Refusing callings?

[RadioactiveWolfboy]

Hello everyone. I was released from my calling as Sunday school President back a few months ago. I have not had a calling since and enjoyed being able to go to Gospel Doctrine class every other Sunday when I'm not working. ( I work as an LNA in a hospital.) Well of late I have been under serious stress at work and at home. I work 8 to 12 hour days, and then on my days off I run my business. My time is very tight. I'm either resting because my feet are hurting, or I'm exhausted, or I'm helping my wife around the house, or most of the time I am working on my business. I have little if any me time. I was asked today to be a Ward Missionary and Emergency Preparedness assistant. I don't refuse callings normally, but I don't feel I can give them the time they need me to give. I'm always working so that my wife and I can have children, and so she can drop her hours to be with the baby, should we have one. I really feel that these callings will just add to my stress and not be a spiritual experience. Do people turn down callings? I know some people will say put the Lord first, but I need to look out for me so I can take care of my family. I'm watching my wife lately being stressed with her two callings thinking that Heavenly Father wouldn't want her or I to go through that. I'm having a hard time deciding what to do about this? I am praying for an answer as well. Any input is appreciated.

Rich

[Wingnut]

I considered turning down a calling a couple of years ago. It felt truly uninspired, and I had already been in a calling for a year that was also completely uninspired. I felt underused and wasted, and I hated the feeling. When the call was extended to me, I broke down crying. I expressed my concerns to the bishopric counselor who issued the calling, and he listened unexpectantly, but patiently. He took my concerns back to the bishopric and after two weeks returned to extend the same call. By that time, I'd had a chance to wrap my head around it, and even become enthusiastic about how I might magnify my calling, an idea that originally seemed an impossible task. When he issued the calling the second time, the counselor told me that "the big callings will come, eventually. Now is not the time, but they will come." I told him I didn't care if I had a big calling; I just felt (initially) like my abilities would be completely useless and wasted in that particular calling. I served in that position for a year, and by the time I was released, I felt a twinge of sadness. I had learned to love the calling, and had a few special experiences through it. Now I am in a "big calling," and I feel better utilized, but I also am growing.

My situation was different than yours is, but the point is the same: share your concerns with the bishop (or counselor). They don't always know your circumstances when they select a calling. They may find one that might be better suited to your needs. They may clarify this calling, and that it won't take more than a few hours a week. They might come back and still give you the same one. But they won't reconsider if they don't know the whole story. There's nothing wrong with expressing concerns. It's also been my experience that not every single calling is necessarily an inspired one. Many are, and I gained a testimony that mine, though I initially thought it wasn't, was in fact inspired. Some callings are made because a spot needs filling and a person needs an assignment. Some are specifically inspired.

Bottom line: share your concerns with the powers that be before you flat out refuse.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I agree that you can share your concerns with the Bishopric, but as a former leader, I appreciated it when people flatly refused a calling and said they didn't feel they could give it their all. Sounds strange, but toward the end, it was true.

So many times people assimilate the "never say no to a calling" mentality. They accept the calling, and then serve half-heartedly or not at all. Over and over again, I would put resources and time into helping people get ready to serve after accepting a call, only to find they didn't function, and I had to go back to the drawing board.

So, definitely share your concerns with the Bishopric, and make a decision whether you want this right how. You know your situation better than anyone right now. And if you do accept the calling, give it your best....

[WindRiver]

I only see one way to deal with something like this. It is very simple, but not always easy............

Make the choice after studying it out in your mind, fast and pray about it and have the faith and courage to follow the answer you get no matter what it is, be it do or do not do whatever you are seeking guidance on.

You don't necessarily have to tell the bishop " I prayed about it and the Lord told me to not accept (or to accept) this calling." -----but that is what I would do.

Edited September 6, 2010 by WindRiver

[RadioactiveWolfboy]

Thanks for the advice! I'm pondering and praying about it as well as talking to the Bishop about my concerns. It's hard talking to him in this manner because he and I are friends as well. We were in the Elders Quorum Presidency together. Thanks again!!

[jayanna]

I would like to share my hubbies experience this last year.

He has two jobs, one he works 10-12 sometimes 14 hours a day, the other is about 20-30 hours a week, always on his feet. We have been kind of strapped on the budget because I stopped working last year. I have a heart condition that makes it hard for me to work sometimes.

He is also enrolled as a full-time student. He did not take summer break, so that he can get through school faster.

