To leave or not to leave?

[Chrissy3818]

Here me out... I have been going through this trial for 3 years as I have explained in some of my other posts. Its gotten bad, I am sad to say I have become negative towards the church and am not sure what to think about it. I see nothing wrong with it I just can't be in it at this point in my life and I have talked to a few people that said a break from the church would do me some good. I won't leave the church forever I just have to find my ground in life and figure out what is going on with me and why I can't stand it. The only thing that doesn't absolutely bug my is praying. But I am not sure what to do. Each day I go to church or seminary I get worse. I don't know what is wrong with me and I feel like crying. I feel like if I leave the church (even if it is for a while) God would never speak to me again. I already feel like he's left be. But then I think if I stay I'll end up going crazy and rebelling. I am so lost and confused.

[verizonwiz]

I have had some similar trouble myself lately and when you get that way you should never take a break. It's like taking a break from water. You will get pretty unhappy after two days of taking a "break" from it. Also I once heard that "God never steps away from you, but you can step away from God." When your in a rut like this taking a break would be the worst thing ever! When your in a rut you pray more read your scriptures more. Back when I was in middle school I always used to listen to John Bytheway. His talks will keep you listening and spiritually uplift you at the same time! I hope this helps!

-JET/verizonwiz

[The Folk Prophet]

My first question would be to ask you how you're doing with scripture study. How much time daily are you committing to it, etc.?

[Guest]

Perhaps it would be a good idea to refer to the advice you've received in the many other posts you've started on the same topic.

[selek]

...I am sad to say I have become negative towards the church and am not sure what to think about it. I see nothing wrong with it I just can't be in it at this point in my life...

These statements are contradictory.

You would not be seeking to avoid the Church if you didn't believe it was having a negative effect in your life.

People don't avoid chocolate because they think it tastes too good- they avoid it because they believe it clings to their hips like spackle.

People don't avoid excess sunlight because they think it will help their hair grow, they avoid it because they don't want to burn (short-term) or get skin cancer (long-term).

So- what are the negative effects you believe the Church is having/causing in your life?

and I have talked to a few people that said a break from the church would do me some good.

For the record, I can find people who believe that short-term oxygen deprivation, and short-term bleeding (with leeches) are also therapuetic.

As a general rule, we call these people "quacks".

I won't leave the church forever...

These words are famous.

They rank right up there with such memorable phrases as "The check is the the mail", "All I want is one kiss", "Sure I'll respect you in the morning", and "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you."

Don't delude yourself: we are creatures of inertia. If you make excuses to neglect your covenants now, you will make similar excuses in the future

(I know- I'm currently working on the 487th edition of my litany of excuses).

I just have to find my ground in life...

Wow! Hadn't heard that one since the seventies (when "finding yourself" generally meant consequence free sex in a common near Bezerkely).

a in lifeand figure out what is going on with me and why I can't stand it.

If I had to guess, I'd suspect it's probably the same reason why most of us avoid green vegetables, healthy exercise, and moderation on the topic of hot fudge sundaes.

"Because it's good for us".

It's hard to get up every day and make the right decisions.

It's hard to spend your time and energy denying yourself that extra Ding-Dong, the 486 oz Doctor Pepper, and that romp with the gigolo who looks Taylor Lautner's cute brother.

It's hard to spend three hours of your day in an uncomfortable pew, on uncomfortable chairs, in crowded chapels with too many people all talking about the same thing.

I mean- there's a Jerry Springer re-run on somewhere.

And that's surely more entertaining than listening to a tale about some woman who crossed the plains with a handcart, eleven kids below the age of ten, and no husband to do his share of the work.

The only thing that doesn't absolutely bug my is praying. But I am not sure what to do. Each day I go to church or seminary I get worse. I don't know what is wrong with me and I feel like crying....But then I think if I stay I'll end up going crazy and rebelling. I am so lost and confused.

Not to put too fine a point on this, but it sounds to me like you're suffering from both depression and from the aches and pains of the natural man.

The former can be treated (and I suggest you talk to both your Relief Society President and to your Bishop), as well as your family doctor (if you have one).

If it is depression, they can put you on the right path to a proper diagnosis and treatment.

If it is not, they can provide you the support you need to muddle through.

As noted above, change is hard. Sloth (and sinking back into our old habits) is much easier. But that temptation will not advance us within the kingdom. We will not achieve Christ's image in our countenance, nor will we achieve the fulness of the Gospel and of our talents which he desires for us.

