Throwing garter at wedding reception

[mom2bret]

I will be marrying a LDS member and was wondering what people's thoughts on throwing the garter at the reception. I have read articles on both sides but wanted to hear from ordinary everyday people.

Also about a keg and homemade wine. Myself and my family are not LDS and we make our own wine its been passed down for generations. What are people's opinion of haveing that at a mixed reception?

[Bini]

I did the garter thing with my first marriage and it was majority LDS. I don't see any problems with it.

Regarding a "mixed" reception, since the keyword is mixed, I think both parties (LDS and non-LDS) should be respectful of differences. Consuming alcohol is optional, so for those that don't drink, they don't have to. I don't see it much different from attending an event where others may be having a few glasses of wine at a restaurant and I choosing not to.

[pam]

How does your fiance feel about it? His feelings should be taken into consideration as well.

Not about the garter but about the alcohol.

Edited February 20, 2013 by pam

[mom2bret]

He is fine with both the garter and the alcohol. He knows that my family and friends come from a long line of winemakers and doesn't have a problem with it.

[Vort]

I personally find the whole garter thing to be oddly immodest and a sexualization of the bride, which as a groom I would find unusual and unseemly. But I wouldn't get offended if someone did this at his or her wedding, so if it works for you two, go for it, I guess.

I personally would not want any alcohol served at my wedding. But then, I also did not marry a non-Mormon, and that might change the equation. You should ask your fiance about whether he's comfortable serving alcohol at his wedding reception. Since you indicate that he doesn't care, I guess that probably solves the issue.

I am guessing your fiance is not a particularly active, participating Mormon. I wonder if his family is? In the interest of family harmony, and especially if the majority of your wedding guests will be LDS from his side, you might want your fiance to run the idea of alcohol at the reception past his family and see if there are any objections. While I don't think the decision is theirs to any degree, if some family members are going to get bent out of shape over it, you might consider rethinking that. Or not. Just a thought.

[mom2bret]

Actually he is the only Mormon an either of our families. His family is mainly catholic and mine is a mixture of Lutheran and non denominational. And the reason he is giving his ok for family to have the homemade wine is because he has been to one of our family weddings and knows that since we come from a long line of winemakers that's a family tradition. He also knows how hard the decision to give that part of my heritage up is for me but I have given it up and no longer make or drink it. But it is a part of me and my heritage.

So if I can ask what other fun or special activity do people have if they don't do the things like the garter toss?

[Dravin]

For me the special activity was getting sealing together in a Temple of the Most High. For most of the active temple worthy members who married the same there wasn't a public wedding, and what was public was a reception.

[pam]

For me the special activity was getting sealing together in a Temple of the Most High. For most of the active temple worthy members who married the same there wasn't a public wedding, and what was public was a reception.

Which really has nothing to do with the OP's questions regarding the garter and wine. She already stated that he is the only member on both sides of the family. :)

[ACommonMan]

So if I can ask what other fun or special activity do people have if they don't do the things like the garter toss?

To be bluntly honest, I think a common difference between LDS and non-LDS wedding receptions stem from the celibacy of the bride and groom. LDS receptions tend to be a lot shorter and allow the couple to move on to an anxiously awaited honeymoon. There doesn't need to be as many time fillers to stretch the reception into an all day event. Typically, I see a receiving line so everyone gets a chance to congratulate the couple, the Daddy/Daughter Dance, the couple's first dance, the cake cut, the bouquet toss, and then the newlyweds take off and the guests dance and party without them.

Personally, I did the garter toss, but somewhat regret it. It felt more awkward than I had expected it to when planning the event.

[pam]

Which really has nothing to do with the OP's questions regarding the garter and wine. She already stated that he is the only member on both sides of the family. :)

But then again, I guess it does. After I reread the a later post a couple of times. My apologies. :)

[Anddenex]

He also knows how hard the decision to give that part of my heritage up is for me but I have given it up and no longer make or drink it. But it is a part of me and my heritage.

So if I can ask what other fun or special activity do people have if they don't do the things like the garter toss?

Wow...this is very impressive, obviously you care and love your fiance to give up such an aspect of your heritage.

Honestly, I am in line with Vort and his response regarding the outlook upon women. This is part of the reason I don't care about lingerie.

I have been to weddings, Mormon weddings where this is done. Although I feel similar to Vort, if you decide to toss the garter then do it with style.

It is awkward and funny when a Mormon couple decides to do this and the groom is blushing the whole time, hesitating, and even unsure himself as he looks around for guests approval.

Or the wedding I went to and the bride didn't lift her dress, and the grooms hand was searching for the garter, ya, that was more awkward then the dress being pulled up a bit. I would rather witness a dress slightly up, then a groom's hand up the dress searching -- ya awkward and funny at the same time. That's the Mormon way of rebellion, without being rebellious.

