Struggling

[Sprinkles]

Hi, I am a mom of 6 who is struggling. I do everything to look good on the outside--I take my kids to church every Sunday. I fulfill my calling in the nursery. We have family home evenings, bless our food...etc. I attend Enrichment meetings, but I am failing to do other things that no one else can see. I am endowed, but haven't been able to keep myself paying tithing to be able to attend the temple. I don't wear my garments like I should because They are uncomfortable to me and I just don't feel motivated to wear them. I feel like I need a refresher course on their importance and I think I feel guilty wearing them because I am not able to enter the temple because of the tithing. It just seems like there will never be enough money to go around while paying tithing too. We struggle even without paying it. I also have been failing to have personal prayer and reading my scriptues. I feel like i need some major motivation. Thank you.

[StrawberryFields]

Oh my heart goes out to you.

I understand most of what you are saying except for not wearing garments. When you first go through the temple you are taught of the importance of them.

Tithing is a principle of faith. We don't usually pay tithing because it is something we can afford.

I would suggest wearing your garments as you were instructed to do so. Take on one thing at a time. Pray, and take the sacrament each week. Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for the things you are not doing pat yourself on the back for the things you are doing.

[Misshalfway]

I understand. I really do. It's yucky not living up to our desires for integrity. If everything on the outside of a house looked good but everything on the inside was in shambles, you probably wouldn't be so happy living in that house. So, why do we do it to ourselves in our spiritual and emotional lives?

Truth is we compromise. We tell ourselves things like "we can't afford to pay tithing" and so we don't which keeps us from one group of blessings which then makes us feel guilty which then leads us to removing ourselves from other sets of blessings and then we find ourselves struggling even more than we were before we made the compromise in the first place.

When we go back on our promises, it is like we shut the door on God and tell him that he can't help us anymore. If only we would open the door again! Then he will come again with blessings and love and support!

I wonder if he is waiting for you, my friend Sprinkles! I wonder if you are waiting on YOU. Perhaps when you are sick of the struggling and pangs of guilt.... perhaps when it has worn you out and your justifications don't comfort you anymore, you will feel ready to re-look at these commandments with new eyes and fresh courage.

I think it is normal to fear the finances. So many of us do! Remember, like the BofM says, how the Lord supports his children in the wilderness of our lives! Remember how he saved Israel from the bondage of the Egyptians and how he gave them manna from heaven. They were supported and given everything they needed! He absolutely will and does do that for us now. He will do it for me and he will do it for you!

I will tell you this. I believe those words in Malachi. God will absolutely open the windows of heaven so much so that you won't have room to receive it! Do you believe that too? Money problems are easy for the Lord. Just believe and pay that tithing. Find a way or make a way and then sit back and wait for the arm of the Lord to be revealed!

[Truegrits]

Hi, Sprinkles...Welcome!

I think most of us get bogged down and overwhelmed at times. Instead of dwelling on all that you need to be doing, pick one thing at a time, as StrawberryFields said, to work on. Starting tonight, make the time and commit to saying your prayers. After doing that for a bit, add some Scripture reading before going to sleep. Slowly begin to do the personal things you want/need to be doing.

None of us are doing perfectly all that we need to do. It is a constant striving; I have good stretches where I feel like I am on the right path...then there are the not so good times...but don't give up. Stay positive about all that you are doing!

[FunkyTown]

You are an incredibly courageous person. So many people lock inside when they feel overwhelmed and things end up happening that make it worse.

Do you know what you need? A break. You have -six kids-, Sprinkles. When was the last time you had the -chance- to read scriptures? When was the last time you didn't feel exhausted? When we aren't prepared to feel the spirit, we can deny ourselves that opportunity. Take a break. Go on a women's retreat. Take a time look yourself in the mirror and say, "I am raising six kids. I am keeping things together despite overwhelming difficulties."

And, Sprinkles? Can I take a guess? I'm guessing that it's been difficult - Maybe there's a child who screams a lot? Maybe there's more and you and your husband haven't been as close as you used to be?(It happens. Children, though we love them, often leave both partners exhausted).

Is it any wonder that you're feeling this way? You need to take some time and know you're loved and that you love your family and God. I know it's hard. There are a million excuses you can take not to take time for yourself - All of which sound good in your head. I'm telling you, though, that you need some time to remember who you are: A great and faithful person who has always loved God, even when life sidetracked you.

[ruthiechan]

When it comes to saving money, this was a big help. http://www.drlaura.com/sah/budget.html

When it comes to garments, wear them anyway as a reminder of your goal. If they are physically not comfy then maybe it's the material.

And dude, seriously, take a break. FunkyTown is so spot on on that. Find someone who can watch the kids so you can go be with your husband or by yourself. "Dates" can simply be going to the park and reading together or snuggling on a blanket!

Or, see if you can get them all to go someone else's house for a while and you can have some alone time.

There's a reason why it takes a village to raise children.

[Guest tomk]

We also have struggled with paying a full tithe.

Just remember, you can keep all of the "outward" commandments -- and still not be a very Christlike person. The goal is to do the right things for the right reasons. All of us will be working on this until the day we die...and beyond.

Just go to the Lord with your concerns and struggles. Not overnight, but gradually, He will help you in every righteous desire. All you have to do is not give up.

