Why am I never asked to speak in church?

[tumbledquartz]

I know what you're going to say: that I should just be grateful I've been able to avoid that dreaded call from the bishopric. And maybe I should, but this has been bothering me for a long time and I can't seem to shake it. It's been almost 15 years since I've been asked to speak in church, and that was when we were moving out of our ward 3 moves ago, even though I've been very active and faithful all this time.

My husband, who is now completely inactive and a drug and alcohol abuser, has even spoken in church more recently than I have by a good 6 years or so. We've been in our current ward for the better part of a decade, and I've seen the same people up there speaking more than once, as if the bishopric has gone through the whole ward and started over again at the beginning, but they keep missing me.

And I don't really want to tell the bishop how I feel because I don't want him to call me to speak just because I told him to. I want him to ask me because he felt inspired to do so. And I feel like the fact that he isn't is a sign that the Lord doesn't trust me with that assignment or something. Am I being too idealistic, thinking that the Lord inspires all of these decisions? Am I just suffering from "elder brother" syndrome like in the prodigal son parable where the older brother feels resentful because he's been faithful and he feels like his unfaithful brother got something he didn't?

Thoughts? Advice?

[Mahonri]

1. You guessed it. Be grateful.

2. Prepare a number of talks on various subjects, that way, when you do get called to give a talk you'll be ready AND

You'll have the blessing of preparing talks... and that always helps a person individually. It does me anyway.

3. Do you bear your testimony on Fast Day? I feel that's important every now and again. At least they would know you can stand in front of others and bear testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel?

4. Do you go to the Temple and put your husband's name on the prayer roll? Do you fast for him?

In the past 6 years I've been asked to speak twice. Neither time with my wife. I think she's been asked to speak in sacrament meeting perhaps twice in the past 20 years. And she is a much better speaker than I. Go figure.

[tumbledquartz]

It's funny, the first scripture I came across after posting this was D&C 11:21, which says, "seek not to declare my word, but seek first to obtain my word..." And it's not like I haven't done that at all, but together with your thoughtful reply, Mahonri, I feel like that's my answer. And you gave me some great advice. I do actually bear my testimony every few months, and I put our names on the prayer roll when I go to the temple, which is only a few times a year right now. I need to get there more often. Anyway, thanks for answering. :-)

[Traveler]

I know what you're going to say: that I should just be grateful I've been able to avoid that dreaded call from the bishopric. And maybe I should, but this has been bothering me for a long time and I can't seem to shake it. It's been almost 15 years since I've been asked to speak in church, and that was when we were moving out of our ward 3 moves ago, even though I've been very active and faithful all this time.

My husband, who is now completely inactive and a drug and alcohol abuser, has even spoken in church more recently than I have by a good 6 years or so. We've been in our current ward for the better part of a decade, and I've seen the same people up there speaking more than once, as if the bishopric has gone through the whole ward and started over again at the beginning, but they keep missing me.

And I don't really want to tell the bishop how I feel because I don't want him to call me to speak just because I told him to. I want him to ask me because he felt inspired to do so. And I feel like the fact that he isn't is a sign that the Lord doesn't trust me with that assignment or something. Am I being too idealistic, thinking that the Lord inspires all of these decisions? Am I just suffering from "elder brother" syndrome like in the prodigal son parable where the older brother feels resentful because he's been faithful and he feels like his unfaithful brother got something he didn't?

Thoughts? Advice?

You may take some comfort in a story of Gandhi that when traveling stopped off at a village for a rest-put. The people of the village gathered outside of where Gandhi was staying and asked him to speak a sermon to them - he refused. But the gathering refused to disperse and they continued to ask again and again for a sermon - each time Gandhi refused. Finely the crowd became more restless and the requests became more demanding. And then Gandhi responded simply by saying - "I am my sermon".

Examples, not words are the best sermons (talks).

The Traveler

[NeuroTypical]

Back a few wards ago, I went a few months without having a calling. I went up to my Bishop and asked him if there was a calling in store for me. He thanked me, and said the ward had more members than callings right now, but would certainly keep me in prayerful consideration.

A few months later, the ward split. I caught the bishop in the hall and said "Hi bishop - can I have a calling now?" And in the next two weeks, I had one.

Have you considered doing something similar?

[Dravin]

Thoughts? Advice?

Tell someone in the Bishopric how you feel.

And I don't really want to tell the bishop how I feel because I don't want him to call me to speak just because I told him to. I want him to ask me because he felt inspired to do so. And I feel like the fact that he isn't is a sign that the Lord doesn't trust me with that assignment or something. Am I being too idealistic, thinking that the Lord inspires all of these decisions? Am I just suffering from "elder brother" syndrome like in the prodigal son parable where the older brother feels resentful because he's been faithful and he feels like his unfaithful brother got something he didn't?

What is interesting is you think that if you tell the Bishop he might, in an uninspired manner, ask you to talk in sacrament. On the other hand you are so sure of the inspired nature of who is asked to talk that you feel not having talked is a consequence of inspiration (kinda anti-revelation, the Lord specifically not bringing you to mind because he doesn't want you to give a talk). Which is it? Do you trust the Bishopric to be guided by the spirit in who they ask to give talks or don't you?

