Having a struggle with someone in my ward caught up in perfectionism.

[Guest]

Oh jeez, the kitchen brings out the worst in me, I go all Gordon Ramsay on people lol

Then, it's working like it's supposed to! If people can survive the Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen, they'll think you Prince Charming the rest of the time!

[Traveler]

What makes this world terrible is people who has to bring someone else down. When you're bad, especially very bad, somebody always finds a way to point it out and put you down. When you're good, especially very good, somebody always try to knock you down a peg or ten.

Who cares if she's tooting her own horn. Sit back, applause, and wish her well. Because, what's your other option, that you wish that her house of cards (if that is what it is) fall down all around her? Would that make you feel better?

Serve her. She probably needs it more than you know. Everything is not about you.

I really like what you have said - my father use to say; Never criticize anyone unless you are willing and able to personally demonstrate yourself to be the better example.

The Traveler

[NeuroTypical]

She is my neighbor and the mother of my kids' best friends. Our kids are almost as close as siblings. They spend huge amounts of time together everyday both in school and out. I can only avoid her to a point before it's just rude. Believe me, I have my protective defenses up but sometimes there are chinks in my armor and I let it get to me. Today was one of those days.

I hear what you're saying, but hear what I'm saying. For whatever reason, you perceive this lady to be launching assaults on you, from the sheer fact that she exists. One would think there are enough genuine enemies out there in the world to defend against, that you wouldn't feel the need to wear armor to fend off the attacks of this lady, who doesn't exactly sound out to get you.

Why, carlimac, are you giving this lady so much control over you?

[Lakumi]

Then, it's working like it's supposed to! If people can survive the Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen, they'll think you Prince Charming the rest of the time!

they don't, usually I tell them to "get out" (litter profanity as necessary)

[Traveler]

Please someone tell me that you've run across this type before. Their aire of perfection and flaunting their living the gospel without any hang-ups or weaknesses hampers your own self esteem. Not only do they do everything, they know everything, too. Their enthusiasm is suffocating. They volunteer for everything to the point that you know you don't have to because Sister X will do it. And you're content to just sit back and let her do it because it really isn't a competition and by golly if she wants to do it so bad- let her. I know intellectually that I shouldn't compare myself to her but in practicality it's nearly impossible not to because of all the examples she tells about in church and and to me personally of her family doing all these great, noble things. She seems to have a compelling need to let us all know.

Yes I have personally known someone like you are describing. He was my younger brother. I use to resent him and that my parents thought of his as so perfect. But then within a few months of him returning from his mission his life was taken in an accident.

There was a lot of words about his being taken young before he had the chance to do so many more things in his life and what a great loss - and just after he had returned from his mission. During this time of lamenting I was given a personal revelation concerning my brother. That he was indeed a good and righteous individual. That his life was not cut short but that it had been extended because of his righteousness that we might have his example. And that he now served in his passing in a higher calling and that I should be concerned with my own repentance that I may be an example as my brother to others.

The point being - if we are not a good example in the things we say and do - then we are a bad example. As Saints of G-d we are by our very covenants the example of what a Saint of G-d is.

The Traveler

[carlimac]

I understand your point. You're just taking it as a given that it must all be some sort of act to make you feel inferior (or showboat), that it is simply sincere effort is conspicuously absent in your post filled with a lot of detail about this women that isn't particularly relevant to the issue of how to avoid mentally competing with others in the Gospel. People tend to be conceited, myself included, by trying to place the acts of others as if they are all considered with them, their strengths, and their weaknesses in mind. It's one thing to say she does things and they annoy you, but you cast it as if she's doing them to one-up you is something else, and that really is the impression your OP gives.

You stated the truth of things earlier:

It takes two to compete, even if she is doing things with an eye of competing and demonstrating her winning the supposed game of being Mormon, ultimately it isn't a competition unless you join in on trying to keep score. And when you hear her example of how she applies gospel principles within her own family and you feel like a bad mom because you did it differently, that's you keeping score.

Again the point was missed. I'm most definitely NOT trying to compete with her. If we were keeping score, she's so far "ahead" in her good deeds that it would be futile.