The only other advice I can offer is that which I have offered before: find someone to serve.

Help out at the DI, at the Bishop's Storehouse, at the Cannery. Help out at a soup kitchen. Visit an invalid or shut-in, babysit for another sister who's about to go out of her mind with stress.

There is nothing which helps us shoulder our own loads quite like bearing the burdens of another.

I feel like if I leave the church (even if it is for a while) God would never speak to me again. I already feel like he's left be.

I cannot reject this notion with enough vehemence without resorting to German (which I do not speak).

God is always there- and always listening- for the penitent heart, the questing soul, and the earnest seeker of his love and his truth.

Leaving the Church would be a fundamental and wholly avoidable mistake, but it is NOT "turning your back on God". He WILL listen, and he WILL speak to you (even if it's not what you want to hear).

I will keep you in my prayers that you find the peace and the comfort of the Spirit which you need.

Know that other sisters (and even brothers such as myself) have faced- and will face- similar struggles.

[Just_A_Guy]

Chrissy -

Based on the other threads you've been posting I think your mind is pretty well made up and you're just looking for validation.

So here it is: While I think the Church is what it claims to be, and I think you'll come to regret your decision to part ways with it--it isn't a prison. If you want to leave, leave.

I will say this, though: Don't think it's going to be easy to come back. Not because the Church doesn't want you (it does). Not because we don't love you (we do) or feel you should be shunned (we don't). But because you're in a period of your life where you're charting the course for the rest of your life. If you aren't specifically planning to have the Church be a factor in your life - as you plan your education, your career, your marriage and family - then whatever you set up will almost inevitably conflict, in some way, with some facet of LDS life, if and when you decide to return to activity. There will be some difficult and potentially painful adjustments.

Best of luck to you in your spiritual journey, whichever path you take.

Edited March 25, 2013 by Just_A_Guy

[Chrissy3818]

I don't think you guys get where I am coming from. I don't feel comfortable in the church and the more I go the more I resent it. I can't sit through sacrament cause I can't bare what they talk about. I left the church for a while and it actually did me a lot of good actually. Better than it would have been if I stayed. I've been staying in the church and things are getting a lot worse. My feelings towards the church are getting worse, but if you think its okay to stay and have these feelings get worse then okay. I just can't take all these rules. I've never had rules on me and now I feel forced into the church

[pam]

Then you need to do what you feel is right for you. It does no good to come here and post and receive responses when your mind is pretty much made up. Just do what you need to do.

[Guest]

I've never had rules on me

Do you still live at home? So you're able to do what you want, when you want, with cushion from the consequences of not doing what you should, when you should.

Let us know how that works out for you.

[pam]

Do you still live at home? So you're able to do what you want, when you want, with cushion from the consequences of not doing what you should, when you should.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I guess never had rules in school..and what about laws? Those are rules too.

[Roseslipper]

why do u feel forced in the church may i ask are u a minor or adult?

[Vort]

I vote not.

[x1134x]

Just pray. That is all. Talk to the one with the answers. These people on the forum (me included) do not know the best decision for your situation.

My father does not believe one theological tenet of the church.

But he's there every sunday. When asked if he "believes" he responds with "I hope".

I know other people who believe every theological tenet of the church with every fabric of their being.

Yet they NEVER attend church services.

You don't have to be a "sheeple" You have to be you. Your relationship with the church will be unique. You've got to figure that out for yourself. It could be you need to leave and never think about it again. It could be that you need to rededicate yourself. The only person I can think of that knows is God.

Pray.

[Chrissy3818]

Do you still live at home? So you're able to do what you want, when you want, with cushion from the consequences of not doing what you should, when you should.

Let us know how that works out for you.

Yes I still live at home for the next couple months. I've had rules but not rules forced upon me so I call them guidelines. My parents say "do what you may, I have taught you and trust you to do what is right" So in a way I make my own choices and they don't make them for me. They give me all options and they give me opinions when I ask for them.

I guess never had rules in school..and what about laws? Those are rules too.

None that I really care about. I know that sounds bad... I would never do anything drastic, my parents have taught me right from wrong.

why do u feel forced in the church may i ask are u a minor or adult?

No I am not a minor. I feel forced because people keep trying to get my to come to church and follow everything. They expect (or at least I feel they do) I should be perfect and when I am not I feel I am judged. I want to come to church on my own and not feel sinful or shamed when I miss. Some people in my church tend to try and push me into coming to church by constantly bugging me and its pushing me further away. I don't want to be forced I want to go when I am ready.

