Want To Cut.

[a-train]

Thanks to all who replied. I was wondering, how would you define "sexual assault"?

Any physical attack our attempt to physically attack including any amount of action or speech sexual in nature is a sexual assault.

Acceptance among fellows means nothing. It is trifle uselessness. We must all get over it just as Jesus did.

-a-train

[inthearmsofsleep]

Just to clarify things, this thread isn't about cutting class. Also, I don't know anything about Asperger's... what is it? I'd suggest what somebody else said to do... to keep your hands busy with something else (something non-destructive, not like eating). Learn an instrument, type, draw, write, sculpt, twiddle your thumbs... i dunno. My prayers are with you in overcoming this.

[Gretchen]

Just to clarify things, this thread isn't about cutting class. Also, I don't know anything about Asperger's... what is it? I'd suggest what somebody else said to do... to keep your hands busy with something else (something non-destructive, not like eating). Learn an instrument, type, draw, write, sculpt, twiddle your thumbs... i dunno. My prayers are with you in overcoming this.

Asperger's is a social disorder, kinda like Autism. And you are correct, this form is not about cutting classes. Sorry to confuse you all, I should hae been more clear on what I was trying to say.

[jsmalley116]

If you are having trouble, the best way to stop a bad habit is to make a covanent with hevenly father he loves you and wants to help

:-)

[Fiannan]

There is a debate going on in psychology circles currently in which some are proposing that Aspergers and BPD are the same problem. Many of the criteria for diagnosis seem to overlap and some feel that if a woman goes in with symptoms like extreme mood swings, temper cycles mixed with compassion, idealization mixed with the desire to tear down others, paranoia, self-destructive tendencies growing out of a sense of inferiority (mixed with superiority), extreme creativity and intellect in certain fields but not extending to comprehensive knowledge or skills in many other areas and frustration from feeling different and misunderstood (but none of these symptoms extending into psychosis) then a female will get a BPD diagnosis while a male will be more likely to be given an Asperger diagnosis.

Any thoughts?

[pushka]

I have a female friend who has typical symptoms of both BPD and Aspergers, she has been diagnosed with both conditions and she has become psychotic too at times.

I have another friend who's child has Tourettes, but his doctors thought that he might have Aspergers as well, because of some of his behaviours, but they eventually ruled it out...

From what I've read about Aspergers, I didn't see it as easily being confused with BPD, as I view BPD as a mental health problem, rather than being an Autism Spectrum Disorder...

Could you give any references for the research you mentioned Fiannan?

I did a quick google search and did find the following which states that people with Aspergers are more likely to have BPD in addition, than are other Autistic people...it didn't say that Aspergers and BPD are the same, just that some of the BPD symptoms can be overlooked because they are masked by the Aspergers behaviours..

Here's a snip from the article:

'D. Summary from Clinical Case Conference at Harvard Medical School (Frazier, Doyle, Chiu, and Coyle, 2002)

1. Asperger’s Disorder is a pervasive developmental disorder on a diagnostic continuum with Autism

2. Asperger’s Disorder is characterized by a lack of empathy, naïve and inappropriate interactions, a limited ability to form friendships with peers, pedantic and poorly intonated speech, egocentrism, poor nonverbal communication, intense absorption in circumscribed topics, and in some patients, ill-coordinated movements

3. Distinguishing features in Asperger’s Disorder from Autism is the relatively normal speech development, less frequent stereotyped behaviors, and normal intelligence. Average age of diagnosis for patients with Asperger’s is 11 years, compared to 5.5 years in Autism. Asperger’s Disorder occurs in 8.4-10 of 10,0000 children, compared to 2 of 10,0000 children being Autistic.