The point is I'm annoyed. The fact that her over-zealousness has infiltrated my own life (mostly through my kids) and that I often hear " Why don't we do things like the___________ family?" is disheartening. I want to just live the gospel Carlimac-style without having to wonder if I'm doing it right. I don't want my kids comparing our lives to theirs and them feeling like they got the short end of the stick. I have to frankly answer, "Because we aren't the ___________family!" But in this world of go-go-go, do-do-do ( that if we analyzed it honestly, is perpetuated for us by our church culture), that answer often isn't enough for my kids. It's just frustrating. Yes, I can take some of her good ideas and try to apply them to my life. I'm not such a curmudgeon that I'm above that. After all, it was her kids that dragged mine into this crazy expensive and all consuming dance thing. I'm going along with it for a bit here. ONE year- max! But it really is overwhelming. And I can't seem to stop the influence without coming across as an unsociable small minded grump next to her.

I feel resentful and bothered that she can't see the effect that she has on others... That even her good intentioned comments in Sunday School can be hurtful and almost insulting to others. Any comment about what we should do in applying gospel principles that starts with, " In our family..." should be outlawed. Seriously. STOP before you say it UNLESS you've been asked to give a special presentation in RS or something. The format and setting, and the invitation to share makes all the difference.

I hadn't said much about my frustrations to my husband. But for the last year he has sat in some ward council meetings with her in attendance. And he comes out of those meetings so agitated by her monopolization of the meeting and her insistence on "kicking phanny" and then rushing to take on all the assignments herself. He says its just maddening. He independently has made the exact same observations.

She isn't doing any of this maliciously. Her worst enemy- the person who is being hurt the most is herself. ( She really isn't all that healthy physically.) And perhaps her kids. One of them digs in his heels. Some of them eat it up and act a lot like she does. Her husband puts up with it. I wonder if he ever tries to reign her in privately. Other times it's obvious they are in this thing together. He's made his share of "in our family" ...comments himself but he's a little more humble about it. I've noticed that she doesn't seem to have real close friends who gravitate to her. I think people tend to avoid her. But she worms her way into peoples lives anyway. She's tenacious. She can be hard to shake. How sad to have anyone feel that way about you.

It's not conceit. It's just an abundant, overflowing amount of righteousness that smothers, annoys, exhausts and intimidates rather than inspires.

Edited October 28, 2013 by carlimac

[Guest]

Carlimac, I honestly do not understand the entire post above...

So, when discussing things in RS, I'm supposed to say, well... somebody else in some other life in another world does this in applying the gospel... instead of sharing how I apply it to mine? Or just not say anything at all? Why the beans for??? I have no intention of making you feel bothered and insulted. So, to me, that's all on you.

And how your kids look at other people has a lot to do with you than it has the other woman. Sorry, just have to point that out. My house is chaos. My brother's house is the poster child of peaceful. My sister's house is so clean and tidy it could be the cover for Better Homes and Garden. They eat 3x a day in the dining room with homecooked meals and nice utensils. Breakfast for us is usually a granola bar or a banana in the car, a bowl of cereal on paper bowls while standing in the kitchen, etc. We go and live in my brother's house for 2 months and we wake up to the smell of bacon waiting for us in the dining room. We went home and my kids were saying, wish we had that bacon. So, I tell them, if you want bacon, you can fry some up yourselves because, I can't wake up early enough for it. But, I did start waking up a bit earlier so we can at least sit down together for breakfast even if it's still cereal on paper bowls.

The thing is - it goes against my grain to keep up with the Jones's. So, my kids know we don't play that game in my house.

Edited October 28, 2013 by anatess

[Guest]

Pride doesn't just run in one direction.

[carlimac]

One other little thing. This is exuberance for life, if it's a natural thing is good and can uplift and inspire. I can't begrudge God for making people the way they are. But in this case it comes across as manufactured and forced and to be "seen of men". Actually, it makes me equal parts irritated and sad for her. Oh the good she could do if she'd just let her natural happiness, desire to do good and to love flow without steamrolling people with it.

[Dravin]

I'm most definitely NOT trying to compete with her. If we were keeping score, she's so far "ahead" in her good deeds that it would be futile.

Then you wouldn't feel like a bad mother after she shares how she applies Gospel principles with her children. If you weren't competing with her, if you weren't comparing yourself against her as a yardstick you wouldn't feel the pressure you talk about to measure up to her. Annoyed that she's dominating lessons? Or her voice is annoying or something? Sure, feelings that you don't measure up to her? You're competing, you're comparing, even if you don't think you are and aren't consciously putting tallies up on the blackboard.

