Is This Aproppriate?

[carguy12]

So tonight my girlfriend tells me that she is going to the bishop about something and I started thinking..........how is it not ok for her to be alone with me, but it is ok for her to go into a confined space with an older man alone?

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet, so how is this right?

[Dr T]

Carguy,

Maybe you can tell us how that is different. What is the fundamental different in those two scenarios? What is she guarding against that is less threatening in those two situations?

[carguy12]

I'm not sure what you mean. I'm not sure if this is what you're asking but I'm sure the less threatening would be going to the bishop to most of you because the bishop isnt her boyfriend, but he's an older man none the less

[Dr T]

Sorry Carguy. I'll watch this thread and see how long it takes for someone to point it out to you. There is a difference. Don't worry, someone else will fill you in.

[carguy12]

Nah sorry its just kinda late and im tired so its hard to think. But her mother is so protective with her around men and then she can just go walk into the bishops office alone with no other people around?...........I'm questioning how this is right.

[Dr T]

I understand your question sir. You will too, think about it a little more. Get a good nights rest.

[Palerider]

Nah sorry its just kinda late and im tired so its hard to think. But her mother is so protective with her around men and then she can just go walk into the bishops office alone with no other people around?...........I'm questioning how this is right.

you know whats right and whats wrong.........you must be really concerned with what she is going to say in there.........

[pam]

<div class='quotemain'>

Nah sorry its just kinda late and im tired so its hard to think. But her mother is so protective with her around men and then she can just go walk into the bishops office alone with no other people around?...........I'm questioning how this is right.

you know whats right and whats wrong.........you must be really concerned with what she is going to say in there.........

Actually I'm just having a hard time understanding why anyone would be concerned about someone going in to speak one on one with the Bishop. Has nothing to do with him being an older man. I'm with Palerider (heaven help me I'm agreeing with him). But I'm feeling there is a bit of anxiety in worrying about what she might say in there.

[Dr T]

Do you know Pale, Pammy?

[pam]

Do you know Pale, Pammy?

Actually I do. I've known him for 9 years now. We started in ldstalk at the same time. I've had the *cough* pleasure of meeting him in person twice.

[Dr T]

That's good stuff Pammy/PaleOne :)

[BenRaines]

I have never known a Bishop to meet with a female, woman or young woman, in their office where there is not someone outside the door in the clerk's office. I have been called to go down and sit in the hall when the Bishop could not get his counselor or clerk to be at the building when he was there with a sister that needed to see him.

Alone in the Bishop's office, sure, but not alone in the building.

Also I am sure that the Bishop does not have the same type of feelings for this young woman that you do. I bet he is not planning on taking her down to the cabin with his dad and his dad's girlfriend for a few days.

Ben Raines

[Dr T]

Bingo

[StrawberryFields]

Carguy are you concerned for your girlfriend or upset that she is allowed to see the bishop alone and not you?

My hubby has also been asked to sit outside when he was exec sec to the bishop before.

I am a mother of a 17 year old girl and it wouldn't even make me think twice about my daughter seeing our bishop for an interview.

[BenRaines]

:)

[carguy12]

ok listen, I fully understand what I'm asking here.............I'm just questioning how girls under the age of 18 can just go to a man in a closed office without someone being around that's all.

[StrawberryFields]

ok listen, I fully understand what I'm asking here.............I'm just questioning how girls under the age of 18 can just go to a man in a closed office without someone being around that's all.

I don't know of any interview with a young lady a bishop would do with out someone being around.

[JcDean78]

So tonight my girlfriend tells me that she is going to the bishop about something and I started thinking..........how is it not ok for her to be alone with me, but it is ok for her to go into a confined space with an older man alone?

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet, so how is this right?

I agree with you. Some people just go overboard on stuff. If you can not trust each other enough to be alone then you should not be together or if you are afraid of what might happen... then it sounds like somebody has got some personal demons they might want to take care of.

I spent tons and tons of time alone with my wife before we were married. Nothing bad ever came of it and we were able to be married and sealed in the Nashville Temple.

I also spend a lot of time with my sister in law. We are very close and were good friends before my wife and I started to even date. After I had been married for several years, a guy in the bishopric came to me and said that i need to stop being alone with my sister in law so much. (Thats almost impossible because she lives with us).

I told him that sometimes people like to see in others their own faults because they know what THEY would be tempted with in that situation. The subject has never come up again.

[Winnie G]

There is a good point to your question but at the same time, there is that privacy issue.

If I was going to spill my sins to my bishop, a second person in the room may count for a lack of full discloser.

If my children whether they are eight or teens I always sat out side the door.

It comes from years around the military, you never attend a disciplinary meeting with out a second person in the room, but a bishop can be different.

To be all honest I have only gone once to see a bishop about a concern that lay heavily on my sole and it made no difference as to how I felt, only chastised. I could have gone to a relative for that. So since then I do not gone to a bishop. I deal with my father directly.

I am big on cutting out the intermediary.

[Dror]

Am I missing something?