At these weddings I find myself thinking, man if you are going to do it, just do it with style.

The first wedding I attended did this, and the poor groom and bride, her dress was lifted up while the timid groom was listening to his friends and his family say, "Teeth" -- "No teeth, just grab it" -- "No, teeth!" -- "Don't listen to them, just grab it with your hand." All the time her dress is up. Silly Mormons.

Edited February 20, 2013 by Anddenex

[MarginOfError]

My advice is don't worry about traditions you feel you're supposed to have, and don't worry about what other people will think of traditions you include.

It's your day, your reception, and you and your fiance should choose whatever traditions (or new innovations) you think you will enjoy.

Honestly, I am in line with Vort and his response regarding the outlook upon women. This is part of the reason I don't care about lingerie.

I rebuke you! "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." Notice the conjunction OR in that statement. You have the good report from me that lingerie is lovely. Seek after it, brother.

[Bini]

My husband looks good in lingerie. He's worn a bra cup around his head and has put both arms through the straps as if to wear it. And now, our almost two-year old daughter does it with great pride.

[pam]

My husband looks good in lingerie. He's worn a bra cup around his head and has put both arms through the straps as if to wear it. And now, our almost two-year old daughter does it with great pride.

Great..now if I ever have the pleasure of meeting your husband that's what I'm going to think about.

[Jennarator]

My boys would put black bra over their eyes and call them bumble bee eyes! LOL!

as far as the garder toss, I would do with out it just because it's hard to get guys to try to catch it. LOL!

[Guest gopecon]

My .25 on the alcohol thing...if the wedding is non-denominational then go ahead. If it is at an LDS chapel with an LDS bishop conducting it, then it would not be appropriate. This is especially true if you are going to use the gym/cultural hall for the reception.

[Maureen]

...So if I can ask what other fun or special activity do people have if they don't do the things like the garter toss?

If you go with the garter toss and are also having a dance you can combine the garter toss with the throwing of the bouquet and the two winners can have a dance together.

M.

[Anddenex]

I rebuke you! "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." Notice the conjunction OR in that statement. You have the good report from me that lingerie is lovely. Seek after it, brother.

Well then dear brother, I stand rebuked, but unrepentant.

As I stated, if you are going to [wear it], wear it with style! However, I am more fond of what my friends brother said the day after their sister married. They opened one of the gifts, and it was lingerie, and the sister tossed it to her brother and said, this is what your spouse needs. His response (Warning: TMI...you have been warned), he threw the lingerie on the ground, and said, "why, that is where it will end up anyway."

I tend to agree with him.

[mom2bret]

For me the special activity was getting sealing together in a Temple of the Most High. For most of the active temple worthy members who married the same there wasn't a public wedding, and what was public was a reception.

I understand that. But we don't have that opportunity at this time to do that.

[NeuroTypical]

The first wedding I attended did this, and the poor groom and bride, her dress was lifted up while the timid groom was listening to his friends and his family say, "Teeth" -- "No teeth, just grab it" -- "No, teeth!" -- "Don't listen to them, just grab it with your hand." All the time her dress is up. Silly Mormons.

Silly indeed - they didn't even blindfold the groom, and replace the bride with grandma.

(Full disclosure - I passionately dislike all of the "let's embarass the heck out of the groom" nonsense I've seen or heard about. But I did catch the garter at one wedding, and was indeed the next guy out of the bunch to get married.)

[mom2bret]

I appreciate everyone's thoughts on these 2 matters. Thank you all. Any more will be great also!

[MarginOfError]

Well then dear brother, I stand rebuked, but unrepentant.

As I stated, if you are going to [wear it], wear it with style! However, I am more fond of what my friends brother said the day after their sister married. They opened one of the gifts, and it was lingerie, and the sister tossed it to her brother and said, this is what your spouse needs. His response (Warning: TMI...you have been warned), he threw the lingerie on the ground, and said, "why, that is where it will end up anyway."

I tend to agree with him.

I laugh, and I appreciate the humor. But I still feel compelled to defend lingerie. (even if this does end up in the adult forum)

Those who turn down lingerie because "it just ends up on the floor" fail to grasp the purpose of lingerie. Lingerie isn't about sex. Lingerie is about ambiance, foreplay, and recognizing that the journey to sex is as equally important to sexual fulfillment as the sex itself.

So does lingerie sexualize a woman's body? Yes! But sometimes sexualizing ourselves is an enjoyable part of sexual fulfillment (as long as it is a voluntary act) and is no more inappropriate than playing Strip Phase 10.

(Mods: if you really feel this needs to be moved, let me know and I'll move this post to the adult forum)