I feel resentful and bothered that she can't see the effect that she has on others... That even her good intentioned comments in Sunday School can be hurtful and almost insulting to others. Any comment about what we should do in applying gospel principles that starts with, " In our family..." should be outlawed. Seriously. STOP before you say it UNLESS you been asked to give a special presentation sharing your ideas in RS or something. The format and setting, and the invitation to share makes all the difference.

RS is the format for such discussions. The format and purpose of the Sunday School and RS/Priesthood lessons is guided discussion about how to apply gospel principles to our lives including discussion of how we've gone about applying them to our own lives. Such lessons are a standing invitation to share how we are applying gospel principles in our lives. If she's dominating lessons is a separate issue from, "Sharing how you are applying the gospel to your life is inappropriate in Relief Society/Priesthood and Sunday School*."

*Which is incorrect.

Edited October 28, 2013 by Dravin

[carlimac]

Carlimac, I honestly do not understand the entire post above...

So, when discussing things in RS, I'm supposed to say, well... somebody else in some other life in another world does this in applying the gospel... instead of sharing how I apply it to mine? Or just not say anything at all? Why the beans for??? I have no intention of making you feel bothered and insulted. So, to me, that's all on you.

I guess you'd have to be there to get it. I know for a fact I'm not alone in my feelings...as small minded as you may think I am. Or maybe you wouldn't get it.

[carlimac]

Pride doesn't just run in one direction.

If I weren't so aware of that, this whole thing would probably be a non-issue.

[Dravin]

Carlimac, I honestly do not understand the entire post above...

So, when discussing things in RS, I'm supposed to say, well... somebody else in some other life in another world does this in applying the gospel... instead of sharing how I apply it to mine? Or just not say anything at all? Why the beans for??? I have no intention of making you feel bothered and insulted. So, to me, that's all on you.

It's not just you, the idea that sharing how we apply gospel principles to our lives is inappropriate in Relief Society, Sunday School, or Priesthood is foreign to me. Discussion of such application is a core of the structure of such lessons.

Edited October 28, 2013 by Dravin

[Guest]

I guess you'd have to be there to get it. I know for a fact I'm not alone in my feelings...as small minded as you may think I am. Or maybe you wouldn't get it.

Yeah, I don't think I'm going to get it. Because, I know people you describe. And they're just not that big of a deal. I can't control other people, I can only control how I react to them.

[Guest]

So should we tone down our efforts to serve so that other people won't feel bad? Just like we should make sure our weddings make everyone else feel warm and fuzzy?

I think you're giving other people way too much power over how you feel.

[carlimac]

Then you wouldn't feel like a bad mother after she shares how she applies Gospel principles with her children. If you weren't competing with her, if you weren't comparing yourself against her as a yardstick you wouldn't feel the pressure you talk about to measure up to her. Annoyed that she dominating lessons? Or her voice is annoying or something? Sure, feelings that you don't measure up to her? You're competing, you're comparing, even if you don't think you are and aren't consciously putting tallies up on the blackboard.

RS is the format for such discussions. The format and purpose of the Sunday School and RS/Priesthood lessons is guided discussion about how to apply gospel principles to our lives including discussion of how we've gone about applying them to our own lives. Such lessons are a standing invitation to share how we are applying gospel principles in our lives. If she's dominating lessons is a separate issue than, "Sharing how you are applying to gospel to your life is inappropriate in Relief Society/Priesthood and Sunday School*."

*Which is incorrect.

No- comparing and competing are NOT the same thing. Women understand this better than men do in my opinion. Men just don't "get" comparing at all. It's not in their genes. At least not in my husband's. And he's the man- the one against which all other men should be compared. ( Said in jest- lest you think I'm serious.) I can compare without competing. I'm not tallying anything. Like I said, if I ever was ( which I may have been in the beginning when we moved into this neighborhood 3 yrs ago), I lost track of the numbers long ago.

This self-righteous oversharing thing is subtle. And without actually being there, hearing it and experiencing it week after week, year after year, you may not be able to understand- unless there is someone in your ward who fits this same description. As for my experience, there is at least one in every ward, but this one is exceptionally...righteous.

[carlimac]

So should we tone down our efforts to serve so that other people won't feel bad? Just like we should make sure our weddings make everyone else feel warm and fuzzy?

I think you're giving other people way too much power over how you feel.

Question one- perhaps. A little more thought and effort to understand the other individuals- allowing them to grow in their own way rather than the way you think they should could be applied here. Also allowing others to have the chance to serve rather than being the one woman show of the ward.