Who said you are not allowed to be alone with your girlfriend? I got married several years ago--have they changed the rules during the past 6.5 years? I've never heard that a couple who are dating cannot be alone. When are you supposed to have those (chastely) romantic moments?

People who are married, on the other hand, are not supposed to be alone with a member of the opposite sex, lest they be unfaithful to the person they made a covenant with.

As a matter of fact, the Church is getting more cautious about letting even bishops and stake presidents be completely alone with members of the opposite sex. Apparently they're starting to build little windows into the doors of bishops' offices in the newer buildings (or so I've been told), so they don't have complete privacy. Even our local institute director has one of these little windows in his door.

Did you do something untoward with your girlfriend that caused your bishop to tell you not to be alone with her? Not accusing you of anything--just wondering why you aren't supposed to be alone.

Dror

[prisonchaplain]

ok listen, I fully understand what I'm asking here.............I'm just questioning how girls under the age of 18 can just go to a man in a closed office without someone being around that's all.

There was a lot of discussion about this when I was in seminary. Religious leaders often give short-term spiritual counsel, and it sometimes involves members of the opposite sex. Different students had different ideas (some even saying they'd let their wives handle the women). Most thought it sufficient to have the door slightly ajar, have windows to the office, and have a secretary or other staff person/member in a room nearby.

I agree that it would probably be inappropriate for an underage female to meet the bishop in a windowless office, if no one else was in the building. It's not that bishops are especially prone to temptation, but rather an appearance of potential impropriety. Besides, it is not unheard of that stories are made up, too.

Bye the bye, as a father of 3 girls, I'm hoping they avoid private dating until they are out of high school.

[a-train]

There is no doubt that risks exist. A woman could charge a baseless accusation. A jealous husband could make some phony claim. This is all to be considered and as far as I can tell, it is gaurded against very well. The LDS Church leadership is extremely well aware of such risks. This is why LDS missionaries do not enter homes without members of the same sex in the house. Bishops do keep others nearby. Precautions are taken. If you are aware of a situation wherein such precautions were not taken, know that this is an acception, not the rule. And, if you are that worried about it, let your bishop know you are worried about him and are looking out for him. I am certain he will appreciate your concern.

-a-train

[BenRaines]

For those of you not familiar with an earlier thread by carguy12. This is the same girl that he thinks it would be fine, I am not sure if he is 16 or 17, as a young LDS man to take his girlfriend and stay a few days or a week with his father and his father's girlfriend in the cabin at the lake. Carguy12, for his reasons, feels that it is inappropriate for the Bishop to be alone to discuss something that the girlfriend wishes to discuss with Bishop. Point has already been made that Bishops are not alone and in no cases that I am aware are Bishops counseled to be alone with anyone of the opposite sex or young men alone in the building.

From what I read of this thread is carguy12 is unhappy that his girlfriend is wishing to visit with the Bishop and she will be in the office with him for her reasons.

Sounds like a control issue to me and not a Bishop and one of his flock issue.

I agree with you PC.

Ben Raines

[Gwen]

Am I missing something?

Who said you are not allowed to be alone with your girlfriend? I got married several years ago--have they changed the rules during the past 6.5 years? I've never heard that a couple who are dating cannot be alone. When are you supposed to have those (chastely) romantic moments?

People who are married, on the other hand, are not supposed to be alone with a member of the opposite sex, lest they be unfaithful to the person they made a covenant with.

As a matter of fact, the Church is getting more cautious about letting even bishops and stake presidents be completely alone with members of the opposite sex. Apparently they're starting to build little windows into the doors of bishops' offices in the newer buildings (or so I've been told), so they don't have complete privacy. Even our local institute director has one of these little windows in his door.

Did you do something untoward with your girlfriend that caused your bishop to tell you not to be alone with her? Not accusing you of anything--just wondering why you aren't supposed to be alone.

Dror

for the sake of discussion we should make a clarification here. when you are courting as adults being alone is appropriate if you are keeping the law of chastity. this alone time is an important part of courtship, and it is left to the individuals to decide where the line of temptation is and to avoid those situations for the couple.

when we are speaking to or about the youth there should be a greater emphasis to avoid alone time. there is a reason youth are asked to double date, the ability to have self control when tempted can be greatly inhibited.

carguy is a youth and should be aplauded for his desire to avoid being alone and trying to live the standards set out by god through our prophet. this is not an easy decision for a teen, and i can understand where he is coming from with the question.

i know that there have been a couple statements recently either making more strict or reminding leaders of the rules regarding being alone with the youth. given the statements i've been recently given, i have to contact the stake as to what they would like me to do for girls camp, i've only got one girl going and the rule i was given is one leader and one youth are not to be in a room, building, or car together; so how are we to get to camp? we were also given instruction at camp training that we were responsible for seeing to it that we were never alone in the bath house or a cabin with any one yw during camp. this is not a subject the church takes lightly. from what i've been instructed as a youth leader anyway.

[BenRaines]

Almom,

Since there is only one YW in your ward going to camp are there other girls in a nearby ward that are going? Could she ride with them? Could the two of you ride up together? How about you and your husband taking her up to camp?

Those are some of the options.

Ben Raines