The awkward moment when a woman is screaming on the phone to your mother about you. And, the after.

[lizzy16]

So basically I walk in the door and the phone rings and my mom is getting SCREAMED at about me. I've never had this happen, if anything phone calls about me are people telling my mom about something good I've done or my teacher calling and saying I'm doing well in school. I'm not the type to cause problems.

There are 2 laurels (me and my good friend S.) and two priests (J and A.)

Apparently I have made J feel awful to the point he doesn't want to go to school, to seminary, to priest laurel conference this weekend or anything involving me. I never realized that I was making him feel uncomfortable. J is my friend S brother. The three of us are around each other all the time. He is dating a friend of mine Abbey. i fully support there relationship. Me and my friend S, basically as a joke figured out in our minds how my family, hers and a few other mutual family friends would have to marry to have everyone related. It was a joke, and It wasn't ever supposed to intend any feelings. She knew that, I knew that, the other families involved knew that. We were all just sitting around talking about how fun big family reunions would be.

So, for the past week or so I've been teasing J. Nothing over the top, its just a running joke. Or, so i thought. His sister was joking about us getting married, or something like that and I made some random comment about how I'm controlling and I'd have to take care of the wedding. Basically little things like that. Jon is somewhat cocky about his looks and his sister teases him about it as does the rest of his family and friends. I made some sort of comment. I don't even remember what. I never felt I was over stepping the line at all. I assumed everyone involved knew it was a joke and it was more of a laughing joking thing. So, me and my friend have kept this going for a bit. It always received laughs. At one point J said he was uncomfortable to the point he got up and moved. J tends to be very dramatic. We all assumed this is what he was doing. He even joked later when he got a fortune cookie that said "You've been running through my mind all day" that it was about me. I laughed about it. Later, I tripped in front of him completley on accident and got a huge bruise. His comment: Looks like your falling for me. All of this, I assumed, was a complete joke. Again, I fully support him and his girlfriend and in no way meant any harm.

My mother got a phone call from him mom. Saying I was 'out of control" and that seminary was canceled because of me. Apparently. J is at home throwing a fit about going tonight because he doesn't want to see me. I never got that it was upsetting him. Looking back I realize now there was some things i should have been paying attention to. His dad (seminary teacher) said something like "please stop harnessing my son" He didn't say it seriously and I didn't understand until now that was his way of trying to tell me what was going on.

At one point this week me and s were talking about another guy at school who we both think is very funny. And, J said something like "Wait, I thought I was your future!" as a joke. I concluded in a split second that he wasn't bothered by the comments. I mean, we joke around and say things a lot and laugh them of.

So, now basically I've caused this big issue. And, my moms instructed me not to talk to him for the rest of the weekend and longer until things work itself. Out. Apparentley she said I told him he was "a hunk and I wanted to have his babies." I never said it like that at all. His sister may have mentioned something and I may have a made a comment. I remember saying in response to something my friend said "J junior. That sounds cute." I never said "I want to have your babies."

So, basically I feel awful. I never realized this whole thing was going on. I just can't believe my friend never said anything to me. I don't have any feelings for him (Which I'm pretty dang sure he knows.) And, I just am so unsure of what to do. But, I'm not supposed to talk to him.

I plan on writing a letter and having my friend (his sister) give it to him and I'll ask S. how serious it is. I'm not sure if hes being overdramtic, my friend never told me he felt like this. Or maybe he just wants to get out of youth conference. I don't know. But, I feel so bad. I've been crying and all. I don't want him to feel this way. I see him completley as a close friend, one whom I talk with about loads of things!

I've never been in this sorta situation..or even close. I wish I had realized this all earlier, or wish he had pulled me aside.

Also: His girlfriend isn't the problem here. I mean, we're super close. I've talked to her about it, she doesn't care at all. it's just him. And, appeartley his family.

Edited May 27, 2011 by lizzy16

[NeuroTypical]

Yep. Laurels and Priests. And yelling mommies. In 10 years, you'll look back and be glad everyone eventually grew up. Heck, in 5 years you might be saying that.

You didn't ask for any specific advice, so I'm not sure what you're looking for. Sounds like teasing and jokes are off with J - he's too unstable to know the difference between joke and serious. You are not responsible for his actions, nor his mother's - just yours. Make them good actions and the whole thing will probably blow over in a few weeks.

[lizzy16]

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for either. Just anything really. I've written the apology note.

I never realized it escalated to this.

[Vort]

Ah, adolescent drama. Don't let it ruin your life, or even your week. Try not to let it ruin your day. Just move on.

My advice: Let J know that you thought he was in on the joke, and then stay away from J. Be pleasant, but don't return his joking or anything. You're not buds any more. Just be a nice, friendly, pleasant person who knows J as a social acquaintance but nothing more. And then go on with having fun at Church, with friends, and so on. If anyone asks about it, just tell them it was a misunderstanding, give a very brief explanation (without blaming anyone), and then stop.

This, too, shall pass.

Signed,

The naked guy with the towel around his waist wandering the halls

[Jennarator]

Seems that when he plays along.....

Oh I don't know, you'll all grow out of it, and it will blow over. For now the note sounds like a good idea. Then let it go, you did all you can. Good luck!

[NeuroTypical]

I had a buddy get so mad at whatever, that he tried to take his anger out on a piece of 6" PVC pipe. He proceeded to beat it down against a rock, from which of course it immediately bounced back and slammed him in the skull. He staggered backwards and almost fell.

I don't think the thing he was mad at survived the day, but that event will stay in memory forever.

[Backroads]

Yes, discreetly let J know that you thought it was all a big joke.

My question is why the adults were so darn involved.

