Gatsby Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 I have been to therapy and take anti-depressants. I had a perfect, clean record. Now, I have to hire a lawyer to represent me. I wasted so much energy and time nurturing a grudge agaisnt someone who wasn't wroth it. Everyone told me but I just didn't listen. Down deep inside I'm not sorry for what I did to that person because they really hurt me. That person changed my life. I just wished I had been more mature. Oh wel! I'm just venting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Book_of_Mormon_Warrior Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 "Down deep inside I'm not sorry for what I did..." Then you still have not completed the repentance process. Keep praying the Lord will soften your heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatsby Posted March 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Perhaps, I just don't feel like saying I'm sorry. My therapist told me that I don't have to apologize right away. Another one that I had said apology isn't even needed. It was a mistake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelleDrew Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 .....You wanna talk about it? Maybe some people here have been in the same situation as you and can offer some insight. But if not that's cool. I have a bad habit of holding grudges. I have an even worse habit of trying to get revenge. I totally understand the feeling. I've gotten in a lot of trouble because I want to play judge, jury and executioner for people who have angered me. My old bishop offered me a piece of advice that has helped me tremendously. He told me that sometimes, forgiving another person for their misdeed against you has nothing to do with the person, and doesn't have to be for their benefit. It's for yours. Forgiving another person and apologizing for your resentment can help you move on and forget about it. Being angry at people eats you up, it really does. Sorry you've come in a bad way. The psychologist who told you that an apology doesn't have to come right away is right. Otherwise it wouldn't be sincere, and it might even cause you to be angrier. However, an apology does need to be made when you are ready for it, or you are in for a world of regret. I get it, I totally do. I hope things work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a-train Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 What? Did you jack someone who wronged you? -a-train Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 If you're not sorry you did it now, and it's hard to feel sorry, then you should work on other things to improve yourself. You'll find as you make other improvements in your life, your spirituality will increase, you'll become happier, and after you've made a few of these unrelated improvements, you'll be spiritually primed to feel the remorse you need to feel to fully repent. Not all issues have to be handled right away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GingerGolden Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 What? Did you jack someone who wronged you?-a-trainHi A-Train, can you explain the meaning of "jack" in your sentence, please? I've wondered what this means. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 not knowing anything about what happened i'd recommend if you have to hire a lawyer you don't tell the judge you aren't sorry for it.... i don't think that will go over to well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelleDrew Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Hi A-Train, can you explain the meaning of "jack" in your sentence, please? I've wondered what this means. Thanks!I think he was referring to committing a crime against another person. It comes from car jacking, but you can jack other stuff too. Or you could jack up a person, like beat them up. It means a couple of different things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest missingsomething Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 (edited) Perhaps, I just don't feel like saying I'm sorry. My therapist told me that I don't have to apologize right away. Another one that I had said apology isn't even needed. It was a mistake.Can I give my 2 cents? First, no one here can judge you for feeling resentment and not feeling like forgiving - because truth be told, we have all been through it.Second... you say that one therapist had told you that you didnt have to say sorry right away. This makes sense. You can say sorry but not really feel it, and that does no one any good. There is a process to anger and hurt that you must work through. But there are things that you can do to help that process move along. Talking about it helps, and if you ever need someone without a degree to listen - I volunteer. Just knowing that someone can listen without HAVING to listen can help. There is another that will listen without being required to listen. That is Jesus Christ. Remember, Gats - He truly did feel your pains, your sorrows, and your remorse (or lack thereof) as you went through it. So He truly understands where you are coming from and will help you overcome these things.Next - you said "Another one that I had said apology isnt even needed" - I would say perhaps by law or by common man that it is not needed...but we are commanded to forgive. I agree with the other statement made that forgiveness really isnt for the other person. Saying Sorry may help the other person (but honestly it only helps if they WANT to accept it.) But once you have come full circle, and can say - I didnt handle that well... or if I had been more intune with the spirit, I wouldnt have done that.... then YOU can move forward. Carrying a weight like this on your shoulders can really weigh you down... and who knows what or who you will miss