Hate my calling..told the Bishop

[RadioactiveWolfboy]

I struggle with church at times. I feel the Spirit, but I have bipolar disorder and really struggle with things at times. My calling for instance. I am in the Sunday School Presidency as 2nd counselor. I was the Sunday School President a year ago. My problem is that the Sunday School President and 1st Counselor never come. It really makes me feel like I am stuck doing their calling and of course I am doing what I did a year ago. I have no interest in doing it and would rather be in Sunday School learning. The only calling I have ever really enjoyed was being in the Elders Quorum. Otherwise I do better just learning. I know you learn and get blessings by doing and teaching, but with the bipolar it is really hard. I am in the middle of counseling and med changes right now and having a calling really doesn't serve me well. I told the Bishop who is also my friend, and I don't think he understands. He feels everyone needs a calling. A calling shouldn't cause you stress and anxiety like they do for me. I am struggling with many more things on top of that. I have few friends in life and other than hanging with my wife and kids I am lonely. I need someone with similar interests. My best friend and I no longer talk. I had baptized him into the Church, but he left because he felt it was a family Church and wasn't for him. He also struggles with mental illness. I stopped talking to him because of the negative vibe I got from him and he was using me. (long story)...Mental illness is so hard. I have a testimony, I read the scriptures, pray, pray with my wife, and attend Church. I had a good friend in Church, but his wife's son sexually molested my daughter and 4 other girls for 7 years. As a result of my actions and my daughter pressing charges he went to jail. Now his family hate myself and my daughter. I distanced myself from them just after my divorce because they just weren't living the Gospel and behaving very Christlike. I am married to a good woman. She is an ex missionary and lives the gospel as best she can. We have an awesome relationship. If not for her and my kids, I would go insane or crumble from pure loneliness. My friend the Bishop and I really don't hang out. He is very busy. I have also been to blame some for the distance keeping a slight distance as we are moving to Utah in a year or so. ...leaving friends behind has always been hard for me and causes great depression. So I want friends but don't want to lose them. Tough situation. I guess I am just venting and sounding off. Thanks for reading!!

[mightynancy]

Keep in mind that this church is run by volunteers. If you want to be released, let the bishop know, without waffling, that you can't do this right now.

Due to a stressful family situation, I asked to be released from a time-consuming calling, and it was exactly the right straw to remove from this camel's back. If my bishop were unwilling to release me from this volunteer position, I'd let any impacted people know and then just stop doing it.

Mental illness and med changes can be really hard, and a lot of people don't understand that. I'm glad your family is there for you. :)

[Guest mormonmusic]

One problem members run into is that sometimes, the people in leadership feel members are simply resources to staff the Church at their convenience. At one time, I was one of those priesthood leaders. I don't buy into that philosophy any more. When asked to serve, we need to prayerfully consider callings and do all we can, but when lessening our Church service is best for our physical and emotional health, we have every right to ask for the release.

I like MightNancy's strategy. I would consider also sharing the information with the Counselor over Sunday School. Sadly, in my experience they tend to take a long time to effect releases, so I say give them a reasonable time to find someone else and when that time expires, consider attending a different Ward or visit family out of town.

It sounds like this SS Presidency needs a revival anyway if the President and 1st Counselor aren't coming anymore and you're doing their job.

Edited August 14, 2011 by mormonmusic

[mightynancy]

Another thing to keep in mind is that we don't only serve God through the Church. We can serve God in our families, at work, and in the community. I don't just mean volunteering, I mean that when we treat others with love, we're serving God. Being stretched too thin make this much more difficult.

Best wishes to you, Wolfboy.

[Martain]

I'm glad to hear you have such a wonderful marriage and I'm sorry to hear what your daughters went through.

As you know what the Spirit feels like why not ask the Lord? Perhaps for some wise purpose the Lord wishes you to remain in the calling your in. If so, are you willing to submit to the Lords will?

On the other hand, after expressing your concerns and feelings to the Lord and indicating that you want a release, perhaps he will approve of your decision. If so won't it be a relief to know?

