real honest questions (homosexual tendencies)

[Saturnfulcrum]

First I have to confess that I posted a thread earlier this year about one of my friends struggling with homosexuality...well that friend was actually me. (I hope I dont get kicked off of here for that...)

I know that the atonement is for everyone and God loves us all individually...but I feel so lost right now. I don't know what I'm doing with my life and my gender attraction really isn't helping.

I have been struggling with homosexual tendencies since before I can remember, but I didn't recognize that it could really damage my testimony until I came up to college 3 years ago when I actually had to room with other girls (I'm an only child so I never had to live with other girls).

Yes, I know its a weakness. Yes I know it could lead to sin if I ever acted upon those tendencies, but I feel so alone. I just read Happyguy's post and it really unsettled me because right now my testimony is waivering and I feel like I really could head down that direction later in life.

This semester all of my guy friends were off track and so I was constantly around girls (which really was hard because I'm attracted to a couple of them) and my 'girly hormones' (you know, those super emotional ones?) decided to kick in and my attraction for girls completely exploded. I've had to walk to my classes with my eyes glued to the floor. I've tried to make more guy friends but it just hasn't happened.

My honest questions: did I do something wrong in the pre-existence? Did I do something wrong as a child? I don't feel like I'll ever be attracted to the opposite gender...will these tendencies honestly go away when I die? Will I really be a great person that my patriarchal blessing says I can be? Right now I can't see how I can be anything more than a struggling daughter of God who likes other daughters of God...

I really do believe this church is true...but this is so hard to deal with. All the devotionals and sacrament meetings about marriage (Yes, I do go to a BYU school), friends talking about boy troubles (at least I dont have those lol), dating, friends getting engaged, parents slightly upset that they might not get grandchildren...

Is ther honestly a place for me in the celestial kingdom if I'm not even attracted to the right gender?

[WmLee]

Saturn ~ NOTHING you did or didn’t do has made you feel this way or given you these desires. I’m going to share my “Gospel According to Wm” here;

Before we agreed to this plan it was spelled out that we, perfect spiritual children of a loving Father in Heaven would receive mortal bodies developed from imperfect mortal bodies that would house our spirits. Some of us would get bodies that were not “wired” the same and we accepted that plan. Along with these imperfect bodies came agency.

Your struggles will be great; more than mine I’m sure. But know that we all knew we might get a body that could be a little different.

Nothing you have done, nothing your parents have done, we simply have mortal bodies. We also have a society that isn’t making how we deal with these problems any easier.

We have living prophets who have addressed what you are feeling and going through. Your bishop can set you up with some of those things. Or, visit a church book store and ask about books that are out that deal with what you are feeling. Also, the church distribution center has material you might want to read.

There is nothing “wrong” with you. What some people may say or what actions you chose to take could be wrong, but you and your feeling are not.

That is the end; I hope it helps a little.

[Justice]

I highly suggest you read this:

Same-Gender Attraction - LDS Newsroom

It doesn't solve your problem, but sometimes a little understanding can help. It's long, but you really need to intently read it all.

I wish you the best.

[JudoMinja]

Any weaknesses and imperfections we may have are not signs of something we have done wrong in the past or something are parents have done wrong. This false doctrine was corrected by Christ, when he taught that the blind man was not being punished with his blindness. Your desires are mearly a sign of the imperfections of the flesh, imperfections that you CAN overcome.

You are a special daughter of God, and He loves you very much. He has a plan for you. Whatever is stated in your patriarchal blessing is obtainable. You have something special and unique that you can contribute to this world, to those around you, to yourself, and to the future. Do not think for one second that your weaknesses make you any less of a person.

A little doctrine according to JudoMinja here- I think those faced with the greater weaknesses, greater challenges, have something even greater to offer than the average person. The reason the challenge is so great is because Satan recognizes what a strong capable spirit you are and he is working hard to bring you down, to prevent you from accomplishing what God has put in place for you to do. You have a great worth, and Lucifer is trying to belittle that.