Last fall he was called to the bishopric. (I knew the night before, but he thought I was just being fidgetty...lol you should have seen his face when the stake pres. told him. He was so pale, even his lips went white....his mouth was hanging open!! The stake pres'y called me into the office and there he was looking at me, his mouth open, pale , a sheen of sweat on his forehead. They asked me if I would like to take a seat and I said, "I don't know, are you going to do to me what you did to him?")

It was about 10 min. before the sac. meeting started when he was going to be sustained. We were also in the choir and were supposed to sing a prelude hymn. It was happening so fast it did not occur to us to say no.

I can honestly say that it has been really hard, but the blessings we are getting are so abundant...like my health has gotten some better so that I can have a part-time job, and we are all learning so much, I really feel like I can ask him gospel questions and know that he is giving answers that the Lord has given him (he has not had the priesthood for long) our whole family dynamic has changed. I used to be the spiritual rock in our family, and now he is receiving and using revelation to teach us and guide us. It is wonderful.

Looking back I have realized that his past callings were to prepare him for this one. Ward missionary is a really great one for having a flexible schedule...occasional evenings during the week....or going on a split with the elders...fun stuff...my hubby and I were w.m. together! Our ward emerg. prep. assistant probable does something for a sat. once every 3 months? probably some meetings in between...?

You need to focus on what the Lord wants, which is what I think you are trying to do...and ask yourself what the adversary would want to happen here...are these callings to help prepare you for one later?

maybe there are other possibilities that you have not considered?

keep us updated okay? :)

[pam]

There is a story that Boyd K. Packer tells about refusing calls:

Leaders must learn how to issue calls. When I was a young man, I heard Elder Spencer W. Kimball speak in a stake conference. He said that as a new stake president in Arizona, he left his office in the bank to call a man to be stake leader of the young men.

He said, “Jack, how would you like to be leader of the young men in the stake?”

Jack responded, “Aw, Spencer, you don’t mean me. I couldn’t do anything like that.”

He tried to persuade him, but Jack refused the call.

Brother Kimball went back to his office to brood over his failure. He knew the stake presidency had been inspired to make the call. Finally it came to him: he had made a terrible mistake! Of course, Jack would not respond.

Perhaps he recalled what the prophet Jacob had said when he “taught them in the temple, having first obtained mine errand from the Lord.”

President Kimball now did as Jacob had done in ancient times. He “obtained [his] errand from the Lord.”

He returned to ask Jack to forgive him for not doing it right and started over: “Last Sunday the stake presidency prayerfully considered who should lead the young men in the stake. There were several names; yours was among them. We all felt that you were the man. We knelt in prayer. The Lord confirmed to the three of us, by revelation, that you were to be called to that position.”

Then he said, “As a servant of the Lord, I am here to deliver that call.”

Then Jack said, “Well, Spencer, if you are going to put it that way …”

President Kimball replied, “I am putting it that way!”

Of course, Jack would not respond to a casual invitation from Spencer, but he could not refuse a call from the Lord through Stake President Kimball. He served faithfully and with inspiration.

[Wingnut]

It was about 10 min. before the sac. meeting started when he was going to be sustained. We were also in the choir and were supposed to sing a prelude hymn. It was happening so fast it did not occur to us to say no.

See, and I think it's completely unfair to do that to people. With a calling that will require a lot of one's time, it should be extended at least the day before, so that the person can have time to think about it, discuss it with their spouse, and pray about it before accepting.

[MarginOfError]

See, and I think it's completely unfair to do that to people. With a calling that will require a lot of one's time, it should be extended at least the day before, so that the person can have time to think about it, discuss it with their spouse, and pray about it before accepting.

I have to agree with this one. If the stake presidency were to ask me to meet with me 15 minutes before Sacrament started and extended me a calling in the bishopric, the first words out of my mouth would be, "May I have a week to think about it." If they said no, I'd flat out refuse.

If they extended a call on Saturday, they might get an answer in time for Sacrament meeting.

Having served with my bishopric for two years now, I am a huge fan of people sharing their concerns about callings. It's a real drag when someone accepts a calling "because you can't say no" and then they're totally overwhelmed and burned out two months later. This often causes hurt feelings, damaged testimonies, and organizational chaos. None of those are good things.

Of course, it seems to me that a lot of this could be avoided if the Relief Society president were invited to bishopric meeting...but that's another issue.

[beefche]

What does the RS president have to do with issuing a calling to become a counselor in the bishopric?

[slamjet]

My calling I have right now, went like this...

Stake 1st Counselor: Steve, we discussed it as a Stake presidency and we put your name to the High Counsel and we all are in favor of extending this calling to you.

