Feeling unloved in my Patriarchal Blessing

[Faith_Grace]

I got my patriarchal blessing last week. I've been trying hard to be fine with it. But it's really hard. It breaks my heart every time I read it.

There is nothing wrong in it thought. It just that all it says is about my husband and my family, and every time there is a blessing stated, it's for the sake of my husband and my family.

There's no promise, no advice, no warning, even no tribe. (I'm just adopted by Abraham.)

There's nothing more than serving my husband an my family, which I happily accepted and I love it.

I just do not feel loved or cared at all by Heavenly Father. It seems He has nothing to say to me, even if I do love Him with all my heart. I feel so sad.

I do have a very personal connection with Him, and feel close to Him.

But this one time in life blessing really make me feel like I was silly to think that I'm important to the Lord...

I want to believe and Heavenly Father loves me and cares about me, but every time I read my blessing, I can't help thinking otherwise...

[Vort]

For myself, I consider the greatest and most special parts of my patriarchal blessing to be those parts where I am counseled how to treat and defend my loved ones.

But we all have different strengths, needs, and personalities, so I guess I really don't know what to say to you. I have no doubt God loves and cherishes you as much as he does anyone else. Apparently, that's not what the patriarch thought was important to tell you in the blessing he pronounced. Maybe he assumed you already knew that.

[Dravin]

I just do not feel loved or cared at all by Heavenly Father. It seems He has nothing to say to me, even if I do love Him with all my heart. I feel so sad.

He did have something to say to you, it just concerned advice on how you should interact with your Husband and Family. I know it's a feeling issue not a case of objective observation, but if I tell you, "You should study hard in school so you can support a family." that's something to say to you. It's obviously a case of mismatched reality verses expectations, what exactly were you expecting?

Edited February 14, 2013 by Dravin

[Dravin]

On a more personal and subjective note, I find extreme joy in my wife. Any advice in how I could maintain or even deepen that joy would be most welcome to me. In learning to be more selfless towards my eternal companion I understand better selfless Christlike love, and through that even better how God loves me. For while there are differences, it being romantic love, it is through the eyes I look upon my wife that most closely mirrors the eyes through which God looks upon me. If I had children I suspect the comparison would be even closer.

Perhaps instead of blessing you with the words, "You are loved and special to your Father in Heaven." he gave you advice and counsel to help you even better feel and understand how he loves you.

[Faith_Grace]

For myself, I consider the greatest and most special parts of my patriarchal blessing to be those parts where I am counseled how to treat and defend my loved ones.

Thank you, Vort,

For me, the counsel on how to treat my husband and family is the ONLY part. I don't have any other part to like.

Well, the patriarch is an old friend from my husband's family though...

[Finrock]

Good afternoon Faith_Grace. It is a pleasure to meet you! :)

I got my patriarchal blessing last week. I've been trying hard to be fine with it. But it's really hard. It breaks my heart every time I read it.

My best advice to you is to have faith. It has taken me years, sometimes, to even begin to recognize what parts of my patriarchal blessing mean. There are areas of my blessing that I have brushed aside because at the time I was reading it my mind was either immature, concerned about something else, or just not familiar with a particular aspect of life. As you gain experiences, as you learn more about God, and as you continue to read and pray over your partriarchal blessing, you will begin to see in the blessing more than you could ever imagine.

I got mine at a young age and with someone with no experience being a parent or being in a committed relationship, parts dealing with family and such seemed like things for someone else.

Boy, are those parts relevant now that I have a wife and kids and my family is central to my life!

Anyways, you just got the blessing. Take time to care for it, to read it, to ponder it. Give God time. Have faith. Your blessing is for you and God knows exactly what He is doing. Each. And. Every. Time.

Regards,

Finrock

[Finrock]

Oh, and I also wanted to point out that it wasn't until after my mission that I found out my lineage. It isn't unheard of for a patriach to not announce (for whatever reason) your lineage when you get a blessing. In my case I spoke with my patriarch after my mission and told him I never had my lineage announced. He took me aside one Sunday in to a room, placed his hands on my head, and pronounced my lineage. That was that.

The Church Handbook also addresses this and recommends exactly what I did.

Regards,

Finrock

[Faith_Grace]

On a more personal and subjective note, I find extreme joy in my wife. Any advice in how I could maintain or even deepen that joy would be most welcome to me. In learning to be more selfless towards my eternal companion I understand better selfless Christlike love, and through that even better how God loves me. For while there are differences, it being romantic love, it is through the eyes I look upon my wife that most closely mirrors the eyes through which God looks upon me. If I had children I suspect the comparison would be even closer.

Perhaps instead of blessing you with the words, "You are loved and special to your Father in Heaven." he gave you advice and counsel to help you even better feel and understand how he loves you.

Thank you, Dravin

This is lovely.

I prayed a lot about the PB. I heard the Lord saying "selfless." Interesting you posted about your selfless service to your wife, and how it helps you to be more Christlike. :)

This counsel I would definitely follow.