[sixpacktr]

You don't release yourself from a calling. Not in the program. Now, you have every right (and duty, BTW) to go and speak to your Bishop and lay out your concerns. But don't just 'quit' as a couple of people have advised here. It will do nothing for you except make you feel guilty. And who knows but that this is exactly what the Lord wants you to learn at this time?

The Lord puts us in the positions He does in order to help us grow and become more like Him. Now, I don't pretend to know what you are going thru with your illness, but I do know that your Bishop will welcome talking to you about it and helping you thru this time in your life. And if you are released, then you can do so with a clear conscience.

Good luck.

[Madriglace]

Even with your calling you should be in a SS class ... everyone should be in a SS class. One of our bishoprics cleaned out the halls and chapel on their way to class. I had a member of the stake presidency in my class a few weeks back ... talk about nerve wracking ... I never know what will come out of those kids mouths on the best days!

Depression is hard ... been there, doing that ... it's not easy to force yourself to function ... I teach the 14-18 in SS (both classes because of small numbers) it is a battle every single week but when I bend to the Lord I am the one who has the biggest blessings

Good luck

[Guest mysticmorini]

SIDEBAR: I once knew a person who prolonged their formal probation inorder to not have a calling.

[Guest mormonmusic]

You don't release yourself from a calling. Not in the program. Now, you have every right (and duty, BTW) to go and speak to your Bishop and lay out your concerns. But don't just 'quit' as a couple of people have advised here. It will do nothing for you except make you feel guilty. And who knows but that this is exactly what the Lord wants you to learn at this time?

The Lord puts us in the positions He does in order to help us grow and become more like Him. Now, I don't pretend to know what you are going thru with your illness, but I do know that your Bishop will welcome talking to you about it and helping you thru this time in your life. And if you are released, then you can do so with a clear conscience.

Good luck.

Sixpactr: I can't give 100% agreement on this. You speculate that he's there to learn something, but you know, sometimes leaders just plain make mistakes or are insensitive to the needs of the people they are leading -- and you need to act in ways that are best for you.

I know this because as a priesthood leader, I made those kinds of mistakes. And also, the leaders get so busy they forget certain things, like to release people before they call new people to a position. There have been instances where Stake leaders have released someone with a handshake, and told them the release will happen formally the following week. And then left them sitting in high profile callings for as much as 2 months after the fact, with no communication.

You know, we run into people all the time who are less active, or unwilling to serve, and their reasons don't make sense sometimes. Often, they are still smarting from some other event, like the one Radioactivewolfboy is citing and give other reasons until they are ready.

The orientation you're showing here ignores the fact that in the end, we are all volunteers. It would be nice to have all the commitment that comes from a paid workforce, but frankly, that's not what Church members are -- they are volunteers with agency, and have needs as well. Both needs should be balanced in this partnership. I honestly believe that a portion of the people who go less active are partly there because we as priesthood leaders have been insensitive to their needs.

The other thing -- often, sloppy, untimely releases or calls where the member is felt they are forced to take a calling reduce people's willing to serve in future callings. So, part of the reluctance we see from members is partly our own doing.

Now, does this mean we act as we see fit from the get-go? No, we share how we feel, our situation, and what we would like to see happen on a certain timeline. In my experience, the timeline is usually longer than we would like, but if it goes on for a protracted period of time, there are instances where it's best just to stop functioning so they get the message.

The number of times I have walked into a new calling to find it in a shambles, and the last person having abdicated is astounding -- and for many, it's because they needed otu of the calling, but no one in leadership did anything about it. So, they quit functioning.

Balance is important -- it's not always about the Church, and it's not always about the individuals.