[Sprinkles]

Thank you so much everyone! I am in tears--your kind words have meant so much to me. Yes, I could use a break! There are many stressful factors in my life right now. We moved into my inlaws house while we waited for everything to get ready for the house we were buying and it fell through, so now we are still living here and it IS tough! Anyway, I am going to take it one step at a time and I am going to get back to the temple! It's even hard to remember the covenents I made there because it has been several years since I've been.

[ruthiechan]

You're living with your inlaws? Girl, I feel for ya. I had to do that when I first got married and it was TOUGH and that was with NO KIDS! Then I moved back in with my Mom when my husband and I separated, while my Mom is great the siblings still at home weren't always so great. >.< And that was with one child.

You are in my prayers.

Hopefully the inlaws will be a blessing and suport you getting a break!

[bytor2112]

I would talk to my Bishop and let the flood gates open up. It may not fix the problems, but I bet it will give you perspective and make you feel better. :)

[WANDERER]

Hi. I'm just going to say that I think the things you are doing are pretty good...especially with 6 children and living with your inlaws. Hang in there...do the things that are important to you as much as you can and babystep it through. Wear the garments anyway......as part of your promise that you will get back to the temple...make them your symbol of hope : )

[StrawberryFields]

I think that sometimes we harm others in the church when we show that "outward things are just fine here facade". I have come to believe that everyone struggles at some point in their life and showing the perfect family life only adds to the guilt we carry in the church. We (my husband and I) were called into the bishops off and asked a serious question by him. The question was how can we make our ward closer? My husband looked to me this time for an answer. I said that people need to start showing their hard times to others so we don't believe that we are the only one who struggle. What makes a good ward... service and getting into peoples lives, caring. Having people accept you in spite of your difficulties.

Once again I will advise you to wear your garments. Wearing them, as we should, teaches so much to our children and who matters more than they do?

[NeuroTypical]

IMO, The only good reason to be Mormon, is you figure God wants you to be one. If you figure you're right with God, you'll be surprised how easy the important stuff is (and also how easy it is to stop all the unimportant stuff).

Again IMO, a real lousy reason to be Mormon, is to look good to people around you.

So, what does God want for you?

LM

[candyprpl]

I think we sometimes forget that God loves us.

God loves you! I know sometimes when I'm having a hard time and someone points that out to me, it's like, "Yeah, I know." And fades into dust. Don't let it fade into dust -- feel it!

I have a quote by Neal A. Maxwell--

When we pray, we are not conveying any information to God that He does not already have. Nor, when we confess our sins before Him, is it news to Him that we have misbehaved. It is vital, therefore, that we open our souls to Him and tell Him what our concerns are now, as well as aknowledge what we now are, for this is a part of the process of aligning ourselves with His will. We cannot, for the purposes of real prayer, hurriedly dress our words and attitudes in tuxedos when our shabby life is in rags. More then we realize, being honest with God in our prayers helps us to be more honest with ourselves.

I see so many people in church who want to 'look' like a 'good Saint' and forget the real reason they do what they do. The only person you should be wanting to impress is our Heavenly Father -- I know you know that. I have been overwhelmed at times with callings and doing all the 'right things.' And I do have to step back and take a look at what is important to me and my salvation and exaultation. It's good to stop and breathe once-n-a-while. And not letting God's servants help you is not helping you. (a tongue twister, LOL) But I think you know what I mean, lol.

I agree with everyone -- start with baby steps. I also agree with everyone on the garments -- wear them. You did make sacred covenants when you received your endownment and now you are doing what it takes to get back to the Temple.

And last but not least (of my two cents) LOVE YOURSELF, LIKE HEAVENLY FATHER LOVES YOU!!

[Liesl]

Spade, I feel for you, it's tough being the "perfect mormon mom." But I agree that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, we're all very good at putting on the right mask. I have 5 kids and always smile in public and window dress what is seen, but at home I often fall apart.

Something I did start doing... which many may not agree with, is I go away for a few days with a friend... no husband, no kids.... unless I'm nursing.

Something else, I want to testify to you that Heavenly Father will look after you if you obey the law of tithing. I have experienced it many times, whether it be a food parcel at the door or a Christmas hamper instead of gifts. Even if you don't have faith in it and do it begrudgingly.... you will soon do it willingly. Test Him on this.... If you think about it, the only thing standing between you and the temple is 10% money..... now you tell me who you love more.....

I pray you allow others the blessing to help when you need it, you are a good woman... don't doubt that. And we all struggle

[Truegrits]

~~~Liesl~~~

Something I did start doing... which many may not agree with, is I go away for a few days with a friend...

Me, too. For years a few of my girlfriends and I would take a long weekend and get away. Now it is just my best friend and I that do it. It is my re-charge time. :)

[Sprinkles]

Thank you so much! I have been wearing my garments everyday since I posted this and it just feels normal now. I have also been saying my personal prayers. I am going to go get my tithing out of my account today! I easily spend my tithing amount on things I don't really need, so I need to learn how to stop spending money as a way of escape. You all have helped me SO much--really--thank you.

[candyprpl]

Fantastic! I know you'll be blessed! We're here for you -- tough times abound.