Is this forum representative of the what I can expect at church?

[cwald]

I have read many comments on this board over the last few weeks. I followed the thread about fasting this week. here is my question, and I am VERY sincere - I am thinking about returning to the LDS church activity, and want to know if I can do so. Here is the question i asked on the Fasting thread, but please answer here as not to hijack that discussion.

And, btw - I am not a "troll." Just trying to understand and figure out the culture that I loved, and left, long ago, and if it will accept me, me, and allow me a place if I decide to come back...A place that I can be comfortable and find the gods amongst like-minded spiritual, moral, ethical, people.

Why do you treat each other like this? Wow. Is this what I have to look forward to if I go back to the LDS church? The amount of disrespect and utter disregard about different opinions on this board is scary to me.

I don't get it. Maybe I need to find a different place to gauge the active LDS membership at this time, because this and other threads I've read and followed, is quite, disappointing to me, to be honest.

Let me ask a question, a sincere question. Do you folk who participate on this board, represent the active, orthodox, membership of the LDS church?

Maybe this should be a separate thread, so as not to hijack this Fasting discussion? If I go back to the mormon church, is this what I will be dealing with? Or is this just a bloggernacle thing, and church is much more civil?

Don't answer here --- I will start a new thread. Thanks.

Edited November 10, 2011 by cwald

[FunkyTown]

Okay. You've been to church before, I assume, since you've said you're thinking of returning to activity.

What were people like then?

Chances are they'll be exactly the same as when you left.

If your question was sincere, then there you have it and the thread can basically be closed.

This is, of course, assuming you were asking a sincere question and not simply asking a leading question that presumes everyone who disagreed with you was at fault.

[Guest tbaird22]

Maybe. what you will have to look forward to is a bunch of imperfect members. take em or leave em.

[skippy740]

cwald,

Let's think about what you're asking: are we representative of all the Orthodox LDS that you'll ever find in the church?

First, people come here to share and offer advice in various ways. Some come here asking for advice and input. For this, this forum is like a box of chocolates: You never know what you're gonna get.

However, unlike your church meetings, we can have many conversations going on at anytime... all at the poster's choice. Going to church, you have speakers, teachers and quorum leaders who help direct the lessons and content of the time.

Will you feel welcome at your local congregation? I hope so. But we don't know where you're from... and I cannot predict what will happen.

I will offer this: If your testimony is only as strong as you are comfortable in the church, you will have a long road ahead.

Just take one step at a time.

[skippy740]

These discussion threads are a great way for posters to study, practice and teach what they know and learn other points of view that they haven't ever thought about. Some get extra detailed... and some can get a little 'catty'.

The other difference is that we can ban people without excommunicating them from the church. :)

If people are posting content that is against the rules, just alert the moderating team with for mods to discuss and act on the post.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I find the tone here can be edgier than what I see at Church. However, when people are in person, they often don't tell you what they are thinking, so it's possible they are thinking the same kinds of things you are reading here, but simply don't say them. Also, the fact that much of the posting is anonymous allows people to say what they really think online.

Unfortunately, I think that with "religious" comes tendencies to be judgmental a times because everyone knows what everyone else is supposed to believe and thinks they know what everyone else should be doing. That is why the Savior so often talking about judging that we be not judged.

[beefche]

I will never, for the life of me, understand why some people take everything said on an anonymous, open discussion board so personally. I can submit a post about bananas and someone in the thread is going to get offended by what I wrote--"Are you calling me bananas? You think I have mental problems? How can you be so judgmental????" Yet another poster will read my post and say, "Oh, yeah, I like bananas in my pudding too! I completely understand your thoughts!" Same post--2 different interpretations.

Same thing can happen in real life to some degree. I've had people come up to me at church to apologize for offending me. I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. I hadn't felt any offense and was clueless on what gave them that impression. One said because I got up and walked out of his class early after he made a particular statement. What he failed to recognize was that I ALWAYS left his class at that time to get some business done (I was in a leadership position at the time and was often called out of classes). I appreciated his apology, but assured him there was absolutely no need--he could have been talking about socks and I would have left at that moment.

I firmly believe that we see things through our own lenses--our prejudices, our past, our own pet sins, our strengths, etc. If someone takes things so personally on a board like this, then they are sure to take things so personally in real life. So, long answer to your question--you are going to encounter people from all walks of life at church (whether LDS or other church). How you perceive their interactions is up to you. You are the force behind your life--not some random people on a discussion board or people you interact with. They may have an influence on you, but ultimately it is YOUR decision on how to treat each encounter and how you decide to handle it. For myself, I decided long ago that I am not going to let anyone else dictate how I decide I need to live and be. I'll choose that for myself and if someone is rude to me at church or in the store, then I choose to act in a manner I've determined to be full of grace and dignity.

