Jenamarie Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Discouraging him from what? And what exactly would you have us do?It can be discouraging to have your community acting like you've let them down, even if you know you really didn't do anything to disappoint them, even if on the surface it may look like it (if this young man's case is anything like my husband's) and you may be lumping shame on him where it isn't warranted (and even if it *is* warranted, it's not our place to do such). Pretend it's 2013 and treat him the way you would seeing him for the first time then. Whether he's home due to sin or extenuating circumstances, I'm sure he knows he's letting people down, and he needs all the "love unfeigned" he can get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 The thread sounds morbid when you just read it on the forum listing:Sorry for digging up the dead... by Jenamarie 08-27-2012 09:14 AM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 The thread sounds morbid when you just read it on the forum listing:Sorry for digging up the dead... by Jenamarie 08-27-2012 09:14 AM Darn it, Pam. You've discovered my secret lab! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 I intended it to be morbid. The way daboosh phrased the sentence, it made it sound like anything we did would be wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackmarch Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Baby Sister's missionary just got back into town today... freakishly early. As far as I can know, he hasn't given a reason yet, but I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with this and trying not to judge. Baby Sister wants us to welcome him back with open arms... I'm an hour away, so I haven't seen him yet, but I'm still really angry. I'm trying to pray for peace and love toward this kid, but it's really hard. This is a stellar kid who I love (and sort of hoped to see officially join the family one day) and I'm just shocked and angry right now.Just let it go... and keep in mind that there are quite actually a lot of reasons for coming home early other than sinning.And in the event that he did something along the lines of sin, you do need to be nonjudgemental/forgiving and welcoming.And 9 times out of 10 youll find out sooner or later why he came home early without having to pry if youre patient.And yes it is hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daboosh Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Discouraging him from what? And what exactly would you have us do?well, firstly, you don't ostracize him because he was sent home from his mission early. he would be feeling enough shame without people looking down on him because he didnt live up to the pressure of perfect mormon standards.this sort of attitude towards him will make him feel like more of a failure and want to cave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooter1 Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 This post really had me upset. Missionaries are not gods.They are not perfect people.None of us are. We ALL right now this very day will sin of something. Ive been to the temple and I still sin everyday.(Thank goodness for the repentance process) This is between the lord and this missionary.You are in more danger than this missionary for judging him.My son also came home early from his mission and everyone in our ward welcomed him home with open arms.He still goes to the temple,he has a calling and still uses his priesthood. I don't understand no matter what this boy did on his mission why you are having these feelings when we all sin everyday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 well, firstly, you don't ostracize him because he was sent home from his mission early. he would be feeling enough shame without people looking down on him because he didnt live up to the pressure of perfect mormon standards.this sort of attitude towards him will make him feel like more of a failure and want to cave.Wow. This is even less helpful than your first post. Did you read ANY of my follow-up posts? Did I say a single word about ostracizing anyone? All I did was ask for help on getting past my frustration, and you start throwing all these accusations at me. I have no desire to make anyone feel unloved. What I do stand by is the honor and responsibility of missionary service.What you just said made it sound like anyone who encourages a missionary serving full-time is a rotten person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) This post really had me upset. Missionaries are not gods.They are not perfect people.None of us are. We ALL right now this very day will sin of something. Ive been to the temple and I still sin everyday.(Thank goodness for the repentance process) This is between the lord and this missionary.You are in more danger than this missionary for judging him.My son also came home early from his mission and everyone in our ward welcomed him home with open arms.He still goes to the temple,he has a calling and still uses his priesthood. I don't understand no matter what this boy did on his mission why you are having these feelings when we all sin everyday.Well, excuse me for being human and having feelings. Again, another person who is deciding to judge me without having bothered to really read my posts. My exact point in CREATING THIS THREAD was to GET HELP IN NOT JUDGING. And you are being all high and mighty. So apparently unless I'm a perfect sinner like you, I'm this evil soul who is constantly judging. Would you like to know why I am having these feelings? Because I'm human. Because I'm imperfect. Because I don't know the full reason why he's home. Because I feel very strongly that serving a mission is a priesthood duty that is not to be taken lightly. I was trying to avoid feelings of judgment in my sister's boyfriend. That's why I started the thread. I actually feel I was able to get past a point of any harsh judgment. Your thread was extremely rude and judgmental. I'm very happy that you have reached a point where you no longer judge others, but you still have not reached the point of being able to help others who ask for help and advice. Edited September 19, 2012 by Backroads Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 May I point out that Backroads started this thread as a way to gain perspective and ask for input? She freely admitted that she was too close to this