Mormons Are CIA Agents?

[Rico]

Interfax-Religion

Moscow, August 21, Interfax - President of the Russian Association of Centers for Religious and Sectarian Studies Professor Alexander Dvorkin is concerned with Mormon activities in the Russian Federation.

"We have been informed that American Mormon missionaries were detained on the territory of secret military facilities more than once. They are accused of having CIA connections, and it is reasonable," he is quoted as saying by the Komsomolskaya Pravda daily on Thursday.

According to the professor, Mormons have commercial interest: "they actively buy fishing industry."

Dvorkin called this sect "a rich transnational corporation."

"They always need people for "tithe" - a tenth part of income paid as a compulsory contribution to the sect. According to the experts, today Mormon's tithe makes one third of their income," he stated.

As Dvorkin said earlier, there are over 80 big sects active in more than half Russian regions. He thinks, minor sects numbers "in thousands."

Is it only missionaries who are CIA agents? What about all American Mormon missionaries? As an American Mormon in a foreign country, who do I contact in the church to ensure that I am receiving my stipend from the CIA? How much should I be getting? When I am sending back intelligence, who do I give the intelligence to? Should I contact the Mission President?

Do you think Mr Dvorkin could give me the answers to those questions? He sure seems to have many other answers to ridiculous questions.

[Hemidakota]

I wonder what faith Alexander professes?

[NeuroTypical]

Oh, Dvorkin doesn't know the half of it. There are also mormons behind the alien abductions and cattle mutilations. In fact, my uncle-in-law was there in the '80's when they abducted Dvorkin and implanted a chip that makes him sing "I'm a little teapot" whenever I push this button: [pushpushpushpush]!

Ahh, good times.

LM

[Maya]

My son is going to Moscow on Sunday!! He will be a week studying in Moscow university (Gobkin) Fysics and mathematics.

Maybe he should keep it a sectret that he is a LDS...

[miztrniceguy]

just dont tell that he's a cia spy

[RachelleDrew]

My brother in law is on a mission in Russia right now, and I hate to break it to Russians but that kid couldn't even spell CIA.

Don't I wish though, how cool would it be to get a wrist walkie-talkie when you got confirmed?

[john doe]

See, this is what happens when someone here on this site decides to let the cat out of the bag. Now the Russians are going to send nuclear missiles into space to shoot down God's mothership too. I knew we should have banned that guy and deleted his posts.

[Truegrits]

RachelleDrew:

My brother in law is on a mission in Russia right now, and I hate to break it to Russians but that kid couldn't even spell CIA.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Moksha]

Mormons buy up fish. Take caviar. Must get stipend from CIA to make amends. Caviar on blinzkis good with vodka. Must go now. Knock at door. Hide in cellars. Dasvidaniya.

[Hemidakota]

Perhaps we need to issue the latest 'cloaking suits' for all missionaries....

[Flyonthewall]

Are shoe phones passe?

[Rico]

Don't tell that to the elders. The fact that they wear black shoes is proof that they are still using shoe phones. See, according to recent research, black leather continues to offer the highest quality signal transmission properties of any material. The use of the black shoe phones means better range with much more clarity than even the highest tech regular phones.

[unixknight]

Don't forget the backpacks.

... I bet you thought that was just for carrying Scriptures and paper, didn't you?

[Hemidakota]

The one with built-in radios? LOL

[Bookmeister]

Well, I could tell you the real truth.....but then I'd have to kill you.

[Over43]

It's the fishing industry that they are subverting also. That's some seriously top secret stuff there. I'm just wondering, if Bond couldn't fix the problem in Goldeneye, how are the missionaries going to figure it out?

O43