She just left now what

[jolee65]

My daughter is 18 a senior in high school her and two of her girlfriends want to go to North Carolina for a couple days and I think its a very dangerous thing for three girls 20 thru 18 on there own traveling with nobody there to help them out of a situation that could be dangerous.

What do you think??

[nc31410]

take them to go see the movie taken. Its about a young girl who heads off to paris with her friend and gets kidnapped and put in the "prostitution trafficking business" its something that could really happen. After watching this movie I told my husband that if my daughter ever came to us with that type of thing that i'd make her watch that movie....

Anyways not the most realistic thing to do. But the movie does make you think of the most dangerous outcome that could possibly happen.

I think that it is something to be concerned about, I think you should volunteer to go along with them!

[Lbybug]

when i was 17 i went on a weekend trip with 3 friends. we had so much fun. they were 18 and 19.

when i was 18 i went on a road trip with 2 friends, both 19. again, so much fun.

it's a learning experience. but she is 18. she'll make memories forever.

does she have a cell phone? don't stress about it. just let her go and have fun. i know my mom probably freaked out about me going with my friends, but knowing that she trusted me to make good judgements made a lasting impression on me.

[jolee65]

She is going to Utah for college this fall we just wanted her to stay close to home before she left we live in Michigan and she was going to be on her own as of this fall , she started an argument so she could storm out the door and do as she pleased and thats just childish im my eyes.

[Dravin]

I think it depends on the people involved and how well thought out it is, if its well thought out (they have the money, they know where they are going to stay, her friends aren't crack heads, won't interfere with school ect) I'd say let her, she has to learn life at some point.

As for being forced into a prostitution ring, I'm fairly sure her odds are greater dying driving to school.

[Palerider]

I will say this as a Parent of 3 girls and one son.....doesn't matter how old they are....its tough to let them go....

[pam]

I think a lot of the same advise given before would apply again.

http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/17470-spring-break-coming-what-should-i-do.html

[Just_A_Guy]

She just left?

Sounds like there's not much left to do except pray and not get too far away from a phone.

[Guest missingsomething]

You can lead them, you can guide them, you can pray for them, and you can threaten them(lol) but you cant make them choose right. Will she make some maybe poor judgements? maybe. Just pray that the holy ghost sticks with her. She's gonna be fine. NC (trust me) is not a terrible place! It will be ok.

[Wingnut]

Honestly, Jolee, from everything I've read in all your posts about your daughter, you sound like a very controlling mom. Having had a controlling mom myself, I would suggest that you just cool off a little bit. You seem to get really worked up about everything with her.

(I really don't intend this as an insult, just an observation. I realize it may come across as insulting, and I sincerely apologize if that's the case.)

[Newcomer4831]

You know your daughter best, and you ought to know her friends too. Based on that, I think you will find the answer. And even in the Movie Taken, the daughter would have been just fine if her friend didn't intervene.

[jolee65]

usually im alone with this kind of thing but my husband agrees, she did have her first drinking experience and it was with one of the girls KT, the other jamie with not attract the right attention and that has been one of issues. But I dont have a choice she doesnt have the money to go and I dont have it to give at the last minute.

[FunkyTown]

She is going to Utah for college this fall we just wanted her to stay close to home before she left we live in Michigan and she was going to be on her own as of this fall , she started an argument so she could storm out the door and do as she pleased and thats just childish im my eyes.

I'm going to back Wing on this. Notice what you're saying here:

"We just wanted her to stay close to home before she left"

"She was going to be on her own as of this fall."

This sounds more like a Mother who's suffering from a type of Empty Nest Syndrome, where you're very sad your child is leaving because you know she will most likely forge her own life soon.

She needs to make her own choices. She needs to make her own decisions. Just let her do it, give her advice when you can and accept that the world is changing. This is what you've raised her for - You've given her the tools to make the right decision, it's time to let her do that.

(PS, Wing: I mentioned the Church Handbook of Instructions first ).

[jolee65]

I forgot to add something she is a state winner for the DECA program its a marketing program thats nation wide she won state and was supposed to go to the nationals in California for 6 days disney and sea world then national development conference, she isnt going because she doesnt have any of her friends going lol.

Oh sure that has something to do with it but its not like she isnt gone every weekend and vacations here vacation there, she gos its with three girls alone that hits me the wrong way and with these two particular girls.

[Guest Godless]

She's reached the age where it's time for her to make some mistakes and learn from them. If you try to cling to her for too long, then she'll be drastically unprepared to take on the real world once she gets there. Now is the time for her to branch off on her own and see what life is really like without having parents around to constantly protect her and bail her out of tough situations. I can only imagine how hard it is for a parent to do that, but I strongly believe that one of the most essential parts of parenting is knowing when to let go and let your children learn and grow on their own.

[Lbybug]

i'm 28 and my mom is finally letting go (she actually just called me to let me know she's backing off and letting me take the reigns on buying a new car cause she realized that i probably know just as much as her if not more about it hehe).

anyways, she recently said to me something that her dad once told her.