Question two- wasn't that so last week?

And in response to your comment...probably. :)

[Guest]

Well, I guess I'll just repeat that I have known people who seemed just like that, one to the same extreme. Then I got to know her and learned that I was wrong in so many of my assumptions, primarily that she was being goody-goody in some kind of competition. Not only that, but she's become one of my dearest friends.

You're the only one who's going to have the power to change this situation, or more accurately how you're seeing it and reacting to it. I wish you well.

[Dravin]

No- comparing and competing are NOT the same thing.

The feelings you are describing don't exist unless that comparison comes with a value judgement about which one is doing better. If it was a simple neutral comparison, "That car is blue, this one is red." the feelings you talk about wouldn't be associated with it, it would be, "I mother differently than she." not, "She's a better mother than me/I'm a worse mother than her." combined with bad feelings. If you want to say it is comparison not competition, fine, the word isn't overly important here (even though I think competition fits, though I do agree that comparing and competing aren't the same thing). The short of it is that the core of your feelings are stemming from you measuring yourself against her yardstick and feeling bad because you are measuring yourself as worse.

This self-righteous oversharing thing is subtle.

Quite a lot of things that are subtle exist solely in the mind of the one perceiving them.

Edited October 28, 2013 by Dravin

[beefche]

Again the point was missed. I'm most definitely NOT trying to compete with her. If we were keeping score, she's so far "ahead" in her good deeds that it would be futile.

The point is I'm annoyed. The fact that her over-zealousness has infiltrated my own life (mostly through my kids) and that I often hear " Why don't we do things like the___________ family?" is disheartening. I want to just live the gospel Carlimac-style without having to wonder if I'm doing it right. I don't want my kids comparing our lives to theirs and them feeling like they got the short end of the stick. I have to frankly answer, "Because we aren't the ___________family!" But in this world of go-go-go, do-do-do ( that if we analyzed it honestly, is perpetuated for us by our church culture), that answer often isn't enough for my kids. It's just frustrating. Yes, I can take some of her good ideas and try to apply them to my life. I'm not such a curmudgeon that I'm above that. After all, it was her kids that dragged mine into this crazy expensive and all consuming dance thing. I'm going along with it for a bit here. ONE year- max! But it really is overwhelming. And I can't seem to stop the influence without coming across as an unsociable small minded grump next to her.

I feel resentful and bothered that she can't see the effect that she has on others... That even her good intentioned comments in Sunday School can be hurtful and almost insulting to others. Any comment about what we should do in applying gospel principles that starts with, " In our family..." should be outlawed. Seriously. STOP before you say it UNLESS you've been asked to give a special presentation in RS or something. The format and setting, and the invitation to share makes all the difference.

I hadn't said much about my frustrations to my husband. But for the last year he has sat in some ward council meetings with her in attendance. And he comes out of those meetings so agitated by her monopolization of the meeting and her insistence on "kicking phanny" and then rushing to take on all the assignments herself. He says its just maddening. He independently has made the exact same observations.

She isn't doing any of this maliciously. Her worst enemy- the person who is being hurt the most is herself. ( She really isn't all that healthy physically.) And perhaps her kids. One of them digs in his heels. Some of them eat it up and act a lot like she does. Her husband puts up with it. I wonder if he ever tries to reign her in privately. Other times it's obvious they are in this thing together. He's made his share of "in our family" ...comments himself but he's a little more humble about it. I've noticed that she doesn't seem to have real close friends who gravitate to her. I think people tend to avoid her. But she worms her way into peoples lives anyway. She's tenacious. She can be hard to shake. How sad to have anyone feel that way about you.

It's not conceit. It's just an abundant, overflowing amount of righteousness that smothers, annoys, exhausts and intimidates rather than inspires.

carlimac, I don't think you are understanding the point others are trying to make. I bolded the parts of your post to illustrate my point. You are attributing her actions as pointed at you directly. And you are allowing her actions to influence your feelings/thoughts on the matter.

It certainly is hard when the kids come home and praise someone else. But, they are kids and don't realize that they only see the good of her--they don't see (and can't possibly be expected to know) her failures, insecurities, flaws, etc.

First, as a woman, you need to just stop comparing yourself with her. In fact, you cannot compare yourself with anyone. We may think we know their flaws, but in truth, we only see the exterior and most people are very good about making themselves look good to others.

