How selective should you be when choosing someone to marry

[alucarD1975]

Yet you were willing to give me a serious answer later. What's so wrong with the question?

do you really think anyone would be that self centered and shallow? to leave their wife at the first sign of struggle or hardship?

[estradling75]

And I swear I'll repent of it just as soon as I'm done.

[Backroads]

do you really think anyone would be that self centered and shallow? to leave their wife at the first sign of struggle or hardship?

Not at the first sign, but like I said, I have heard of couples who will leave each other if unforseen medical problems or injuries crop up. They part with the mindset of "I did not sign up for this/My spouse did not sign up for this and it's not fair I make them stay".

[Misshalfway]

It's ok, Estradling, if you don't get my humor. Perhaps our "snark-charts" are not compatible.

[Guest]

oh I bet I would have.......

Okay you're right, I'd usually give a guy at least one chance. But definitely not a second date.

[estradling75]

It's ok, Estradling, if you don't get my humor. Perhaps our "snark-charts" are not compatible.

That seems to be the case... But at least we can blame it on 'snark-charts' and not on something personal

[Vort]

Migraines are a deal-breaker? Seriously?

Heck yes. If she's giving me migraines every day, sayonara.

[Wingnut]

silly question, silly anwser.....

Considering the rest of your comments and attitude in this thread, I don't think it was at all a silly question.

And in response to your follow-up question, I know people personally who have gotten divorced in the wake of unforeseen medical conditions. It's not all that unheard of.

[Wingnut]

Heck yes. If she's giving me migraines every day, sayonara.

Okay, I can understand that, I suppose. :)

[ChooseTheSun]

I got married before joining the Church, so I didn't have a very spiritual list of questions for my now-husband. However, I do remember telling him that if he used to date a guy, even just a fling, it was over! I told him to find another reason to break up with me if he was too embarassed to admit it, but absolutely do not marry me. I dated a closet gay man in college, and that was the pits to put it mildly. Anyway, that was my deal breaker, and so far so good! :)

[Backroads]

Considering the rest of your comments and attitude in this thread, I don't think it was at all a silly question.

And in response to your follow-up question, I know people personally who have gotten divorced in the wake of unforeseen medical conditions. It's not all that unheard of.

In all fairness, I really didn't intend the question to be a further probing of shallowness. Alucar said that he valued reasonal health and physical attractiveness and had taken steps to avoid any serious medical problems. I do think he made a fair case why he avoided serious medical problems and wondered if that same case still applied after marriage.

[alucarD1975]

In all fairness, I really didn't intend the question to be a further probing of shallowness. Alucar said that he valued reasonal health and physical attractiveness and had taken steps to avoid any serious medical problems. I do think he made a fair case why he avoided serious medical problems and wondered if that same case still applied after marriage.

like I said once you are married you play the hand you were delt.

my arguement is that youhad plenty of time to vet/screen/look for red flags before you were married.

there are always what if's

like what if my husband lied to me about his medical history? or didnt disclose whatever

but as a whole if you are selective and you pray and it is confirmed that this is the person you should marry. barring infidelity, abuse, severe addiction ( i would asume you weeded out persons with a family history of abuse or addiction) you should stick it out.

[Guest]

I know "in sickness and in health" isn't in the sealing ceremony, but I kind of thought all of that was implied. The thought of abandoning my sweetheart when he needs me most is absolutely baffling. I guess if I had that mindset, I don't deserve to have him for time or all eternity.

[Backroads]

I know "in sickness and in health" isn't in the sealing ceremony, but I kind of thought all of that was implied. The thought of abandoning my sweetheart when he needs me most is absolutely baffling. I guess if I had that mindset, I don't deserve to have him for time or all eternity.

That's how I feel.

Yet the horrible part of me feels terrible for spouses who are stuck supporting a needy husband or wife.

[Guest]

That's how I feel.

Yet the horrible part of me feels terrible for spouses who are stuck supporting a needy husband or wife.

It would be hard. It would suck. But barring abuse, addiction, adultery, I don't think I could ever feel "stuck" with my husband.

Stuff like that is part of mortality. We signed up for it. Sometimes it stinks. I covenanted to be his companion through all of it, and by golly, I meant it.

[Guest]

It would be hard. It would suck. But barring abuse, addiction, adultery, I don't think I could ever feel "stuck" with my husband.

Stuff like that is part of mortality. We signed up for it. Sometimes it stinks. I covenanted to be his companion through all of it, and by golly, I meant it.

I'm stuck with my husband. Whatever may be. Abuse, addiction, adultery included. But then, I consider being stuck a good thing. I tell you, there were times when the only thing keeping me in the marriage was the feeling of being stuck in it...

[annewandering]

It would be hard. It would suck. But barring abuse, addiction, adultery, I don't think I could ever feel "stuck" with my husband.

Stuff like that is part of mortality. We signed up for it. Sometimes it stinks. I covenanted to be his companion through all of it, and by golly, I meant it.