Having this attraction does not mean you are broken or less valient. It means you have an easily identifiable weakness that, now identified, you can work to overcome! It may take a lifetime, but you are strong enough to do it. God will never give us more than we can bear. Hang in there. You have our support, and you have Christ. With Christ on your side, you can accomplish anything.

[crazypotato]

Hi,

I don't know what you are going through, but I know we were all commanded to be perfect and then we were all given weaknesses, making it impossible to be perfect. The reason why this was done is so that we would humbly realize that we can't do this stuff by ourselves, and the only way is through Christ.

Instead of obsessing over your weaknesses, it is better to make a list of your strengths to help you feel better about yourself, tell God how you feel, and try to think about him instead of other women when you have these thoughts. I believe Satan tries to make people think that some weaknesses are forever and that they are part of your identity (gay). It is true that we are all stuck with them without the atonement. I really think the more we try and fix ourselves, sometimes we just feel more frustrated and down and then can easily give up. Instead, focus on Christ and ask him to show you what you can do to serve him.

[Finrock]

Good evening Saturnfulcrum! It is a pleasure to meet you. :)

My honest questions: did I do something wrong in the pre-existence? Did I do something wrong as a child? I don't feel like I'll ever be attracted to the opposite gender...will these tendencies honestly go away when I die? Will I really be a great person that my patriarchal blessing says I can be? Right now I can't see how I can be anything more than a struggling daughter of God who likes other daughters of God...

I really do believe this church is true...but this is so hard to deal with. All the devotionals and sacrament meetings about marriage (Yes, I do go to a BYU school), friends talking about boy troubles (at least I dont have those lol), dating, friends getting engaged, parents slightly upset that they might not get grandchildren...

Is ther honestly a place for me in the celestial kingdom if I'm not even attracted to the right gender?

I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I am sorry that you are doubting yourself and your place in the Church. Feeling lonely is not pleasant at all.

Others have mentioned it already but I just want to add another testimony that you did nothing wrong in the pre-existence. Although I'm in no way qualified or in a position to make any type of diagnosis, I do doubt, however, that anything you did as a child is to blame for your struggle.

When we are resurrected we will have perfect and immortal bodies. Any weaknesses and/or bad tendencies will not exist. We will be free from our mortal imperfections.

You can be the great person your patriarchal blessings says you can be today! You don't have to wait until the resurrection. There is so much more to you then just your sexual orientation. I think what Elder Wickman said in an interview about same sex attraction to be sound advice. He said, "We live in a society which is so saturated with sexuality that it perhaps is more troublesome now, because of that fact, for a person to look beyond their gender orientation to other aspects of who they are. I think I would say to...anyone that [is struggling with same sex attraction] to strive to expand your horizons beyond simply gender orientation. Find fulfillment in the many other facets of your character and your personality and your nature that extend beyond that. There’s no denial that one’s gender orientation is certainly a core characteristic of any person, but it’s not the only one" (Source).

We aren't just born with weaknesses but God has also given us gifts and talents that we can develop and use to bring about much good in this world. We can also develop new talents. Again, there is so much more to you and to life than just your sexual orientation. Obviously it is a significant part of you and you can't just ignore it, but do not let it become the focus of your life either, else I would imagine that this will only make it more difficult for you to be happy and find that peace you are looking for.

You read HappyGuys post and I think we can learn something from him. It is critical that you cling on to the gospel of Jesus Christ with all your might. It is especially important when we have difficult trials and we can see no hope ahead. But, exercise mighty faith and most importantly rely on the atonement and mercy of Jesus Christ. Although God may not remove your burden from you completely, He can heal our wounded hearts and make our burdens light so that we can bear them and joyously serve Him.

I know God loves you. He wants you to be happy. He wants you to enjoy life and fill it with good works and faith. You can do all of these, with the help of God.

Kind Regards,

Finrock

Edited April 2, 2010 by Finrock
Spelling fix. Changed word to clarify intended meaning.

[Guest]

That original sin thing? That's something the Catholics believe in but LDS don't.

