Headed to prison soon

[jss59]

So...I got myself mixed up in a white collar fraud crime, and now I'll be doing several years in a prison camp. Its a shock to say the least. I'm in my late 30's and am married, with three children (one of which is a newborn). I've served a mission, been married in the temple, and active in every way that you can imagine.

I know we dont get to pick our trials, so I wont lament my situation. Looking back, I can see how Satan decieved me into making the choices I made. All I want is to keep my family and be forgiven of the sins that lead to this situation. I hope that thru this situation I can grow nearer to my Father in Heaven and the Savior.

I'm just looking to hear from others who maybe had to do a major course correction mid-life. Anyone out there who had to do time as well? I know I'm not the first active LDS man to get ensnared in the adversary's trap like this.

Anyway, glad to be here and look forward to contributing while I can, until I go in. Thanks for reading

[NeuroTypical]

Hi jss,

Wow - that's quite a story. Sounds like it's only starting. Welcome to the forums - even if it's just a short time.

I don't have much for you in the way of advice or experience, just mostly questions. I once helped put a guy behind bars for sexual assault on a minor - you don't sound like you fall into a category that severe.

What's the difference between a prison camp, and prison?

Have you gone through your church disciplinary stuff yet? You sound like you're trying to have a positive attitude about what will be happening to you - staying close to the church and counseling with your priesthood leaders (whether you are excommunicated or not) will be a blessing to you.

Are your crimes something where you can make full recompense?

[jss59]

Yeah, I am working closely with my bishop and stake president, and have been from the beginning. I have been cooperating with the US attorney from the beginning as well, so I am doing all the 'right' things given the situation.

My wife and I love each other dearly and have been married for 13 years, so the thought of being separated like this is very scary. I have gone thru a huge range of emotions dealing with this...and I find it hard to find other LDS folks who can truly understand what this is like.

To answer your questions below:

What's the difference between a prison camp, and prison?

A prison camp is a federal prison without the 'barbwire' that you usually think of. Its a barracks like situation where you work, etc. In all other respects its just like another prison, but you do have more freedom at a camp. Its all non-violent offenders.

Have you gone through your church disciplinary stuff yet?

Not yet, but I just finished my plea and am now an official convicted felon. Sentencing is in August, so I believe the court will be held sometime before my sentencing. From what I have read, if you are going to prison then excommunication is a GIVEN. I have been endowed for almost 20 years, and active that whole time...so it will be so strange...this has been very difficult to come to grips with...it will mean my sealing to my wife and kids will be severed...I just cant get my head or heart around that fact...

Are your crimes something where you can make full recompense?

No, they will hit me with millions in restitution after I get out. I will never pay it back over my lifetime, and they know that it wont be paid back. Some mistakes we make in life dont allow us to make full restitution. Even having served a mission, in various church callings, as an elders quorum president, seminary teacher, etc...I have never understood the need for the atonement on a personal basis like I do now.

Edited May 15, 2013 by jss59

[Guest]

Welcome to the forums, jss.

I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. All I can really say is... You are loved. Always.

[prisonchaplain]

You probably already know this, but many prisons have LDS volunteers who come in to provide services. Federal prison LDS volunteers (I assume including those for camps) are appointed by stakes, so tend to be mature. There should be plenty of literature available, and your loved ones can have some sent in to you. Some facilities have faith-based programs that can help you spend the time fruitfully, so do not be afraid to put your chaplain to work. Blessings as you prepare for a season that will be difficult, but can be one of growth.

[M_T_E]

Welcome to the forums!

Your situation is one I haven't seen before on here, even if I was a member of the Church I could not begin to imagine how your heart and mind feel about the situation at hand.

I have heard that excommunicated members can possibly be re-admitted in due time? I am positive I read something in regards to that a few months ago when I studied the Church in depth before my online Missionaries left for Argentina.