while trying to carry this load.Finally Gats - know that there are people who will care and can care and my guess is that do care for you. It will get better. I know you may not feel like that now - but it WILL. Who knows the exact reason why we go through the stuff we do - but one thing is for sure - once we cross the bridge - we're no longer afraid to walk across... and we know where the pot holes are for the next time.Good luck Gatsby, goodluck. Edited March 23, 2009 by missingsomething Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 (edited) Gatsby, I would caution you to not share too much about what has happened on this board. If you have an attorney, then that means it's very serious and anything you put on the internet is discoverable and can be used against you. Remember, email, chats, and personal messages are still discoverable. Just thought I'd warn you in case your attorney didn't think of it. Edited March 23, 2009 by beefche another thought Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GingerGolden Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think he was referring to committing a crime against another person. It comes from car jacking, but you can jack other stuff too. Or you could jack up a person, like beat them up. It means a couple of different things.So, then jack or jacking means to cause someone harm of some sort? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a-train Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 'Jack' means to injure or harm, to steal from. If I had stolen a dollar, I could say "I jacked it." Or I could say of the person I stole it from: "I jacked him." If I violently harmed someone, I could say: "I jacked him."-a-train Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madriglace Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Forgiveness like repentance is a process. Both are required of us. Work through your issues but don't let them drag you down or hold you back. Remember who you are and who loves you. You have journey ahead of you ... good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatsby Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 .....You wanna talk about it? Maybe some people here have been in the same situation as you and can offer some insight. But if not that's cool.I have a bad habit of holding grudges. I have an even worse habit of trying to get revenge. I totally understand the feeling. I've gotten in a lot of trouble because I want to play judge, jury and executioner for people who have angered me. My old bishop offered me a piece of advice that has helped me tremendously. He told me that sometimes, forgiving another person for their misdeed against you has nothing to do with the person, and doesn't have to be for their benefit. It's for yours. Forgiving another person and apologizing for your resentment can help you move on and forget about it. Being angry at people eats you up, it really does. Sorry you've come in a bad way. The psychologist who told you that an apology doesn't have to come right away is right. Otherwise it wouldn't be sincere, and it might even cause you to be angrier. However, an apology does need to be made when you are ready for it, or you are in for a world of regret. I get it, I totally do. I hope things work out.I'd rather not. It's very personal. It's one those experiences where someone wrongs you and your only option is to turn the other cheek. Otherwise you'll get into trouble and make things worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatsby Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 not knowing anything about what happened i'd recommend if you have to hire a lawyer you don't tell the judge you aren't sorry for it.... i don't think that will go over to well.That I do know. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatsby Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Can I give my 2 cents? First, no one here can judge you for feeling resentment and not feeling like forgiving - because truth be told, we have all been through it.Second... you say that one therapist had told you that you didnt have to say sorry right away. This makes sense. You can say sorry but not really feel it, and that does no one any good. There is a process to anger and hurt that you must work through. But there are things that you can do to help that process move along. Talking about it helps, and if you ever need someone without a degree to listen - I volunteer. Just knowing that someone can listen without HAVING to listen can help. There is another that will listen without being required to listen. That is Jesus Christ. Remember, Gats - He truly did feel your pains, your sorrows, and your remorse (or lack thereof) as you went through it. So He truly understands where you are coming from and will help you overcome these things.Next - you said "Another one that I had said apology isnt even needed" - I would say perhaps by law or by common man that it is not needed...but we are commanded to forgive. I agree with the other statement made that forgiveness really isnt for the other person. Saying Sorry may help the other person (but honestly it only helps if they WANT to accept it.) But once you have come full circle, and can say - I didnt handle that well... or if I had been more intune with the spirit, I wouldnt have done that.... then YOU can move forward. Carrying a weight like this on your shoulders can really weigh you down... and who knows what or who you will miss while trying to carry this load.Finally Gats - know that there are people who will care and can care and my guess is that do care for you. It will get better. I know you may not feel like that now - but it WILL. Who knows the exact reason why we go through the stuff we do - but one thing is for sure - once we cross the bridge - we're no longer afraid