Jennifer_Elizabeth Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 I wish I could spell Medium...too bad this site doesn't have spell check...anyway I'm just writing to clear my mind so please proceed to the next forum without reading another word. Where is the line between friend zone and crossing the line of chasity with the opposite sex? Its so frustrating...Guys fall in lust for me to easily and aim for the bulls eye and as soon as they realize I have standards they back way, way away. Am I not good enough without those things? Will I only ever be a disappointment? I'm just so sick of the lies...the lies that I'm beautiful and smart and whitty with charm...when I know its all part of the scam to break the law of chasity. The "I love you's" and "I'm Sorry" are just hackneyed phrases that have no meaning. Why can't people just be honest? Think with the head on their shoulders...challenge themseleves and work towards goals in life and whats important...or does none of that stuff matter anymore? Is it too much to ask for a realationship of trust and communication...why does it have to get all serious and lovey dovey? Can't it just be casual, but close...or is everything just lust or not interested? Quote
Dr T Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Maybe the interest starts out with the lust that u speak of and the "backing way way off" is more for covering up their own feels of rejection and not speaking at all of their lack of desire for u. I don't know if their "loves" and compliments are necessarily lies to u. Sorry it has been SO frustrating to u Jennifer. Keep your standards and let them know right away. :) Quote
Dr T Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Hey Jennifer-I wrote this whole post to your op and I hit backspace on accident and lost it. I didn't want to rewrite it all so u only got a little. It made a lot of sense before it was whiped out. Sorry. Quote
Jennifer_Elizabeth Posted January 12, 2009 Author Report Posted January 12, 2009 Thank you so much for all of your advice Dr. T! I apprciate your effort to reach out to me and replying to my thread. Its just frustrating...to go for so long and then to find out that the person had no other intention then that of the devil. Its so hard to find a single person to confide in these days and its heartbreaking. Thanks again Dr. T! Quote
Dr T Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 I hear u and you're welcome Jennifer :) Quote
MarginOfError Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 I always used to have the same problem. Girls were always trying to be unchaste with me. It was like I was some kind of magnet for carnalism...or maybe I excreted pheremones from my pores...whatever it was, I could not get the girls off of me! Okay, so that isn't entirely true. I did have a problem of that nature, however. I had a several girls that I'd start talking with, we'd get to be good friends, but I didn't want to take the relationship to the next step--exclusivity. There'd be this outrage of emotion and then I'd never hear from her again. I never did learn how to handle it. The only consolation I can offer won't feel like much consolation. Everytime this happens, it's going to suck. You're going to hate it right up until you get the guy that lives by your standards and makes a great relationship for you. When you get that guy, all of this trouble will seem like it was absolutely worth it. It's just going to suck until then. Sorry about that. Your other option is "if you can't beat them, join them." But I hear hell is awfully hot this time of year. Property taxes are excessively high (as in, your soul for your property), and the air conditioning never works. Oh, and if it makes you feel better next time, you can always knee the guy hard enough that he won't think about being unchaste for at least a year. Quote
FunkyTown Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Thank you so much for all of your advice Dr. T! I apprciate your effort to reach out to me and replying to my thread. Its just frustrating...to go for so long and then to find out that the person had no other intention then that of the devil. Its so hard to find a single person to confide in these days and its heartbreaking. Thanks again Dr. T! Are these members, Jen? It sounds like you have a serious case of Puppy-Dog-Itis: People who follow you around, giving you compliments and making you feel good. You have no intention of a relationship but they're positive you'll come around. There are ways to deal with Pupp-Dog-Itis if that's the case. Can you tell us a bit more about the guys and what they're like? Quote
FunkyTown Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 There's only one way to stop this, Jennifer: Get married. Then, you can make out with your man all day long without consequence and if those puppy-dog guys start following you around, he can threaten them. It's a win-win situation! Quote