I vote not.

May I ask why?

Just pray. That is all. Talk to the one with the answers. These people on the forum (me included) do not know the best decision for your situation.

My father does not believe one theological tenet of the church.

But he's there every sunday. When asked if he "believes" he responds with "I hope".

I know other people who believe every theological tenet of the church with every fabric of their being.

Yet they NEVER attend church services.

You don't have to be a "sheeple" You have to be you. Your relationship with the church will be unique. You've got to figure that out for yourself. It could be you need to leave and never think about it again. It could be that you need to rededicate yourself. The only person I can think of that knows is God.

Pray.

Thank you, yours as truly helped me the most just because that's all I feel I can do right now without taking myself into over drive and doing what I did before which was starve (fasting 5 times a week) myself to get an answer. I don't know where good enough is. I always think I am not trying hard enough and it's starting to affect me mentally, physically and spiritually. I will keep praying and asking God. Your right God does know what is best for me I just have to keep praying and asking him until I feel it is right.

[Vort]

May I ask why?

Because the LDS Church is the kingdom of God on earth. If you leave the LDS Church, even if you just leave off activity in the Church, you are literally leaving the kingdom of God.

[Chrissy3818]

Because the LDS Church is the kingdom of God on earth. If you leave the LDS Church, even if you just leave off activity in the Church, you are literally leaving the kingdom of God.

But what if it's making everything worse in my life at the moment and I need to fix my problems before I can focus on seeing if this is the true church?

[pam]

Again, you need to do what is best for you right now.

[Dravin]

But what if it's making everything worse in my life at the moment and I need to fix my problems before I can focus on seeing if this is the true church?

Despite your personal struggles the Church remains the Kingdom of God on Earth, so I'm doubtful they will change the underlying premise of Vort's reasoning.

[pam]

I get the feeling that you want someone to tell you to leave to justify your own thoughts. I don't think you'll find that here. Only you can make the decision. We can only give your our own thoughts on what that decision might mean.

[Anddenex]

But what if it's making everything worse in my life at the moment and I need to fix my problems before I can focus on seeing if this is the true church?

The moment you become no longer halt between two opinions; the moment you take the personal time to discover truth and have the willingness to accept and follow the truth; the moment you begin to live the truth -- no matter your circumstance -- you will more easily fix your problems.

[Chrissy3818]

I think I am just going to trust and pray to God no more. If I feel like (I should) going to church I will, but if I don't I'll just stay home and continue to work on my own scripture study and figure out where I am going,

[Anddenex]

I think I am just going to trust and pray to God no more. If I feel like (I should) going to church I will, but if I don't I'll just stay home and continue to work on my own scripture study and figure out where I am going,

You will not be able to appropriately understand the scriptures without prayer. Through prayer and reading the scriptures, while seeking to understand God's will concerning you is what will bless you with an answer.

[MsMagnolia]

Chrissy,

Living the Gospel is hard sometimes. You say everything is worse in your life when you live it. Explain please?

Have you ever tried counting your blessings instead of your doubts and fears?

I have read most of your posts and you seem to fall under a scripture in Matthew 6

22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.

23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!

24 ¶No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

You seem to be trying to appease mortal men and your own pleasure.

I have gone through periods of time when I wanted to stop attending church. I knew that choosing to stop attending and stop living the Gospel would ultimately not bring me happiness. I still had the thoughts because I am mortal. I also fought against those thoughts with everything in me and lived the Gospel anyway. I have found peace and Joy no where else.

You need to CHOOSE what YOU think best and stop asking the same question over and over when you already have your answer. It just sounds like whining.

So... CHOOSE

My prayers are with you.

Mags

[mnn727]

But what if it's making everything worse in my life at the moment and I need to fix my problems before I can focus on seeing if this is the true church?

How is he Church making your life worse? I don't see how that is possible.

[Chrissy3818]

How is he Church making your life worse? I don't see how that is possible.

The people. The Gospel no, it's the people. I need to get away from the people and just self learn by watching general conferences and studying talks. The people distract me from reaching my full potential.

There's a lot more going on in my life than just the people inside the church, but the people are what are bringing me to a breaking point. (NOT all, but some and those few do affect me more than I want them to). I can't block them out, I have tried they always get to me.