[sixpacktr]

I guess that is where you and I will always disagree. I am not a volunteer. I made sacred covenants when I was baptized, when I rec'd the PH, when I was endowed in the temple, to turn my life over to building up the kingdom and standing as a witness at all times. I don't consider myself a volunteer. That is too easy. That implies that whenever I get tired of it I can just say 'I'm done'. Again, that is not in the program. My covenants prohibit me from just 'quitting' a calling because I don't think that the call was inspired, or that I'm tired of doing it, etc. Either you believe the call is from God or you don't. It is that simple. If you don't, then church is nothing more than 3 hours of people being hypocrites stating we believe in modern revelation, which includes the callings given to people. But if you do believe the calling is from God, then to fight it and say that God 'doesn't understand how hard it is' is not a very safe area to be in.

I choose to support my leaders. I choose to accept that the positions I have been called to were because that was where the Lord wanted me to be at the time. And you know why I believe that? Because I asked Him, and He told me that was where I needed to be and what I needed to be doing at the time. And when those times happened that I didn't have that feeling I supported my Bishop because he has the keys to that revelation for the ward and that he put me there for whatever reason he needed.

The time is short, and you are either committed to living the gospel completely or you aren't. I choose the former...

[Suzie]

Either you believe the call is from God or you don't. It is that simple. If you don't, then church is nothing more than 3 hours of people being hypocrites stating we believe in modern revelation, which includes the callings given to people.

Two questions:

1. So are you saying that every single calling that is giving in Church by leaders are ALL inspired by God?

2. Do you realize the person who opened this thread has a manic–depressive disorder?

[sixpacktr]

Two questions:

1. So are you saying that every single calling that is giving in Church by leaders are ALL inspired by God?

2. Do you realize the person who opened this thread has a manic–depressive disorder?

1. Yes, I do believe that. Either thru direct revelation or because the person called was the best available at that time. I don't believe in callings by desperation. I believe that God is in the details and puts us where we're needed when we are.

2. Yes, and if YOU'D read my reply to him, I told him that he has a duty to share his feelings/concerns with his Bishop so that he is aware of it.

I never said that Bishops are psychic. Lord knows I'm not. But I also know that agonizing over who to put where, after talking with counselors and praying about it, and coming to a decision, leads me to know that God does work thru His Bishops. And Bishops need information in order to do their callings (not jobs, not volunteer positions, but CALLINGS) right, so that they can pray and ponder over these things with as much info as possible. And sometimes the Bishop won't release someone when they come and say that they want to be released or that it is too hard. Because they know that that person needs that calling at that time.

Learn to trust your Bishop or any other line leader. If you can't, then maybe you should rethink the question in the TR interview asking if you support your local leaders?

[Suzie]

1. Yes, I do believe that. Either thru direct revelation or because the person called was the best available at that time. I don't believe in callings by desperation.

So if someone plays the piano and he/she is the only person in the entire ward who plays the piano...and they're called to be the pianist ..in your opinion the calling is inspired? Now, don't get me wrong. I am not challenging your opinion at all. It is my view though that some callings are inspired and others are because it's practical or convenient at the time.

I told him that he has a duty to share his feelings/concerns with his Bishop so that he is aware of it.

Well yes, of course. He must share with his Bishop what he is going through and if he feels he needs to quit, do so. The person is the ONLY one who can really decide what they can and they cannot handle, specially someone with a mental illness. I believe that if a person has health issues, they need to take care of themselves FIRST before anything else unless we want the person to have a nervous breakdown, end up doing something stupid or end up in the hospital.

Learn to trust your Bishop or any other line leader. If you can't, then maybe you should rethink the question in the TR interview asking if you support your local leaders?

Supporting leaders have nothing to do with this. I don't follow leaders blindly. Whatever I decide to do is after much thought and prayer, not just because the Bishop told me to do it...and that's the way it should be. Each one of us receiving confirmation through the Spirit.

[Guest jollyroger]

I would include the absence of the SS president and the 1st counsellor as reasons why this calling is so difficult. You're working as a one man band and that's not the way it's supposed to be. You're one man doing the callings of three. No wonder you're not enjoying it. I'd find out where they are through their home teachers if they get any, or even phone them yourself or get missionaries to go round to check on them. You need all the support you can get and in short you're not getting it. Perhaps ask to have them released and call other reliable PH. I've had callings that I've hated and it's pretty much due to the lack of support that I've had. However, since you have depression I'd say it might be best to get released on medical grounds. If it were a paid job it sounds like you'd leave. I hope this helps.

