I Quit!

[Winnie G]

Now I know were that point is, we have finely reached that point.

Were you cut loose a family member because it has reached that braking point?

Telling my only daughter to leave us alone was hard to do.

I just want it to quit. Quit Dame it, Its Enough!

I told her until she takes responsibility for her actions I want to be let alone.

Man that hurt, but I have to stop that merry-go-round of pain she has laid on us.

Im not the one who became invalid with on line dark places destroying her marriage, abandoning her children and moving in with some creepy man.

Its not my responsibility. She can pour poison all she wants but I don’t have to take it anymore.

I want my daughter back the one who attended church YW and signal ward, married and had two wonderful girls that deserve a mother a daughter of heavenly father.

I QUIT!

[Dr T]

Hi Winnie,

That must be one of the hardest thing for a parent to do. Sorry that you had to go through that.

[prisonchaplain]

I QUIT!

Why is there a hell? Why does God punish sinners? Why will some people get better rewards than others? Why does God and Christians make such a big deal out of "victimless crimes" "lifestyle choices" etc.?

Here's your answer. Sin hurts! And it usually hurts loved ones more than the one doing it.

Perhaps hell (however small or big you think it is) is God's way of ultimately having to say "I QUIT!"

Sorry, this is a really sad post. But, thanks Winnie for sharing this most difficult stretch in your spiritual journey with us.

[Tammy]

Winne,

I understand! Believe me---I have one biological daughter and 4 adopted children. The adopted children are 25, 24, 21, 20 and our daughter is 23. I guess I cringe at being so blunt but we have been put through alot of crap due to the 4 kids. We have decided that for our own sanity, we will pray for them continually, but we can not stay in close contact with them. It does hurt. We got them at ages 3, 4, 5, and 7. All those years of trying to help and to teach them just as we taught our own daughter. They have done nothing but hurt us. They continually lie, take from us, and will not be responsible adults. Our own daughter has had her share of problems, but there is a desire to do what is right and a closeness that we will never reach with the rest of them. I know it sounds as if I separate them from our daughter, but I only started doing that since all of the pain as a way of disassociating myself with it. We did the best we could, but free agency is a hard thing to accept when the ones who are misusing it are our own loved ones. In our case, distance is the only solace we have and peace comes with HIS love and time.

Tammy

[Winnie G]

I would just like to sleep with out having to take something to knock me out.

We are running away for the long weekend, driving to our oldest sons place picking them up and driving to a camping resort. You should check this place out if you ever come to Canada Manitoba, check out the Vacation Planner Video http://www.lilacresort.mb.ca

Water slides and all kinds of activity’s.

Its been a wile since we have spent time with our grandson and our son for that matter.

They are trying to get the week end off so our daughter in-law can come as well.

There is but one camping rule don’t let mom talk or worry over the actions of his sister.

He said “No worries Mom, we will keep you busy”!

I received a email from my grandson who said if her saw me upset he has been told to cover me with kisses.

Now that’s a deal or what?

[rosie321]

I would just like to sleep with out having to take something to knock me out.

Looks like you need a cyberhug. Here's sending one your way. Oh take two and come back soon. Refill prn

Hope things start looking up soon. Hang in there.

[Dr T]

Rosie,

You make me smile :)

Dr. T

[Traveler]

Now I know were that point is, we have finely reached that point.

Were you cut loose a family member because it has reached that braking point?

Telling my only daughter to leave us alone was hard to do.

I just want it to quit. Quit Dame it, Its Enough!

I told her until she takes responsibility for her actions I want to be let alone.

Man that hurt, but I have to stop that merry-go-round of pain she has laid on us.

Im not the one who became invalid with on line dark places destroying her marriage, abandoning her children and moving in with some creepy man.

Its not my responsibility. She can pour poison all she wants but I don’t have to take it anymore.

I want my daughter back the one who attended church YW and signal ward, married and had two wonderful girls that deserve a mother a daughter of heavenly father.

I QUIT!

Demanding one's offspring take responsibility is much harder when they are ideal children than when they are endless problems but it is in my mind the beginning of being a parent - not the end. Our Father in Heaven lost a third part of his children when he demanded that all take responsibility. Don't be too hard on yourself for the experience similar to his.

