Not sure what to do with my marriage

[angie1]

Hello!

Please read my story, I really need advice.

Well my situation is very tough.. for me anyways.

You see, I dated a non-member for a couple of years and got married at 18. I was in love with him and even though our relationship was rocky, I married him.

I guess my testimony was not as strong back then, because as the time passed by, I realized how much I needed the COMPLETE Gospel. I couldn't hang a picture up of the temple, or felt uncomfortable practicing my own beliefs around him (because it would bother him) After a while, things got bad. Our fights got physical and he would kick me out of the house and left me out in the street sometimes in the middle of the night. I began to fear my spouse and relationship. We have no children.

One day, I decided to just get separated. I asked my mom if I could move in for a little. So I took my things and left. My husband was very hurt and would not leave me alone. He would call me nonstop all day. One day, he talked to the missionaries on his own. He got the talks and got baptized a month later. He begged for me to come back and I did because I felt that was what I HAD to do. I did not WANT to but I was willing to go back and see how things were. We took some marriage courses in the church.

It has been for months since we got back together and since he got baptized. I do not like who I am in this relationship and I feel like I still cannot have the full experience of the gospel in my home. I know he does not agree with a lot of things of the Gospel, I constantly have to be babysitting him with attending church, or things like that.

Every day, I have thought of leaving and finding someone truly worthy. I CRAVE that. I feel like I deserve a more respected relationship. I am a person that is fun and laughs a lot with EVERYTHING and I feel like I cannot do that around him because I "annoy" him. He will get very angry at me and cuss at me. I hate that

I really wish I could end this marriage and find someone that will make me truly happy. My fear is that nobody will love or accept me because of me having a divorce. I will be 21 in November and I feel like it is too late to give up. I love the gospel and I feel like my testimony has grown soooooooooooooooo much in the last year.

Please advise me. Thank you for taking the time to read my story

[Guest]

Do not have children with him. If he is still abusive to you, get out. Go counsel with your bishop. Good luck.

[MorningStar]

Tons of people get married again after a divorce. My friend married when she was 18, he was abusive to her, and then she found a very good man after they got divorced. Fearing not finding anyone else is not a good reason to stay with someone abusive. Pray about it. If you feel like you are supposed to leave, do it.

[ldswithgreeneyes]

Leave now. You are still young and don't have baggage. At your young age, there is still hope. Do it now before you lose your nerve and become pregnant. Just run.

[ashestamour]

I was in a very abusive relationship as well and I do know how trapped you must feel..

I prayed - the hardest I ever have in my entire life.. I had a strong prompting to pack everything I had at his place and leave.. I almost didn't follow it but I know that if I hadn't I would still be with him.

So my advice is pray, and listen to what the Holy Spirit is trying to tell you. It will change your life and you will be so grateful that you did - it wont be easy but you can do it!

[mrmarklin]

You are in abusive relationship. You should leave.

[SeekingHope77]

Oh Angie,

Marriage is supposed to be a beautiful thing. Heavenly Father desires for us to be happy! Men ARE that they may JOY! Absolutely do NOT bring children into this relationship! Consider yourself lucky that you figured out you made a mistake marrying him before you had kids. What a blessing. You made a mistake. Chalk it up to being young and naive. We all make mistakes! You have righteous desires! Heavenly Father set up the Plan of Happiness for us to enjoy our families forever! This is NOT what you want NOW, let alone for ETERNITY! Being divorced at 21 is nothing to worry about. It's much harder to remarry once kids are involved. There are plenty of worthy, righteous young men who would be willing to marry you, take care of you, cherish you, and enjoy you forever! You deserve it. I would speak to your bishop immediately. No one deserves physical, verbal or emotional abuse. Leave that relationship!

Good luck dear!

[ldswithgreeneyes]

Oh Angie,

Being divorced at 21 is nothing to worry about. It's much harder to remarry once kids are involved. There are plenty of worthy, righteous young men who would be willing to marry you, take care of you, cherish you, and enjoy you forever! You !

Listen to lemonherb!!! I can tell you that once you are older and have kids it is hard. I am 38 and people still think of me as "young". I love my children and will never be ashamed of them, but it is so hard to find a good man. I am at the age where males my age are a)married b) married but cheating(happens all the time) or c) gay. It really fails. It might be too late for me but it is not too late for you. Talk to your Bishop!!! I will pray for you.

[NeuroTypical]

Our fights got physical and he would kick me out of the house and left me out in the street sometimes in the middle of the night.

Sorry - just to make sure I understand - what does "got physical" mean? Lots of different things that could mean - it's important we know. Was their beating/hitting? Who hit who?

You say it has been 4 months since he got baptized. Has he changed? Have you?

I constantly have to be babysitting him with attending church, or things like that.

Not sure what that means - could you clarify?

To be clear - you have no kids, I really don't care one way or the other if your marriage ends. As others say, 21 and divorced with no kids is hardly a deal-breaker for future prospects.

But it's important to know what's up with you and him, so you don't end up picking another spouse of the same model, and ending up in the same situation again. It happens. A lot.

[angie1]

Thank you all! It truly warms my heart reading your advice and your prayers are the best!. To answer some questions, Abusive meant.. him pushing me onto the floor, pulling my hair, pushing me out the door, choking me once, breaking things in front of me. Me... I broke a glass when I was scared.. I guess that's a dumb way of reacting. I sometimes would be bruised in my arms and legs and when people would ask, Id make up a lie.

He has NOT done that again. But can be verbally abusive. I feel like respect is gone. I feel distant. I guess because I have not felt safe in a long time.

I know he is new to the church, but I "babysit" him by asking him to wear appropriate clothing to church or to attend to church. He is not supportive of me taking some institute classes that I was advised by my bishop to attend. He says it's a waste of time that I could be using to attend regular school.

I miss a joyous relationship. I don't think one is happy EVERY TIME OF DAY, but I wish I could be happy at least one moment of everyday. I used to have that.

[ldswithgreeneyes]

Thank you all! It truly warms my heart reading your advice and your prayers are the best!. To answer some questions, Abusive meant.. him pushing me onto the floor, pulling my hair, pushing me out the door, choking me once, breaking things in front of me. Me... I broke a glass when I was scared.. I guess that's a dumb way of reacting. I sometimes would be bruised in my arms and legs and when people would ask, Id make up a lie.

He has NOT done that again. But can be verbally abusive. I feel like respect is gone. I feel distant. I guess because I have not felt safe in a long time.

I know he is new to the church, but I "babysit" him by asking him to wear appropriate clothing to church or to attend to church. He is not supportive of me taking some institute classes that I was advised by my bishop to attend. He says it's a waste of time that I could be using to attend regular school.

I miss a joyous relationship. I don't think one is happy EVERY TIME OF DAY, but I wish I could be happy at least one moment of everyday. I used to have that.

Um, yeah, you need to get out. Like yesterday!