situation to see everything clearly (at least, that's how I read it). She pointed out that she thought a lot of the RM in question, her exact words being, "This is a stellar kid who I love". She is worried for her little sister and trying to sort out her feelings, not condemning every RM who voluntarily returns or gets sent home early. Not sure why all the hyperventilating toward Backroads, but I think it's safe to lay off her a bit and give her the benefit of the doubt. It's hard when people we love let us down, and the closer we feel to them, the more their individual failings feel like a personal betrayal. I would encourage nourishing a Christlike love for this apparently lost sheep (if he was indeed sent home for some transgression -- sorry if I haven't kept up on the thread adequately). Not sure what to say about little sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 I don't understand no matter what this boy did on his mission why you are having these feelings when we all sin everyday.Now, now . . . Let's not all judge Backroads for sinning differently than we do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooter1 Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Just a guy, Excuse my ignorance but I don't get what your trying to say to me. Backroads,I didn't mean to upset you so.I just don't understand why you would be so upset over a missionary coming home. It doesn't make since to me.What I WOULD be upset about is if he didn't say anything at all and had stayed on his mission.You wouldn't want him on his mission if he was unworthy to do so. Just trying to understand.Sorry if I upset you. My advice would to be to pray and read your scriptures.This young man probably feels bad about it to. He is going to need you and your love and acceptance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Just a guy, Excuse my ignorance but I don't get what your trying to say to me.Backroads,I didn't mean to upset you so.I just don't understand why you would be so upset over a missionary coming home. It doesn't make since to me.What I WOULD be upset about is if he didn't say anything at all and had stayed on his mission.You wouldn't want him on his mission if he was unworthy to do so. Just trying to understand.Sorry if I upset you. My advice would to be to pray and read your scriptures.This young man probably feels bad about it to. He is going to need you and your love and acceptance.Thanks for the advice.I don't think it's wrong to expect a worthy priesthood holder to serve a full-time mission if at all possible. I believe that being upset by a missionary coming home early and loving and caring and accepting a person are two completely different things. Loving/caring/accepting someone does not mean I have to love what he did or didn't do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Now, now . . . Let's not all judge Backroads for sinning differently than we do. Thank you Pres. JAG Uchtdorf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 We now know who JAG's favorite is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Just a guy, Excuse my ignorance but I don't get what your trying to say to me.I was merely hinting that it's so easy to condemn judgmentalism in others, that often in doing so we (ironically) demonstrate the very same failing.Backroads,I didn't mean to upset you so.I just don't understand why you would be so upset over a missionary coming home. It doesn't make since to me.What I WOULD be upset about is if he didn't say anything at all and had stayed on his mission.You wouldn't want him on his mission if he was unworthy to do so. Just trying to understand.It's not an either/or situation. Lots of young men at least manage to avoid the "big" sins, worthily accept the call to serve, and stay out the entire two years. I fully agree that "this young man probably feels bad about it to[o]. He is probably going to need you and your love and acceptance." On the other hand, let's not pretend that there's a moral equivalence between serving worthily, and coming home early due to unworthiness--or that a person has no right to feel disappointed when a close family member fails to live up to his or her obligations under the Gospel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted August 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 So... apparently there is a chance Misisonary will return to the field, and Little Sister is torn between having her boyfriend back and encouraging him to go back out to the field. She says she would prefer him to resume his mission, but they've also returned to pure dating mode. I'm trying to think of good advice to give her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 "Do you want to be married forever to a husband who is willing to sacrifice a year of pleasure to do his duty to God? Or would you prefer someone who takes the easy way?" Hmmm. Kinda harsh, maybe. But something along those lines, perhaps? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted August 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 That could work. She's so for everyone accepting him back--which is good--but she doesn't seem to know where to draw the line. She's a very loving and accepting person, so I'd like to get her thinking both about accepting boyfriend back and the importance of him serving a mission. I think I ought to be stressing the latter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 Alternatively: "If your desire is that he return to the field your actions are at cross purposes to your desires." This is assuming the advice is not about if she wants to encourage him to go back, but how she should behave around him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) My wife says that as a YW she was told "find someone who loves you more than they love themselves, and someone who loves God more than they love you". I can attest that that principle has contributed immensely to the quality of our marriage. It is amazingly grounding to know that there are at least a few things that your spouse just won't do, no matter how much you might lean on him/her to do it. It teaches sacrifice and compromise, builds mutual respect, and ultimately fosters a stronger relationship. I'll leave it for others to unravel that principle with regard to missionary service versus early marriage. Edited August 31, 2012 by Just_A_Guy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.