"i've made my mistakes, i have to let you make yours".

what a relief it was to hear my mom say those words to me. we've all made right and wrong choices, but there comes a point where a parent has to say "i've done all i can do. i've taught them all i can. it's time to let them put what i've taught them into practise, and pray for the best." and it may not always turn out the way you want it to, but at some point down the road they will most likely realize "hey, mom really did know best."

let her make her mistakes. controlling her is only going to make her want to rebel more. but keep praying for her. i know my moms silent prayers for me through my roughest times, when she was worried about me the most, are what kept me going. and most importantly love her. no matter her choices, just love her.

[jolee65]

she comes and gos when ever and gone every weekend, hardly smothering we planned on doing the same with her that we did with our oldest we dont say a word about anything she does at all. but shes going, i talked with her this morning she did say some things that shes never said and that was what I needed to hear and I told her I needed to hear that and I asked if her and KT didnt mind sittings down with dad and I to explain there plans and any information they have gathered I would like to see what they plan on doing.

I told her I understand that we hold on to tight and we have a hard time letting go but to be understanding of her parents that love her very much and we are experiencing something for the first time too, and thats how to be without our children and not to hold on to the last one so tightly.

[FunkyTown]

Wow! You rock, Jolee. :) Well done.

[Islander]

She is going to Utah for college this fall we just wanted her to stay close to home before she left we live in Michigan and she was going to be on her own as of this fall , she started an argument so she could storm out the door and do as she pleased and thats just childish im my eyes.

Yeah, it's called blackmail. "If you don't let me _______ I am leaving."

You should have showed her the door. If she is so disrespectful that does not care how you feel about this issue she needs to be on her own. COMPLETELY on her own. She needs to go and make her own way with no support from you for that is what she wants.

[Jenamarie]

My daughter is 18 a senior in high school her and two of her girlfriends want to go to North Carolina for a couple days and I think its a very dangerous thing for three girls 20 thru 18 on there own traveling with nobody there to help them out of a situation that could be dangerous.

What do you think??

I think she's going to have to learn how to get out of dangerous situations on her own (or learn how not to get into them in the first place). You're not going to be around forever, and she's going to need to learn how to be independent, which means making mistakes and, some times, even having bad things happen to her. (though hopefully not *too* bad). It's how children learn to become adults.

I wouldn't be too worried about her going to NC. Now if she were traveling to the border, I'd be much more concerned, but she'll be in the country, with friends, and hopefully she knows how to dial 911 if she comes into any serious trouble. But odds are she won't.

[Dravin]

Yeah, it's called blackmail. "If you don't let me _______ I am leaving."

Where was that stated in the thread? Is this background information I'm not familiar with, or is my reading comprehension horrible today? At least, I don't take, "Throw tizzy, storm out door" to equal blackmail. I will agree its childish though, no matter how many adults do it, of course throwing a tizzy is childish regardless of storming out.

I'm seeing the exchange as something like this in my mind:

Daughter: *arguing*

Mother: *arguing*

Daughter: Mom, you just don't understand! *Storms out of house*

[jolee65]

I think she's going to have to learn how to get out of dangerous situations on her own (or learn how not to get into them in the first place). You're not going to be around forever, and she's going to need to learn how to be independent, which means making mistakes and, some times, even having bad things happen to her. (though hopefully not *too* bad). It's how children learn to become adults.

I wouldn't be too worried about her going to NC. Now if she were traveling to the border, I'd be much more concerned, but she'll be in the country, with friends, and hopefully she knows how to dial 911 if she comes into any serious trouble. But odds are she won't.

You just hit the nail on the head, thats was exactly what she started saying to me this morning about how she doesnt looks for trouble and that she knows how to avoid bad company or unwanted company and shes never said that and i guess thats what I was waiting for, she needed to clue in to what my fears are and that tells me she can feel out a situation and see whats happening with some else be it good or bad. Shes very bright but was always kind of clueless to her surroundings and that has always worried me, Im a people watcher, I watch before I engage my best friend engages before she knows her surroundings. and its not that my way is best but its best for me, but I have to admit she always got upset because she missed half of the drama, lol.

[Hemidakota]

My daughter is 18 a senior in high school her and two of her girlfriends want to go to North Carolina for a couple days and I think its a very dangerous thing for three girls 20 thru 18 on there own traveling with nobody there to help them out of a situation that could be dangerous.

What do you think??

Agreed but when it is ever safe being a parent in allowing your children to travel? I am always worried even when my [27 years old] oldest daughter travels across country.

[jolee65]

Where was that stated in the thread? Is this background information I'm not familiar with, or is my reading comprehension horrible today? At least, I don't take, "Throw tizzy, storm out door" to equal blackmail. I will agree its childish though, no matter how many adults do it, of course throwing a tizzy is childish regardless of storming out.

I'm seeing the exchange as something like this in my mind:

Daughter: *arguing*

Mother: *arguing*

Daughter: Mom, you just don't understand! *Storms out of house*

LOL,.you got it.

Well the black mail part im thinking and can kinda see is, if i dont get my way im gone, until you come to your sences then i"ll come home eat, sleep, buy clothes, use computer all day, and i might let you talk to me by day 2. lol

I did tell her she needs to think more about if its worth every thing shes got her home to up and leave is not smart. I called her a dive bomber boy when you go down you go down in flames ......lol

[rameumptom]

Your daughter is 18, an adult. Give her guidance on things to beware of. Have her call you twice a day at specific times, so you know she is doing okay. And then pray that God will watch over her for you.