Living w/opposite gender

[Bini]

A while back, there was a discussion on opposite gender living arrangements where some felt that they are always inappropriate, regardless if it's platonic. If I recall, it was debated that participating in this violated LDS modesty regulations and such. I remember mentioned an LDS lady that appeared on a reality show and shared a house with roommates of both genders. She was used as an example of violating LDS standards.

Some thoughts. Is it a LDS standard violation to house with the opposite gender when the relationship is platonic or a non-sexual business arrangement? How about inviting a homeless friend of the opposite gender who is down on their luck to stay with you? How about a man renting a room from the home of a woman that runs a Bed & Breakfast? How about a woman hired to be a live-in caregiver to a disabled man? Are these situations acceptable exceptions? If yes, then it would seem that "intent" is the deciding factor in whether something is right or wrong. Similar to the idea that taking life is not murder, if in self-defence. Any thoughts?

[dahlia]

I've wondered the same thing and am curious to see the responses.

[NeuroTypical]

I use a simple rule of thumb:

"Let's say you have a thousand people in the same situation. Let a week pass - how many of them ended up making whoopie of one kind or another?"

If the answer is over 3, then it's a bad idea.

[annewandering]

I have a family member who is still living in the house of their divorced spouse. The spouse wants them around for safety and chores and the family member wants to save money.

They really do not like each other but have lived like this for years even married. No sex, etc.

I think its nuts and the bishops says they need to change the living arrangements.

Honestly, I dont even understand why they got divorced. Nothing has changed except tax?

[Anddenex]

Cohabitation is strongly discouraged of opposite genders, whether the relationship is platonic or not.

While attending BYU my wife was roommates with the first Mormon on "Real Life" which housed about 6 women and 6 men in the same house (I think the sitcom was called "Real Life" from MTV).

She couldn't attend BYU anymore after this, because she housed with 6 other men, and lost her BYU endorsement.

Brother and sister are different, obviously. I also think it is very different to have roommates of opposite genders, versus a friend who comes and stays with you for a week and then leaves.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I can only tell you my experience...

A long time ago, when I was single, my roomate/best friend and I decided to move to Alaska. She had lived there before and had some friends (but that was in her wild-inactive years). So we made planned ahead, saved money, loaded up her little trunk lke the Beverly HillBillies, and drove up to Alaska. What a great adventure it was! When we got there we moved in temporarily with her old friends (I think temporarily was several months until we both found jobs and got an apartment).

Our first Sunday in Anchorage we went to church and made an appointment with the Bishop. We explained to him our situation--the look on his face was priceless when we explained that our temporary roomates were a woman and a gay man. He just said to find another place as soon as possilbe, and we did (though as I said it was several months). During that time I was called to work with the Young Women, which I loved, and I was so sad when we found our own place that was outside of ward boundaries, so I had to be released.

[Windseeker]

I've mentioned before that I lived a year in Manhattan NY sharing a rent controlled apartment with 8 homosexuals. I attended the young adult ward in the building that has now been converted to our Temple. I chose this arrangement as I couldn't afford to live anywhere else. I was invited by some female flight attendants (former ex-models) who out of compassion for my situation (being a straight guy) invited me to share their apartment but that would definately have been not only breaking the rules but way too much of a tempation for me at the time. But living amongst perfectly manacured and trimmed dudes...pffft no temptation there. They ended up being caring and respectful roomates.

After a year I made some friends at the young adult ward and would have moved in with them but ended up transfering to Seattle.

[Just_A_Guy]

Cohabitation is strongly discouraged of opposite genders, whether the relationship is platonic or not.

While attending BYU my wife was roommates with the first Mormon on "Real Life" which housed about 6 women and 6 men in the same house (I think the sitcom was called "Real Life" from MTV).

She couldn't attend BYU anymore after this, because she housed with 6 other men, and lost her BYU endorsement.

This was Julie Stoffer of MTV's "The Real World", I think; and my understanding is that it wasn't an ecclesiastical endorsement issue but a BYU Honor Code issue.

It is possible to be a good (even temple recommend-carrying) Mormon while not living the BYU honor code (anyone here have a beard?).

I do think having an opposite-gendered roommate is reckless and borderline stupid; and my wholly judgmental guess is that over 50% of people who are in such relationships and claim that they're completely platonic, are out-and-out lying. But recklessness and stupidity per se do not subject you to formal Church (as opposed to BYU) discipline.

[Anddenex]

This was Julie Stoffer of MTV's "The Real World", I think; and my understanding is that it wasn't an ecclesiastical endorsement issue but a BYU Honor Code issue.

It is possible to be a good (even temple recommend-carrying) Mormon while not living the BYU honor code (anyone here have a beard?).

I do think having an opposite-gendered roommate is reckless and borderline stupid; and my wholly judgmental guess is that over 50% of people who are in such relationships and claim that they're completely platonic, are out-and-out lying. But recklessness and stupidity per se do not subject you to formal Church (as opposed to BYU) discipline.

I agree. My use of BYU endorsement is that she was no longer allowed to attend BYU, nothing more. In other words, BYU no longer endorsed her to remain enrolled as a student.

[pam]

It is possible to be a good (even temple recommend-carrying) Mormon while not living the BYU honor code (anyone here have a beard?).

Not me. :)

[Bini]

Thanks for the thoughts.

I'm curious about the examples given.

[ditd]

Hi Bini

I live with a family of a mand and a woman in their early 40s and their daughter of 20. I myself am in my late 20s.

My Bishop has no problme with it as it is benificial to the family (who have been close friends since I was baptised) and to me spiritually, financially and emotionally.

I think it is often a case-by-case decision and often depends on the intent and personalities of those involved.

[SteveVH]

Not me. :)

That's a relief!