How should I feel about this

[jolee65]

My daughters boyfriend is wanting to take the discussions but I feel hes doing it for the wrong reasons and thats to only get closer to her, I can understand him being interested in what interest her but is it worth the time the missionaries will have to go through to meet with him. Shes leaving for Salt Lake in September 09 for school and hes going to Florida for school he doesnt have support from his parents hes alone in his efforts.

The missionaries told me they would be meeting him at our house and they noticed my feelings through my expressions i guess and asked me my concerns and I told them the samething I explained to you, they said thats part of what they do in there discussions was to find out if a person is ready and what makes them feel that they are.

I dont want to appear selfish or uncaring I guess im concerned about the whole thing its not something to take half heartedly.

Am I butting in or taking it personal he wants to investigate the church?

[gabelpa]

My reccomendation, trust the Missionaries and the worst that will happen is the young man will become more accountable. Might even meet another nice LDS girl when he goes to school.

[Palerider]

Those are tough to decide....my youngest daughter is 19yrs old and dating a non memebr who is a pretty good guy. I am impressed by him....he is currently being taught by the Missionaries and has a Baptism date of late December.......I just hope and pray he is doing this for the right reasons.....I think he is ....we will see how it turns out.

[KeithLBrown]

My advice would also be to trust the missionaries. Through their discussions with the young man it will come to light if he is sincere in his quest to learn more about the Church. It could well be the experience that he needs in his life.

[Guest tomk]

We don't make these kinds of decisions apart from Christ. We must counsel with Him and make our decisions based upon His revealed gospel.

Anything that moves us closer to Him is a GOOD THING. Baptism certainly would be one of these things. Priesthood holders have the gift of discernment. They will decide if he is worthy to be baptized.

[jolee65]

Yes, I feel your all right I do feel as though im crossing a boundry and it is a good thing for anyone to get closer to God. His only experience walking into a church has been going to a wedding he has never sat through a service he did take sacrament today his first church service, it just so happened the missionaries did a talk about The Creation and that was very approprate for the situation.

[Soulsearcher]

I took the discussions for the final time cause of a girl. Didn't work out for the best, but that being said it wasn't a bad thing. I got baptized and though inactive right now it's made me a great deal more aware of spiritual matters.

[Kirajo]

I think no matter what a persons motives, it's never a BAD thing to teach them about the gospel. Step by step I guess!

[jolee65]

I do hope he has a good experience and that it plays a direct roll in his choices throughout his life.

[prisonchaplain]

What's your daughter's take on this. She's not a child anymore. The best way to prevent her from experiencing harm is to be a constant, available, trusting resource for her, as she enters the adult world, and makes more and more of these calls for herself.

[tubaloth]

There is nothing wrong with TAKING the discussions. Really do we care what the reason is for anybody to TAKE the discussions?

Taking the discussions is all that you can offer. Joining the church is not your choice, its his! If he does that for the wrong reason, thats his choice, not yours!

You are trying to share the message! (There is not harm in this). The harm is when he makes light of what is really going on! If you do feel this strongly you can explain to him, that this is his choice! That he should be making any decision because of what he wants, not somebody else.

[Guest Alana]

My dad took the discussions because of a girl. Long story short, we got baptised, they got married and a year later we all got sealed in the temple. I'm very grateful this happened, even if he thought she was just a pretty face at first.

[rameumptom]

If the initial interest is in a girl, no problem. As he is taught, if he is open to the gospel, he will feel the Spirit and receive his own witness. I have good friends in high school where this happened.

After high school, he went on a mission to Chile. She found another guy and married him in the temple, instead. After Mark's mission, I asked him about that, and he said he wished her well, but he has his own testimony of the gospel, which is why he went on his mission and continued active afterward.

[TheyCallMeMom]

A dear friend of mine did a similar thing.. she was married and interested in another man, who was a member.. she started attending church classes etc..

nothing ever came of them, but she has been a member for 29 years now.. and a very good example of a Mormon.

so thats my 2 cents :)

[RainofGold]

My sister's old boyfriend joined the church so that he would be able to marry her in the temple someday. He was 18 and she was 15 years old. He went on a 2 year mission and even though he didn't end up marrying my sister, he did meet another LDS girl and married her.

I think that people join the church for many different reasons. But we never know what the outcome is going to be, maybe your daughter was meant to introduce him to the church and the rest is up to him and what he does with this knowledge.

Just be a good example to him, you never know how much you can impact some one else's life.