The Traveler

[rosie321]

Demanding one's offspring take responsibility is much harder when they are ideal children than when they are endless problems but it is in my mind the beginning of being a parent - not the end. Our Father in Heaven lost a third part of his children when he demanded that all take responsibility. Don't be too hard on yourself for the experience similar to his.

Its funny you said that. A similar thought popped into my head the other day. My brain just keeps thinking all kinds of wierd things. But when thinking about parenthood I was thinking about that and got scared. That even Heavenly Father lost 1/3. Then I got scared because the more kids a person has increases the odds they will have a bad one. There are bad kids born into even good families. Scared me a little

[Dr T]

I think it also increases the number of good kids you could have. :)

[cutelilchikin]

There comes a point in every relationship that is bad where one has to draw the line. It's one of the hardest moves a person has to make, but it has to be done for the sake of their sanity. My sister is a lot like that. For the last 6 or 7 years I've been watching my sister throw her life away. It's one thing for her to make those decisions for herself when it only affects her, but now she has two beautiful daughters that I would do anything for. And every bad decision she makes affects them. I see how much it has hurt them and it hurts me too. That's why I had to move away from her. I actually ended up in the hospital because I was so depressed from watching it everyday. I'm glad you made that move before you ended up in a place like I was in. Good luck with that. I hope one day she'll realize what a great Mom she has because her Mom cares about her. Smile and know that you are admired!

[Winnie G]

ChiKin

“I'm glad you made that move before you ended up in a place like I was in”

Its funny well not so funny you said that, because I was heading with depression far grater then just a rubber room stay. Not that I mean you ended up there.

There were nights were swallowing all my meds looked like a good idea.

I just wanted peace and peace of mind.

You think that once your grown children are old enough and out on their own they would deal with many things on their own but No hack No!

They drag you in like a kid refusing to leave an arcade.

I have pasted the last letter that I sent my daughter below.

This was the end of any real commutations with her.

After she received the letter, the phone rang repeatedly and then the threats started being left on our answer M. I quickly send her an e-mail tells her to except her responsibility’s we would no longer be used as an emotional punching bag, No calls or emails.

That’s were it stands right now.

It is all we have left to protect our selfs.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Our Dear ***

I thought I would try to answer some of the questions I could not answer do to the lack of privacy.

Dad thought I should lay it all out for you in plane statements. No longer white washing it for you.

When you left and we did not hear from you for a few days, not even to call and say you made it there ok. Dad called *** to give him a heads up to ****. For all we know you could have not arrived safe. What **** did from there is history. Blame Dad all you want but it was not done to take your girls away from you.

Think about it ***, were would that leave us. Why would we endanger our freedom to see the granddaughters?

We came to court that day on our way to meet our real-estate lawyer. So if you wondered why we were dressed up it was because of that. We were there to meet you and give you boxes that you asked for not for court. You and I talked about that arrangement remember?

As it was even after you screamed at us telling me you would hate me the rest of your life and then calling Dad an *&^%# in public. He stood up and got in your face as you call it because you were screaming at his wife. Dad can take many things *** but someone yelling at his wife is a deal breaker it has always been. He meant you no harm, you know that.

We canceled our appointment so you could see the girls. It took forever to get across town to the daycare and back to the apartment. We are truly sorry it cut into your time to see the girls. Dad and I feel very strongly that the girls should see you and **** know how we feel about that. By the way, **** bought a new web cam. He asked me to tell you that, that way you can see the girls. Email him and let him know you like to say good night to the girls on regular basis. Have him set the time and you hold to it ***, that way the girls get use to seeing you.

Seeing the girls for 25 minutes ***, that can look very bad for you in court. Do not let that happen again. Set up a routine with ****. When and were all that stuff. If my mother and father did that for your uncle and my sake, you and **** can to. I know he pushes your bottoms but so do you on him, this verbal war must end.

You said to me ***, **** will never give you the girls back. I will be honest with you, from what he has told us *** until you get it together I do not think it will ever happen.