Edit: I just want it to be clear I'm not berating you or otherwise chastising you, the questions are designed to give you a mental nudge and see what side you might settle down on.

Edited March 11, 2013 by Dravin

[MarginOfError]

My experience is that, absent really good records, bishoprics have no idea who has spoken recently and who hasn't. It's just too much information to keep straight for most people.

In my ward, the only time we were good about getting everybody a chance to speak was when we kept a list of who had spoken and how long it had been since they had spoken. Each month, the bishopric would review these lists with the topics in mind trying to find people that would be great speakers on a topic. However, very few bishoprics have this information available to them (it isn't stored in the software distributed to units). So, odds are, they have no idea that you've never been asked to speak.

If you want to give a talk, your best bet is to tell them that you've never been asked. Trust me, they will be thrilled to know that there is someone who is both willing and eager to do so. It may not be the bolt of lightning inspiration that you want them to have, but it will be a huge service and comfort to them.

[Guest]

Last time I was asked to speak in church, my assigned topic was "hope". I remember as I prepared it I felt like, "Oh, crap. Something bad is coming." Sure enough I went into preterm labor with my twins a few weeks later, which put me on 4 months of bedrest, which was the start of the hardest 2 1/2 years we've had in our marriage/family.

Careful what you wish for.

[Connie]

I have been assigned to speak in two weeks. Please send me your talk and i would be glad to give it for you vicariously.

[annewandering]

I dont know. I feel like some of us are invisible and others are visible. We have only been in one ward that we were actually seen. Not surprisingly it was a wonderful ward and people were very close. I am sure they thought we were nuts but they gave us jobs and we were even asked to speak. It never happened before and never happened again.

Maybe its just part of our trial here on earth. Just remember God loves you and sees you even if no one else does!

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Another way to think of it....perhaps your desire and concern about this (rather than relief) is the Spirit nudging YOU...follow the Spirit and let you Bishop know how you feel.

[tumbledquartz]

Thanks everyone. Your replies have given me a lot to think about. The honest truth is that I don't necessarily have this burning desire to speak in church; it just feels like I'm not being noticed. Kind of like when your husband gives you something really thoughtful as a gift. It's just cooler when you don't have to tell them what to get you.

Plus, sometimes I wonder if I get overlooked because I don't usually have an active or faithful husband, so then it hurt when he got asked and I didn't. Then again, maybe the bishop has thought to ask me but isn't doing it because he's trying to be sensitive to the fact that I an there struggling alone with kids every week.

Anyway, thanks for all your different perspectives.

[annewandering]

Sometimes I wonder if they think that if the spouse is having problems that you are as well.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

maybe the bishop has thought to ask me but isn't doing it because he's trying to be sensitive to the fact that I an there struggling alone with kids every week.

I think there is a good possibility that is the reason.

[Vort]

10. The poor second counselor is just so intimidated by TQ that he can't bring himself to place the phone call.

9. Last talk on ancient American airfields carved out by visitors in UFOs from the hollow Earth not well-received by bishopric.

8. Bishop secretly fears TQ's beauty will detract from his commanding presence on the stand.

7. One word: Pants.

6. TQ so young-looking that the bishopric assumes she's a regular youth speaker.

5. One of the priests has a crush on TQ, and the bishop doesn't want to complicate matters.

4. RS president told bishop TQ "doesn't like to talk," but forgot to clarify that she meant TQ is a really good listener.

3. Bishopric has been so busy snagging move-ins and move-outs for talks that no one else has gotten a chance in the last five years.

2. High councilors and other stake speakers scheme to dominate the podium so that the locals never get a chance.

1. Spinach between the front teeth.

[classylady]

I haven't been asked to give a talk for over 15 years. My husband was asked about 7 years ago. I don't mind giving talks. In fact, I enjoy it. I wouldn't call myself shy, but I don't like to bring attention to myself, so I won't be telling the bishopric to think of me when assigning talks.

Edited March 12, 2013 by classylady

[annewandering]

I am surprised, ClassyLady. Oh well if they dont ask you then no wonder they dont ask me! lol.

[tumbledquartz]

I was shaking my head all through Vort's top ten list, thinking, no, that's not it, nope, nope . . . . And then I got to number 1 and did a face-palm. That's got to be it. Thanks for helping me figure out the reason, Vort.

:-P

[classylady]

I am surprised, ClassyLady. Oh well if they dont ask you then no wonder they dont ask me! lol.

Actually, and I'm being serious here, I wonder if it's because of my husband's and my financial status. We seem to be one of the "needy" families in the ward. We live in one of the most affluent communities in Utah, and our home doesn't measure up to many of the million dollar homes in the area. I don't feel that my family is consciously being discriminated against, but there does seem to be a feeling of "pride". And, I could just be imagining it because of my feeling of insecurity in inviting anyone into my home. I never invite or host any of the Relief Society committee meetings (or any other functions i.e. dinners) in my home because I feel our house just doesn't measure up.