Me: But I'm not just a non member, I'm an excommunicated member.

1st: Well, we discussed it as a Stake presidency and we put your name to the High Counsel and we all are in favor of extending this calling to you.

Now what was I going to say to that.

We all have to keep in mind that God can take anything away from us he wants except for one thing - Free Agency - The power to choose for ourselves. When Christ said that to enter into the Kingdom of God we have to give him a contrite spirit, I believe he means that we need to gladly give to him the one thing he cannot take, our free will. It is a matter of faith and trust that we will entrust to God the most precious thing we have all to ourselves.

I believe that callings are like that. We are asked to give our free will and time over to God to strengthen ourselves spiritually and become closer to Him. In return, the blessings we get pale in comparison to what we gave to him. Please don't read into this that we need to accept blindly, we should think and pray about it. And when we get an answer, we are all the more ready to deal with the consequence of our decision. Because we will know that the decision we make is correct.

The Lord knows you have a job and a family. He knows what you are able to accomplish. Ask and give him a chance. You will be blessed in more ways than you expect.

[MarginOfError]

What does the RS president have to do with issuing a calling to become a counselor in the bishopric?

It's been my experience that the Relief Society president usually has a much better idea about the conflicting forces in a given person's life than the bishopric does--particularly about the sisters. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the bishopric say, "oh, if I had know he/she was going through that I wouldn't have suggested that calling." and the Relief Society president did know what was going on.

[beefche]

Well, that sounds like bad communication from RS pres to bishop, IMO. From my experience as RS counselor, our RS presidents usually gave that sort of information to the bishop in her meetings with him. She would also let him know what RS was doing to help with the situation (if any).

[MarginOfError]

sometimes things like "Sister X has three hellion kids and babysits two more to help support her family. A nursery calling might not be the best thing for her." aren't always the priority when the bishop meets with the Relief Society president. And in most wards I've been in, callings don't get discussed with the Relief Society president at all except for "the Relief Society has requested Sister Y for calling Z." It's almost like it would be some kind of a violation of the priesthood itself to involve a woman in the discussions about who should receive what calling.

It just happens to be my opinion that such a perception is totally fabricated and the bishop would be very well served to have the Relief Society president's input and observations when weighing the options.

[Suzie]

My calling I have right now, went like this...

Stake 1st Counselor: Steve, we discussed it as a Stake presidency and we put your name to the High Counsel and we all are in favor of extending this calling to you.

Me: But I'm not just a non member, I'm an excommunicated member.

1st: Well, we discussed it as a Stake presidency and we put your name to the High Counsel and we all are in favor of extending this calling to you.

Now what was I going to say to that.

Let me start by saying I am exhausted so maybe I am not reading this properly because my brain is kind of fried. The Stake extended you a calling even though you wasn't a member?

[slamjet]

Let me start by saying I am exhausted so maybe I am not reading this properly because my brain is kind of fried. The Stake extended you a calling even though you wasn't a member?

Not wasn't, am not.

It's not common, but it is allowed (they looked it up). I think they felt comfortable with me because I'm not only active in the church, I meet with my Stake President and Bishop monthly, and I check in with my Bishop weekly. So I think they know where my heart is and what my testimony consists of.

I truly view this as a gift from the Lord to help me along the path to re-baptism.

[Suzie]

Not wasn't, am not.

It's not common, but it is allowed (they looked it up). I think they felt comfortable with me because I'm not only active in the church, I meet with my Stake President and Bishop monthly, and I check in with my Bishop weekly. So I think they know where my heart is and what my testimony consists of.

I truly view this as a gift from the Lord to help me along the path to re-baptism.

So you are not a member but you have a Stake calling, is that what you are saying? If so, would you mind sharing what is the calling? Thanks :)

[slamjet]

I was excommunicated a bit over six years ago. I've been working over the past couple of years to regain my membership and returning of my blessings. And someone had the bright idea to make me the Assistant Stake Technology Specialist, overseeing all 40+ computers in the Stake in six different buildings with two Family History Centers.

The Lord not only works in mysterious ways, sometimes it's just plain strange.

[Suzie]

I was excommunicated a bit over six years ago. I've been working over the past couple of years to regain my membership and returning of my blessings. And someone had the bright idea to make me the Assistant Stake Technology Specialist, overseeing all 40+ computers in the Stake in six different buildings with two Family History Centers.

The Lord not only works in mysterious ways, sometimes it's just plain strange.

Congratulations! :)

[slamjet]

Congratulations! :)

:) Thanks! :)