Missionary Crush

[ldsshine]

Hello everyone, I'm in this dilemma and in need of advice. Just as the title of this post says, I've developed this crush on a 20 yr. old missionary that has been visiting my home weekly for awhile. At first I wasn't into him the way I am now, but I would catch him staring at me while the other missionary would speak to me, and then act sort of bashful when I would look at him. I thought it was cute at first (I'm in my early 30's), and even thought about these boys being perfect for my daughter years down the road....but now I find it getting harder and harder not to think about this one young man daily . I just imagine inviting him over and relaxing with him while watching a movie :). Am I embarrassed to admit this? Yes. Am I wishing I was 10 years younger for the miniscule chance we might become eventually married? Yes. Do I find myself wanting to be my "Sunday best " for him most of all? Yes...and it makes me sad ( but happy in that dopamine-love sort of way).

Any advice to conquer this? Thanks.

[skippy740]

Are you visiting with the missionaries alone in your home? Meaning without another priesthood holder or your husband present? If you are, you need to stop these visits alone with the missionaries. In addition, the missionaries should be following their mission rules and the White Handbook to not visit with sisters alone.

The first step, is to stop visits that are not in compliance with mission rules (if this is the case).

I would also encourage you to review these threads too:

http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/55879-how-do-i-reconcile-hurt.html

http://www.lds.net/forums/young-single-adults-college-institute/49803-dealing-liking-missionary.html

Edited January 26, 2014 by skippy740

[Quin]

LOL... Oh vey!

The fun of getting older.

First off... 30 (ish) is when "this" tends to happen for the first time.

Meaning the first time you're attracted to someone waaaaaay too young.

Because they're adults.

But... But...

Yeah.

They're too young.

Doesn't mean that you can't still appreciate a fine mind, good heart, and great spirit (not to mention physical attractions). You will still, most likely, appreciate those things in 20yos when you're 80. Not all of them, clearly, but it will happen.

In this case, it's a double whammy, because not only are they too young, they're also on Mission.

Which is sacred / inviolate.

And even if you were 25, acting on those impulses would be a violation.

Professors have this issue as a job hazard.

The disparate position level in their case actually makes romantic liaisons with undergrads illegal &/or fire able.

Doesn't mean they never feel anything.

They're just expected to exercise self control.

So, too, remember that a lot of this is the forbidden aspect.

Not that you wouldn't feel he same way if they weren't forbidden.

But that when a thing is forbidden we tend to RELAX.

We're not trying to put our best self forwards.

We act differently than we would in a meat market.

Because it's safe to.

Be ourselves.

And then, completely not looking for it, attraction pops up and smacks us in the face.

Drats.

And hey like me for me.

Not the me pretending not to be crazy.

Double Drats.

Well. Time to be the grown up.

En guard.

Which is my last piece of advice:

Consider, when these things crop up (and they will)

- While you're single, use them as a learning experience. Something to add to your template in what you would want in a spouse. Whatever it is that makes Too-Young-Bloke attractive. My grandmother is hilarious this way, as she started saying those traits out loud the last 20 years of her life. "I always liked cocky young men! I always liked a man I could just sit with and not have to talk and talk to fill up the silence." Yeah. This WILL keep happening.

- While married, for every one thing you find yourself liking about dude-not-your-husband find 5 things you like about your spouse.

Sorry, sister.

Getting older takes nerves of steel.

Q

[Roseslipper]

Your not the first one to get a crush on a missionary and you wont be the last. Just remember their not available their on the Lord's errand. Do not disturb them or take them off their track.

[ldsshine]

Are you visiting with the missionaries alone in your home? Meaning without another priesthood holder or your husband present? If you are, you need to stop these visits alone with the missionaries. In addition, the missionaries should be following their mission rules and the White Handbook to not visit with sisters alone.

The first step, is to stop visits that are not in compliance with mission rules (if this is the case).

I would also encourage you to review these threads too:

http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/55879-how-do-i-reconcile-hurt.html

http://www.lds.net/forums/young-single-adults-college-institute/49803-dealing-liking-missionary.html

Thanks for the links. Very helpful. :)

[ldsshine]

LOL... Oh vey!

The fun of getting older.

First off... 30 (ish) is when "this" tends to happen for the first time.

Meaning the first time you're attracted to someone waaaaaay too young.

Because they're adults.

But... But...

Yeah.

They're too young.

Doesn't mean that you can't still appreciate a fine mind, good heart, and great spirit (not to mention physical attractions). You will still, most likely, appreciate those things in 20yos when you're 80. Not all of them, clearly, but it will happen.

In this case, it's a double whammy, because not only are they too young, they're also on Mission.

Which is sacred / inviolate.

And even if you were 25, acting on those impulses would be a violation.