[mnn727]

The SS Presidents most pressing duty on a weekly basis is to ring the bell at the end of the class so filling in shouldn't really be that hard, is it?

Its not in the handbook that you are to clear the halls (Thats part of the "teach them correct principles and them them govern themselves" thing

Yes the SS Presidency need to suggest people for teaching positions but thats not that often. As far as filling in, teachers should be getting their own replacements in 99% of the cases or you have the wrong people in the positions.

Edited August 22, 2011 by mnn727

[blackestate]

Sometimes both sides are to learn something, you and the leader. I would have a frank talk with them, and then go from there.

I believe that we are a church of assignment not of volunteers. asignments, and return and report.

I also believe that things change, and leaders often do not understand the struggles a calling places on us, but they want to help us be successful. Groth and learning does not come from the easy callings. Share with them, and I think you will be supprised.

[RadioactiveWolfboy]

There is alot more to the Sunday School Presidency that ringing the bell and combing the halls to shew people off to class, but I won't go into it here. Let's just say it isn't a walk in the park. I did this calling just a year ago for a couple years. The only thing I'm learning from it is how to do the calling of the other 2 not coming. I was the Sunday School President, and right now I just need to be in Sunday School, and this calling doesn't allow for that. Last Sunday I went to class with my wife, learned alot, and actually felt relaxed for once. I agree with whoever said that not all callings are divine. I feel that some are because you are without a calling or have experience doing something. I live the gospel as best I can, but when my needs aren't being met, that is where I draw the line. Church should be enjoyable and a learning experience. Not worrying about how to get stuff done because you are the only one there.

[bytor2112]

Two questions:

1. So are you saying that every single calling that is giving in Church by leaders are ALL inspired by God?

2. Do you realize the person who opened this thread has a manic–depressive disorder?

Some through inspiration, other through desperation :)

[beefche]

I once heard someone explain that whether inspiration or desperation, it stills comes from God. Inspiration is when God names you. Desperation is when God trusts you to get the job done.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I guess that is where you and I will always disagree. I am not a volunteer. I made sacred covenants when I was baptized, when I rec'd the PH, when I was endowed in the temple, to turn my life over to building up the kingdom and standing as a witness at all times. I don't consider myself a volunteer. That is too easy. That implies that whenever I get tired of it I can just say 'I'm done'. Again, that is not in the program. My covenants prohibit me from just 'quitting' a calling because I don't think that the call was inspired, or that I'm tired of doing it, etc. Either you believe the call is from God or you don't. It is that simple. If you don't, then church is nothing more than 3 hours of people being hypocrites stating we believe in modern revelation, which includes the callings given to people. But if you do believe the calling is from God, then to fight it and say that God 'doesn't understand how hard it is' is not a very safe area to be in.

I choose to support my leaders. I choose to accept that the positions I have been called to were because that was where the Lord wanted me to be at the time. And you know why I believe that? Because I asked Him, and He told me that was where I needed to be and what I needed to be doing at the time. And when those times happened that I didn't have that feeling I supported my Bishop because he has the keys to that revelation for the ward and that he put me there for whatever reason he needed.

The time is short, and you are either committed to living the gospel completely or you aren't. I choose the former...

Sixpactr: Sounds like you need to experience a dire life crisis while in a demanding calling, experience burn-out, depression, a threat to your professional career, or marital and financial ruin -- so your stress levels go way above what you can handle. Appeal to your leaders for a break, and find they don't care. THEN you migth modify this unhealthy all-or-nothing thinking you've fallen into.

There's nothing like hard, cold experience to alter one's perspective. I've experienced these things before, and that's why we disagree. I used to think exactly as you did when I was married without kids and things were going well. I was SOOO hard on people who didn't serve well or wanted a release. In fact, a member of the SP had to pull me aside and advise me to be less judgmental -- he said "Everyone is at different levels".