Rain

[ruthiechan]

I am in 100% agreement with everyone here.

The only time this could be an issue is if your daughter were to beg him to be baptized. That's what happened with my sister. Her b/f took the discussions, got baptized but only did so because she literally got on her knees and begged him to. Well, he's not active. The only thing is that he remembers what it felt like afterwards so he knows there's something there but seems to be afraid to really find out what that something is. So, there was even a silver lining to that.

Have a prayerful compassionate heart towards him. Trust the missionaries. :)

[jolee65]

My sister's old boyfriend joined the church so that he would be able to marry her in the temple someday. He was 18 and she was 15 years old. He went on a 2 year mission and even though he didn't end up marrying my sister, he did meet another LDS girl and married her.

I think that people join the church for many different reasons. But we never know what the outcome is going to be, maybe your daughter was meant to introduce him to the church and the rest is up to him and what he does with this knowledge.

Just be a good example to him, you never know how much you can impact some one else's life.

Rain

Thank You, you have a very nice message and I have been thinking the samething maybe shes ment to bring him to the church and if he stays with it its up to him and I agree with that, thats why i felt like I was being selfish and i didnt see myself that way I have always been a helpful person, but I have a different oppinion on the situation and it will have nothing but a positive impact on his life.

[jolee65]

There is nothing wrong with TAKING the discussions. Really do we care what the reason is for anybody to TAKE the discussions?

Taking the discussions is all that you can offer. Joining the church is not your choice, its his! If he does that for the wrong reason, thats his choice, not yours!

You are trying to share the message! (There is not harm in this). The harm is when he makes light of what is really going on! If you do feel this strongly you can explain to him, that this is his choice! That he should be making any decision because of what he wants, not somebody else.

No offence but you need to address a person with a softer heart and not so harsh if you read all my post after my first you would have seen I was figuring it out without anyone getting nasty with me but thanks for your post.

[prisonchaplain]

Perhaps we're forgetting the other half of the question. Sure, let the boy take the discussions. Then again, I would not want my daughters to date non-believers. So, I'd be very concerned about "evangelistic dating." I'm not sure a parent can prohibit a 19 year old from dating anyone, but I'd gently remind her of the standards she was raised with.

[skippy740]

FTC = Flirt to Convert!!!

I would hope that your daughter is the kind of example to attract others to WANT to follow Christ - to be more like her.

[georgia2]

GEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

It doesn't matter if he is interested in learning about the church because he wants to know more or get closer to your daughter. It is when he actually takes the discussions and feels the Spirit when the real reason he is asking will be known. If he doesn't join the church, a seed will be planted. If he does, great!

I had several boyfriends take the discussions after they met me. Two joined he church. One I married ! the other is still a member and married in the temple. My sons both dated girls who took the discussions , both joined, both are still strong members, and my sons didn't marry them! Several young members in our ward dated LDS people, JOINED THE CHURCH, and are not with the people who introduced them to it.

[ruthiechan]

Dating is not necessarily the same as going steady.

Also, the flirt to convert joke is ofttimes offensive to nonmembers, or is taken quite seriously and leads to bad feelings.

[Heavenguard]

I have a friend (guy) who decided to check out my church after he started seeing my other friend (girl). Although the girl thought the guy was only doing it in order to get closer to her and look like a good boy for her, I truly believe he was sincere in his interest, and was hurt by her accusations.

[jolee65]

There has been alot of bad blood within this relationship and yes they do go steady, she did try to make a brake from him but he wont leave her alone and she gives in to him because she gets tired of fighting him off, He tried to stop her from going out west to school and even set in motion plans to go with her , which we were totally against, she did understand and told us its him and thats when she decided to brake it off because he wouldnt let it go and she was tired of arguing with him about it. they have dated for 18mths

There back together but now he claims hes going to Florida and he wants to take the discussions, and if you want to know how I feel about it now then read at least my post im tied of repeating it .

Edited December 2, 2008 by jolee65

[jolee65]

Perhaps we're forgetting the other half of the question. Sure, let the boy take the discussions. Then again, I would not want my daughters to date non-believers. So, I'd be very concerned about "evangelistic dating." I'm not sure a parent can prohibit a 19 year old from dating anyone, but I'd gently remind her of the standards she was raised with.

She just turned 18 in November and it really doesnt have anything to do with him being a member we live in a state (Michigan) were member are far and few between my daughters are the only church members in there school so dating another member would be next to impossible. We didnt forbid them from dating not once im not sure where some of these comments are coming from.