Professors have this issue as a job hazard.

The disparate position level in their case actually makes romantic liaisons with undergrads illegal &/or fire able.

Doesn't mean they never feel anything.

They're just expected to exercise self control.

So, too, remember that a lot of this is the forbidden aspect.

Not that you wouldn't feel he same way if they weren't forbidden.

But that when a thing is forbidden we tend to RELAX.

We're not trying to put our best self forwards.

We act differently than we would in a meat market.

Because it's safe to.

Be ourselves.

And then, completely not looking for it, attraction pops up and smacks us in the face.

Drats.

And hey like me for me.

Not the me pretending not to be crazy.

Double Drats.

Well. Time to be the grown up.

En guard.

Which is my last piece of advice:

Consider, when these things crop up (and they will)

- While you're single, use them as a learning experience. Something to add to your template in what you would want in a spouse. Whatever it is that makes Too-Young-Bloke attractive. My grandmother is hilarious this way, as she started saying those traits out loud the last 20 years of her life. "I always liked cocky young men! I always liked a man I could just sit with and not have to talk and talk to fill up the silence." Yeah. This WILL keep happening.

- While married, for every one thing you find yourself liking about dude-not-your-husband find 5 things you like about your spouse.

Sorry, sister.

Getting older takes nerves of steel.

Q

Thanks, you gave some good advice there. Good to know I'm not some creepy grown woman, and I may have to just expect that this Will keep happening ......come to think of it, he does remind me of a younger version of my husband. But why oh why did you have to open with "oh vey"....he says that. SO cute..

[ldsshine]

Your not the first one to get a crush on a missionary and you wont be the last. Just remember their not available their on the Lord's errand. Do not disturb them or take them off their track.

Its sounds like a common, even expected, thing...these crushes. Why do you think this is so?

[ldsshine]

Are you visiting with the missionaries alone in your home? Meaning without another priesthood holder or your husband present? If you are, you need to stop these visits alone with the missionaries. In addition, the missionaries should be following their mission rules and the White Handbook to not visit with sisters alone.

The first step, is to stop visits that are not in compliance with mission rules (if this is the case).

I would also encourage you to review these threads too:

http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/55879-how-do-i-reconcile-hurt.html

http://www.lds.net/forums/young-single-adults-college-institute/49803-dealing-liking-missionary.html

No, I meet them with husband with me. But they invited themselves in once; guess they forgot rules. Also, I've spoken to them outside my door by myself...they've visit just to see how I'm doing.

[Suzie]

Thanks, you gave some good advice there. Good to know I'm not some creepy grown woman, and I may have to just expect that this Will keep happening ......come to think of it, he does remind me of a younger version of my husband. But why oh why did you have to open with "oh vey"....he says that. SO cute..

No, I meet them with husband with me. But they invited themselves in once; guess they forgot rules. Also, I've spoken to them outside my door by myself...they've visit just to see how I'm doing.

Oh, I had the impression from your OP that you was single. If you are still married, then all of this has nothing to do with you being a grown up woman and he being younger than you. You are entertaining dangerous thoughts, you are MARRIED.

[ldsshine]

Oh, I had the impression from your OP that you was single. If you are still married, then all of this has nothing to do with you being a grown up woman and he being younger than you. You are entertaining dangerous thoughts, you are MARRIED.

Yes I agree. Married with crush...sums it up.

[Guest]

Crushes can happen when you're married. Once you're aware of it, you are fully responsible to stop it, whatever it takes. You can start by not having them over every week, or at all.

[missmollymormon]

Dear Ldsshine!

Been there, done that... Broke my heart... If I had my time over again, I would have spoken to the mission president. Things would have been much easier. But then, its har to willfully push someone away that we are attracted to... But your story is a bit different to mine, I am not married. For the sake of you and your husband, distance yourself!

[ldsshine]

Crushes can happen when you're married. Once you're aware of it, you are fully responsible to stop it, whatever it takes. You can start by not having them over every week, or at all.

I know this sounds odd...but I do feel kind of bad just telling them not to come over anymore. What reason do I give (I'm embarrassed of my feelings), and most importantly, what do I tell my husband?

THanks for the advice.

[skippy740]

Knowing what the missionary's motives were for beginning to visit your family will help us come up with some ideas for you.

Are you a part-member family?

Are you inactive?

Or are you just the really cool family that invites the missionaries over every week?

Whatever you think it is, let's work with what already exists.

[ldsshine]

well,

they are coming over again tonight. The weather is not bike-riding weather so they will very likely have someone give them a ride. I don't want to tell them to not come back anymore. They are trying to convert us. I just take it VERY slowly and seriously.

If anything, I'll not only grow closer in my knowledge of their faith, but also just enjoy..really enjoy..their company.