[FunkyTown]

Mormons are pretty diverse - from Harry Reid to Glen Beck, old to young, all nationalities, all economic groups, ethnic groups, cultural groups, married, single, widowed, divorced etc. etc.. On Sunday, we might all look similar as we dress in Sunday dress, but everyone is different - very different - once you get to know them. Watch general conference if you want an example of what we should be like, but everyone who is not an apostle is not there yet...

And everyone who is an apostle isn't there, yet. Ref: Peter as an example, or any one of the myriad letters where apostles argued.

I have been around the world and seen many wards and have come to a conclusion:

I am always right. I've met other people who thought they were always right and had hope, but then always ended up being disappointed.

We'd get along up until the point that I discovered their mortal frailty: They disagreed with me on some point and proved they were incapable of rationality.

[beefche]

Funky, I am a better person since I discovered this truth.

I am always right. I've met other people who thought they were always right and had hope, but then always ended up being disappointed.

We'd get along up until the point that I discovered their mortal frailty: They disagreed with me on some point and proved they were incapable of rationality.

[Guest gopecon]

I've been a part of about 10 different wards/branches in my life. They are all different, so there's no way to guarantee what type of reception that you will receive when you return. With all of the emphasis that is put on helping people return, I think that most people will tend to be very welcoming and accepting. Don't be offended if you have unique ideas that get corrected in classes. As others have said, the anonymity of an internet forum is probably not a good way to guage how you will be treated in person.

[LittleWyvern]

If I go back to the mormon church, is this what I will be dealing with? Or is this just a bloggernacle thing, and church is much more civil?

I'm pretty sure it's just the internet. For example:

[Blackmarch]

I have read many comments on this board over the last few weeks. I followed the thread about fasting this week. here is my question, and I am VERY sincere - I am thinking about returning to the LDS church activity, and want to know if I can do so. Here is the question i asked on the Fasting thread, but please answer here as not to hijack that discussion.

And, btw - I am not a "troll." Just trying to understand and figure out the culture that I loved, and left, long ago, and if it will accept me, me, and allow me a place if I decide to come back...A place that I can be comfortable and find the gods amongst like-minded spiritual, moral, ethical, people.

Why do you treat each other like this? Wow. Is this what I have to look forward to if I go back to the LDS church? The amount of disrespect and utter disregard about different opinions on this board is scary to me.

I don't get it. Maybe I need to find a different place to gauge the active LDS membership at this time, because this and other threads I've read and followed, is quite, disappointing to me, to be honest.

Let me ask a question, a sincere question. Do you folk who participate on this board, represent the active, orthodox, membership of the LDS church?

Maybe this should be a separate thread, so as not to hijack this Fasting discussion? If I go back to the mormon church, is this what I will be dealing with? Or is this just a bloggernacle thing, and church is much more civil?

Don't answer here --- I will start a new thread. Thanks.

I represent myself. I show that i am LDS because i've had answers to prayers in regarads to things uniquely LDS , and that is where I should be. Doesnt matter what else happens.

Now i've met with LDS that range the whole spectrum of personality.

Sooner or later you're gonna hit a few bad apples in the bucket. It's great if you want if you want to be there for the companionship, and yes members need to do a better job at being christlike and etc... to everyone both neighbor and family, friend or foe. The leadership in the church has been trying to pound this concept into our heads for the past 100+ years or so.... And God has been trying to pound this concept into people for the last couple thousand+

But the real reason you should be part of the LDS is because you believe God wants you to, if you put your faith in anything else it will be very difficult to keep it.

Now if you want my perspective, in general with how people have treated me, the LDS mormons have generally been a cut or two above everyone else, in spite of all the funny stuff the like to do or believe in.

If you are not sure if the LDS church is where you should be I'd highly suggest taking a step back and looking at what you want your relationship with God to be.

Do you want to come closer to him, know more about him, and in finding him become one of his Disciples, and obtaining blessings that he has for you?

IF yes, then i'd say you need to humble yourself and start doing some serious praying, studying the scriptures.. and are you willing to do what it takes to accomplish that?

Also in my life all the times i've been to the many different wards i've attended between various Utah and idaho locations I"ve never had someone treat me disrespectfully at church and i've never had any socio-political game thingies brought up during any meeting or have people trying to involve me in one, and the occasions where arguments have occurred have been extremely extremely rare (now i'm not saying they don't happen but from my experience it doesnt happen as much as some would have an individual believe).