[Faith_Grace]

Good afternoon Faith_Grace. It is a pleasure to meet you! :)

There are areas of my blessing that I have brushed aside because at the time I was reading it my mind was either immature, concerned about something else, or just not familiar with a particular aspect of life.

Finrock

Finrock, it's a pleasure to meet you too! :)

The thing I'm sad about is that that's the ONLY part. hehe. I have two kids now with my husband.

I feel like that my faith stays stronger when I don't read my PB.

[Wingnut]

I don't really have any suggestions, or any proffers of help. I just notice that the OP in this thread is female, while each of the posters in the thread thus far are male. While good feedback has been given, as a woman, I find myself simply sympathizing with you, Faith_Grace. I know what it's like to not feel loved (whether I am or not), and it's very lonely and empty. For a period of several years in my life, each and every time I received a blessing of any kind -- health, comfort, setting apart, etc. -- the first line (after my name and declaration of Priesthood authority) was "Your Heavenly Father wants you to know how much He loves you."

Anyway...I'm sorry you don't feel loved. (((((hugs)))))

Edited February 14, 2013 by Wingnut

[Sharky]

Do Not Dispair!

Three-fourths of my life has past since I received my PB. Initially my attitude towards the blessing was it wasn't that great or fatanstic. I had heard wonderful stories about PB & the help they wold be/could be & the all that jazz, but mine was just kind of lacking. I saw NOTHING in it of value or worth or purpose.

As time has past I have found different things in that blessing that I had not seen or read in quite the same sort of way before.

There are phrases that now hold great meaning were they had once been rather neutral.

Seems as I progress I begin to gain understanding .... like when a 1st grader is learning to read & apply the meanings of words to what he/she is reading, except with PB we are learning on a more Spiritual plain.

I think sometimes we look at something geat but see nothing but the simplistic, though as time passes & as we develop spiritually & gain experience in this life that many of those "simple things" take on a different meaning & purpose that we had not sensed before.

My PB has 2 things in it that up until about a year ago were just words. Those simple words of advise have started to gain meaning as I find myself entering into a "new phase" in life. I didn't, couldn't understand them until I had progressed to a time & point in life that they would be applicable.

[Faith_Grace]

"Your Heavenly Father wants you to know how much He loves you."

Anyway...I'm sorry you don't feel loved. (((((hugs)))))

Thank you so much Wingnut for your understanding, and your hugs. :)

"Your Heavenly Father wants you to know how much He loves you."---This is what I need to hear and see it written.

Well...

I don't want to be so grumpy about it, but I can't help it.

[Faith_Grace]

Do Not Dispair!

My PB has 2 things in it that up until about a year ago were just words. Those simple words of advise have started to gain meaning as I find myself entering into a "new phase" in life. I didn't, couldn't understand them until I had progressed to a time & point in life that they would be applicable.

Thank you, Sharky

Maybe I'm just lacking of humility while reading it. I'm looking too much for proof of the Lord's love and care for me in my own way.

I'll try to read it more humbly and prayerfully.

Like you said, I've heard stories of others PB, so loving and sparkling, mine is just kind of humbling... and I don't sense the love I'd like to feel or hear.

Thank you, I'll try to be more patient...

[annewandering]

Well my blessing was certainly different. It said the things you wanted to hear and it also 'told' me there would be something terrible concerning my sons and it talked about me dying and being back with those I loved.

There were some things that I wondered about that I see why now.

So do you really want to know there would be problems with sons when you are 16? Or that the ones you love will be dead before you are? And that you will be happy to die?

I love my blessing but honestly I would not 'wish' much of it on someone else.

It sounds like God thinks you are a pretty cool person and He knows you are going to do the right things. The one trial He is giving you now is to find a testimony of how much He knows you and loves you. Oh when you get another blessing for your linage he might just give you that blessing. Never know!

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Faith_Grace, I love what Wingnut said, and I second that. (((Hugs))). I'm sorry you are feeling bad. I think the others are right that in time you will see why your PB is so, but for now (((hugs))).

Annewandering, wow, bless your heart, your blessing does sound quite sobering. You are the first person I know of (besides me) that has a *warning* kind of blessing.

My PB mentions -more than once- "trials and tribulations". When I received it, I didn't think anything of it, because I assumed everyone's said that. But I have read my husbands, and three of my children, and talked to numerous other people...and that is NOT a common phrase at all. Surprisingly though, realizing that is not a common phrase, that it was indeed meant for me...is very comforting in a kind of "this is going to be tough, but I know you can do it" sort of way.

[Faith_Grace]

Well my blessing was certainly different. It said the things you wanted to hear and it also 'told' me there would be something terrible concerning my sons and it talked about me dying and being back with those I loved.

There were some things that I wondered about that I see why now.

So do you really want to know there would be problems with sons when you are 16? Or that the ones you love will be dead before you are? And that you will be happy to die?