You and **** agreed to raise the girls in the same town. That was the original agreement between the two of you. He is going to hold you to that.

That means you will have to move to Calgary. It also means you will have to give up ****. Your behavior changed drastically since meeting and then getting together with him. I am not saying this because we like **** over ****. It is because we your parents saw our daughter change. Our daughter would not yell at her daughters turn her home in to a pigsty and yell “shut the F up” when your children cry because they have woken up and needed their tummy’s feed and a diaper changed. Don’t you tell me I am wrong ***; you were here were you not, across the hall. *****’s bottom cleared up drastically after you left. Her bum *** was neglected, not some strange rash that would not go away. Your neglect caused her bum to burn with urine. I would find **** under the computer desk every morning playing with wires. She was hiding because you were screaming at her.

How did you think we would feel about this behavior?

You went from a mother who we used to brag to people about. To a woman who screamed hut the F up’ to a two year old and a baby. These are our granddaughters too you know and what are we supposed to do? You said we should have helped, what you were asking us was to let you continue staying up all night and sleeping the day away so you could chat on line with a stranger while we cared for the girls. You can say your behavior had not changed *** but what else are we to think. The Mother we know was dedicated to her daughters at one time. You have no idea how hard it is to hear you cry; all I want to do is hold you and make it all go away but I can’t ***. *** the truth in all of this was you brought this on yourself.

I begged you to do the right things. Now **** tells us. If you had taken the time and done the right things in order as was first discussed he would have in time accepted your relationship with *****. Those are his words not ours. However, as it sits now *** we only know **** as a man who controls you and has a temperament that scares the hell out of everyone in the family. Why else would you stay up all night and neglect your children? To you **** maybe a lot of things but bad tempered and neglectful he is not. You have accused him of many things *** and you know what I am talking about. Your dad and I know better, before we had ****** pack up your computer Dad checked it out and the proof you said was on the computer was no were to be found. We found out a lot about our daughter though. You need to look at your own behavior before pointing an accusing finger at ****.

**** does not spend an overly amount of time with **** (her brother) by the way. They see enough of each other at work at lunch and breaks when they run at the same times. *** has told **** he would proof his letters so ****’s words would come out right. *** (T brother) and C give up their time to watch the girls when **** needed to work over time. To make up the difference you stole out of his bank account.

Now with (Y brother) ****** there **** does not have to work as much over time as before. T (brother) was angry at you at first over you cheating on **** and breaking up your marriage.

Now he is just angry and so terribly disappointed at your behavior towards the neglect of the girls. You know how T is this is not new to you. He accepted better from his sister when caring for your girls. He is a fiercely protective uncle. If **** were not taking care of the girls to T, expectations, we would have heard about it.

**** apartment is spotless and he has an evening and morning routine, the girls are thriving with ****, ***. He is doing an amazing job, the girls are only lacking their mother. Please do not worry if you think he is not caring for them he is. I know you miss them, it kills me to hear your cry over the loneliness of your mothers heart.

***, **** is very willing to share the girls with you but only under the agreement you, YOU agreed to at first. You kicked him out remember, T offered him a place to go and employment. You agreed to come to Calgary, he rented the apartment and you blamed him for your lack of employment. **** worked evenings and over time and did give you money. **** kept records ***. You were taking money from him then telling us he left you with nothing. We sent you money on top of what **** had given you. It must be nice to have gullible parents. We took money that was ear marked for our down payment for our retirement home and moved you back here because you were being mistreated as you said.

Then it all fell away, your drastic behavior and your constant need to keep some person informed of your every movement. What the heck is that ***? This person comes into your life you do an about face and end your marriage. Which was a shock to us since you never told us your marriage was in trouble. That was a red flag right there. We later asked **** why he said nothing and he said you told him to keep his mouth shut. You told me when ***** was born, you loved Colt very much and I quote: “I would not marry just any guy mom I married a man like Dad”. Therefore, you are going to tell me with in months you drastically change how you feel. You drove your children’s father away from them. By the way *** what makes you think it would not effect them the lose of their father. Some how you see the loss of their mother as worse. It is not ***. When you were young you suffered grief when **** left and chose drinking over seeing and supporting his children. I begged him to visit you children and he even at one point said he did not because ** does a better job. I told him that was a given but he was still their father and they deserve to see him. So don’t sing ****’s praises to me *** I was there remember. Working three jobs to support my children and keep a roof over your heads, **** could have cared less; endless it was in the bottom of a beer bottle. You wait the old ***** will rear his ugly head, he will call you drunk some night looking for money.