LDS believe that everybody who are born on earth were valiant in the pre-existence - I mean, they are 2/3's who CHOSE to follow Jesus Christ. That accounts for something! That includes everybody that you know, straight or homosexual, Joseph Smith, the Pope, Ghandi, and even Jeffrey Dahmer.

Trust me - everybody gets tested big time. It may seem like you got singled out with your specific challenge. But, I can assure you - even President Monson has gigantic challenges.

I, myself, has had long periods of time where I wake up every single day wondering if I should just slit my wrists and be done with it! Life is tough even for the best of us. And I am very grateful for the gospel of Christ that shows me that I am special and I am chosen and I am a child of God.

We're here for each other and just as you help lift our burdens, we will try to help you lift yours.

[MarginOfError]

I'm going to post again part of what I had to say to HappyGuy. I think it's worth reiterating.

Okay, here's my best understanding of what "causes" homosexuality. This is strictly my interpretation and is just an educated guess based on some of my work in genetic statistics.

To start, I do not believe that homosexuality is a binary state. Many of us are attracted to members of the opposite sex and of the same sex. Attraction can be measured on a continuum ranging from heavily preferring the opposite sex to heavily preferring the same sex. Anything in between is possible.

In the early start of genetic research, we often spent a lot of effort trying to find a single gene that related to heart disease, diabetes, autism, or any other condition. It was thought that if we could identify that magic gene, we could quickly identify the people who would develop these conditions. It turns out, however, that whenever we identify these magic genes, they are incredibly difficult to replicate and validate. In other words, it's rare that you find corroborating studies matching the same genes to the same conditions. And when you do, the associations are usually pretty small.

What we've come to learn is that it's usually a large sequence of genes, or a combination of genes that makes us susceptible to various conditions. So if we identify a set of 20 genes that are linked with heart disease, we can tell people how susceptible they are to heart disease by counting the number of genes they carry from that subset. (As a side note, this complexity of the DNA structure is an ingenious design. If it takes a long string of genetic markers to create high susceptibility to a condition, it is much less likely that people will develop their susceptibility than if only one gene is needed)

I tend to view same sex attraction in the same light. I believe that there is a subset of genes that determine how susceptible you are to same sex attraction. The more of those genes you have, the stronger your same sex attraction will be. The only evidence I have to support this description is that only 3% of the population identify themselves as homosexual. In other words, homosexuality is rare, which is an implication that nature is working against it.

Now, given this interpretation, it seems likely that in the resurrection, some part of this would be changed so as to make your resurrected form consistent with the eternal principles outlined in the Family Proclamation.

I understand that is an upsetting idea for someone who is strongly attracted to the same gender and has been all his life. I can't offer any comforting words on that point. I can only hope that despite all of the fear and uncertainty that creates in mortality, we will be able to understand in the eternities.

In short, you did nothing wrong to become same sex attracted. My personal belief is that you're are one who purely by random chance was born with the right sequence of genes that draws you toward the same sex stronger than to the opposite sex.

I will also say this: there is no sin in being attracted to the same sex.

I know that is of very little comfort when you feel that your attractions are contrary to the will of God. The fact of the matter is that we can do very little to control to whom we are attracted. Attraction seems to be an involuntary response, and you should try to feel neither guilt nor shame for that.

You can control your actions. And your circumstances put you in a position where living the law of chastity may mean you will never enjoy the privilege of physical intimacy with a partner. That may well be a greater challenge than any of us opposite-gender attracted people may ever be able to comprehend.

I can't promise you that the Atonement will "heal" your same-sex attraction, nor do I believe it will. But I can promise you that the pain and frustration you feel because of your same-sex attraction can be absorbed in the Atonement. As little comfort as that is, I want you to know that your Savior has not, nor will He ever abandon you.

[Just_A_Guy]

Awesome advice here, I would just add the following:

This semester all of my guy friends were off track and so I was constantly around girls (which really was hard because I'm attracted to a couple of them) and my 'girly hormones' (you know, those super emotional ones?) decided to kick in and my attraction for girls completely exploded. I've had to walk to my classes with my eyes glued to the floor.

