joecool5491 Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 I am dating someone that I have truly come to love and everything seems great! I even am preparing to go to the temple if this all works out. Only one problem. She was less active and has had sexual transgressions she has committed and won't even talk about how much she is scarred. I don't know how to deal with it. I love her and I have waited to have sex until I am married but...now I am super unsure if i should be selfish and move on or find the strength inside to forgive and forget. What should I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 She was less active and has had sexual transgressions she has committed and won't even talk about how much she is scarred.Just to make sure- do you mean scared (afraid), or scarred (bearing scars)?And what leads you to believe she is either? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joecool5491 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 scarred and we have talked about it a little. Just enough where I have no idea even what to expect. She already told me she wasn't a virgin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joecool5491 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 like with scars emotionally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finrock Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Good Afternoon joecool5491 and Welcome to the forums!Perhaps this will help. The scriptures remind us that love casts away fear and allows us to endure with joy for the sake of those we love."And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things" (Moro. 7:45).If this is a person who you love and you are going to marry in the temple, there is no room for feelings of jealousy, regret, anger, and self-righteousness. Be simple and be easy. Do whatever it is that will most help her to have a happy earth life; that is what love would have you do.Regards,Finrock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 I'm still wondering why you believe there are scars. I mean, the purpose of repentence is to heal and make clean. Unless there was abuse or something, why are you thinking there are scars at all? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 I feel like we're missing a lot of information. How does one having been sexually active before marriage make them 'scarred?' It's going to be hard to give any kind of decent insight or discussion without knowing what kind of scars you are referring to and why you believe any such scarring exists. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 I'm still wondering why you believe there are scars. I mean, the purpose of repentence is to heal and make clean. Unless there was abuse or something, why are you thinking there are scars at all?I do not know exactly what he is referring to. But clearly, sin leave spiritual and emotional scars. I assumed he was talking about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 sin does not leave spiritual scars. not if the person has repented. repentance leaves you as clean as if you had never sinned at all. if there is no repentance then the wounds are still raw and bleeding so no scars there either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 sin does not leave spiritual scars. not if the person has repented. repentance leaves you as clean as if you had never sinned at all.I see no compelling evidence to believe this. On the contrary, in my experience, some sins leave deep spiritual scars that may never fully heal in this life. And like deep bodily wounds, many sins seem to leave incidental scars that may not impede action, but certainly stand as markers for what happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 I agree with Vort. I know people that have had abortions, done sexual sins, and have repented, yet they still have deep scars. Sometimes those scars go away after they have forgiven themselves, but to always. I think forgiving oneself is the hardest thing to . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 I see no compelling evidence to believe this. On the contrary, in my experience, some sins leave deep spiritual scars that may never fully heal in this life. And like deep bodily wounds, many sins seem to leave incidental scars that may not impede action, but certainly stand as markers for what happened.I have to agree with Vort here. At least in a sense. While repentance may take away the stains as far as our spiritual worthiness goes, its effects can stay with us throughout this life, affecting how we think, feel, react.My concern about the comment about 'scarring' is that we have no idea what exactly he's referring to. His implication with the scarring is that it also carries baggage. Many people who have repented (and even in the world many who have not) carry very little baggage from sexual relationships. I guess I'm just wanting to rule out that the OP is claiming that having committed sexual sin makes a person permanently and irreparably damaged (as in the licked cupcake example) when that goes completely contrary to the teachings of the atonement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 If there are scars left has the person completely repented? Part of repentance is letting go of the sin isnt it? I agree that it is hard to forgive ourselves but if we havent then we need to complete the process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 If there are scars left has the person completely repented?I knew a woman who had lived with her boyfriend for a few years when she decided she wanted to come back to church and left him. With time and counseling from her bishop, she felt that she had repented of the sexual transgressions, but she still felt a huge absence in her life that used to be filled by the presence of her boyfriend. By all standards she was worthy and had repented. But that doesn't mean that all of the scars had healed. All scars may be eased and healed through the power of the Atonement, but not all scars are directly related to sin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 I am dating someone that I have