Feeling Hopeless

[Leah]

I was informed yesterday that I am being called into a meeting later in the week for a "disciplinary action" and to bring my union rep. I have no idea why.

This has never happened to me before. I am sick to my stomach and my blood pressure is sky high.

If I lose my job, there will be no recovery from it and I will be homeless.

In the last few years I was widowed,lost my job and my home, was unemployed for a year and was diagnosed with MS. I cannot take any more.

I have been faithful in my covenants but it doesn't matter. Life does not get better.

I will not survive this.

[Traveler]

I was informed yesterday that I am being called into a meeting later in the week for a "disciplinary action" and to bring my union rep. I have no idea why.

This has never happened to me before. I am sick to my stomach and my blood pressure is sky high.

If I lose my job, there will be no recovery from it and I will be homeless.

In the last few years I was widowed,lost my job and my home, was unemployed for a year and was diagnosed with MS. I cannot take any more.

I have been faithful in my covenants but it doesn't matter. Life does not get better.

I will not survive this.

I think that worrying about something is a most effective thing to do. I have found that 97% of the things I worry about never happen - what could be more effective?

Okay - first sorry for the sarcasm. Even more apology if my approach so far has not brought some comic relief.

I suggest you do exactly as you have been asked. Show up at the "disciplinary action" meeting with your union rep. Then listen carefully and do not have an argumentative attitude. Even if you have done nothing wrong it is likely you can improve and either do your job better or better communicate to others around you so that together you can work better as a team. Communicate your desire to improve and keep your job - to do better moving forward.

Everyone makes mistakes - even the very best and most reliable. The greatest batter in all history of baseball struck out more than they succeed at bat. Making a mistake is not the end of the world - but an attitude of not willing to try harder to do better - even if you really did not make a mistake - will be the end of your job.

I believe you can get through this and even come out the better for it in the long run. You can do this - I believe you can and will say a prayer - If I could do more than encourage you I would. I know for myself that knowing that someone believes in me helps a lot.

The Traveler

[Guest]

Sending virtual cool-whip cookies to Leah. With big hugs.

[Windseeker]

Leah, I have always valued and appreciated your presence on this forum. All of us on this forum have suffered trials of some form or another. As we encounter trials

Have faith that you can get thru this. Perhaps you can find hope in this conference talk.

Trial of Your Faith - general-conference

I'll pray for you.

[applepansy]

Leah. Put your name on the prayer roll at the temple. Call your home teachers and ask for a blessing. Pray for comfort. And then try to place all this in the hand's of the Lord.

I didn't think union members could be fired for one infraction. I thought there had to be warnings.

[Sali]

Thinking and praying for you. Tie that knot on the end of the rope and just hang in there. Life gets so hard sometimes and it just feels that we just can't go on and feel so left alone. There are people here who care about you and will be sending prayers your way. Hope it all goes well. Sending you big hugs.

[Mahone]

I don't know US employment laws, but it seems very unfair to call you into a meeting regarding "disciplinary action", but have not been informed in advance of the accusations being made against you. How on earth are you supposed to defend yourself?

I would argue for this information well in advance of going into the meeting.

And certainly, at least here in the UK, you cannot be fired for not performing very well at your job without multiple verbal and written warnings, and chances to improve. Otherwise the employer is just asking for a subsequent lawsuit.

[Dravin]

And certainly, at least here in the UK, you cannot be fired for not performing very well at your job without multiple verbal and written warnings, and chances to improve. Otherwise the employer is just asking for a subsequent lawsuit.

It depends exactly where Leah lives, but I suspect her being part of a union grants her more protection from termination than labor law. In most of the US employment is 'at-will', meaning one can be terminated for no reason, or any reason, excepting protected ones (e.g. Religion, Sex, Age, National Origin and the like, it varies a bit per state) without opening the employer up to legal liability. Company policy and union contracts can be more restrictive, but generally in the US employers are given a lot of latitude in firing. A lawsuit that comes after termination is likely to be grounded in a claim that the real reason was protected and was not the stated reason. This is all with the caveat of to my understanding.

[TalkativeIntrovert]

I am sorry to hear this

I too am surprised you are being called into a meeting where you don't know anything about it. When I was in management we usually had informal discussions before it got to that point and people knew full well what it was about. Even if it did get to that point, there was a 3 step process before termination, ie the person was given an opportunity to explain and work on improving/rectifying whatever was the problem, then follow up progression meetings, and if the improvement/change/rectification was not achieved in the timeframe, then termination was the only option.

I agree with Mahone - ask for the agenda/purpose of the meeting now so you can be prepared.

[Quin]

I've decided lately that hope is a wasted emotion. Get rid of hope entirely, and one is left with practicality. Okay. What next? Lets do this thing. Hope, meanwhile, just comes along a lies at vague ideas of "better". Well, flush that. Lets actually do something instead of feeling better about things being lousy.

Because, sometimes, things are just lousy.

Sometimes things are hard.

Sometimes we break.

That's just the way it is.

Then we pick ourselves back up and move along. Or not. But it's one of the powerful places we can go to: when we've broken... What do we choose?

I think we're all afraid of breaking.

Fear, unlike hope, can be useful. It lets us know when things are dangerous. Okay. Duly noted. Breaking is dangerous. We'll burn that bridge when we get there.

I take it back. Lets at least survey that bridge, now.