4. Long-term outcome for patients with Asperger’s Disorder is more favorable than for patients with Autism

5. Comorbidity of Autism Spectrum Disorder and Bipolar Disorder:

a. Children with developmental disabilities have a 2-6 times greater risk of experiencing comorbid psychiatric conditions than their developmentally normal peers.

b. Several studies reveal an association between Asperger’s Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. Greater risk of bipolar Disorder in family members of individuals with Asperger’s Disorder: Relatives of probands with PDDs have a 4.2% prevalence of bipolar disorder (almost 5 times greater than the general population) and the prevalence is highest among relatives of probands with Asperger’s Disorder (6.1% vs. 3.3% for relatives of probands with Autism). Other studies show conflicting evidence with rates of affective disorder in the Autistic Spectrum Disorder similar to the general population

c. Children with Asperger’s Disorder may suffer from mood disorder for years before being recognized because the symptoms of the mood disorder may be masked by the behaviors associated with Asperger’s Disorder (behaviors characteristic of the Autistic Spectrum Disorder such as obsessiveness, hyperactivity, inattention, social intrusiveness, social withdrawal, aggression, and self-injurious behavior may become more pronounced during manic or depressive phases). These changes are usually episodic and occur within the context of the shifting mood state, and are thus responsive to effective treatment of the mood disorder.'

http://www.childadvocate.net/aspergers.htm

Sorry for all the edits, but I just wanted to add this snip of an article written by a parent who's child appeared to have BPD until he was diagnosed with Aspergers Disorder, at which point his parent (and pyschiatrists I presume) decided that he was getting the symptoms of BPD whenever his all consuming interest in a particular project had ended (his compulsion with projects), thus she no longer believes he has BPD, he just displays those symptoms depending upon whether he is consumed with a project or not and having the face the 'real world' instead:

'Now that we have a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome for our son, I finally understand his mood behavior. He is up, happy and energetic when he has an all consuming interest that he is focused on. Nothing in the real world interfers when he is in his "creative mode". When he is finished his latest project, or interest, the real world comes crashing in along with all the problems associated with getting along with other people, etc. I have learned to prompt him onto another project when he displays extreme sadness and this is working quite well now. When I have asked adults with Asperger Syndrome if the cause of my son's mood swings could be the fact that he has finished his all consuming interest in a topic and cannot think of another topic to move onto, they have indicated that this could be the reason. Parents of children with Asperger Syndrome have told me that they notice their child is much happier when focused on a special interest. So, I have laid my concerns about bipolar disorder to rest, but for those of you still wondering about it, here are some really good links:'

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/asperg...yndrome/63438/1

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/asperg...yndrome/63438/2

[Alaskagain]

Thanks Pushka, that was very informative. I have a grandson with Asperger's and recognize in him many of the behaviors described. In his case, BPD was not mentioned as an alternative or co-existing diagnosis, at least as far as I am aware.

[pushka]

I was surprised at first when Fiannan mentioned any correlation between Asperger's and BPD, but reading those 2 articles helped me to understand that they are still 2 separate conditions, but can exist in one person at the same time, and that BPD is often overlooked in Asperger's patients because of the Asperger's symptoms masking the BPD symptoms...

I'm glad you liked the articles, I found them very interesting too.. :)

[tefor]

I am also Asperger but was (mis)diagnosed as BPD nearly nine years ago. After being placed on numerous medications, which more or less left me with the personality of a slug, I was briefly diagnosed as ADD and placed on more medications before being officially diagnosed with AS and taken off all of the medications. My biggest challenge remains church, where I have never felt like I fit in socially, and where I tend to roam the halls most of the time because I feel so overwhelmed by all of the people. I don't make friends easily, if at all, and have frequently run into trouble with some of the more rigid members who insist on conformity. I believe that AS is much more of an issue in the church than many people suppose and am working to help educate church members about this condition. (I am finishing up an article for Meridian Magazine and have also been invited to write two articles on AS for Sunstone.) My heart goes out to those who feel marginalized in the church due to this and other conditions.

Tony Attwood has stated that AS shares many symptoms (anxiety, depression, isolation, and often some degree of paranoia) with BPD as well as PTSD.

