RipplecutBuddha Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Okay, I first posted about this in the seeking prayers forum, but things have advanced, and I've gotta reach out. A woman I met some months back asked me out. Some might remember the thread I posted about it. We dated off and on for the following months until she moved back to Montana. We've been great friends, and we've been talking about getting more serious. Last week she said that if, in a year, she hadn't found anyone else, she wanted to get engaged to me. It was a day after that she said she wanted to get engaged anyway. Right after she said that, she had a seizure that made her dizzy and confused. It also took most of her speaking vocabulary away. I spent the next three hours talking with her, helping her remember things she thought she had forgotten. The confusion and dizziness went away, but her speaking has not yet returned. She was in a severe car accident two years ago and she suffered severe head trauma from it. This is the first major breakout of symptoms since that time. A good portion of her right lobe is damaged/dead. She's due to see a neurologist soon, so hopefully we'll get more information then. The thing is, she is determined to join the church, though she's only been to meetings two or three times, and she's determined to marry me, neither of which I object to at all It's not at all anything I could have expected even six months ago. At the same time, I feel good about what's happening. I don't know what I'm asking for here, just had to get this out and off my chest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Just be carefui that she is wanting to marry you for the right reasons and not just someone to take care of her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Life can throw some pretty awful stuff at us sometimes but Heavenly Father puts us in places where someone is just there waiting to help us. I had a mentel health breakdown and a couple of years later I met my husband (who incidently had also had some mentel health things happen to him). Heavenly Father had placed us together just at the right time for us to be able to support each other so we were able to recover with the love of one another. It really is truly beautiful just thinking of how it worked out for us. Getting married can be such a scary thing. I know for me I'd spent so many years dreaming of this guy I was going to meet and all the amazing things we'd do. Then I met him and not that I was disappointed (not in the slightest ) but I had to think ok is this it? I sort of felt like I'd like more time to decide but we prayed and we both knew it was right. Now a couple years on I can see clearly why it was right and one of those reasons has to be the healing influence we've had on one another. Have you prayed together? If you havn't I'd suggest thats what you need to do . Both together and individually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 RB, please educate yourself on living with a severely brain-damaged person. You should know as well as you can exactly what lies ahead of you before making such a commitment. I'm not saying to avoid it or run away or anything, just that you really ought to understand what you're talking about before making any commitments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipplecutBuddha Posted March 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 (edited) yes, my educational needs just rose sharply, and I'm researching all I can so far. Like I said we were getting serious about each other, and she asked for an engagement just before the seizure hit. I appreciate the advice and council. I'm not going to treat any of this lightly. I plan on thinking/praying/studying a lot in the coming days. As for praying together, she's about 12 hours away, so as visits happen we'll definitely do so then. Thank you again Edited March 17, 2013 by RipplecutBuddha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 That's good. I just worry about you and want you to be happy. From Mom Pam :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipplecutBuddha Posted March 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Oh, the things my mother could tell you....suddenly I'm somewhat nervous.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roseslipper Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 loling at mom pam...hit my funny bone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aworkinprogress Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Last week she said that if, in a year, she hadn't found anyone else, she wanted to get engaged to me. It was a day after that she said she wanted to get engaged anyway.Hi RipplecutBuddha, we haven't met but wanted to jump in here. This line bothers me a bit. "If in a year she hadn't found anyone else....she wants to get engaged" that kinda made me feel like she was settling if she hadn't found anyone else. If she was in love she wouldn't need to find anyone else. I'm sure you deserve to be more than second best to anyone. And I hope I'm reading that wrong. Since you guys are good friends, maybe taking it slow for awhile till she gets better to see how things go. Give her time to make sure she knows what she wants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 I'm more concerned that there was a sudden acceleration in the desire for a relationship followed by a serious seizure. This could be (but not necessarily is) a sign of serious psychological problems. I would recommend finding out how much of her behavior might be related to the building seizure. If she was unwell when she expressed her desire to marry you, you should wait until she's well again to see if she feels the same way. I don't mean to be a party pooper. But I think for the sanity of your mind (and perhaps your bank account), you should have more information before proceeding Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipplecutBuddha Posted March 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 