[jss59]

You probably already know this, but many prisons have LDS volunteers who come in to provide services. Federal prison LDS volunteers (I assume including those for camps) are appointed by stakes, so tend to be mature. There should be plenty of literature available, and your loved ones can have some sent in to you. Some facilities have faith-based programs that can help you spend the time fruitfully, so do not be afraid to put your chaplain to work. Blessings as you prepare for a season that will be difficult, but can be one of growth.

I wont know where I am going to for a while. I hope they do have lds volunteers where I go. I'll find out what stake the prison is in and contact the SP and see if he can be of assistance.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I worked in a men's prison (as a Correctional Officer) for a year. It's not the experience you are looking for, but more experience than most people have. :)

My suggestion is read The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. Corrie was in a concentration camp, and she wrote the book to testify that "there is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still." I received much comfort from it over the years. It goes without saying that reading the scriptures will be a comfort.

[skippy740]

Thank you for sharing.

I would like to hear more of your story... about how the slippery slope got started and what you told yourself. It's not about the particulars of the crime, but the mental dialogue that we have with ourselves about such things.

Most people aren't torn between being robbing a bank and doing their home teaching. It's not the difference between good and evil that most people have a problem with. It's usually something between good and 'less good'... or 'not as good'.

Then there's the rationalizing of it. The root word of rationalize is 'lies' - usually the lies we tell ourselves. We must always be on guard against such trickery.

I'm simply curious of your story, so others can learn from it... if it's something you would feel comfortable in sharing, of course.

[rameumptom]

I work in a state prison in Indiana. I occasionally see LDS members go through the system. Have your bishop contact the bishop who has jurisdiction where the prison is located. They will be able to have services, or at least meetings weekly with you.

There should be opportunities for you to be involved in programming, especially religious programming. Take advantage of it. Use this time as an opportunity to serve others in prison, just as Joseph of old served others in prison.

It will be tough for you, but tougher for your family. Make sure you are a strength to your wife and children on visits and phone calls. Do not tell them of your tough times, but listen to them about their tough times. Even if there is nothing you can do to physically help them, it will help them that you are listening.

[mnn727]

The best calling I have ever had was when I was called to teach a class in a prison.

Our Ward took over this duty when the previous Ward was combined with ours.

The previous Ward had not sent anyone in close to a year. 3 LDS prisoners kept the class going during that time. They were extremely pleased to have me there and we had many investigators during the year+ that I lived in the Ward.

If there is no Ward person coming in, you can talk to the Chaplin about contacting the local Bishop - or the main Church office in SLC. It did take about 2 months for all the approvals to go through for me to be able to get in. But it was so worth it.

[jss59]

skippy740, I want others to learn from my mistakes, and my children to really understand what happened so I will be writing a book about the experience while I am in.

As a readers digest version, I will say this. It is easy to become very cynical in the times we live in. I had grown accustomed to listening to voices that promote fear and distrust of government. These voices abound, and the problem with them is they destroy faith. Also, listening to these voices allowed me to justify my behavior by pointing to the govt's bad behavior.

Another issue I struggled with is materialism. Focusing on gain while trying to also focus on the gospel. No man can serve to masters. I didnt have the faith to give my all to the Lord and trust that he would take care of my family financially. I grew up very poor, and didnt want that for my family. Satan turned that desire into something that was unhealthy.

I also created a pavilion covering myself from hearing from the Lord. Occasional viewing of pornography (when stressed), ignoring promptings from the spirit to repent and/or prophets counsel, and justifying/hiding my sins. I specifically remember President Hinkley counseling saints to get out of debt, and this was during the real estate boom. I thought that was rediculous counsel at the time, as the market was booming. I paid a terrible price for not listening.

Bottom line, repentance has to be something we do constantly. We have to humble ourselves and get to the point where we can turn our will over to the Lord. Any other way leads to captivity and sorrow. I just want to be with my Father in Heaven again, and with my family. That is all that matters to me. I will give up all my sins to have that.

This trial is my Gethsemane. I just hope to have the faith to endure well.