[Gretchen]

I did a Google search on sexual assault, and am fairly sure that I have been sexualy assaulted. My father calls me names, said once that I am fat and he says I'm retarded. I love him and all, but it's gone from me wanting to cut to wanting to die. What should I do?

[pam]

It would be a tough thing on your part..but have you considered calling Child Protection Services? You deserve and have the right to be in a place that is safe and free from any kind of assault whether it be physical, sexual or verbal.

[RachelleDrew]

I've never heard of an Asp/BPD misdiagnosis. Although I was misdiagnosed as ADHD for a very long time, eventually somebody had the brilliant idea that I may be Bi Polar. That's very interesting, and I could see how it would happen because there are a lot of similarities between Asp and BPD. I have bouts of psychosis though when unmedicated, so I don't think anyone would think I had Asp.

As for the cutting, wear a stack of rubber bands around your wrists and snap them when you feel the urge. It will sting a bit like the cuts would, but no marks.

[rampion]

Gretchen,

I don't know how old you are, or how long you will probably stay living with your parents. But it makes sense that you have the feelings and the behaviors that you do, when you have someone who should be supporting you and helping you to grow and become the best you that you can become, who instead insults you and calls you things that you are not.

One of the things that most people who cut themselves have in common is growing up in an invalidating environment. That sounds like what you are dealing with. I have a blog where I wrote about invalidating environments, if you want to know a little more about what that means:

Finally coming together Let’s talk about invalidating environments, shall we?

I would expect that, even if it is hard for you to tell the difference right now, you don't really want to be dead. Rather, you probably can't stand any more of life as it is for you right now, and you want the garbage that you are having to deal with to stop. Am I right? I would guess that at least part of your motivation for cutting is the same - you are trying to get help.

The good news is that you don't have to die to change your life. And you can get help.

I am a self-injurer too, and I know about invalidating environments. I also know a lot about behavior, and mental health. One thing that I know is that everything we do is for a reason. Replacement behaviors like snapping a rubber band, or holding an ice cube tightly in your hand until it melts, are ways to replace some of the pain, and can serve as a temporary distraction. They can help some people some of the time. But they don't solve the real problem.

People are all different, and you need to find out what purpose or purposes cutting serves for you. When you know that, then you can find another way to approach the real problem that is behind your need to cut. Such as, if it is to get help, you could talk to someone who can help you. Reaching out anonymously to people online who can support you is a step in that direction. That is a good thing. But probably it won't be enough. Usually when we have so much emotional pain that we turn to cutting, or other addictions, it is more than we can deal with on our own, and we need professional help to get to the bottom of it and turn our lives around. I've been in therapy for four years (this time), and it is finally helping. You have to open up and be honest about your real feelings and behavior. And that is hard to do, especially when we keep getting shut down by the people closest to us, and we are afraid of being shut down, hurt, and ridiculed again because that has been our experience in life.

Gretchen, please talk to someone who can help you get some help. Maybe your bishop, a teacher or school counselor you trust, one of your adult advisors at church. Tell them what life is like for you and how you try to deal with it. If you come from a family like mine, you probably have been discouraged from talking to anyone, but that's how they keep us stuck. You really can get help.

[Guest tomk]

As many of you know, I used to cut. Recently I have been wanting to cut. Anyone got any advice as to what to do?

1) Don't do it.

2) Give the burden to Jesus. Plead with Him for strength to resist the temptations that come your way. Follow what you feel from Jesus. Get out of the situation. Turn on some uplifting music. Go for a walk. After the feelings to cut have passed, thank God for rescuing you.

3) Live #2 each moment of life. It is the only way to be safe.