Obviously there are a lot of issues coming out of same-gender attraction, but as far as this particular one goes: I think every straight male who has gone through puberty knows exactly how you feel here. The feelings won't go away completely, but you can learn to manage them.

[MarginOfError]

Awesome advice here, I would just add the following:

Obviously there are a lot of issues coming out of same-gender attraction, but as far as this particular one goes: I think every straight male who has gone through puberty knows exactly how you feel here. The feelings won't go away completely, but you can learn to manage them.

I know, right! I kept on talking about girls and genes, and in my mind I couldn't stop thinking about girls and jeans!

[Elphaba]

In this thread, there are a number of references to homosexuality being a weakness, including:

Any weaknesses and imperfections we may have. . . .

we were all given weaknesses. . . .

Any weaknesses and/or bad tendencies

Homosexuality is not a weakness. It is a sexual orientation, just like heterosexuality is a sexual orientation. Because the Church’s doctrine proscribes homosexual behavior as breaking the law of chastity, members of the Church who are homosexual must refrain from having a relationship with a person of the same gender that includes sexual relations. But that does not mean homosexuality is a weakness. It only means it is a sexual orientation that must not be acted upon.

I've heard it said, and have actually said it myself, that this is no different than that of heterosexual single persons in the Church, in that s/he cannot participate in any sexual encounter either, but I disagree. I think it is very different for a couple of reasons:

1. People who are homosexual will see someone they are attracted to, but will never be able to follow up on that attraction; rather, they must avoid it at all costs.

Conversely, people who are heterosexual are encouraged to follow up on that attraction, with the goal of being married/sealed in the temple, and living a happy life together.

2. People who are homosexual can never display affection for a person they are attracted to, such as holding hands, snuggling together, hugging each other, or kissing in public. The Church considers these things to be breaking the law of chastity.

Conversely, people who are heterosexual, and not married, can do these things without worrying about breaking the law of chastity.

I‘m not criticizing the Church‘s stance, as it has the right to determine its doctrine, and if a person who is gay wants to stay in the Church, s/he will struggle with sexual attractions. But the fact that they will struggle does not equate to homosexuality being a "weakness." It's no more a weakness than heterosexuality is a weakness, and I get tired of seeing it called that.

Elphaba.

　

[Finrock]

Good afternoon Elphaba. I hope you are enjoying your day! :)

In this thread, there are a number of references to homosexuality being a weakness, including: Homosexuality is not a weakness. It is a sexual orientation, just like heterosexuality is a sexual orientation. Because the Church’s doctrine proscribes homosexual behavior as breaking the law of chastity, members of the Church who are homosexual must refrain from having a relationship with a person of the same gender that includes sexual relations. But that does not mean homosexuality is a weakness. It only means it is a sexual orientation that must not be acted upon.

I agree in that being homosexual or being a heterosexual is not a weakness. But, I don't think that is what is being said. Even if it hasn't been stated explicitely, I think implicitly the claim is that struggling with homosexual attractions is just as much of a weakness as struggling with heterosexual attractions. If we have a predisposition to something sinful, it is a weakness, regardless of what that predisposition is. Any attribute or quality that we have that would draw us away from being obedient to God is a weakness that we must learn to overcome or control.

1. People who are homosexual will see someone they are attracted to, but will never be able to follow up on that attraction; rather, they must avoid it at all costs.

2. People who are homosexual can never display affection for a person they are attracted to, such as holding hands, snuggling together, hugging each other, or kissing in public. The Church considers these things to be breaking the law of chastity.

I think you are special pleading. I feel that these condition aren't unique to homosexuals. I'm a married man and suppose if I see another woman I am attracted to, I also can never follow up on that attraction without committing sin. I must avoid it at all costs. And in the second example the same thing. The illusion here is that somehow sexual orientation makes these situations unique to homosexuals, but really this just falls under the category of things that are contrary to the bounds God has set for sexuality. All of us must practice chastity within the bounds God has set. Homosexual or heterosexual, all of us can find ourselves in a situation where acting on our desires is sinful. The only thing that is unique is the fact that one is sexually attracted to the same gender while the other is sexually attracted to the opposite gender. But neither group can act without consequence outside of the bounds God has set.

