty dishes still in the sink.  Meh.  Big deal.  I can cook breakfast around it.  Eventually, he gets to it.  Bathroom gets pee stains around the toilet seat that I barely have room for my left butt cheek to take a pee in, I grab Clorox wipes and wipe the thing down... no big deal.  He'll eventually get to the rest.  Eventually, after 18 years of being married, we have gotten good at getting the house in order.  Especially after I found a work-at-home job so I can sit infront of my computer making some money so I can pay a cleaning lady to do a lot of the stuff for us.
So yeah... there are times when I would yell and scream and throw plates at my husband (I have a really bad anger management problem), but that's part of being Mrs. Anatess that my husband gets to deal with as well.  But we still get things done because we both are of the same purpose... that we are in this together forever and ever and ever.
My motto therefore:  You have the freedom to be You.  I have the freedom to be Me.  Let's find out how You plus Me get things done.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Eventually, You and Me start to become a WE.

AGMom,
I am sorry to hear of your challenge. I am a husband, and your story reminds me of how much a trial I am to my wife sometimes. She is patient and loving, for which I'm grateful.
Marriage is Love School. It's one of God's main ways to teach us to truly love. My advice is to keep being patient and love your husband. If you both keep working at it, things will get better. The best thing besides your continued patience is for him to keep growing in the gospel - that will help him and you more than anything.
You can't change another person, but God can. My wife's main tool in our marriage is to pray to Heavenly Father that I will learn the lessons I need to in order to become a better person and a better husband. It's worked well for her. If she keeps praying about something I need to understand, eventually I get it.
Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love and serve God. And then to love each other. These two things are what life is about.
I wish you the best.

It's a two-way street. Just as you expect other Latter-day Saints to allow not only your beliefs but the possibility (however remote) that you are right and they are wrong, so you need to allow them their beliefs and grant the possibility (however remote) that they are right and you are wrong. If there is one common trait I have seen among politically "progressive" Latter-day Saints, and especially among the self-identifying "Gen-Xers", it is this pervasive faith in their own infallibility and their conviction that everyone over the age of 45 is hopelessly ignorant and doesn't see the world clearly -- which, of course, they themselves do.

I have shared this thought with members over the years, and leave it here today in the hopes of helping someone else as well.
It comes from D&C 121: 7-8. 
Section heading reads: ...The Prophet and several companions had been months in prison (Liberty). Their petitions and appeals directed to the executive officers and the judiciary had failed to bring them relief. 
In one of the most trying times in Joseph Smith's life and after pleading/crying/begging to the Lord to relieve him of his burdens, Joseph received the following answer:
7. My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8.  And then, if thou endure it, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all they foes.
I love these scriptures, however, I wrote it wrong...did you notice?
Sometimes we understand the fact that we need to "endure" trials, however, I personally believe that is not where the blessings lay. Enduring for some is just basic survival instinct. A P.O.W. can "endure". A mother giving birth can "endure". A marriage facing heavy financial troubles can simply "endure" too. I think the blessings are not simply in "enduring" but rather "enduring it WELL". The Lord told Joseph "if thou endure it well", you get the blessing "exalt thee on high". 

When trials come our way, do we find ourselves "enduring" OR "enduring it well"? Do we curse God or our Spouse during trials? If we do, that probably isn't "well", that is simply enduring and I suggest we miss out on many blessings. This idea is seen every month during fast Sunday. Do you simply (endure) starve yourself and get mad and upset you can't eat, or is fast Sunday a pleasure?
A little food for thought (no pun intended) the next time trials come your way... try enduring it WELL and see the difference.

Very special snowflake.

Me too, same experience. 
Same Professor saw me about six months after graduation in uniform...and recognized me.  I'm sure he was regretting the A I got on that "anti gun cop/military" paper I had written for him.  

We can only hope.

IMHO, this woman should lose her professorship over this. 
Not only did she declare that she hasn't been reading the e-mails that are being sent out, she's also declaring that she'll abuse the emergency services system for her own ends. 

I used to wonder what one of my libtard professors would think if he knew I had my duty weapon under my shirt in class...
 

Special snowflake poster child.  Could you imagine if she finds out her next-door neighbor has a cadre of armaments?

In other words:
 

What few people are willing to admit is the fact that the work these people do is not worth $15/hr. It is not worth $8/hr.
The people may be worth $15 or even $50, but their work is not. If it were, they'd be earning $15/hr because the market place would bid their pay up to that point.
As MormonGator said, it is basic economics. How sad that we don't get it. How much sadder that they don't get it. Minimum wage (which shouldn't even exist) jobs are not the jobs anyone should expect to live on, not alone, not with a family. They're minimum wage because that's all they're worth as workers. The people who work them should expect to get more responsibility, to become more skilled and to produce more so the boss can pay them more. But so many just assume that because they, as people, are worth more, they should get paid what they, as people, as worth, not what they, as workers, are worth.
Lehi

That horrid female plans on destroying a lot more than the Republican Party.
dc

Eh.  Then she could watch hockey with the eskimos.  That'd be some diversity, eh?
dc

And there is a reason why Canada is mostly empty of people!

I agree with Vort.
Our family just had a discussion about this thread during dinner. We are a mixed race family from the USA. We talked about how we would feel if roles were reversed. What if the church was restored, and had primarily grown through it's history in another country, say Japan, Congo or Tonga instead. We would perhaps naturally see more Japanese or Congolese or Tongans in higher up leadership roles as a result of: proximity, language barriers, or even generational maturity in the gospel. We discussed the fact that there are wonderful, incredibly strong diverse members across the world, but perhaps right now they can "best" serve by building up the church in their own nations and languages first. Ultimately it is not our choice to pick and choose leaders, we are not in control despite any political landscape or personal desires. It can often be hard being in the minority of anything, political, religiously, or ethnically, but that fact alone doesn't make others wrong or open to criticism just because they aren't what we had hoped for.

This almost strikes me as looking down on mothers who stayed at home. I'm sure that that is not the intent but...

Is this a thing? To scrutinize the work history/lack thereof of those who are called?

If anything, I would think it an admirable thing that these women who have never worked outside the home are leaders in God's church. How cool is that? Motherhood isn't frowned upon here!

Another thing to consider is that in this day and age, having stay-at-home moms front-and-center is a major development.
Why?
Being a stay-at-home mom is officially counter-culture now, especially if the woman chose of her own accord to remain at home. 
Here in the United States, women are actually getting cussed out by so-called "feminists" for daring to list stay-at-home motherhood as a life goal. Society no longer places value on women who voluntarily remain at home to be the primary caretaker for their children, and in fact such women may even be viewed as "traitors" by the so-called "progressives" in society. So for the church to remind the world that it's OK to choose to stay at home is a pretty big deal. 

There was a specific message about whether the chruch was a "democrary" or not, in one of the two sessions today, was there not?. 
Who said that?  I can't even remember if it was morning or afternoon.
Does anyone else know of the comment I am posting of?
dc