What's breaking? To you, personally? It's a different answer for everyone and ranges from suicide to cryigg for 3 days. If you know your personal go tos when you alsokutelu break... You can use those. If you're prone to suicide or suicidal ideation... It's time to start collecting resources. BEFORE you're too depressed to. If you're prone to collapsing in on yourself and shutting down (not eating, sleeping, paying bills, etc.) then it's time to get those resources lined up.

Okay. More fear based stuff:

Homelessness. Not the end of the world, actually, although from the fear in your post it sounds as if you fear it may be. So lets go ahead and puncture that fear by looking into resources THERE, too. It's called the "and then what?" game. Lets say the worst happens : you lose your job, and you're homeless. And then what? You'll need to go somewhere. Either couch surfing (aka friends and family), a shelter (use Internet to locate now), or a warm climate. Okay. And then what? Well... You'll need to look for work. So put your resume together, start looking at programs, etc. And then what? You're looking for work, you've got a place to sty (be it car, couch, shelter, or camping on the beach)... You need to eat. Well, the church has mostly cooking based foods, which is a bit difficult whilst homeless (no stove)... But there are emergency food programs, soup kitchens, etc. okay... And then what?

Because life doesn't end, just because we're not where we want to be.

No matter how sad we are

No matter how angry we are

We sort it out and move on.

You're not helpless.

Things may be lousy for awhile.

They never stay that way forever.

Everything is temporary.

Except for God.

Who is always there.

And while I certainly do gripe from time to time, as Im not bleeding from every pore, and Im not dead yet... I really can't complain. Vent, rail, cry, sure thing. Things are hard, sometimes. That it could be much, much, worse helps sometimes. Sometimes not. Regardless... Things will get sorted. As long as I'm still breathing, I've got a shot to sort things out.

So my advice is to ditch hope, and do something.

Edited October 3, 2013 by Quin
Worst of the typsos. Ha. Typos.

[pam]

I completely disagree about ditching hope. Hope is what keeps many of us going. Even lds.org has a section in the gospel subjects regarding hope.

Hope

[Guest]

Me too. Hoping and doing something is not mutually exclusive. Hoping combats despair. While doing moves us closer to what we're hoping for.

But I do like the "then what?" game. I do that a lot.

[classylady]

If I'm without hope, then I don't do the "doing" What would be the point? I do the "doing" because I have hope--even if it's just to survive.

[Anddenex]

I was informed yesterday that I am being called into a meeting later in the week for a "disciplinary action" and to bring my union rep. I have no idea why.

This has never happened to me before. I am sick to my stomach and my blood pressure is sky high.

If I lose my job, there will be no recovery from it and I will be homeless.

In the last few years I was widowed,lost my job and my home, was unemployed for a year and was diagnosed with MS. I cannot take any more.

I have been faithful in my covenants but it doesn't matter. Life does not get better.

I will not survive this.

Hello Leah,

Over the past few days I have been contemplating how to respond to your heart felt statement. Five years ago I would have responded very differently than I do now because I my eyes now see differently than they did before. I am not sure if my view is "despondent" or simply "more realistic."

I remember kneeling one day telling Heavenly Father that a particular trial was more than I could bear. Until the Lord answered my prayer with one word, "Trust," and yet I still do not think I fully have comprehended the Lord's answer because I still lament my trials and struggles, ( more so, when I see others who are lifted up, given everything in this life (so it appears)), and am continually reminded of the Lord's words explaining that we will have no trial that cannot overcome -- but this doesn't make the trial any easier.

The Lord's assistance is a mystery to me, as to why his arm of mercy is extended and other times it appears his arm of mercy should be extended and it is not -- despite the faith, love, and service of the individual.

In scripture we are informed about 4 men who were spared from a burning fire, due to their faith. In scripture we experience the exact opposite, where women and children were thrown into the fire and were left to perish such that a righteous judgement could be brought upon the wicked. How my heart aches for Amulek because I believe, from scripture, it points to Amulek loosing his wife and children to the fire, which is why he pleaded so much for Alma to spare them -- but the Lord would not, although he spared four men from a fire.

We are informed of individuals who are spared by their faith from boiling, from prison, from other terrible experiences while others suffer by the sword, are thrown and perish in prison, and not saved from terrible experiences.

This I find to be true in all our experiences, sweet and bitter, that there are people watching, people looking, and we are truly set up on a hill, such that our light may shine. I would like to say that through these trials of mine where I have been set upon a hill, that my light has brightly shown through, but I don't think it has. We at times loose hope, when we should continue to hang our head high, "bloody and unbowed," and yet we fall short.

What I am trying to say Leah, which you already know, this to shall pass ( if you do loose your job ), as a father of five children I was let go 4 weeks ago from my job. Difficult, yes. All the more difficult when others seem to be given "all" ( good job, never fired, good money) -- yes. However, this life is a time to prepare to meet God, and how we let our light shine during these trials will help us to prepare to meet God.

Like Elder Bednar once said, and I would agree, I don't understand why some are called to learn in this life through pain and suffering, and others learn through healing and success. But this one thing we do know -- That God is a God of love, and he loves us.

May the Lord bless you dear sister with peace during a troubled heart. May you be blessed and be fortunate that this doesn't happen -- BUT IF NOT -- THIS TOO SHALL PASS and you will come off conqueror.