Edited May 15, 2013 by jss59

[Jennarator]

THis has got to be one of the best posts I have seen on here. I feel terrible about your situation and I am so sorry you have to do this. I feel for your wife and family. The reason this is great is because so many times we see posts where people make big mistakes and just try to see if they can get away with it and not have to see the bishop or whatever. They want to see what they have to do or say to get the least punishment. I know you are hurting, but you are taking real responsibility for what you have done, it's refreshing to see.

I wish I had advice, I don't. My ex is in jail...

Bt I don't know much about it.

I wish you and your family all the best with this very difficult road. My prayers are with you.

[Guest]

A guy I know spent some time in prison for real estate fraud. As I understand it, he and the guys he was working with also cost people millions of dollars, including close mutual friends who lost everything they had. He is also married and I believe had 4 children at the time. Granted it wasn't several years in prison, I think it was 2 or less. But he and his wife have managed to put life back together since he got out, and even have another child. He was a prideful man from the time we were young, and now seems changed.

My heart goes out to you, and especially your family. But I am thankful for the Atonement and its power to change hearts and people. I hope your sentence goes quickly and you find a better life at the end of it.

[applepansy]

Its refreshing to hear someone post about doing something terribly wrong and taking responsibility for it. I admire your honesty and your willingness to work with everyone to make things as right as possible. Thank you.

However, I noticed in each reply including the first post that you seem to blame Satan. Satan tempts us but we are responsible for our choices. The "Satan made me do it" seems to be what I'm hearing and maybe I'm wrong. If I am wrong, I apologize.

I wish you all the best. Stay close to the church and the Lord. You can have LDS teachers/counselors in any prison. Just ask for them. Use this opportunity to not only get right with God but to teach the Gospel. You never know who you might touch in the right way.

[Just_A_Guy]

In my experience, nothing I could say would really substitute for a man-hug in this kind of situation (I'm an attorney and do some criminal defense, among other fields). Just know that you'll be OK; utilize every program available to you, and remember Isaiah 49:14-16.

And remember: on release, your probation officer is your new best friend. Do everything (s)he says, to the letter.

[SQUARE]

We all make mistakes in life some with stiffer consequences than others. I can tell you that unless you commited a terrible crime or really hurt people openly by stealing money from or items which resulted in people suffering severely then you will not be excommunticated. Just because you go to Prison does not mean that you are a terrible person. It means that you made a bad choice. We just hope that we learn from our mistakes or bad choices and move forward. I am always one to step up and take the punishment that I have comming. I would suggest to make an appointment with your Bishop if you have not already. Also in Prison if you are endowed you can receive permission through your Chaplin to get your religious garments and wear them. I do not think that Excommunication will be in your future. We will allways be eternally gratefull to our Savior Jesus Christ for the Atonement which allows repentance. Keep your head up. It is not the end of the world. Prison's need all the Missionaries they can get. You will be surprised at a Prison Camp that you will be able to teach the Gospel. There are no coincedences. You are going to Prison for a reason. Stay strong.:)

Edited May 15, 2013 by SQUARE

[jss59]

Its refreshing to hear someone post about doing something terribly wrong and taking responsibility for it. I admire your honesty and your willingness to work with everyone to make things as right as possible. Thank you.

However, I noticed in each reply including the first post that you seem to blame Satan. Satan tempts us but we are responsible for our choices. The "Satan made me do it" seems to be what I'm hearing and maybe I'm wrong. If I am wrong, I apologize.

I wish you all the best. Stay close to the church and the Lord. You can have LDS teachers/counselors in any prison. Just ask for them. Use this opportunity to not only get right with God but to teach the Gospel. You never know who you might touch in the right way.

Satan did not make me do anything. I have made my own chains and built my own stumbling blocks. He was just very very careful in his influence over me, and looking back I see how evident it is, but at the time I did not. Truly, he leads us carefully down to hell. He does not want to jolt us along the path lest we look around and see our true condition. In my pride, I did not believe I was being deceived. Thru repentance, I now see how decieved I was.