truly come to love and everything seems great! I even am preparing to go to the temple if this all works out. Only one problem. She was less active and has had sexual transgressions she has committed and won't even talk about how much she is scarred. I don't know how to deal with it. I love her and I have waited to have sex until I am married but...now I am super unsure if i should be selfish and move on or find the strength inside to forgive and forget. What should I do.If you cannot truly forgive her, then frankly you're not doing her any favors by marrying her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joecool5491 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Thank you all for all the messages. I really do love her and want to be with her. I will work to be more charitable. I hope to marry her in the future. All of this really helps. Thank you so much Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 If there are scars left has the person completely repented? Part of repentance is letting go of the sin isnt it? I agree that it is hard to forgive ourselves but if we havent then we need to complete the process.Perhaps it depends on what you mean by a "scar". I mean a visible mark or reminder of the past transgression, especially (but not solely) if that reminder impedes action or freedom going forward.Consider Alice and Beth. Both fornicate as teenagers. Alice gets pregnant; Beth does not. Both then repent of their fornication and turn to Christ. Are both healed spiritually? Yes. But Alice has a child, a tangible reminder of her fornication. Does she need to give the baby up for adoption in order to be forgiven of her sin? No, probably not. Whether or not she gives up the baby for adoption is a separate issue from her being forgiven. But Alice's fornication will be widely known, since she had a baby. Beth might be able to fly under the radar in that regard, but that doesn't make Beth's sin any less grave.None of us want to think of a child as a "scar", so consider another example instead. Suppose your sin was that you beat your child until he got brain damage. Can you repent of your sin? Yes. Will that magically cure your child's brain damage? Uh-uh. The effects or scars caused by your sin may well live on throughout your life, both externally (as in the brain damage) and also internally.In Elder Christofferson's recent General Conference address, he quoted D&C 20:30-31 to establish that "justification" means forgiveness from sin, while "sanctification" means the removal of sin's effects:“We know that justification [or forgiveness of sins] through the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is just and true;“And we know also, that sanctification [or purification from the effects of sin] through the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is just and true, to all those who love and serve God with all their mights, minds, and strength.”So in this life, we are justified by being granted forgiveness, but we struggle to be sanctified, a process that doubtless will take long after this life to fully achieve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jezebel2011 Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 How do you know she is 'scarred'??? You said that 'she has had sexual transgressions she has committed and won't even talk about how much she is scarred' I am a convert to the LDS Church. I had sexual relations prior to being baptised, none of which left me scarred in any way. I don't really understand your post, to be truthful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RescueMom Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) For the record Christ carries every one of those scars...every single one, for everyone. So yes they can be healed, just as he was healed and made perfect. And if someone doesn't understand that they don't understand the Atonement. If you can't get passed her sins then perhaps you need to move on. If you can see that she is repented, has the ability to be compassionate to others who have committed the same sins she has (which could include your children) and understand that her repentance process has made her a better person then you can marry her. And did she sin against you? Was she married to you when she committed these sins? If not then these sins are between her and God...and he has forgiven her...so why is his forgiveness not enough for you? Edited January 9, 2012 by RescueMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finrock Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Good evening joecool5491! :)Thank you all for all the messages. I really do love her and want to be with her. I will work to be more charitable. I hope to marry her in the future. All of this really helps. Thank you so muchYou're welcome.Regards,Finrock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayanna Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Hi joecool! I am so glad that you have found some one that you love. I don't know why you say maybe you should forgive? What do you need to forgive her for? Was she dating you when she committed those sins? If not, I'm afraid I'm a bit confused....I was married and divorced before meeting my dh and I did not require 'forgiveness' from him. I hope you care for her regardless of any past sins, as she will love you in spite of any past sins you have committed.... Also if you do marry her, know that you are not 'marrying down'. It takes quite a strong person to overcome and become active again, especially if she feels she is being judged by others. My advice to you is, if she did these sins long before she started dating you, and has repented of them, then let go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grannyd Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 I too had been sexually active before my marriage and married a man who waited until marriage. I am so grateful he could look beyond my past mistakes and love me enough to marry me anyway. We have been happily married for almost 40 years now. If you truly love her, you can work this out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.