Hemidakota Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 I wish I could spell Medium...too bad this site doesn't have spell check...anyway I'm just writing to clear my mind so please proceed to the next forum without reading another word.Where is the line between friend zone and crossing the line of chasity with the opposite sex? Its so frustrating...Guys fall in lust for me to easily and aim for the bulls eye and as soon as they realize I have standards they back way, way away. Am I not good enough without those things? Will I only ever be a disappointment? I'm just so sick of the lies...the lies that I'm beautiful and smart and witty with charm...when I know its all part of the scam to break the law of Chasity. The "I love you's" and "I'm Sorry" are just hackneyed phrases that have no meaning. Why can't people just be honest? Think with the head on their shoulders ...challenge themselves and work towards goals in life and whats important...or does none of that stuff matter anymore? Is it too much to ask for a relationship of trust and communication...why does it have to get all serious and lovey dovey? Can't it just be casual, but close...or is everything just lust or not interested?You can choose the right individual that can love you for yourself...I have dated LDS models back in the days and was completely turned off with a few that did not exhibit themselves as daughters of our Heavenly Parents.A real sealed marriage is a bond of true love that continuously grows every year as they grow older. Quote
Gwen Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 i'll apologize now for my mood and you are more than welcome to call me names (just don't post em, kinda against the rules)..... i only have one thing to gain an impression of you so this is by no means judging or saying anything about who you are, just a thought..... i can see the girls... i bet the boys can too and most boys like the girls and ... start gettin' ideas and lose what civility they may have had to begin with. Quote
FunkyTown Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 (edited) I'm not gonna lie, Gwen. I totally checked her out. Actually, that does deserve some type of explanation. Some people are natural flirts. Not me, I am the posterboy of civility. Ultimately, just because someone dresses sexy does not give someone the right to go all animalistic. However: What it sounds like is that guys are showing up, acting like friends. They're being complimentary, attentive, making her feel good. Then, they're suddenly hit by the "I want to be more than friends" bit. Lotta girls and guys fall for that. When someone acts like that (Puppy-dog syndrome) of course it makes a person feel good. But you will never gain attraction for someone who considers himself below you in some way. Then, when they haven't shown their interest in some other way, the women are shocked when it's suddenly sprung upon them. Guys call it the "Friends Zone" and a lot of guys make the classic mistakes that result in this. I certainly used to. But you live and learn. Edited January 12, 2009 by FunkyTown Quote
Wingnut Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Gwen, I knew I couldn't be the only one thinking it. I've been trying to figure out (1) if I should say anything about it, and (2) how to do it delicately. Yes, we expect men to treat women respectfully. Yes we expect them to take responsibility for their own actions. We also, however, expect that from women. Most guys probably find themselves surprised to learn that you have standards, when their first impression may be similar to ours (especially if they happen to be tall). How you dress makes a statement about you. Do you want to say "I know that I'm attractive, and I know that my body is a temple, and I'm going to treat it as such and I expect you to do the same" or do you want to say "I know I'm attractive, and I want to show that off, because I know you know it, too"? The only thing we know about you is what we see in your picture. You are a very pretty girl, I'll give you that. But based on the only thing I/we know about you, I reckon you could use a little self-evaluation. But it still wouldn't hurt to give them a swift knee to the groin. Quote
pam Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Sure glad I wasn't the only one that thought the same thing. My first thought was..hmmm. well pretty revealing no wonder boys have lustful thoughts. Quote
Wingnut Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Just out of curiosity Jennifer, how old are you? Quote
rameumptom Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 J-E, the reality is, we cannot directly control others thoughts or behaviors. We can only work on ourselves. Seek joy and happiness for yourself without the guys for a while. There are several great concepts in finding joy. The current issue of Psychology Today has pointers on achieving happiness in our own lives, which can lead you to several good books on the subject. Finding happiness alone is necessary before finding happiness as a companion. Many people just don't understand that true happiness comes from serving God and those around them, from gratitude, from seeking joy in all righteous activities. Instead, many people seek happiness from feeding their base desires - it only gives temporary results, but ends up enslaving the person and leading him/her further from true happiness. This is the result of fear. Our brain stem controls our animal instincts, including the fight or flight instinct. This is based on fear, as are related emotions: anger, frustration, selfishness. People fear to be alone, yet fear to be vulnerable so others can find true intimacy with us, so they accept sex as an acceptable substitute, not realizing they isolate themselves more. Advanced portions of our brain, such as the frontal lobes of the cerebellum allow for advanced thought and emotion. It is here that we learn courage, Christ-like love, contentedness, and self-lessness. It is here that we consciously seek true happiness. Habits are formed, as well as genetic dispositions towards fear are established in each of us to one extent or another. But we can build new habits of happiness. Start with