I love my blessing but honestly I would not 'wish' much of it on someone else.

It sounds like God thinks you are a pretty cool person and He knows you are going to do the right things. The one trial He is giving you now is to find a testimony of how much He knows you and loves you. Oh when you get another blessing for your linage he might just give you that blessing. Never know!

Thank you, annewandering, for replying.

Wow, it sounds like you've got a lot to take in for your PB. Thank you for sharing this! Thank you.

And thank you for your advice. :)

[Faith_Grace]

Faith_Grace, I love what Wingnut said, and I second that. (((Hugs))). I'm sorry you are feeling bad. I think the others are right that in time you will see why your PB is so, but for now (((hugs))).

Annewandering, wow, bless your heart, your blessing does sound quite sobering. You are the first person I know of (besides me) that has a *warning* kind of blessing.

LiterateParakeet (((hugs))). Thank you.

I do feel better now after reading others replies, and receiving hugs. :) I'm just far from selfless... hehe

[mnn727]

I am a convert of almost 20 years now that got my PB about 2 years after converting,

My thoughts right after was "That's it, really??" it seemed so generic to me,

After receiving it I read it again and shook my head, not sure what I was expecting but that wasn't it.

I put it away and didn't look at it again for 5 years -- at at that time I saw some relevant parts to it, another 5 years and I saw even more, it changed as my life experiences happened, or rather I changed and I saw how the PB was actually relevant and specific to me.

I haven't looked at it in a number of years now, time to pull it out again.

[Traveler]

I got my patriarchal blessing last week. I've been trying hard to be fine with it. But it's really hard. It breaks my heart every time I read it.

There is nothing wrong in it thought. It just that all it says is about my husband and my family, and every time there is a blessing stated, it's for the sake of my husband and my family.

There's no promise, no advice, no warning, even no tribe. (I'm just adopted by Abraham.)

There's nothing more than serving my husband an my family, which I happily accepted and I love it.

I just do not feel loved or cared at all by Heavenly Father. It seems He has nothing to say to me, even if I do love Him with all my heart. I feel so sad.

I do have a very personal connection with Him, and feel close to Him.

But this one time in life blessing really make me feel like I was silly to think that I'm important to the Lord...

I want to believe and Heavenly Father loves me and cares about me, but every time I read my blessing, I can't help thinking otherwise...

If I went to someone that I love and respected and with whom I was very familiar with and sought their wisdom for advice and they told me of things I was already doing - I would feel very good about it. I would feel that my efforts were appreciated and that I was loved.

On the other hand - if I was told many things of which I was not doing and had not thought much about - that is when I would feel that if I had been making much effort - that it was unappreciated and that I better get with it.

You must be some special lady and your husband is truly blessed - however, I do wonder a little what he was told?

The Traveler

[annewandering]

Surprisingly though, realizing that is not a common phrase, that it was indeed meant for me...is very comforting in a kind of "this is going to be tough, but I know you can do it" sort of way.

I felt that way too. I was only 16 but it was sobering and an amazing testimony to me when we did have problems with our first two sons. They are two that are waiting to greet me when I die. No matter what happens to those I love I know they will be there. There is a real place.

One thing that amazes me is how the blessing changes over time. When I was 20 things meant one thing. When I was 40 they meant somethings entirely different to me. Now there are parts that have changed again.

I think the blessings change meanings for what you need at various points in your life. Now your family is one very important thing to be working on. Well family is always important but now is a time you need to focus more there.

In forty years it might be family history. Who knows now. If you read your blessing often you will have inspiration that is important for you at that time.

[Faith_Grace]

After receiving it I read it again and shook my head, not sure what I was expecting but that wasn't it.

that's what I felt just now!

Now I feel better, thank you! :)

[Jennarator]

Sorry, I didn't read the other comments.

My first thought is that since you do have a close relationship w/ Heavenly Father, he knows he will be able to guide and counsel you as needed. He knows you listen to him regularly.

[Faith_Grace]

If I went to someone that I love and respected and with whom I was very familiar with and sought their wisdom for advice and they told me of things I was already doing - I would feel very good about it. I would feel that my efforts were appreciated and that I was loved.

On the other hand - if I was told many things of which I was not doing and had not thought much about - that is when I would feel that if I had been making much effort - that it was unappreciated and that I better get with it.

That's a wonderful perspective to look at it! :) Thank you Traveler.

This makes me feel better. :)

Edited February 14, 2013 by Faith_Grace

[Faith_Grace]

Sorry, I didn't read the other comments.

My first thought is that since you do have a close relationship w/ Heavenly Father, he knows he will be able to guide and counsel you as needed. He knows you listen to him regularly.

I'm just feeling insecure... when it comes to being loved, I'm always feeling insecure. greedy

[rameumptom]

Perhaps your Patriarch was having a rough day when he gave you a blessing. Don't doubt the love God has for you. It is real, and it is there, even if a piece of paper doesn't mention it.