And if we have a strong desire to act outside of the bounds God has set (hence committing sin), then that desire (whether homo- or heterosexual) is a weakness to us.

Regards,

Finrock

[MarginOfError]

Good afternoon Elphaba. I hope you are enjoying your day! :)

I agree in that being homosexual or being a heterosexual is not a weakness. But, I don't think that is what is being said. Even if it hasn't been stated explicitely, I think implicitly the claim is that struggling with homosexual attractions is just as much of a weakness as struggling with heterosexual attractions. If we have a predisposition to something sinful, it is a weakness, regardless of what that predisposition is. Any attribute or quality that we have that would draw us away from being obedient to God is a weakness that we must learn to overcome or control.

I appreciate what you're trying to say, but as you yourself are trying to play the "implication" card, the card is just as easily played in the other direction. This thread is specifically about homosexuality, or more exactly, same-sex attraction. By using the words "weakness" in the overall context of homosexuality, there is an implication that homosexuality is a weakness.

Elphaba has done us all a good service in making it explicit that homosexuality is not the weakness that we have (likely) unintentionally implied it is.

Furthermore, knowing Elphie a little better than you, I can sense a bit of longitudinal irritation in her comments. It hasn't been all that uncommon for homosexuality to be described as a weakness or flaw on these boards, and I think what Elphie is saying is a relevant piece of these discussions we should make explicit in all such threads.

I think you are special pleading. I feel that these condition aren't unique to homosexuals. I'm a married man and suppose if I see another woman I am attracted to, I also can never follow up on that attraction without committing sin. I must avoid it at all costs.

But alas, being a married heterosexual man, while you may not be able to act on your attractions to other women (or men), you do have an appropriate and approved outlet for your desires for physical intimacy. That is something a homosexuals who are following the law of chastity do not have, nor do they have much hope of ever having. So I don't think your play on empathy is really as good as you think.

And in the second example the same thing. The illusion here is that somehow sexual orientation makes these situations unique to homosexuals, but really this just falls under the category of things that are contrary to the bounds God has set for sexuality. All of us must practice chastity within the bounds God has set. Homosexual or heterosexual, all of us can find ourselves in a situation where acting on our desires is sinful. The only thing that is unique is the fact that one is sexually attracted to the same gender while the other is sexually attracted to the opposite gender. But neither group can act without consequence outside of the bounds God has set.

But again, those who have attraction to the opposite gender have an appropriate outlet for those very real physical desires (or at least the hope that they can have that outlet). The way you describe what homosexuals experience as being no different than what heterosexuals experience completely ignores the fact that homosexuals must face down their physical desires without the comfort that they may someday be able to express them within the bounds the Lord has set.

While the situations may seem similar on the surface, we should be honest enough to admit that those attracted to the same gender have a much more frustrating task assigned to them when we ask them to live the law of chastity.

And if we have a strong desire to act outside of the bounds God has set (hence committing sin), then that desire (whether homo- or heterosexual) is a weakness to us.

Regards,

Finrock

In this context, I will disagree with you on your use of the word "weakness." The proper term would be "stumbling block." Desiring sexual activity makes a person neither weak or strong, but is an arena in which their weakness or strength will be made manifest.

[Finrock]

POST UPDATED 4/2/2010 10PM EST

Good afternoon MarginOfError. I hope you are having a great day! :)

Thanks for your post. I've read and understood it.

Regards,

Finrock

Update: Because I didn't want to distract from the call for help and support from the OP I started a new thread addressing some of the points made here that are not relevant to the OP.

Same Gender Attractions: A "Special" Adversity?

Edited April 3, 2010 by Finrock
Update.

[marts1]

I'm directing this question to lds here. Am I understanding correctly that you believe thoughts or desires that are not inline with Gods teachings are not sins or weakness's?

[Wingnut]

I'm directing this question to lds here. Am I understanding correctly that you believe thoughts or desires that are not inline with Gods teachings are not sins or weakness's?

Recent teachings from apostles have made it clear that same-sex attraction is not a sin. Same-sex sexual activity is a sin.