yourself, so that whether it takes one month or one century to find the man of your dreams, you will be happy in the meantime. When you are ready, date in groups, so there is no one-on-one pressure for you or the guy. Get to know them as friends first in a safe group environment, and later you can go into dating. See which guys will share your interests through group discussions. See which ones actually dedicate time to seeking God and His will, and are generally happy. Find out which ones find true joy in the simple things around them, and what things they talk about. Ask others who have dated the guy, or who are their guy friends, what kind of individual the person is, before you even accept a date. Others can help you find Mr Right, if you are patient. See if the person is afraid to commit to a true loving relationship, and so cheapens the experience to only sex and lust; or if the person finds true joy in the gospel and things around him, and is seeking to enhance that joy with a loving partner and companion. Quote
pam Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Now that we've had our behavioral lesson for the day. lol Quote
rameumptom Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Pam, is that the proper behavioral answer to my desire to assist? Perhaps you have some deep-seated fears that you just cannot cope with you'd like to share with us? Quote
FunkyTown Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Pam, is that the proper behavioral answer to my desire to assist? Perhaps you have some deep-seated fears that you just cannot cope with you'd like to share with us?Rame? You really need to take things a little less personally. Pam was being funny, that's it. Quote
Dr T Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 I think Ram was joking but ask him to find out I guess. Quote
Misshalfway Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 I thought Ram was joking too. Quote
Vanilla Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 i'll apologize now for my mood....... Apparently every female was in the same mood! :) I find it amusing that none of the males mentioned it. Quote
MarginOfError Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Apparently every female was in the same mood! :) I find it amusing that none of the males mentioned it.Mentioned what?But seriously, where was Jennifer for the thread about cleavage? (I don't mean anything personal. I really am just that reckless with my comments) Quote
Jennifer_Elizabeth Posted January 12, 2009 Author Report Posted January 12, 2009 Touche. I appricate everyone's comments and patience with me. I have changed my picture and I encourage everyone to check it out. I guess I'm concieted in the sense that I wouldn't have ever thought it was my fault...but I'm begining to realize that if I want respect then I better start demanding it in more then just words, but also how I dress and present myself! I've only lived in the world for seventeen years and in those seventeen years i've managed to not only be in the world, but of the world and fall into the worldly ways that have effected me and will continue to effect me and my outlook on love and realationships, and I sincerely apologize for the negitivity that I may have put off in my thread. I honeslty and truely appriciate all your patience and look to you all as examples and good role-models as I look past this tackle and pressforward and charge into the next inning. Thank you! Jennifer Quote
john doe Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Jennifer, I hope you haven't been put off by the comments here. From what I saw it seems you are a beautiful girl. But what some people don't realize is that men, especially young, less mature men, want to possess beautiful things, not because they love the beautiful thing, but so they can go tell all their friends how well they did. It's a game of conquest for some of them. They don't really care about you, they just want to be able to tell others that they had you. Unfortunately, when girls show a little more skin than others, then it sends sumbiminal signals to the boys that those girls actually want to be conquered, that they are easy and have low standards. I'm not saying you actually are that way, but sometimes it is easy to inadvertently give off signals that you don't mean to give off. I admire you in the fact that you have drawn a line that you won't allow others to cross. I encourage you to continue doing that. But I also think your struggles help remind all of us to remember what kinds of signals we are sending to others in the way we act and dress in public. If I don't want to be taken as a slob, then I should probably not wear greasy, ratty old t-shirts that don't fit anymore and jeans that ride low and show my plumber's crack. If I want to look like a professional businessman, then I should buy clothes that look like a respectable businessman would wear. Quote
siouxz72 Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 Jennifer, Nice job changing your pic.. I think all us girls thought the same thing... and what we saw first is what everybody saw first. you know? Anyway, good luck here. I have a daughter who's 17 as well and if she had posted a profile pic like yours I would have FREAKED out and made her change it! lol..but I can be a BIT of a mommy! You should look her up on her..her screen name on here is littlemisschatterbox :) There are a lot of girls just about your age on here, too. lolgirl, aruth5000, pinkcow just to name a few. xoxo, siouxz Quote
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