How might we be perceived?

[Generally_Me]

Latte, I don't want you feeling sorry for me :)

I don't think poorly of my non-LDS and non-white neighbors. I understand that, sometimes people just don't see anything in common with someone else and don't feel comfortable reaching out if they don't see the similarities immediately.

And really what are they going to do to get to know you? Invite you to coffee?

That's probably how my neighbors feel, ..."I'd invite them to dinner, but gringos can't handle the salsa."

Just keep up with what you are doing. I remember growing up in a Mormon neighborhood in Utah, there was a Catholic family. I didn't know them at all. Then one day, the mother contacted me and spoke a little, and came to ask me if I would babysit the boys. Very nice family, very nice home, and she got to know my family in an attempt to verify I would be competent at sitting her children. I'm not going to say that she and my mother became friends or anything, but we all knew her and were friendly with the boys.

[bytebear]

Growing up LDS in Utah is a unique experience. I recently went back to my neighborhood after living away for over 20 years. I could still tell you the names of every family in the area, with two exceptions. I didn't know who lived outside the ward boundaries, and I didn't know who lived in the house where someone wasn't LDS. It's funny how those ward boundaries really do define an LDS community. I knew exactly where the lines were drawn, and everyone outside the parameter was a stranger, literally from one house to the next. Wards really are social bubbles that happen to fit the parameters of a neighborhood.

Wards are very socially active, not just in church, but outside it as well, with bbqs and dances, and kids parties. I think every birthday I had up to age 13 had every similarly aged child from church invited, whether they were my friends or not. That was just what you did. And I totally think it's cultural. I was friends with non-Mormon kids my own age, and was never told not to. But, especially later, my friends came from school and not church. One oy my best friends in High School was Lutheran, and he sometimes got ganged up by the rest of us Mormons in a theological discussion, but for the most part we just hung out and did kid things. I also remember a single mom who wasn't LDS but her son who was around our age was encouraged to do the social and scout things offered by the church. She was good because she always made sure to let him know that his beliefs were different, and the leadership of the church made sure that he wasn't preached to. It worked out well because there was a good understanding and respect there. You don't need the Bible to learn how to tie square knots.

Now I live in Southern California, where LDS are still prominent, but not dominant, and your ward is still a big definition of who you socialize with. But my immediate neighbors are not Mormons, so I have to work a lot harder to get to know them, because we don't have Sunday service and frequent social activities that force us to interact. I know a few of my neighbors and we wave and say hi, but not nearly as many people I know from my ward and not nearly as closely.

It's hard for a non-LDS to break those barriers. But I think it can be done. Since your husband is a pastor, how about coordinating some interfaith social events with the Bishop. I think it depends on how friendly (or guarded) the bishops is, and since bishops are only in office for a few years, things may change if the ward leadership changes, but I think it would be a nice gesture. It's really about creating opportunities for social interaction that don't exist between Mormons and non, but do exist between Ward members, who by happenstance are also all neighbors.

Edited August 21, 2009 by bytebear

[prisonchaplain]

Depending on where you live in Utah, there is an evangelical group called "Standing Together," that has made it a mission to improve communication and respect between evangelicals and LDS in the state. It may prove a useful resource for you. See the following for more info.: Welcome to Standing Together

[Misshalfway]

Wow. I really want to attend a meeting or something. Thx PC.

[Palerider]

My general theory is that wherever one groups dominates the demographics, that majority group tends to exhibit insensitivity towards "outsiders." This may even be a universal phenomenon.

I agree with you PC....:)

[pam]

Well I'm home from work and actually have nothing to have to respond to. So many others have said what I feel very eloquently.

[pam]

Just to clarify, we're non-denominational. I'm comforted to know that there aren't any official teachings on chasing "them preachers from your midst." Thanks for the post, Dravin. It's appreciated.

There is a community church just down the street from where I work. Non demoninational. I've gotten to know many of the people from that Church and they are great people. I just wish they would keep their comments about Mormons to themselves though. They don't realize I'm LDS as I very often have to work Sundays.

[Guest Godless]

After reading through this thread, I can't help but be dumbfounded by the difference between Utah mormons and, well, everyone else. When I was growing up, I was always part of the religious minority. My parents always taught us to respect other religions and even encouraged us to learn about them. My mom minored in Eastern Religions at U of MD, and I had an opportunity to accompany her on a "field trip" to a Buddhist temple in Japan one time. My sister and I went with our dad to midnight mass one year, and it was a beautiful experience. And my whole family went to synagogue one time with some Jewish neighbors, another beautiful experience. So to say that religious tolerance was part of my LDS upbringing would be a huge understatement.

People who shut the door on other religions are truly missing out on some amazing experiences and learning opportunities. I know I've learned a lot not only from talking to people of other faiths and visiting their places of worship, but also from visiting religious websites and interacting with people of faith from all across the globe from the comfort of my home here in Texas. Because of the bubble complex that I mentioned earlier, I truly pity those who are surrounded by people who believe the same way they do.

BTW, I know that there are plenty of Utah mormons who are very kind and embracing of people of other faiths. I don't want anyone to think that I'm generalizing. I applaud people who are able to break free of the bubble and truly be their brother's keeper, and I know they're out there.

[Dravin]

I don't want anyone to think that I'm generalizing.

Except you are. :) Its okay though, we all do it, its pretty much a necessity (or at least highly convenient) when talking about groups of people.

[Moksha]

My general theory is that wherever one groups dominates the demographics, that majority group tends to exhibit insensitivity towards "outsiders." This may even be a universal phenomenon.

A dominant group can also marginalize its own insiders, who for whatever reason, do not fit the dominant mold.

Wonder if anybody has ever experienced such a situation?

[Misshalfway]

A dominant group can also marginalize its own insiders, who for whatever reason, do not fit the dominant mold.

Wonder if anybody has ever experienced such a situation?

Don't we call that the bell curve?

[prisonchaplain]

A dominant group can also marginalize its own insiders, who for whatever reason, do not fit the dominant mold.

Wonder if anybody has ever experienced such a situation?

I'm wondering if anyone hasn't?

[Guest Godless]

Except you are. :) Its okay though, we all do it, its pretty much a necessity (or at least highly convenient) when talking about groups of people.

Touche, sir.

[bytebear]

There is a community church just down the street from where I work. Non demoninational. I've gotten to know many of the people from that Church and they are great people. I just wish they would keep their comments about Mormons to themselves though. They don't realize I'm LDS as I very often have to work Sundays.

A friend gave really good advice for that kind of situation. You don't have to reveal your beliefs, but you can simply say in all sincerity and concern, "I would be careful when speaking poorly of others. You may not know you might be listening." Then just move on.

[lattelady]

That's great, wise advice, bytebear. Thanks for sharing it. Pam, I'm sorry. It made me sad when I read your post. I wish they'd keep their comments to themselves, too...it's always disappointing to hear about people who share common ground with me (I'm non-denominational, as well) treating others in a way that hurts God's heart. I had to chuckle, though, when I went back through and read your post, and realized that there was something that just didn't look right--it was the way you spelled non-denominational: "non-DEMONinational". [caps mine] Made me laugh! :) :)