[crazypotato]

This is turning into a pc argument on how to label homosexual feelings. Any urges or desires to commit sin are weaknesses and are against God's commandments. We all have urges and desires that are against the commandments. To label people as genetically homosexual causes them to feel like a victim of genetics, in my opinion, that has to suffer to the end of their life with homosexual feelings that they must restrain, unless they want to live the homosexual lifestyle. I believe Satan has been very smart in tricking us all into thinking that some weaknesses are genetic and therefore must be suffered through the rest of our lives. In that way, faith in the atonement is gone.

I have weaknesses that I constantly fight against. The more I focus on the weakness, it seems the harder it is to stop. It is better for me to just turn them over to the Lord, and humbly tell him that I can't fix myself without the atonement. That I would like his love and sympathy and compassion, even if he doesn't take away my burdens, would he please lighten them. And focus my mind and heart on Christ, rather than labeling myself as gay or an alcoholic or a nymphomaniac or whatever label I want to embrace.

It's not compassionate to tell people that the atonement will not work for them because they are genetically different and that they will live in misery the rest of their life.

[crazypotato]

And weaknesses are not sin. Sin is an act of turning away from God deliberately. Weaknesses are our natural man tendencies.

[Elgama]

Metaphor used by a very wise Bishop I once had was it doesn't matter if a pigeon lands on your head, but it does matter how long it stays and what it does whilst there. Fact is we will have inappropriate thoughts, desires etc outwith our control as mortal beings, we only sin when we do nothing to discourage them or allow them to fester into action.

Fact is whether you are gay, straight or bisexual before marriage if you are LDS the struggle is the same to remain chaste. I am most probably bisexual as I am very capable of finding a woman attractive. And it probably colours my perspective on this but I truly believe as long as you like, admire and respect a person you can love them - for me passion with my husband is something that grows because he is a good man its why I married him, he was someone I enjoyed the company of and idea of seeing him naked or sleeping with him didn't make me want to vomit:), as a result every time he does something good the love and passion grows, I don't understand people that say their long term relationships settle to a dull hum lol

And from that the desire not to hurt or cheat on them comes. This is in line with what many of our prophets have taught about marriage - any two good people can make a successful marriage

[marts1]

Well!! If your gonna gang up on me....:)

[Dravin]

My honest questions: did I do something wrong in the pre-existence?

Who knows, but I personally would not take your attraction to be evidence of such.

Did I do something wrong as a child?

Undoubtedly, whether that has anything to do with your attraction I highly doubt*. I'd say flat out no but that'd be overextending a tad as I have no clue the possible interactions between choices made in childhood and sexual orientation but the only cases I know of where choice seems a plausible factor is molestation and one does not choose to do that (the molester does) and to have it done to you is certainly not something one "does wrong as a child."

* I can't stress enough how highly I doubt this, the only reason I'm not saying no is because I honestly do not know what causes same gender attraction. If I did I could probably get a Nobel Prize out of it.

I don't feel like I'll ever be attracted to the opposite gender...will these tendencies honestly go away when I die?

My understanding is that yes they will.

From: Same-Gender Attraction - LDS Newsroom

ELDER WICKMAN: One question that might be asked by somebody who is struggling with same-gender attraction is, “Is this something I’m stuck with forever? What bearing does this have on eternal life? If I can somehow make it through this life, when I appear on the other side, what will I be like?”

Gratefully, the answer is that same-gender attraction did not exist in the pre-earth life and neither will it exist in the next life. It is a circumstance that for whatever reason or reasons seems to apply right now in mortality, in this nano-second of our eternal existence.

Will I really be a great person that my patriarchal blessing says I can be?

I don't know if you will, but you certainly can be that person. The blessings mentioned in patriarchal blessings are not limited to this life, so even mention of spouse and child are not denied you if you live the gospel of Jesus Christ*.

* I am not implying that you should get married if you are not attracted to men. If you read the link above it is stressed that heterosexual marriages are not a treatment or cure for same gender attraction.

Right now I can't see how I can be anything more than a struggling daughter of God who likes other daughters of God...

