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I have been married for 10+ years and have found myself in a bad place.

A little while ago I started texting/chatting with another guy. It was mostly something I did just for excitement/adrenaline rush. Well, we've been making suggestive comments to each other and on the spur of the moment decided to meet somewhere.

Things got out of hand and there was some petting and one kiss.

I obviously feel horrible about it and I realize that I need to tell my husband. I'm putting it off because I know how badly he'll be hurt. I don't want it to affect his self image and other parts of his life.

On a side note, he used to have issues with pornography - as far as I know, he hasn't had these problems for the past few years. At the time, tore me up inside to think that he was looking at photos of other women...why wasn't I good enough?? It was extremely hard on me.

I know I'll eventually need to talk with my bishop, etc. I'm ready for whatever comes my way: disfellowshipping, etc.

Anyone have experience in this area??? I really need some advice...

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I have experience with this, my wife got pregnant with another guy and we are now divorced. So I suggest you think about what you want to do with your life pretty seriously then act on it. Beyond the spiritual damage there are practical consequences too.

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Did you really think that it would lead to something other than a "bad place?" Go jump out of an airplane if you are so bored with your life that you need an adrenaline rush! You don't mess with your family like that. I sure hope he doesn't have a family. If so, you are both pretty pitiful and why would either of you want to be with someone who would do something like this? Maybe this is harsh, but you need a good dose of reality. The momentary excitement is not worth the years of pain this will cause to your marriage. I wouldn't worry about your husband's self-image being affected by this...I would worry about your own. It is a person with low self-worth that does something this damaging to something so sacred. I think a lot of people come on this forum to get a "there there, it'll be alright, everyone makes mistakes."'re not gonna hear that from me.

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Wha are you to do? Sorry to sound harsh but you need to set yourself free from texting and meerting strangers. You cannot maintain any kind of real relationship on a computer, cell phone or any electronic device. They are machines. You are married to a real human being. And if you have children, you need to make them your number one priority, not the guy in the i-phone.

If hubby was into porn and this is unresolved between the two of you, then counseling is in order.

As for telling your husband of your indescretion, I am not sure what the answer is and I am not sure it would help or cause more problems. If you have a need to tell him, you have to search your soul and ask yourself, would telling him give you some kind of "getting even" satisfatioon because his porn problem made you feel inadaquate? And would telling anyone make you feel as if "someone" (the guy in the _phone) make you feel adaquate? Would telling your husband cause him to feel betrayed to the point of breaking up your entire fmily? If you talked to no one other than Heavenly Father (who already knows), would you be able to commit to not communicating with the guy on the phione to the point to deleting the number, all messages or tossing the phone in the toilet if you cannot be responsible with your phone?

I am assuming you have not gone further than you already have, and hopefully you will get the counseling you need to find your self respect and self esteem.

And remember no matter what you think your reason is to justify your own actions (hubbys porn issue or whatever)., nothing gives you license to make irresponsible decisions that can destroy a family.

Think long and hard before you act. My best to you and your family.

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Well, the one good thing on your side is the fact that your husband might be more understanding about your mistake given his own past experience with pornography. Everything else about your situation is bordering on the dangerous, and you need to nip it in the bud before it gets worse.

There are many people who have been where you are now. Some have been able to recover from it, others haven't, but if you allow this to devolve any further you will find irreparable damage. I suggest you be 100% honest with your hubby right now. Tell him what you did and what you plan to do to prevent it from happening again. I don't know if you did this with him with his porn problem, but a good idea is to come up with a plan to avoid the temptation and have a "witness" to hold you to it.

Cut off ALL contact with the other man, even if it is something that may seem benign. Show your husband that you are truly repentant by giving him free range to keep tabs on your activities. Whether he chooses to actually utilize that option is up to him, but understand you have done something that has broken his trust. Whether or not he can freely give you that trust again will depend on how quickly he can forgive and how repentant you are.

After talking with hubby and setting up your "temptation avoidance plan", see your bishop. He will help you through your repentance process, the speed of which will again depend on how repentant you are. If you are proactive and do everything in your power to get away from this problem right away, things will likely go smoothly for you with "minimal" consequences. Delay this and you will probably find yourself falling even farther into Satan's coils and repentance will become even harder.

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I suggest you don't wait to long to deal with this. It has the potential of eating you up inside. When we sin we're always counseled to pray, humble ourselves and go to our bishops ASAP to resolve the issue. I don't know your husband so I don't kow how he will respond, but it only seems fair for you to tell him humbly and apologetically. Don't place any blame on him. In fact I'd keep his past porn use completely out of it. Don't even bring it up. That is his sin to deal with.

The peace that comes from sincere repentance is so comforting. It may take some time and effort but you can get to a good place again. It is so worth it! Best wishes on that journey.

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thank you to those who took time to read my post and reply.

First off, let me say that my husband's past porn addiction should not have been brought up in this forum. Those of you who said that his sin is no excuse for mine is absolutely correct. It does make me wonder though, if I have deep rooted issued with that and need to resolve them through counseling, etc.

I have ceased all communication with the other man and he is fully aware that he is not to contact me in any way.

As far as telling my husband, I fully intend to. I thought that I could hold it back but I realize now that the spirit is telling me I need to come clean. Truly the only reason I was with holding it was fear of his insecurities and self esteem. Not to mention we will constantly be bumping into this other family over the next few years as our kids will be attending the same school. A constant reminder of the stupid decisions I made. Not only for me...but right in my husband's face.

I will take whatever consequences come from the church and where I stand as a member. I am ready for the repentance process and to get to the bottom of some obvious issues I have with my self worth/self esteem.

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Do you have to tell him who it was for full disclosure? Or could you just say I did this with someone in our _____________ (name a large general vicinity). I don't think I'd want to know who the woman was if my husband did this. It would be really uncomfortable to always have that on my mind when running into the person. Just a thought.

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I have thought of that often as well.

I don't know if it would be harder to know who it was and bump into them...or to always wonder who it is whenever we are in a public setting.

I could only hope he wouldn't insist on knowing who it was...

He's not a member of the church...I live in a pretty large city.

Most likely, he'll want to know.

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It's hard. We're all tempted, Setmefree. We all want to feel desired and wanted, and sometimes simple boredom and apathy is the thing that most causes us to lose our focus.

That's not an excuse. Just an explanation. As much as it will hurt your husband, and as bad as the situation is, I'm proud of you for coming clean. That's a tough decision.

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