Struggling.... thinking about throwing in the towel

[motogirlAZ]

I have recently started back to the church after years and years of being inactive. I am doing EVERYTHING that is asked of me. I read the scriptures almost daily, i pray throughout the day, I worked with my bishop to work through my years of inactivity and the mistakes I made, and I actively serve others.

Yet I am struggling with different thoughts and feelings I have not felt since I left the church. Feeling LESS than, feeling hopeless that I can not live this high standard of life, and feeling like I just want to RUN.... RUN fast away.

I have prayed, I have fasted... and so forth. Sometimes it brings hours of peace but the overwhelming feeling of "I can't do this" returns.

Living the gospel is REALLY hard. I know if I walk away I will never come back.

I am looking for ANY suggestions or advice on how to make it through this.

I am desperate for any advice, answers, or prayers.

I do not want to be a burden on anyone in my ward or my bishop anymore...

[Anddenex]

Ether 12: 27,

The gospel is one of progression, and when we come unto Christ, we are consistently shown how to be perfected in Christ.

There is only one source which discourages a person from coming unto Christ and that is the adversary. Simply don't give up.

[BusyB]

I think it's satan trying to get you to give up because you are trying to live right. Keep trying and hang in there!

[prisonchaplain]

Faith is a gift given to us by God. We choose to accept it an exercise it, but the power of it comes from God. Likewise with righteousness. Our good works are called filthy rags by the prophet Isaiah. The goodness you want to live is the fruit of the Spirit (Galations 5:22-23). So, stop...stop trying to conjur up the goodness from within yourself. Instead, seek that fount of living water that comes from Christ. Ask Heavenly Father that Christ's righteousness will be poured into you. Then you need merely grab hold of the strength that is within you...that which comes directly from the throne of God.

[Misshalfway]

You say you feel you "can't do this". Can't do what exactly? You say living the gospel is hard. Well....what is hard about it? Reading the scriptures? Law of chastity? WofW? Attending church?

[SanctitasDeo]

I second prisonchaplain's words. When you were baptized, you entered into a partnership with Christ to create a change inside you. Christ is the contributing partner. It sounds like you are exercising faith. Relax and let Christ carry you.

Also, I would recommend asking your bishop, home teachers, or a friend for a blessing.

Thank you for the thread. I needed a reminder of this same sort of thing right now.

[motogirlAZ]

Thank you for you words of advice. What am I specifically struggling with... I guess loneliness and isolation.

I just ended a 8 year unhealthy relationship at the beginning of this year. I was talking to my family tonight and I told them that living outside of the gospel for so long you just get used to doing what you want to do and when you want to do it. You are able to fill any desire at any time.

The moral thread of society has changed completely as President Monson described. Living the gospel is like paddling upstream... for years I was on the boat enjoying the turbulent waters... and went where ever I felt like going.

I guess I just have lost hope and faith and I am trying to reconnect...

Right now I have to be very mindful of everything I do. People I talk with. Music I listen to. TV I watch. I unfortunately took myself so far down the downward spiral I have a lot of climbing to do to get back out of the hole.

When an alcoholic gets sober they have to change people, places, and things. It is the great obsession of every alcoholic to be "normal" and drink like normal people do.

I could say that is the same for me. It is the battle I fight most days to not go back to my normal old ways while I create new healthy habits. I would love to be able to just be normal and not have to conscientiously and mindfully watch EVERYTHING I do so I don't break a commandment.

I guess I am like a young child learning how to walk, I must take a few steps before I learn to run.

I wish I would have just been able to be converted to the gospel as a young child.

[skippy740]

I'm going to take you through 1 verse of scripture and analyze it and liken it to you:

2 Nephi 25:23

23 For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.

This is one of the most mis-understood scriptures in the Church. It's often used as a "counter" to the often also mis-understood doctrine that by grace alone we are saved.

If you open your printed scriptures to this verse, you'll see that it is split across the page. We often focus too much on the second half of the verse, instead of the 1st half.

The first step, is to have faith in Christ. To truly be born again in our hearts - that the rest of the "gospel tasks & lifestyle" becomes easy.

Trying to complete the "gospel laundry list" without joy is a waste of time. And that is what I sense in your post.

You talk about "doing all that is asked of me"... as though you're trying to please someone else, instead of Christ.

Don't give up, but you need to focus on your feelings and pray for a spirit of encouragement - a feeling that you're on the right path. Without an encouraging feeling, it would be easy to feel discouraged.

Pray to voice your frustrations... but read to focus your mind on spiritual things. You'll find it much easier to get an answer to prayer when your mind and heart are trained on spiritual things.

It's not easy... but once you begin to enjoy the spirit, and able to seek it and enjoy it... it will become easier.

"Take my yoke upon you, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

[Gargantuan]

You are heading in the right direction. Satan wants you to think that you can't continue your change and that it is impossible to do. I know what you are experiencing, and it is a lonely and sometimes frustrating road. You probably already read the scriptures on a daily basis, and you have learned how helpful that practice can be. This is merely a suggestion, that you keep reading them and apply the scriptures to yourself.

