NonMember & Member Marriage :: Ultimatum

[Madriglace]

As far as the "beyond the veil" thing, why would anyone reject it after they die? If the church really is true, then everyone is going to figure that out once they kick the bucket, right?

Nothing changes after we die except the location ... we leave as we are with our same attitudes, issues and hangups ... if we suddenly had this miraculous conversion why would there be a need for missionaries to the spirit worl as stated in teh scriptures? We still need to go through the repentance process and get it right.

[dramirez]

Okay, so we talked to the bishop today. He brought up something, but didn't want to get into it. So, I thought I'd ask my new forum friends.

He said to my wife, "You know, for women it's not the same as for men. You have a chance to be sealed here (physical world) and you have a chance to be sealed there (spirit world)."

What is this? Is there a reference to something more detailed about this principle? Credible references preferred, of course, but anything might get me in the right direction.

[peanutgallery]

My opinion - let her go now. Let her find someone who wants to be a member and support her. My husband promised me he would be active and go to church so I married him. He actually did go to the temple with me. Then he decided it wasn't for him. Now he just loves that I am raising our kids in this great church and how well they are turning out. He makes sure I get them to everything. I love him but I am so full of resentment and anger about it all and I am completely miserable. I never say anything because I just want to keep the peace so he thinks life is great and we are the happiest couple on earth. I almost left him over it early in our relationship but he promised to always go to church with me and I fell for it. I wish I would have gotten out then and found the kind of man I really wanted.

[prisonchaplain]

penutgallery...I understand your opinion, based upon your experience. However, is this not somewhat a case of apples and oranges? Your guy pretended to be an active member--this fellow in the OP made no such promise. He's been honest.

1. Does the church counsel members to divorce, when the non-member refuses to join?

2. Is it fair to change the rules after marriage and say, "OK, join or we divorce," when there was no such requirement during the courtship or early marriage?

[Vort]

Okay, so we talked to the bishop today. He brought up something, but didn't want to get into it. So, I thought I'd ask my new forum friends.

He said to my wife, "You know, for women it's not the same as for men. You have a chance to be sealed here (physical world) and you have a chance to be sealed there (spirit world)."

What is this? Is there a reference to something more detailed about this principle? Credible references preferred, of course, but anything might get me in the right direction.

There exists within the Church the assumption -- prejudice, really -- that women who never marry are in that state because the opportunity never sufficiently presented itself. In other words, it's not their fault they are single. In contrast, men who never marry are in that state because they consciously chose it, eschewing eligible women in order to pursue a life of hedonistic selfishness. In other words, it's completely their fault they're not married.

I assume that your bishop was referencing this stereotype: That God would somehow give unmarried women a "second chance" at marriage, since they weren't at fault for their unmarried state, but would not do the same to an unmarried man, whose single state shows his unworthiness.

Just my best guess.

[Blocky]

He said to my wife, "You know, for women it's not the same as for men. You have a chance to be sealed here (physical world) and you have a chance to be sealed there (spirit world)."

What is this? Is there a reference to something more detailed about this principle? Credible references preferred, of course, but anything might get me in the right direction.

Frankly I'm perplexed.

I got married at a point in my life when I wasn't living gospel standards. Since then my husband has 'misplaced' his testimony. Right now I'm worthy to go to the temple but can't be sealed to my husband. Should I divorce him and find some temple worthy guy? Absolutely not! Why not? Because giving up on my marriage and my wonderful husband would be a down right sin. Also, because when I get discouraged and feel hopeless about my own personal path in eternity, those negative thoughts are from Satan. When I feel like working hard for my marriage and feel Heavenly Fathers love for me, THAT'S the truth of things. Heavenly Father wants me to work on THIS marriage that I have.

I bet it's the same for your wife (though hey, I'm just some random internet person) and hopefully she'll realize it soon. It took me a while, too.

[kayne]

There exists within the Church the assumption -- prejudice, really -- that women who never marry are in that state because the opportunity never sufficiently presented itself. In other words, it's not their fault they are single. In contrast, men who never marry are in that state because they consciously chose it, eschewing eligible women in order to pursue a life of hedonistic selfishness. In other words, it's completely their fault they're not married.

I assume that your bishop was referencing this stereotype: That God would somehow give unmarried women a "second chance" at marriage, since they weren't at fault for their unmarried state, but would not do the same to an unmarried man, whose single state shows his unworthiness.

Just my best guess.

my guess is this too. the reason as its spelled out in the doctrine of salvation books is because of societys customs and norms throughout all of time men seek the women. a man asks the girl to marry him. a man asks the girl on a date. in large part if a man is single its likely hes not asking girls on dates so its his fault. and so its better a girl avoids marriage rather than getting married just to get marriage if it means marrying an inactive member.

however it does go on to clearly state....if said girl gets married to an inactive member and this member never turns his life around. this girl has shot herself in the foot as far as exhaltation(spelling?) goes. because she got married but just didnt do it the right way.

so girls get a second chance only if they never find a worthy partner to ask them out but that all goes out the window if they get married to an unworthy partner.

whether you agree or not dont care its in the doctrine of salvation books somewhere for what its worth.

to TC....honestly from and LDS perspective....to not get a temple marriage is heart breaking. i get it she wasnt entirely active when you first started dating it happens. perhaps misleading on her part. but she wants one now. in fact during her inactively she probably wanted on then too but for various reasons wasnt chasing the goal as much as she is now. if this is what she wants....my advice is sadly end it now. this will just bring her misery. you misery. kids will be confused. now yes you might change your mind.....but i do tend to think as a general rule these part member families are doing themselves a huge disservice.

there will be things she will expect that you cant deliver. priesthood blessings, temple marriage, sealing to family, baptize the kids, baby blessings, hold callings and of course going to church with her on sundays. this and a number of other things you wont be able to do. she'll expect it. it will cause grief. ultimately if she is LDS for the rest of her life and married to you she will weep silently at times and openly at times. i think this here applies to all part member families.

my sister is a member her husband isnt. she weeps daily for this matter alone. her child does too. its caused ultimately nothing but grief. ive never seen or heard of a part member family situation that the non members didnt cause some heart ache on the members.

another sister who is going back to church is now suffering a bit because of her husband doesnt want to go. yes she hasnt gone in 20 years but still its now forming into a member/nonmember family complete with grief over the nonmember.

i think i only had one smart sister the last sister she if her husband didnt get baptized was going to call of the wedding luckily he did like 3 weeks before the wedding. now there is grief in that family but it isnt over religion.

my brother was smart they got it right. though my last sister got it right too it just took a year after the marriage to seal it.

and i dont think i could ever do a nonmember. too much grief.

and ive seen a number of other relatives marry non members and other people in these situations ive never seen it exactly result in good harmony.

you might find that sad or wrong. but the fact is a true LDS believer wants to be sealed to their family. non members trash this idea so it causes a lot of grief. and of course you being the male as i said wont be able to do a number of things she'll want. the LDS father of a family has extra responsiblities that an LDS wife will expect. the priesthood here is really the biggest one. she'll want it and expect it. if you cant deliver it she'll call church friends instead but the big problem here is say a sick child at 3 AM....

ultimately if you dont think youll ever join my advice is save her the heart ache and leave.

yes it will suck for you i admit. and i admit im saying sacrifice your relationship with the one you love and i know that sucks. but i do fear she wont ever be truely happy.