Edited November 10, 2011 by Blackmarch

[applepansy]

I have read many comments on this board over the last few weeks. I followed the thread about fasting this week. here is my question, and I am VERY sincere - I am thinking about returning to the LDS church activity, and want to know if I can do so. Here is the question i asked on the Fasting thread, but please answer here as not to hijack that discussion.

And, btw - I am not a "troll." Just trying to understand and figure out the culture that I loved, and left, long ago, and if it will accept me, me, and allow me a place if I decide to come back...A place that I can be comfortable and find the gods amongst like-minded spiritual, moral, ethical, people.

Why do you treat each other like this? Wow. Is this what I have to look forward to if I go back to the LDS church? The amount of disrespect and utter disregard about different opinions on this board is scary to me.

I don't get it. Maybe I need to find a different place to gauge the active LDS membership at this time, because this and other threads I've read and followed, is quite, disappointing to me, to be honest.

Let me ask a question, a sincere question. Do you folk who participate on this board, represent the active, orthodox, membership of the LDS church?

Maybe this should be a separate thread, so as not to hijack this Fasting discussion? If I go back to the mormon church, is this what I will be dealing with? Or is this just a bloggernacle thing, and church is much more civil?

Don't answer here --- I will start a new thread. Thanks.

Church is very much more civil.

I had your same reaction when I first started coming here. I thought there could be respectful, non-contentious exchange in an LDS forum. I was wrong. Supposedly I was even wrong about "contention". I was told we are here to "contend."

We are imperfect people. Add the annonymous nature of online forums and we get to see more of the imperfection in others but mostly in OURSELVES.

I've left off and on but I come back, because there are nuggets of gold here and sometimes when the planets align correctly I might type something that could be useful to someone.

This is not Sacrement Meeting. I expect to feel the spirit in my Sunday meetings. I go to worship my Heavenly Father and Remember my Savior. I don't expect to feel the spirit here (although it has happened on occassion). I also try to bear my testimony here.

Edited November 10, 2011 by applepansy
corrected final sentence.

[cwald]

Thanks all for the responses.

I'm glad that LDS.net does not represent what I can expect at church. That is COMPLIMENT to the church btw, in case someone want to accuse me of breaking the board rules.

this is what I was kind of hoping I would hear on this thread, because I am interested in returning to my tribe. Thanks applepansy.

Church is very much more civil.

I had your same reaction when I first started coming here. I thought there could be respectful, non-contentious exchange in an LDS forum. I was wrong. Supposedly I was even wrong about "contention". I was told we are here to "contend." ......

[cwald]

If you are not sure if the LDS church is where you should be I'd highly suggest taking a step back and looking at what you want your relationship with God to be.

Do you want to come closer to him, know more about him, and in finding him become one of his Disciples, and obtaining blessings that he has for you?

IF yes, then i'd say you need to humble yourself and start doing some serious praying, studying the scriptures...

I don't think you understand my question. I have a great relationship with the gods. And I am a disciple of Christ. I can do that without the LDS church. And, yeah, I will be upset if you parse my words about that, and it will tell me much about you and your beliefs about those of other faiths.

I pray, I study scripture. I'm just trying to figure out if I want to worship with the mormon people.

Edited November 10, 2011 by cwald

[rameumptom]

cwald, forums on the Internet are very different than most real meetings of people. Here, many feel they can let all things out, spewing forth whatever comes to their mind without first sending it through a tact or compassion filter. Also, without being able to see a person's face and body gestures/expressions, it is often easy to misinterpret.

Go ahead and visit your local LDS Church. I'm sure they'll be glad to have you, even if your head is a bit large and green....

[Dravin]

I will never, for the life of me, understand why some people take everything said on an anonymous, open discussion board so personally. I can submit a post about bananas and someone in the thread is going to get offended by what I wrote--"Are you calling me bananas? You think I have mental problems? How can you be so judgmental????" Yet another poster will read my post and say, "Oh, yeah, I like bananas in my pudding too! I completely understand your thoughts!" Same post--2 different interpretations.

I find the way people react to a post can, absent an established history between posters, be an interesting insight into how they communicate as it tends to reflect their communication style. People who are very precise in their language tend to assume others are as well and so pick up on word choices that don't occur to others who are of a less precise mindset. Likewise people who are blunt assume people are just being straight forward while those who are careful to couch their words to avoid any implication of attack or disapproval look at a blunt person's post as a viscous and bald attack (the reverse view would be that the couchers are afraid to tell things as they are). Another divide is those who are opinion staters versus those who like to discuss/debate issues. The former looks at the latter as combative and argumentative while the latter looks at the former as someone unwilling and/or unable to articulate their position.