Be careful of expecting everyone to have the same level of commitment you do -- especially since your level of commitment may well be subject to modification as life happens to you.

There's nothing like being kicked around by life to mellow one's extremist perspective.

[Vort]

I was SOOO hard on people who didn't serve well or wanted a release. In fact, a member of the SP had to pull me aside and advise me to be less judgmental -- he said "Everyone is at different levels".

[...]

There's nothing like being kicked around by life to mellow one's extremist perspective.

There is a significant difference between saying that people should act like A and should not do B and saying that people are stupid or disobedient or faithless because they don't act like A and keep doing B.

You were, by your own account, an unrighteously judgmental person. I am glad for you that you are not like that any more. But by the same token, you should not assume that anyone who holds uncompromisingly to standards is as much an unrighteous judge as you suppose yourself to have been.

Edited September 25, 2011 by Vort

[Guest mormonmusic]

There is a significant difference between saying that people should act like A and should not do B and saying that people are stupid or disobedient or faithless because they don't act like A and keep doing B.

You were, by your own account, an unrighteously judgmental person. I am glad for you that you are not like that any more. But by the same token, you should not assume that anyone who holds uncompromisingly to standards is as much an unrighteous judge as you suppose yourself to have been.

Vort -- the SP responded to a passing comment I made at the time after someone refused a calling after I'd ask for them to join my auxiliary. He was coaching me to take on a different leadership role and decided to center on that since it involved extending calls and releases. I'd be careful of making the assumption that my whole worldview is driven by that one experience. I'd actually forgotten about it until I was typing my previous post above. But yes, I was guilty of some of the kind of judgmentalism I'm warning against here, which leads me to my next comment.

And second, this problem with getting on people's cases about refusing callings is pretty widespread in the Church. There have been questionable talks about "never say no to a calling" and "never ask to be released from a calling" that have created this culture to some extent. It's led to many people being less active and disaffected after many long, faithful years of service, particularly when they need a break. I'm in a support conversation right now with a woman whose husband was called a Bishop. At the time, she was a feminist barely hanging on to her Church activity and relucatantly agreed to it, partly because of the stigma her husband would have to bear at refusing that office. Her husband's role as Bishop is exacerbating these concerns as he takes a strong role in the patriarchal establishment that bothers here

Now, a year later, she's suffering from depression from it (first time in her life), has lost 20 pounds, is miserable and the couple are really suffering from the decision he made to "never say no to a calling". She so detests putting on the brave face at Church. They are considering selling their house and moving to a different city in order to get out of calling so she can feel at peace with herself again. They feel this is the ony way they can get out of the situation without ostracization and censure from the people above them.

Now, if we had a more open culture where people could share such things without the fear of impunity or reprisal, I think it would be much better. This whole "never say No to a calling" thing often does as much harm as it does good.

World Wide Training a while ago had BKP make the comment that leaders should "not view members as simply resources to staff the Church" which for me, may have represented a softening of the whole "never say no to a calling" cultural value he put forward in his talk "The Unwritten Order of Things" a long time ago.

Further, the average member may not share every nook and cranny of their life with a priesthood leader when they are presented with a calling. Many people have facts in their lives which they consider deeply private and would rather not share. Others have doubts they would rather not share, preferring to work on them privately for fear of consequences.

Nor do I think they are necessarily obligated to share their deepest darkest all the time. And there are definite confidentiality issues in the Church that I think justify this practice of seriously considering the calling privately and taking up the matter with the Lord in prayer -- simply giving the well-thought out answer to the priesthood leader. Ultimately the individual has to take up these calls with the Lord, and work it out between the two fo them when they are offered. That is the level at which inspiration ultimately needs to happen.

And also, I'm wary of across the board statements that apply to everyone in the name of an "uncompromising standard". We've seen thatmany commandments have an exception, even "Thou Shalt Not Kill" .