[Gretchen]

Well, things are really going downhill. I had a friend, but she decided she'd rather loose a friend than looses an argument. My parent's continue to yell at me, and I often think that the world would be better off if I was dead. You guys are my last hope. I don't know what to do. HELP!!! :excl:

[MrsHart]

Do you know WHAT or WHO causes you to cut yourself? Cutters usually have one event/situation/person who would cause them to cut themselves, and they can successfully avoid that act by keeping themselves away from that event/situation/person.

EDIT To Add: I've just learned that it's because of your friend and parents. It sounds like stress from conflicts is the cause of you cutting yourself.

A : The situation with the friend: She's not a true friend, based on what you told us. There is no point in wanting to be friends with someone who does not want to be your friend.

B : The situation with your parents: Family is important, so try to talk to them. Tell them that when they make things difficult for you, it causes you to harm yourself, and that you NEED their help in improving your situation and condition. If they still have no interest in helping you, then just somehow wait until you can get out. Family is very important, but toxic family members are not worth the suffering.

I'm sorry if my opinion offends anyone; I'll readily admit that I probably have fewer life experiences than most of you.

By the way, Gretchen, if you ever need to have someone to talk to one-on-one, feel free to privately message me any time. I mean it! :)

Edited October 17, 2008 by MrsHart

[rampion]

Gretchen,

You can make more friends. In fact, you probably have more friends than you know. None of us have success in all of our relationships, but we can always learn and try again. What are you doing to try to cope? Believe me, I get to that point too where it seems like everyone would be better off without me. But there are plenty of people who are glad that you are around, and you deserve to make the most of your time here on earth.

It is up to you to decide how you are going to cope with the setbacks in your life, but if you are at a loss for ideas, go back through this thread and look for some. I challenge you to reply to this post and tell me/us at least five things that you can do to help yourself. Constructive, positive things. No destructive coping, ok?

[RainofGold]

As many of you know, I used to cut. Recently I have been wanting to cut. Anyone got any advice as to what to do?

Hi Gretchen,

I have a 14 year old niece that cuts. It used to be very bad at the beginning. She was really good at hiding it from her parents. She started with her arms and then would do it in her legs so her mom wouldn't notice. Well she was going through a hard time in her life dealing with severe depression. Her mom took her to counseling and she was given medication and it has helped her a lot.

I'm sure you have heard of the steps on what to do when you have the urge to cut. But just in case you forgot some of them I post them here for you.

Steps

1. Tell someone you trust about your feelings. This is one of the hardest steps.

2. Talk to this person whenever you have the urge to cut. When you feel like cutting yourself, confide in a teacher, school counselor, parent, friend, relative, etc. If they don't know about your current struggle, tell them about it and tell them you need their help to keep yourself from cutting again.

3. Keep a hotline number with you at all times. When you feel the urge to cut, pick up the phone and call the hotline. Crisis hotline staff are trained to provide support and offer you alternatives to cutting yourself.

4. Remember that to a professional crisis clinician. It is clear that it is not their job to "talk you out of" cutting yourself - you make your own choices and you must take responsibility for either cutting or not cutting. However, talking to your GP or another professional and notifying them of your situation will help. They may be able to tell you if you have the symptoms of a disease or disorder (Depression, etc) that may be contributing/causing you to cut. They may also be able to refer you to a clinic or support group.

5. Remove cutting tools from your immediate area. If you have time to search for something to cut yourself with, you may just be able to crush the impulse.

6.

Scars remain forever

Scars remain forever

Identify the 'trigger' that gives you the urge to cut. The moment you have the urge to cut, stop and think of what has just occurred. Remember it and try to avoid these situations.

7. If you need to hurt yourself, do it in a controlled and less harmful way. A good idea is to wear a rubber band around your wrist. Every time you want to cut, snap the rubber band against your wrist instead. You can also draw on your wrist with red pen, or rub an ice cube on your wrist. Although all of these cause some immediate pain, it is much milder and much less dangerous.