Then you have baggage. For instance, I was invited back from inactivity in Utah by good and honest God seeking men. So rants about 'them Utah Mormons' rub me the wrong way, they disparage men and woman whom I love with insidious characteristics simply because of where they live. The thing is, unless you know me fairly well you aren't aware of that. So you scratch your head when your condemnation of Utah Mormons meets with rather strident disagreement.

You still have the same issues at play in face to face communications but the cues to suggest you may be taking a 'wrong' tack, or that you may be perceived in a way you didn't intend are present, or are much stronger.

Edited November 10, 2011 by Dravin

[RescueMom]

Cwald,

I am like you, I think it's our personality type (INFP here). When I first started on this board I was, in all honesty, shocked. But it is an internet board, nothing more.

If you are going to go back to church to be closer to God, it will be easier to accept the differences in others there, if you are going to have a social gathering it's going to be harder. Everyone is different, has different personalities, and will treat others differently. We are not perfect, only working on being perfect.

As an INFP, it's in my personality, nature, to see the potential of people to be more Christ like, and get disappointed when they fail. It's not their fault, its my own clouded thinking, I've come to realize that in my self.

I understand completely the what you are saying about doing it without the LDS church, there are many truths out there and God doesn't just reside only in the LDS church. He doesn't work that way, he gives knowledge, truth, guidance and love to all his children.

Your relationship with Heavenly Father is what is important, even if it is in your own way.

I am of the belief that having a relationship with God is the most important thing right now, everything else will come with time, and eternity is a long time.

As a parent with a prodigal son, that story takes on a whole new meaning from the parents pov. I don't care how my son decides to come home, I am just elated he has started on a path back. I don't want anything to distract him, it doesn't matter if he sticks to the path completely, so long as keeps coming home.

I hope this all makes sense.

Yes I do expect others here to disagree with what I have said above. ;-)

[cwald]

Yeah. I am an INFP. An idealists to the core.

[RescueMom]

Life's rough on us Idealist Healers...I tell you what. But we are in good company ;-)

[cwald]

Yes, especially when one considers that 60-70% of the population are Guardians.

[annewandering]

I never represent anyone but myself. Same for everyone else on here I think. A number arent LDS either but I seldom see them act anything but respectful.

Mostly I think a persons words on here seem more stark than in person because you can not see the modifications that body language and intonations give to the conversation.

[sister_in_faith]

In answer to your question cwald... Church is NOTHING like lds.net. I got active on this board again a couple of months ago and my idealistic views on church members loving and supporting each other was given a rude awakening. I supposed it was for the best, because now I'm more realisitic. But I have NEVER been attacked in church the way I have been attacked here. I guess because it's pretty hard to stand face to face with me and my service dog and rant about my living situation after I've already told you why it has to be that way.

I doubt that while at a class at church, if I asked the question about fasting, someone would pipe up and say, you know it probably won't kill you, or words to that effect, and if they did, then saw tears streaming down my face while I pull my service dog a little closer for comfort, when I explain how that hurts my feelings because I am struggling so hard to just survive in this life, I can't imagine any brother (at least at MY ward) doing anything but giving me a hug and appologizing for the misunderstanding. I don't know why people don't do that here. <shrug> but that's on them.

My guess is that the anonymous nature of the board makes this social climate possible. I seriously doubt (although I could be wrong) that even the most hardened of posters on here would say things that they say on here to people in their ward.

You and I are not alone in thinking that at times we log onto this site and feel like we have entered the twilight zone. It baffles me at times.

Thank you for bringing this up, because I have been trying to figure this out myself for several weeks.

I got over my inital hurt feelings and realized that if I wanted to participate in this forum I was going to have to change my expectations dirastically. So now, rather than expecting support, I expect a fight. If I'm not emotionally up to it, I don't log on. I think it is a shame to waste such a wonderful opportunity to HAVE a gentle, loving, supportive forum for LDS users. I wish that it could evolve to that.

But, no, this is NOTHING like church. At least MY ward. I hope you come to church with us! I'll give you a hug! :)

[cwald]

Yeah, and then the moderator asks me what was "disrespectful" about that fasting conversation, as if they have no idea how offensive it was, and as if it is just the normal tone around here.

[sister_in_faith]

The thing that bothers me about how this forum IS used, is that it confuses people, like yourself, who come on here to see what the LDS church is about. They think we are the way we act on here, in real life, and NOTHING could be further from the truth (IMO). It hurts the church and our missionary efforts. In that way I almost feel ashamed to participate.