I'm reminded of Dallin H. Oakes who gave a talk about getting married as soon as reasonably possible (or some other specific advice) in which case he followed up with the following:

If you feel you are a special case, so that the strong counsel I have given doesn't apply to you, please don't write me a letter. Why would I make this request? I have learned that the kind of direct counsel I have given results in a large number of letters from members who feel they are an exception and they want me to confirm that the things I have said just don't apply to them in their special circumstance.

I will explain why I can't offer much comfort in response to that kind of letter by telling you an experience I had with another person who was troubled by a general rule. I gave a talk in which I mentioned the commandment, Thou shalt not kill. Afterwards a man came up to me in tears saying that what I had said showed there was no hope for him. What do you mean? I asked him.

He explained that he had been a machine gunner during the Korean War. During a frontal assault his machine gun mowed down scores of enemy infantry. Their bodies were piled so high in front of his gun that he and his men had to push them away in order to maintain their field of fire. He had killed a hundred, he said, and now he must be going to hell because I had spoken of the Lords commandment, Thou shalt not kill.

The explanation I gave that man is the same explanation I give to you if you feel you are an exception to what I have said. As a General Authority, it is my responsibility to preach general principles. When I do, I don't try to define all the exceptions. There are exceptions to some rules. For example, we believe the commandment is not violated by killing pursuant to a lawful order in an armed conflict. But don't ask me to give an opinion on your exception. I only teach the general rules. Whether an exception applies to you is your responsibility. You must work that out individually between you and the Lord.

What gets me is people think about the bare surface facts of others situations, and then reach a highly strident conclusion they speak of as absolute. While I try to follow my own moral code now, and can be pretty discrimminating about my own behavior, I think there comes a point when you realize across-the-board statements are extremely vulnerable.

Even the book of Mormon suggests that upbringing, socialization and even "spiritual priviledge" may well have an impact on the standard to which certain groups of people may well be held on judgment day. Uncompromising standards enforced in ignorance and from the armchair of self-righteousness are rarely ever a good idea. In fact, I think they harm the person making them.

[beefche]

Now, if we had a more open culture where people could share such things without the fear of impunity or reprisal, I think it would be much better. This whole "never say No to a calling" thing often does as much harm as it does good.

Further, the average member may not share every nook and cranny of their life with a priesthood leader when they are presented with a calling. Many people have facts in their lives which they consider deeply private and would rather not share. Others have doubts they would rather not share, preferring to work on them privately for fear of consequences.

Nor do I think they are necessarily obligated to share their deepest darkest all the time. And there are definite confidentiality issues in the Church that I think justify this practice of seriously considering the calling privately and taking up the matter with the Lord in prayer -- simply giving the well-thought out answer to the priesthood leader. Ultimately the individual has to take up these calls with the Lord, and work it out between the two fo them when they are offered. That is the level at which inspiration ultimately needs to happen.

What gets me is people think about the bare surface facts of others situations, and then reach a highly strident conclusion they speak of as absolute. While I try to follow my own moral code now, and can be pretty discrimminating about my own behavior, I think there comes a point when you realize across-the-board statements are extremely vulnerable.

MM, will you name a time in my ward that confidentiality was broken? Or when someone spoke to the bishop about their life and why the calling should be removed and it wasn't? Or how about a time that in my ward someone shared private doubts with the bishop and suffered consequences? I'll even be interested to hear from you about a time in my ward when the bishop and the person receiving the calling didn't consult with one another on if the calling for that person is best?

You make statements about "the Church" as if your experiences are universal. You act as if everyone in each ward/stake across the world has either had the experiences you have or if not, then they are naive/inexperienced/lucky. It makes me wonder how your judgments aren't judgmental, but if one expresses experiences that are not yours are considered judgmental?

[Guest mormonmusic]

You make statements about "the Church" as if your experiences are universal.

When I see these issues popping up regularly here on this forum, and then witness it firsthand in each Wards where I've been either a leader or just a member at large, the conclusion seems sound. It IS a problem in a volunteer organization where people don't have the same professional obligations as do counselors and others in the professions. And it disturbs me. Does it happens in all wards? Not all, but it happens enough to qualify as a definite pattern.