The miracle of the atonement is not that perfect people can become something, but that struggling imperfect people can become something through the grace of Christ. We don't tend to think of it this way but realize that President Monson, Uchtdorf and Eyring, and the Quorum of the Twelve are all struggling sons of God.

I do not mean to downplay the difficulties and struggles in your life, just realize that your struggles and difficulties are not beyond the power of Christ's Atonement.

Is ther honestly a place for me in the celestial kingdom if I'm not even attracted to the right gender?

Yes! (once again the link above)

The good news for somebody who is struggling with same-gender attraction is this: 1) It is that ‘I’m not stuck with it forever.’ It’s just now. Admittedly, for each one of us, it’s hard to look beyond the ‘now’ sometimes. But nonetheless, if you see mortality as now, it’s only during this season. 2) If I can keep myself worthy here, if I can be true to gospel commandments, if I can keep covenants that I have made, the blessings of exaltation and eternal life that Heavenly Father holds out to all of His children apply to me. Every blessing — including eternal marriage — is and will be mine in due course.

Edited April 2, 2010 by Dravin

[Zowieink]

Those feelings will NEVER go away. HOWEVER! As you get older they are easier to control. If you keep to the straight (no pun intended) way, live the commandments youmay, in time, find a wonderful man to be your husband. I know that sounds weird now, but as we obey the commandments we are given "special" help.

In the pre-mortal existence, some of us were given more difficult challenges to overcome. We chose to come here and we can choose to abide by the commandments. As we do, help WILL come. As you move down the road of life, beware of Satan telling you that you can't change, that its hopeless, because it isn't hopeless. If you believe in Christ, believe in the gospel, and live the commandments, it may be tough, but you will make it through!

[Misshalfway]

It's an interesting argument.....is it a "weakness" or a "stumbling block"?

I struggle with and against depression. Sometimes I struggle because of no fault of my own. My feelings often feel like "that's not me". Other times I struggle because my thinking is off and I am giving in or slacking off in my healing behaviors.

I think what I am trying to say is that the human condition is more complex than all of this. Sexuality...for all of us...is more complex than just a sequence of genes or just the sum total of a few early choices. I am taking a Human Sexuality course for my Masters program right now and my text lists more than twenty different factors that go into creating individualism in sexuality. In fact, the text admits that there are so many factors that it leaves us to say that we really don't know how any person's sexuality is truly formed.

That being said and then coupled with the foundational information afforded us through testimony and the plan of salvation, I think its a cop out to blame biology and relinquish ones agency. Conversely, I think its unrealistic to say that agency can always succeed in trumping biology.

Each of us has our own unique combinations of weakness AND stumbling blocks AND adversity AND grace filled help. And how we choose to think, act, and conduct our lives determines how weak or strong we become in spiritual terms.

[HEthePrimate]

First I have to confess that I posted a thread earlier this year about one of my friends struggling with homosexuality...well that friend was actually me. (I hope I dont get kicked off of here for that...)

It's understandable that you'd want to protect yourself in front of a bunch of strangers. Don't sweat it!

I know that the atonement is for everyone and God loves us all individually...but I feel so lost right now. I don't know what I'm doing with my life and my gender attraction really isn't helping.

Yes! Always remember that God loves you VERY much. :)

I have been struggling with homosexual tendencies since before I can remember, but I didn't recognize that it could really damage my testimony until I came up to college 3 years ago when I actually had to room with other girls (I'm an only child so I never had to live with other girls).

Yes, I know its a weakness. Yes I know it could lead to sin if I ever acted upon those tendencies, but I feel so alone. I just read Happyguy's post and it really unsettled me because right now my testimony is waivering and I feel like I really could head down that direction later in life.

This semester all of my guy friends were off track and so I was constantly around girls (which really was hard because I'm attracted to a couple of them) and my 'girly hormones' (you know, those super emotional ones?) decided to kick in and my attraction for girls completely exploded. I've had to walk to my classes with my eyes glued to the floor. I've tried to make more guy friends but it just hasn't happened.