It helps to make notes about how a scripture may apply to how you feel or how it answers some of your frustrations. As you read of a particular scripture that touches your heart, the Holy Ghost will aide and comfort you. God is always aware of your thoughts and His Spirit will inspire you as you read. May I suggest that you say a sincere prayer before each scripture session that your mind will be able to focus on the message God wants you to have and it will become easier for you to run to tomorrow. Blessings, Gar

Edited October 29, 2012 by Gargantuan
spelling

[MorningStar]

Not living the Gospel is even harder. The consequences are too great. Don't give up! You don't have to be perfect. Just keep trying. :)

[AlaskaJoe]

I am a very recent convert to the Church and I understand what you are going through. Perhaps it may help you if I describe the difficulties that I have had and what has helped, and continues to help me, get through every day, one day at a time.

So, here are the issues I am working with. I have recently been baptized and even more recently received the aaronic priesthood. I am still wet behind the ears, so to speak. There is no strong childhood foundation for me to stand on. Sometimes, I wonder if my testimony may one day come crashing down like a house of cards around me. I have faith it won't. In fact, I pray twice a day, on my knees, because I have a testimony.

The day before my baptism, my wife left me and moved back down to the lower 48. I was married for 18 years, and now I am not. I kept it to myself and didn't tell anyone. It was awkward in church when people would ask me about my wife. It's oddly ironic that my marriage ended because I strongly believe in the words contained in "Family: A Proclamation", and she doesn't. To be divorced after 18 years of marriage is earth shattering, to say the least. Yet, I still have a testimony.

It was difficult to listen to my wife to tell me that I am joining a cult. It was difficult to listen to my wife say the LDS church is a man-made religion. It was difficult to look at her when she laughed in my face like I was some kind of idiot. It was difficult to listen to her tell me she is happy our marriage is over. Yet, I still have a testimony.

I can understand the loneliness that you feel. For me, it's hardest in the evenings. If I didn't have the Church and a ton of prayer, on my knees, I would self medicate every night with lots of alcohol. It would have to be hard liquor. Beer just doesn't work strongly and quickly enough. My poison of choice would have been vodka martinis because they get right to the point. But, I don't drink because I have a testimony.

My family lives in Salt Lake City. They don't know about my beliefs. They are atheists and dislike Mormons. Oh boy, how am I going to explain this one. How am I going to decline having a beer with my sister on the porch the next time I visit her? Yet, I will. I can imagine her jokingly saying, "What? Why? Are you a Mormon?". Then I can imagine her realizing that I am when I blankly stare at her and can't deny it. Then I can imagine her cussing me out and calling me stupid and asking me what I am thinking. But, I wouldn't be upset with her, because I have a testimony.

My business partner and boss does not know that I have become a Mormon. In December, I have to go down to Mexico for a three day "management retreat". In reality, it is an excuse to party, hang out on the beach, and get really hammered with the guys. I have no idea how awkward it is going to be when I can't drink with them. I have no idea how it is going to affect my career, but I will get through it, because I have a testimony.

When my wife left, she got everything. She also gets a ton of spousal support because it is the law, and the right thing to do. She could literally not work for the next two years and not have want for anything. I should be driving a brand new BMW. Instead, I drive the cheapest Honda they sell. But I will get by, because I have a testimony.

I recently wrote my first tithing check. Guess what, it's on gross wages. Ouch! After talking with my bishop, I realize that it really is the right thing to. When I wrote that check, I almost choked. I couldn't even bring myself to sign it at first. It took allot of prayer. But, eventually I did sign it. When I handed it to the bishopric, I felt much happier and I knew it was the right thing to do, because I have a testimony.

Look, I know that you are having a rough time too. I can relate. It is hard. It really is. But, the reason we do this is because we have a testimony. Pray. Listen to our prophet and the apostles. I promise that, contained in their words, you will find something that is especially for you and your situation. All of their general conference talks are online.

Don't leave the Church. I promise you are not alone. After all, you're a sister. I guess that means we are all family in some way.

Edited October 29, 2012 by AlaskaJoe

[Guest SquidMom]

I was inactive for most of my adult life. Making the decision to start goung to church again, becoming more spiritual, was very hard. You seem to say that you have many hapits that are against the chuch's teachings. Going cold turkey is impossible! If you attempt everything at once, and fail, you will feel more and more overwhelmed and the temptation to give up will be stronger.

Baby steps! One thing at a time. When you left the church, you likely developed your bad habits gradually, over a period of time, until it they became ingrained in you daily life. Living the gospel again is a good idea, I'm not saying it's not! But I think that if you approach it gradually, a little at a time, it can become ingrained in you just as the others lifestyle did. Patience, persistence. Don't let a slip up get you down because God right there with you. He wants you back. Hold out your hand for help and let Him take it. It doesn't matter how long a journey takes, as long as you are headed in the right direction you can never be lost.