MoE, I can't agree more, and it was a concern to me as well. Since the seizure, we've talked and/or texted regularly and she is very sure she wants to marry me. I'm sending her a BoM tomorrow and she's going to contact the missionaries to start meeting with them. As far as waiting for her to get better, I'm trying to be patient for just that, and my hope is that much of her ability comes back, if not all. This is totally new territory for me though, and the ER doctor, frankly, wasn't the diagnostician he should have been. I'm hoping for better care with the specialist coming up soon. I have to keep reminding myself, this is just day three and that a lot can happen still in either direction, good or bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 ER doctors are jacks of all medical trades and experts of none. Waiting for the specialist's expertise is a good idea. Excuse my inappropriate humor (it's how I deal with difficult situations), but the thought occurred to me that a woman who can't talk is a dream come true for some men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 I am a hopeless romantic, so I just want to grab my tissues and ask you what kind of gift you want for your wedding. However, I think the advice others have given you is good. Be prayerful (alone and with her)...and do what you heart and head together tell you. I also suggest YOU receive a priesthood blessing. I'm sorry you both have these medical issues to deal with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 Let me suggest something that sometimes helps me; you know the feeling of jelly legs after a hard run or bike ride? Find an interval exercise that leaves your whole body feeling that way, then go sit in a warm bath. Once your body and your conscious mind are too exhausted to interfere, you never know what the Spirit might be waiting to tell you. If nothing else, you'll burn a lot of stress, and enough calories that you can pig out on something that makes you feel better with zero guilt. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipplecutBuddha Posted March 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 Some good news to report, her speaking ability is beginning to show signs of improving dramatically. At the worst moments she can manage two to four word sentences. Just today she was able to put together four or five complete sentences before the concentration was just too much. From my perspective she was about 70% normal at the best. This early into the recovery it's a very encouraging sign of what I hope will be more progress to come. As for our relationship, we've planned for a year to make sure it's what we really are sure about before we make any firm plans, and that she has time to recover as best she can. If it takes longer for either, I'm not concerned. Again, thank you all for your valuable input. I'm keeping written notes offline, so it all has been discussed between us. thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drpepper Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 Last week she said that if, in a year, she hadn't found anyone else, she wanted to get engaged to meHave I read that correctly. Maybe this is a typo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irishcolleen Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 I'm still old-fashioned enough to think that women shouldn't ask for an engagement ring or to propose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarklin Posted March 20, 2013 Report Share Posted March 20, 2013 Am I the only one who thinks that this whole "relationship" (if you can call it that) stinks??? What part of dysfunctional do I have to describe to say to stay away from this woman??? Is the world gone mad??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wyarwehere Posted March 20, 2013 Report Share Posted March 20, 2013 Am I the only one who thinks that this whole "relationship" (if you can call it that) stinks???What part of dysfunctional do I have to describe to say to stay away from this woman???Is the world gone mad???Long distance relationships aren't anything new, so why does this type of relationship bother you?What is your definition of dysfunctional? Simple because she has medical problems beyond her control? Most of the general population has health issues they can't control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted March 20, 2013 Report Share Posted March 20, 2013 Lots of good advice here, RcB. Proceed with caution. :) (and, holy cats! Vort and MoE have agreed on something for the second time in less than a year!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipplecutBuddha Posted March 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2013 Another update, with a lot of changes for the better. -Her speaking has been 100% for two and a half days now. I told her to start writing in a journal, which she has done. Not sure if this is helping, but she thinks it is, so she's continuing. Her headaches are all but gone unless she bumps her head, at which point she lapses back to where we were at the start. There's an appointment with a neurologist next week to get a closer look at everything. -She's already decided to give up drinking (she wasn't ever a heavy drinker anyway), tobacco (this was the big issue), and coffee, etc. Because she knows she'll need to in order to be baptized. We haven't even decided for certain when the engagement will officially begin, even though it's kind of already on. At this point, I'm thinking our big goal is to start meeting with the Elders and get that process started. everything else is being discussed, but is pretty much on hold due to low funds, distance, etc. We've set up and re-set several ideas. In the end my goal is to have an eternal companion and to be worthy of her as such. How we get there will be the journey called life. Lots of caution, and lots of prayers. Thanks all of you again :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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