You came home on our dime by the way with a side trip to meet a “friend” which was a lie; again it must be nice to have gullible parents. It was after you took off by breaking into your old apartment mailbox and stealing a welfare chaque, you were not entitled too. One of those things you skipped over in the list of things you should have done but choose not too. You took off for what you say was a job interview. I never had a job interview that got me pregnant. By the way thank you for informing us of the miscarriage.

*** it did not take long for Dad and I to realize the reason for keeping us in the dark about everything was because you know how we would have reacted. Your drastic drop of morals, you know we would never understand or accept. You were raised better *** and you know it. Why do you think we have acted the way we have? Did you think we would just roll over and accept your sins as “Just oh well”?

We will always love you ***. We have learned first hand the scripture quote “love the sinner hate the sin. You should see our home now ***. Dad and I had to sell off a big part of our furniture and our belongings to scrap together the down payment for our house.

This little home echoes this sound because it is close to being empty. We skipped paying our bills and only have what is in our cupboards to eat. All of this because we were gullible parents. We will always love you *** and you can at any time come home.

It will take a long time for us to trust you and have the same respect we once had for you back. You can stay with us when we move into our new home so you can spend weekends or holidays with the girls. This we will always welcome but we cannot accept ****** into our home.

Ask **** what it would take?

You do not have to believe me. ****’s refusal to accept ****** around the girls comes from the actions your behavior has shown. We do not know this man, and you can say Oh he is a great person, but to us *** he is not. He is a control freak, bad tempered and a mouth that would make a sailor blush. Do not tell me different *** I heard him myself remember. Why does he insist your family is so wrong? This relationship has all the earmarks of abuse. Why do you have to work so hard ***, are you supporting him? I hear it *** I am your mother. I know when my child is hurt upset and exhausted and I know when you are being used. It is in your voice.

You told me that his ex common law wife comes into your work and gives you a hard time. This man was still with his wife as you were with your husband. You told me they were over and she knows all about it. As a women and a wife who has had her husband (****) cheat on her it was not over *** he lied. He has turned you into the “other woman”, a women who has committed adultery. No wonder she came into your work with the back up of her friends to give you a hard time, you know why I know that ***? It is because I would have done the same thing. You can call all that is black as white *** but the truth will come out. You have a lot to change in your life ***.

All of this is what has brought you to this ***.

You need to make decisions now ***. If you want the girls back in to your life you have to decide which is more important. Your Dad and I will help you do this with out rubbing it in your face. However, we will no longer be those gullible parents. We are also out of the moving game. We have told all your brothers that as well. But for the girl’s winter cloths we are no longer footing the bill for moving here and there, never settling down.

Our next and last move will be to our new home. What is in storage will have to wait until we move to Alberta.

Dad’s health is not getting better ***. Why is it your brothers can see it and you cannot.

Dad had the first spinal block before you saw us last, his surgery will be soon. All you kids have to understand we are entitled to a life without drama fighting and threats.

As we sat in the hallway of the family court building across from us was an older couple begging for one more day a month to see their granddaughter. Even though she goes to school around the block from them. Why because her mothers new boyfriend does not like her father. He was so old and feeble looking. He cried how selfish and sad is that.

I am telling you what I told ****. After you told me, you hated me. I will never be one of those grandparents begging to see my grandchildren. If you wonder, why we have behaved as we have you need to look at yourself ***.

**** hugged me and said he would never let that happen. He promised me. What have I gotten from you *** but your abuse and using our love for you to your end? You said to me **** will never give the girls back and I am sorry to say that as for now he won’t. Your life has taken on an illness all its own. The girls are best left with him for now and he is right in doing so.