Second, you need to stop and remember that she is NOT existing to make you look/feel bad. She just isn't. In fact, I am confident to say she rarely thinks of you as she goes about her life. She's more worried about herself, her husband, children, and those under her stewardship. You come off as thinking she is saying these things repeatedly to make you and others feel badly.

Finally, as a mom, you need to teach these things to your kids. Of course, it's difficult when all they see are the good/great things of this other mother. But again, as kids, they just don't see her flaws and failures. The opposite is just as true--someone who seems to be a failure if all things of their life do not deserve to be thought of as a loser. Why should we just ignore the fact that someone who appears to have everything is perfect and that it's ok to think of them as self-righteous?

One last thought--who cares if she is self-righteous? Seriously. Yes, it's annoying to heck to be around someone like that, but ultimately, that person's self righteous attitude and actions have nothing to do with me--unless I allow it.

As much as you don't want to hear it, you need to learn to let go of the judmental thoughts of her and stop comparing your actions with hers. It may not be easy or even something that will happen quickly, but it sounds to me that you are letting her get to you way too much and need to put the brakes on it.

[carlimac]

Well, I guess I'll just repeat that I have known people who seemed just like that, one to the same extreme. Then I got to know her and learned that I was wrong in so many of my assumptions, primarily that she was being goody-goody in some kind of competition. Not only that, but she's become one of my dearest friends.

You're the only one who's going to have the power to change this situation, or more accurately how you're seeing it and reacting to it. I wish you well.

I think I already am her closest friend (in the neighborhood anyway). I know her very well. How could I not know her? She talks about herself incessantly. We've spent hours and hours in each other's homes. At first I let her drown me in her schpeels about her wonderful family, her crazy life, her over involvement in Every Thing until I realized about a year into this relationship that it wasn't comfortable and enriching to me. So I've backed off. Put up some walls. But because of nature of our children being so entwined in each other's lives, I can't avoid her completely.

So my question remains- how do you help someone like this without getting taken for a wild ride with her. I'm quiet, timid, methodical and slow (it can appear as lazy to outsiders) but insightful and I can see the damage she is causing in some cases. Like an annoying salesman who drives customers out of the store.

I came here to rant and complain a little. It's funny how you get jumped on on this forum and preached at and put down. If like they say, we turn off some of our filters when communicating via the internet- that we say things we wouldn't otherwise because it's semi-anonymous, then we ARE a very judgmental and unkind people. I can see how some non-members could get turned off by our attitudes. Even if the words aren't said out loud in real life, I have a hunch they are felt and communicated non-verbally. I'm as judgmental as the rest, but if someone isn't hurting me personally, I try very hard to not be unkind. This is not a very friendly or helpful board sometimes.

I came off as rude and unfriendly and grumpy. Sorry about that. That's how I felt. But very few who responded tried to really understand. Not a very satisfying use of my time.

[Guest]

I think I already am her closest friend (in the neighborhood anyway). I know her very well. How could I not know her? She talks about herself incessantly. We've spent hours and hours in each other's homes. At first I let her drown me in her schpeels about her wonderful family, her crazy life, her over involvement in Every Thing until I realized about a year into this relationship that it wasn't comfortable and enriching to me. So I've backed off. Put up some walls. But because of nature of our children being so entwined in each other's lives, I can't avoid her completely.

So my question remains- how do you help someone like this without getting taken for a wild ride with her. I'm quiet, timid, methodical and slow (it can appear as lazy to outsiders) but insightful and I can see the damage she is causing in some cases. Like an annoying salesman who drives customers out of the store.

I came here to rant and complain a little. It's funny how you get jumped on on this forum and preached at and put down. If like they say, we turn off some of our filters when communicating via the internet- that we say things we wouldn't otherwise because it's semi-anonymous, then we ARE a very judgmental and unkind people. I can see how some non-members could get turned off by our attitudes. Even if the words aren't said out loud in real life, I have a hunch they are felt and communicated non-verbally. I'm as judgmental as the rest, but if someone isn't hurting me personally, I try very hard to not be unkind. This is not a very friendly or helpful board sometimes.

I came off as rude and unfriendly and grumpy. Sorry about that. That's how I felt. But very few who responded tried to really understand. Not a very satisfying use of my time.