I agree. We married them for better or worse and we know life is not fair a lot of times. It would have been so easy, in those cases, for the tables to be turned and it is them taking case of us. And often is.

[Leah]

Or course they can be prescribed for:

Panic attacks

Anxiety

OCD

Bulimia, and anorexia

Migraines

The list goes on and on....

By the way these are all deal breakers

Seriously? You wouldn't marry someone who has migraines?

I am once again assuming that should you ever develop migraines....the woman in your life could "dump that dude".

I am comforted by the fact that while you may/may have missed out on amazing women because of your attitudes, the "chicks" in question didn't miss out on a thing.

[Guest]

Seriously? You wouldn't marry someone who has migraines?

I am once again assuming that should you ever develop migraines....the woman in your life could "dump that dude".

I am comforted by the fact that while you may/may have missed out on amazing women because of your attitudes, the "chicks" in question didn't miss out on a thing.

He explained migraines on a later post. They don't prescribe anti-depressant for regular migraines. I kinda agree with his point.

[Misshalfway]

like I said once you are married you play the hand you were delt.

my arguement is that youhad plenty of time to vet/screen/look for red flags before you were married.

there are always what if's

like what if my husband lied to me about his medical history? or didnt disclose whatever

but as a whole if you are selective and you pray and it is confirmed that this is the person you should marry. barring infidelity, abuse, severe addiction ( i would asume you weeded out persons with a family history of abuse or addiction) you should stick it out.

Yeah. I think your right. We select, we encourage prayer, and for the most part, I think people do the best they can in choosing a mate. Or...maybe people in general don't. What's that saying..."Fools rush in."

But we can't prevent life from happening. And a lot of what happens IS hard and would be for anyone. A person can screen out all sorts of issues in a spouse. Doesn't mean you won't experience issues with a child or a child's spouse.

I guess I think that what matters is how we handle things when life sends curve balls. Part of growing up is learning how to deal with life. Maybe that is what you mean when you said that we play the hand we're dealt.

I've shared this before, but I "screened" my husband in all the ways I knew at the time. And the Lord nudged me a lot and confirmed my decision to marry him in very clear ways. I thought that meant I'd be "safe" from all the plagues of other marriages, and safe in ways that only mattered to me. I was so profoundly wrong. My marriage was difficult and damaging and painful....and one of the greatest blessings of my life at the very same time.

What I understand now is that God allows us, in his wisdom, to have experiences with various kinds of "hard". We need the hard. Otherwise we'd be spiritual whimps. He does it to refine us and to give us knowledge that can't come any other way but experientially.

I think that when we try so hard to protect ourselves we can sometimes screen out the very things that could be our greatest blessings. How is Jesus able to succor his children? Because of his sufferings!

And I know now that I can do hard things. "Big and scary" stuff doesn't phase me like it used to. Like the fires we've had lately near my home. The day we evacuated, so many were scared and panicking. I was calm. A burned down house just didn't seem like the worst thing to me. God and I had a few sweet gratitude moments together that day.

[Leah]

Clearly you dO not know anyone who suffers from chronic migranes..... Not a normal headache.

It is terrible and debilitating, Most people with this issue. An only function through heavy medication. the medication that they need to take can have serious side effects that can effect pregency, the ability to have kids etc etc.

So yeah migranes..... Deal breaker..

I am sure you can provide legitimate sources to back up these claims.

[Leah]

do you really think anyone would be that self centered and shallow? to leave their wife at the first sign of struggle or hardship?

Unfortunately, the reality is that such people do exist.

[Guest]

I am sure you can provide legitimate sources to back up these claims.

It is known that anti-depressants may pose a risk in pregnancy. Some medications pose a lower risk but anti-depressant prescription is a tricky thing - changes to medications can be very risky. Here's a quick google Mayo Clinic write-up:

Antidepressants: Safe during pregnancy? - MayoClinic.com

About fertility - most anti-depressants side-effect is a lower sex drive. Fertility impact of the medication is only significant in men, as far as I know. But depression and chronic migraine, in and of themselves, may be indications or causes of fertility issues. For example, endometriosis (a condition that causes infertility in women) a lot of times lead to chronic migraines.

Okay, alucar... you owe me like, 100 bucks.

[Maureen]

I would dump a chick who was on anti depressants..... I would also dump a chick who though sex should only be performed in the mission position.....

Yeah ok whatever I'm shallow......

My wife is currently carrying our second child,.....

I wouldn't say that makes you shallow, I would say you're married therefore you shouldn't even be looking at chicks.

(I just had to comment.)

M.

[annewandering]

Oh my gosh. I have trouble understanding some people but this whole self centered approach to marriage just nauseates me.

My gosh what do YOU have to offer a mate? Love, kindness, understanding, humor, self sufficiency, moral ethics, or just self centered pain in the rear attitudes?