Now we can get into the old "you said X is bad, but your behavior shows that YOU have a problem with X, so your whole argument is invalid" talk, as you are about to. But I have rejected that as primarily a fallacy akin to simply attacking the person because there aren't valid reasons in hand.

A clear bi-product of a common set of values is judgmentalism, and that's why the Savior was so outspoken about it. It disturbs me because I've seen how it destroys the DNA of wards, individual's faith in the Church, and even the local leader's ability to receive confessions, in some cases.

It doesn't mean we drop our personal values, or even condone breaking of commandments in others, but it certainly does mean we reserve judgment until we are in a formal position to judge, and are required to do so. Few of us are in that position unless invited to sit in on a disciplinary council or on a jury.

The fact is, you and I disagree with it. That's fine. My hope is that others, when faced with a situation that seems like a situation in which a moment's thought leads to a watertight judgment will think twice.

Like in the case of a full-time missionary who is OPENLY FLIRTING with older young women and young adults in his Ward. Members of the Ward call the mission president and he does nothing.

Sounds clearly wrong doesn't it? Shame on that disobedient missionary besmirching the priesthood and his calling!!

Then, have a look under the hood -- the mission president's perspective....the young man in his previous ward, had a huge facial deformity that was costly to fix --and it was hideous. His family was poor so the operaton never happened. While on his mission, a wealthy member had stepped up and paid for cosmetic surgery so this young man could be free of the disadvantages that come from being deformed. After the surgery, he starts experiencing attention (normal attention) from young women and interprets it incorrectly. He is enamored with this new experience of being "normal" and participates in it wholeheartedly.

The mission president decided to do nothing until the Elder had time to adjust to his new face. Thsi young man did adjust, and the behavior stopped.

I got this story from one of Boyd K. Packer's books called Teach Ye Diligently years ago. It was the dawn of this awakening that there is SO MUCH we don't know about the underlying history of a person, their upbringing, and even where the line is that we must not cross. Nor do we know the mind and will of God as it applies to others. That line may well be different depending on the circumstances and the individuals involved. All we have is our own conscience and our sense of what is right for own behavior in our own circumstances.

By the way, there is a personality trait theory called Gallup Strengths. They describe 34 personality traits that have shown up consistently across extremely large-scale surveys. One is a trait called "Belief". People with Belief "tend to" (I emphasize "tend to" as each person is unique and implements these traits slightly differently) be highly judgmental of others. They are also very ethical, responsible, and good at executiion. It is a trait often associated with some kind of deep religious or other value-driven philosophy. But like most strengths, there is also a dark side, and overly harsh judgments placed on others can be a negative b-product.

I am still touched by a comment The Traveler made in another thread, referring to divorce. It touches my feeling exactly:

I am still trying to understand. I have seen enough exceptions that I know better. There are no single answers - no one solution that fits all.

[MsMagnolia]

So if someone plays the piano and he/she is the only person in the entire ward who plays the piano...and they're called to be the pianist ..in your opinion the calling is inspired? Now, don't get me wrong. I am not challenging your opinion at all. It is my view though that some callings are inspired and others are because it's practical or convenient at the time.

I actually am an example of this. When I was in college I took piano as part of my music degree. I was horrible at it but i did it because it was what i had to do. Fast forward several years later.... I was called to be the primary pianist. I gave the Bishop a long hard look and he explained to me that the Lord needed me in this calling. I was not the only one who could play, in fact, I was the least qualified to do the calling. Heavenly Father had something for me to learn, and learn I did. I had to practice in order to play even the simple primary songs. I struggled every week with playing those beautiful children's hymns. I learned how valuable practice is, I learned patience when doing something difficult. I learned that I can do things that I never thought I could do because I have a loving Heavenly Father who knows exactly what I need. I am thankful for that experience. I am now filling in for the ward pianist during sacrament meeting. My ward is a military ward and all the pianists who were here when I was in the primary have since moved away. I think I was being prepared during that time to become a better musician and pianist/organist.

Just my thoughts,

Mags