I can imagine it would be hard living with people you might be attracted to. Sorry you've had to go through that.

My honest questions: did I do something wrong in the pre-existence? Did I do something wrong as a child? I don't feel like I'll ever be attracted to the opposite gender...will these tendencies honestly go away when I die? Will I really be a great person that my patriarchal blessing says I can be? Right now I can't see how I can be anything more than a struggling daughter of God who likes other daughters of God...

No, you did not do anything, either in the pre-existence or your childhood, to deserve this. To paraphrase a popular saying, "Crap happens." They asked Jesus if the blind man or his parents had sinned, by way of explaining his blindness. Neither he nor they had sinned. If you're lesbian, you're lesbian. It just happened. You did not bring it on yourself, and God did not inflict it upon you. It's just one of the conditions of mortality, and something you need to learn to live with.

I really do believe this church is true...but this is so hard to deal with. All the devotionals and sacrament meetings about marriage (Yes, I do go to a BYU school), friends talking about boy troubles (at least I dont have those lol), dating, friends getting engaged, parents slightly upset that they might not get grandchildren...

Is there honestly a place for me in the celestial kingdom if I'm not even attracted to the right gender?

I have a good friend who's gay. He also believes sincerely in the Church, but has stopped attending. Not because he's sinned. Not because he's stopped believing. Only because he feels unaccepted by other members, because he keeps hearing people talk about how evil homosexuals and homosexuality supposedly are. I think that's a tragedy because he's a great guy who's tried very hard to live righteously. (He attended my temple wedding back when he was active.)

I'm not suggesting you go inactive. Seeing as how you're a believer, I'd suggest building a network of LDS friends who know you're homosexual, and who love and support you, so you can feel welcome at church. There will inevitably be some people who badmouth homosexuals, but hopefully your friends can help you feel better. And I really hope your family is supportive, too.

I don't have all the answers, but I am certain there's a place in God's Celestial Kingdom for you. I can say that because I know He loves you. Just do your best to do what's right, and things'll turn out for the best. (I know, it's easier said than done!)

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, you're welcome here. :)

Peace,

HEP

[rameumptom]

Ether 12 tells us that we are given weaknesses to make us humble. All of us have weaknesses. The difference is, SSA is just more in the news lately, as Hollywood makes it seem more acceptable. But then, they also previously paved the way for infidelity in marriage, drug use, sexual perversion, child molestation, etc.

Do not let these distractions distract you. Yes, you will be tempted, just as we all are in our own weaknesses. Recognize it, and then humbly seek God's assistance day by day. Patience and humility are key virtues to seek here. Focus your life on areas you are strong in. You are a child of God with multiple dimensions. You are not the caricature that Hollywood wants to make out of all of us. Your SSA is just one small part of you, don't over focus on it to the point where it seems like the main thing.

Consider it this way: from an airplane, automobiles look like ants. However, if I plant my face on the hood of my car for hours at a time, eventually I'm going to think that the world is blue-green with a reflective tint. Don't focus so much on it.

At first, since it is now a big temptation for you, think of it this way: Look at each girl on campus you walk by with perfect love. Instead of looking at them as sex partners, look at them as daughters of a loving God. Think about each of them as your sister and best friend (healthy relationships), but reject the hormones. Think, "this is my sister. In the premortal existence, we lived happily with God and Jesus and Heavenly Mother in a perfectly loving relationship." Over time, you will rewire your brain to think in safer ways.

Pres Packer recommends to sing a hymn, pushing the temptation out of your head. Elder McConkie recommended that after the hymn, give yourself the most rousing spiritual talk you've ever heard on a different topic than your temptation.

Negative reinforcement can also stop such thoughts and rewire the brain. Wear a rubber band on your wrist. Whenever an inappropriate thought enters your head, give your rubber band a pull, and let it whack you on the wrist. After a while, your brain will connect the temptation with a negative feeling/response. I assure you this works, as I've used it many times in my life.

Don't beat up on yourself. Even Jesus was tempted. The key is to not give in to the temptation. Focus on your strengths, rewire your brain to think kindly of all around you.