to walk across... and we know where the pot holes are for the next time.Good luck Gatsby, goodluck.Thank you so much for your advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest missingsomething Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Thank you so much for your advice.Anytime. you are worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 I have been to therapy and take anti-depressants. I had a perfect, clean record. Now, I have to hire a lawyer to represent me. I wasted so much energy and time nurturing a grudge agaisnt someone who wasn't wroth it. Everyone told me but I just didn't listen. Down deep inside I'm not sorry for what I did to that person because they really hurt me. That person changed my life. I just wished I had been more mature. Oh wel!I'm just venting.Hi Gatsby,I don't have a point to make but your post is intriguing.You say you aren't sorry but that the other person isn't worth the obsession (my word) you've had towards them. Why do you suppose that person has so much power over the way you feel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastorBob Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 When someone offends you, find where the pain is coming from... invariably it is one's ego. If we learn to dissolve it through selfless service, no one can bring us any pain anymore, and then forgiveness becomes much easier. To cause pain in another, the person causing the pain must already be in pain, and is trying to spread it. If you do not accept a gift from someone, unto whom does it belong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygirl66 Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Hi Gatsby, I have had to forgive some pretty big things in my life and (for me) it hasn't been a simple process. I have found for me that I have gone through varying degrees of forgiveness. For example, I am finally ok with my bio father going to heaven, (But I hope the place is big enough we don't have to see each other). So I have come a long way but I am far from perfect. For me a great starting place was to pray for the other person. Sometimes it was just to pray that they may some day understand the pain they have caused. Now (many years later) it might just be a prayer that they find their way in this life. Take care. My only other advice is to know that no experience is ever a waste we always learn and progress from all of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillowTheWhisp Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 (edited) That person changed my life.Well, actually no. You changed your life. I don't know what happoened and I don't need to know. What I do know is when other people do things we can choose how we react to what they do and it is how we react that affects us. It took me a while to understand that. I used to say "You make me so angry." and then I realised that I have the choice. I can choose to be angry or choose not to be angry. Down deep inside I'm not sorry for what I did to that person because they really hurt me.You are continuing to hurt yourself by feeling that way. If you can let go of that feeling and allow yourself to feel sorrow for your actions then you can forgive yourself. When you can forgive yourself you can stop hurting yourself. It may take a while but when you get there it will have been worth the journey.I just wished I had been more mature.You can't change the past, but you can certainly change the potential future. You can become more mature and what matters now is how you handle he effects of what happened in the past.I wasted so much energy and time nurturing a grudge agaisnt someone who wasn't wroth it.Recognising that is a positive move. The next step is not to waste any more. Let go of the grudge, let go of the bad feelings, let go of the hurt, forgive yourself and really mean it.Perhaps, I just don't feel like saying I'm sorry. My therapist told me that I don't have to apologize right away. Another one that I had said apology isn't even needed. It was a mistake.We all make mistakes. The only real mistake is not to recognise that we make mistakes and consequently not to do anyhing about them.If you dont feel like apologising right now then right now isn't a good time to apologise but if you did do something to someone that you shouldn't have done to them then the guilt will remain with you even if you feel that the person deserved what you did. When you can reach the point where you feel that no matter what a person may have done to hurt you you should not have done anyhing to them then you will be able to feel the sorrow you need to feel for having done whatever you did. When you are able to feel that and to forgive yourself for behaving in a way which ultimately hurt you then you may be able to feel enough regret to apologise genuinely to the person you wronged. Whether or not they accept that and whether or not they deserve it is absolutely irrelevant because it isn't about them, it's about you. The apology isn't needed by them. It's needed by you. Then you can close the door on the whole thing and throw away the key. It will be over.Whatever may or may not happen to you as a consequence will only be elevant to the situation inasmuch as how you react to that. If you are punished and acceot it humbly you will feel better. If you are not punished and accept that thankfully you will grow. If you are punished and resent it you will not grow. If you are not punished and react to that triumphantly you will not grow.I hope that makes some sense.I don't know what your personal situation in detail is but I've tried to reply in general terms by relating it personally to something I do know in detail. Edited March 24, 2009 by WillowTheWhisp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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