You know what you need to do. Why don’t you do it? Who and what is so important that your daughter’s happiness takes the back seat? I would live on the moon if I could be near my children. What is wrong with you ***? Men come and go *** your children are yours for life. Yes you are right, I think children should be with their mother when they are first in her life. Yours are not, you make selfish choices caring nothing for the happiness and well being of her children.

Do you remember when you came home from Calgary and we went to town and ***** (the three year old) saw we were near your old apartment. ****** said “Oh there’s my home”. You sat there text messaging **** and I answered her question. Saying “No ****** your new home is at Grandmas house”. You tore my guts out ***! When I had to help **** buckle ****** in to her car seat and she looked up at me and said “I thought home was at Grandmas”?

I could hate you for all that you have done but I cant because you’re my little girl just as yours are. Stop killing us slowly with your actions ***. I cant take much more. I want my daughter back, the one who loved not used. The one I bragged about, the one who loved her daughters more then anything.

You know where home is.

Love always

Mom and Dad.

[cutelilchikin]

ChiKin

Its funny well not so funny you said that, because I was heading with depression far grater then just a rubber room stay. Not that I mean you ended up there.

There were nights were swallowing all my meds looked like a good idea.

I just wanted peace and peace of mind.

I didn't just end up in the hospital. I ended up with a 3 day stay in the psyche ward under suicide watch. So I do know what you mean. Somedays I just thought that if I died, maybe someone would care. That maybe my sister would care enough to take care of her kids. I've realized that nothing I do will solve her problems. And the only thing I can do that will ever do anything for my precious nieces is to live my life the best that I can. Show them that even coming from the background we all do, you don't have to choose what their mom did. You've raised your daughter. It's time for her to go out there on her own and make decisions and you can't let it get to you. My Grandma is my hero and she has repeatedly told me that when it hurts too bad and you can't do anything to change it, say, "To hell with it." That's what she's done with my sister. I seriously think that if my Grandparents hadn't have moved to New Mexico when they did, my Grandma would have died. She was making herself sick with all my sisters problems. You just need to seperate yourself from the problem. Make your life the best it can be and maybe someday your daughter will come around, but don't ruin your life for hers. It's your time now!!

chiKin

[Winnie G]

I think in a way I have a copping mechanism.

I mean think about it, I am getting ready to leave for a camping trip and sleep seemed the last thing on my mind, running over lists in my head. Did I pack TP in the camper? and so on.

Then I dawns on me!

Do It take the neighbors Gomes!

So I get out of bed write a kidnap letter and sneak across the yard and grab them.

In my nightgown and hoody and slippers. Leaving behind the kidnap letter in their mail box.

My husband and eldest son and his family had a blast finding things for us to do with the gnomes. All awhile-taking photos for a small scrapbook I will return with the Gnomes.

We went to a camping resort that is tropical.

I will post the link with the photos later this week once I am unpacked.

It was the best thing we as a family have ever done on a family holiday.

I have not seen my son laugh so hard or me smile as much in a long time.

[pushka]

Winnie, I'm really happy to hear that you've found a distraction in all of this turmoil!

I hope that you really enjoy your holiday and that the gnomes do too!! Perhaps you could post some of your gnome holiday snaps on here for us all to see? :)

[Ray]

Now I know were that point is, we have finely reached that point.

Were you cut loose a family member because it has reached that braking point?

Telling my only daughter to leave us alone was hard to do.

I just want it to quit. Quit Dame it, Its Enough!

I told her until she takes responsibility for her actions I want to be let alone.

Man that hurt, but I have to stop that merry-go-round of pain she has laid on us.

Im not the one who became invalid with on line dark places destroying her marriage, abandoning her children and moving in with some creepy man.

Its not my responsibility. She can pour poison all she wants but I don’t have to take it anymore.

I want my daughter back the one who attended church YW and signal ward, married and had two wonderful girls that deserve a mother a daughter of heavenly father.

I QUIT!

I think what you need is just a little space now. But you'll be back. I know that.

And God also knows exactly how you feel.

You may fool some, but not us. :)

[Winnie G]

I would love to post them on the site but I have not yet figure how to post them on the board.

If someone could walk me though it I will post them ASAP