8. Express your emotions. For example, when you feel like cutting, try doing one or more of the following:

* Drawing or scribbling on paper

* Painting, on white paper

* Listening to music that relates to your emotions

* Writing down your emotions in a diary/journal

* Writing songs/poetry

* Call a friend

9. After a day or so, analyse what you have done. Try to determine how you felt, and what you can do to reduce or stop these emotions, or work around them.

10. Distract yourself. Some people feel that rather than analysing their emotions, they feel better when they get rid of them or forget them completely. When you feel the urge to cut, try distracting yourself by trying out the following:

* Drink a glass of water

* Watch TV

* Do some form of exercise-run, walk, ride your bike, or just dance like crazy

* Take your dog for a walk, or spend some time with a pet

11. As soon as you feel the urge to cut yourself, take a deep breath, fold your arms, close your eyes and relax. Tell yourself that you are not going to cut. Get away from any objects you may use to harm yourself, so that it's not as easy to break your resolution. If possible, lie down somewhere. Stay like this until the urge goes, then quickly phone a helpline or use another means of getting help.

12. Screaming at the top of your lungs helps. Try virtually anything you can (as long as it's legal and healthy) to stop the urge to cut. Screaming into a pillow or finding a quiet place to let rip really helps.

13. Speak out loud about what is causing you so much pain. Talk about it - even to yourself, in the privacy of your bedroom: even yelling to yourself to release the tension inside of you - but do not cut or hurt yourself at all.

14. Help yourself by imagining how you are able to be like a best friend. As if a friend was just about to cut herself, what would you say to stop your good friend? How would you distract them, how would you support them and get them to stop? Apply all of these answers to yourself.

15. Recognize that cutting is just the symptom of a root problem. Now you are ready to seek and get help. Doctors and trained staff from all kinds of services have been taught especially to help people in your situation. No matter what your issue, age, gender, or background, never feel ashamed to seek help.

16. Love yourself No matter what anyone else tells or or what you think they think about you, you should love yourself. When you love someone you don't hurt them, love yourself and don't hurt yourself.

[countrygirl66]

Hi gretchen

I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I just wanted to say hold on the light will come. It may take a while but it will come. There will be good days to come and you want to be here for them. I know how hard depression can be and those feelings that this life is just too hard to keep going. I know those times that you just need someone to reach out and not dissappoint you. Remember if all around you don't meet that need get on your knees, heavenly father is near. I haven't had difficulty with cutting but I deal with self destructive behaviors and I have learned a couple of things about it concerning me. First that I want to hurt myself or sabatoge my life before anyone else can so then I can still have some say about it. Second that hurting myself can releive stress and help me to dissassociate or feel something, whatever it is that I am lacking. The problem is this kind of behavior is only a short term releif and longterm problems. I can't promise that people will meet your needs, but I know that heavenly father will help you. Remember you are his little child first and he loves you as a perfect father. It seems that SA creates such destructions and havoc in our lives that it may take a lifetime to resolve. Hang on the light will come. Take gentle care.

[thefam42]

I hope you can overcome your desire to cut, be strong and I will ppray for you , Let us know how your doing.

[Liesl]

Dearest Gretchen,

I wish I knew what to say to help you at this time of your life, I wish I had a wand I could wave to make it all better. I too am a cutter, I often go through times of wondering if it's worth living. I'm not always successful at staying away from cutting, but when I am it's because I focus my energies into my passions...... my children and my dancing. I'll push myself physically to the point where my body aches, my feet have blisters and my knees are buised..... but I become a better dancer in the process. I'd suggest finding a passion or talent you want to improve on...... maybe try be the best at.... preferably physical. gives you more incenctive to focus on it. It may not always be the answer but it will help redirect that energy.

Girl, you'll be surprised how many of us understand and feel for you, more than you know. There are many here who have reached out...... and I'd like to be one of them..... msg me anytime.

[Liesl]

I must confess.... all this psychological talk had me lost a few times on this thread..... Think I know what I should study next... lol