If you expected a "There, there now, you're a great mother carlimac..." then sorry to disappoint. Now you're making it the internet's problem that they can't relate to what you're feeling. It seems to be a pattern that you feel everybody is out to get you.

You keep on asking how you can serve this woman. We've been giving you lots of ideas you just don't like them.

Here's a simple one. Stop feeling annoyed about her perfectness. That's a great service you can do for her. Applaud it instead. Yes. Praise it. Tell her how great a mother she is everytime she says a good thing. Everytime she volunteers for something, thank her profusely and if you have the time, ask her if there's anything you can do to help. Apply some of the good things she shares to your own life. Then you can improve your life as well.

These are simple things. But, it requires great humility on your part. Do that and let us know how it changes the way you feel and how it changes the nature of your relationship. We wish you the best!

Edited October 28, 2013 by anatess

[Dravin]

If you expected a "There, there now, you're a great mother carlimac..." then sorry to disappoint. Now you're making it the internet's problem that they can't relate to what you're feeling. It seems to be a pattern that you feel everybody is out to get you.

To be fair it is a pattern we see a lot in advice threads, people come here seeking reaffirmation of their feelings and advice about how to fix others and then are less than happy to find themselves the focus of the analysis and advice. This thread is in General Discussions, but it reads like an advice thread.

Edited October 28, 2013 by Dravin

[carlimac]

If you expected a "There, there now, you're a great mother carlimac..." then sorry to disappoint. Now you're making it the internet's problem that they can't relate to what you're feeling. It seems to be a pattern that you feel everybody is out to get you.

You keep on asking how you can serve this woman. We've been giving you lots of ideas you just don't like them.

Here's a simple one. Stop feeling annoyed about her perfectness. That's a great service you can do for her. Applaud it instead. Yes. Praise it. Tell her how great a mother she is everytime she says a good thing. Everytime she volunteers for something, thank her profusely and if you have the time, ask her if there's anything you can do to help. Apply some of the good things she shares to your own life. Then you can improve your life as well.

These are simple things. But, it requires great humility on your part. Do that and let us know how it changes the way you feel and how it changes the nature of your relationship. We wish you the best!

Not expecting a pat on the back. I was just interested in a little commiseration, a little advice. (Thanks to those who offered it.) Not a moral smackdown.

Next time I'll preface my remarks with what I'm after in hopes of avoiding the unwanted criticism. IF there is a next time. Actually I take almost full responsibility for this lousy thread because I'm the dumbkin who keeps coming back and setting myself up for these kinds of responses. I'm a slow learner I guess. I just keep hoping there is some interest in discussing human nature on this board without inserting the moral imperatives that seem to make us so rigid sometimes.

PS- I'm really wondering if you truly believe the best way to handle a show-off is to applaud and thank them profusely. If attention and recognition is what they're after I think there are better ways of giving it to them than to reward the obnoxious behavior.

[Guest]

PS- I'm really wondering if you truly believe the best way to handle a show-off is to applaud and thank them profusely. If attention and recognition is what they're after I think there are better ways of giving it to them than to reward the obnoxious behavior.

I truly believe this. I have done this myself! Every mother has been through the "my kid is better than your kid" syndrome prevalent in Mommy-and-me play dates. I make it a conscious effort to offer praise or congratulations when people say all these great things they do even if its said to toot their horns. It really is a great way to erase the negativity and just enjoy the good things people do. I really don't have any reason to have to put down somebody who toots their own horn. I'm not the vengeful sort. Applauding them instead takes out the negative feelings and I have found that in my experience, when you compliment somebody who may not be consciously tooting their horns, they tend to become more gracious to others as well.

Do good deeds even in the most dire of circumstances. It's contagious.

Now, have you ever met somebody who always has to put somebody's accomplishments down? I've met several of these too! I would say something like, "I got these awesome Michael Kors shoes! Check it out!" and she would say, "You paid too much for it! I bought these shoes and they're much cheaper and more comfortable". Or I would say, "My husband was so great yesterday he rubbed my back while watching football!" and she would say, "He wasn't doing it consciously, he probably didn't even realize he was doing it. Now, my husband bought me comfortable shoes...". Yep, all the time. How I deal with this - I just say, "Yep, you're right, I probably paid too much for it and your shoes are great too... but, aren't these shoes awesome!". Yep. Always stay positive. It really works! At least in my life.

And here, I just realized, you probably now think I'm Miss Perfect. Ah. Oh well.

Edited October 28, 2013 by anatess