[Jennarator]

I had a buddy get so mad at whatever, that he tried to take his anger out on a piece of 6" PVC pipe. He proceeded to beat it down against a rock, from which of course it immediately bounced back and slammed him in the skull. He staggered backwards and almost fell.

I don't think the thing he was mad at survived the day, but that event will stay in memory forever.

My kids do things like that.....someday (hopefully) they will think ahead.

[Iggy]

I had a buddy get so mad at whatever, that he tried to take his anger out on a piece of 6" PVC pipe. He proceeded to beat it down against a rock, from which of course it immediately bounced back and slammed him in the skull. He staggered backwards and almost fell.

I don't think the thing he was mad at survived the day, but that event will stay in memory forever.

My kids do things like that.....someday (hopefully) they will think ahead.

I used to do that with kitchen cupboard doors. When I first started slamming doors, I was in Middle School, and the kitchen cupboard doors were metal. They stayed closed no matter how hard you slammed them.

Then I got married, and slammed wooden kitchen cupboard doors. Those dang things really bounce! Knocked myself out cold! I didn't stop at that either- Oh no, I continued to slam those doors. What I did do was DUCK!

Just one more okay?-- I was really, really mad at my then husband. He had been coming home drunk as a skunk for nearly 2 weeks and I had just had enough. He had brought home a half gallon of his favorite rot gut whiskey, then passed out in the hallway. I took that 1/2 gal bottle and threw it against the hugh pine tree in the yard. The blasted thing bounced and nearly hit me! I picked it up, backed up a bit, then took a running start and heaved that bottle with everything I had, aiming for the tree. It bounced off the tree and hit me in the shins. The stupid thing was made out of plastic and it was full! I was so surprised to find that it was plastic. I sat down and laughed till I nearly wet myself! Then I took the lid off, poured it out over the hill and then let fly with the empty jug across the little canyon. Heard it hit the gate post on the road on the other side.

Hubby never did remember he brought the booze into the house. Thought he left it on the roof of the car as he left the liqour store parking lot.

I don't throw things at trees anymore- it just isn't as satisfying as slamming cupboard doors!

[Truegrits]

I can understand how a parent could/would get involved.

When my son was 15>16, there was a boy, his age, and they were together in scouting, young men, etc., This boy, for whatever reason, started teasing my son. For a while it was ok, then my son told him to stop, it was no longer funny. He did not stop, he continued with it.

My son had not told me what was going on, I happened to see a verbal exchange between them one Sunday, and asked my son about it. He told me what had been going on. I sent my son out to the car, and I called the boy over, and asked him why he continued to tease my son, when he had been asked to stop.

His reply was that "it was in fun". My reply was "it may be fun for you, but Alec has asked you to stop. It is not funny to him. Please stop."

I liked this boy, but was not going to allow one child to bully (as I saw the situation) another.

I think the way a situation is handeled makes all the difference.

I saw no need to involve anyone else; not his parents nor the Bishop.

There was no yelling, no threats.

We are all friends to this day, and the teasing did stop.

[lizzy16]

So, I went to priest laurel.

And, basically his sister told me he wasn't crying at all. He just wanted to get out of going and out of chores.

So, I decided not to give him the note. If he wants to be a jerk about it all he can. I don't need the drama and I'm just gonna ignore it all together.

I talked with the ym's leader (from my ward, pretty chill guy :)) who was him chaperone and he agreed it was all drama and I didn't do anything wrong. So yea, I'm good, And I don't care if he wants to cause trouble.

[prisonchaplain]

Sounds like it ended well. But...don't let the others fool you...there's plenty of drama with adults too!

[Blocky]

You can't control how others feel or act. Just focus on being your fun and silly self and having fun with your friends.

If it was brought up again I'd just stick with a 'whatever' attitude about it. Seriously, who needs the drama when it's all a big misinterpretation of things.

[Elphaba]

If I were this young man's mother, I'd want to know what he did, particularly because I had called your mother and screamed about the whole thing. I'd want to know that my son had put me in a position where I owed both her and you an apology.

Plus, I'd want to be able to teach my son that he couldn't use me like that.

I don't mean this in a "getting back at him" kind of way, and honestly, I don't know who should approach her or how.

I can certainly understand why you just want to drop the whole thing. It's just that I know that if I were her, I'd want to know.

Elphaba

[Backroads]

I'm no mother, but Elphaba does raise a good point. I still think it's silly this boy's mother jumped to the level of calling up to scream (I'm sorry, but you're all around 16, come on!), but she did and probably out of an emotional outburst. Heck, I would daresay she already feels extremely awkard about the whole thing.

[lizzy16]

Well today he came up to me and apologized profusely for his mothers actions and his. So, its all good. Turned out better then I thought.

[Blocky]

Did you say 'it's ok, I know that sometimes things can be rocky at first with future mother in laws.'

[prisonchaplain]

I noticed there's no word about the mother. Don't know this case, but there are more than a few mothers who view their sons as knights in shining armor, and all women as unworthy seductresses. So, along comes someone who dares to "toy" with her boy (her perspective)...hades hath no fury like the mother of one scorned.

[Backroads]

Well today he came up to me and apologized profusely for his mothers actions and his. So, its all good. Turned out better then I thought.

Looks like it was simply a few things that got out of control! Good to hear.

[Captain_Curmudgeon]

Does the word "ploy" ring a bell?

[lizzy16]

Did you say 'it's ok, I know that sometimes things can be rocky at first with future mother in laws.'

hahah thats hilarious. Sounds like the sorta thing I'd say. But, I've resigned from teasing him for now.

Tonight my school had a scholarship award ceremony (in which I got $4,000 ) and before it started she came up to me and apologized as well.

My mother was adamant that it was all my fault from the beginning until that happened. So, its good my mom now knows how this lady can really over do it.