And they'll get their satisfaction of introducing us to the Mormon world :).

[skippy740]

I think nearly all of these replies were under the assumption that you and your family were already members. If you and your family are not members of the Church... would it be possible to ask for some Sister missionaries to visit and teach you instead? I know there is a huge influx of new Sister missionaries serving, but will there be some near you that could teach you and your family?

How would you bring it up to the Elders? You could throw your daughter under the bus, so to speak, and that you and your husband would like her to learn from Sisters who could be a great example to her, instead of being a crush? After all, we want her to pay attention to the lesson and not necessarily the one who is teaching, right? (Not too far from the truth, if I may say so.)

[ldsshine]

I think nearly all of these replies were under the assumption that you and your family were already members. If you and your family are not members of the Church... would it be possible to ask for some Sister missionaries to visit and teach you instead? I know there is a huge influx of new Sister missionaries serving, but will there be some near you that could teach you and your family?

How would you bring it up to the Elders? You could throw your daughter under the bus, so to speak, and that you and your husband would like her to learn from Sisters who could be a great example to her, instead of being a crush? After all, we want her to pay attention to the lesson and not necessarily the one who is teaching, right? (Not too far from the truth, if I may say so.)

great advice, thank you.

But I can't help think of something else that may just prevent me from asking for sister missionaries..that is: how old are these sister missionaries?

Because...what if dear husband develops a crush on one now .

[Just_A_Guy]

great advice, thank you.

But I can't help think of something else that may just prevent me from asking for sister missionaries..that is: how old are these sister missionaries?

Because...what if dear husband develops a crush on one now .

How would that be worse than your current situation?

[skippy740]

Maybe there's a senior missionary couple that would be more appropriate. I guess you guys just can't handle the young'uns! :)

[Roseslipper]

Its sounds like a common, even expected, thing...these crushes. Why do you think this is so?

Because their cute and sweet and you see the spirit working in them. And that's the kind of person we should all want. (cuteness is in the eye of the beholder thou and really not that important)

If he had most of the qualities and wasn't cute I wouldn't care. I just want a good man, who strives to live a righteous life. And that's what we see in our missionary's. The guys get crushes on the sister missionary's as well.

Nature I guess, but we know we should stay away from missionary's and Married people. I always look to see if there's a ring on but today not having a ring on could still mean there married and off the market. Just the way it is.

[Roseslipper]

I too didnt realize that you were married and not members. The most important thing I think is to just forget your crush and if sister missionary's come hopefully ur husband wont get a crush on them. If so he will need to push it a side like u do. The most important thing of all is taking the missionary lesson, reading and praying if what you are being taught is true.Ask the Lord!! If and when u find out if it is true it will change your whole life for the better. I promise u this. But you will have ur ups and downs still but you will be able to handle them better. My biggest blessing is my membership in The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints And all of us who are members want you to have this blessing as well.We don't mind sharing. There's nothing better!!! Now tell us more about what your learning and how you and your husband feel about it, have you been to a church meeting yet?

[mnn727]

Put away your crush, stop thinking about it, ignore it if it pops into your head: you are married, and the missionary is on a mission and should not be distracted.

Will it be easy? probably not

Is it do-able? yes of course.

[The Folk Prophet]

Put away your crush, stop thinking about it, ignore it if it pops into your head: you are married, and the missionary is on a mission and should not be distracted.

Will it be easy? probably not

Is it do-able? yes of course.

I very much agree. Take control of yourself. We are not slaves to our passions. Be an adult. Attractive and interesting people will pass through our lives. We can control our thoughts and, certainly, control our actions.

I remember once I went to a video game convention with my brother. There were playboy models there, dressed in sexy clothing, at certain booths. I remember gawking a bit and then telling my brother that I thought it would be funny to get a picture with one of them to send home to my wife (my wife would appreciate my humor in this regard). My brother told me, and it has stuck with me since, "They are daughters of God and you should not be seeing them as anything else!"

This story is not directly applicable, obviously, but the message is. See this young man as who he truly is. He is a son of God. He is a full-time servant of God. We should always see each other in this light first and foremost. This has helped me deal with attractive people I come across. Hopefully it will do the same for you.

[Crash]

I very much agree. Take control of yourself. We are not slaves to our passions. Be an adult. Attractive and interesting people will pass through our lives. We can control our thoughts and, certainly, control our actions.

I remember once I went to a video game convention with my brother. There were playboy models there, dressed in sexy clothing, at certain booths. I remember gawking a bit and then telling my brother that I thought it would be funny to get a picture with one of them to send home to my wife (my wife would appreciate my humor in this regard). My brother told me, and it has stuck with me since, "They are daughters of God and you should not be seeing them as anything else!"

This story is not directly applicable, obviously, but the message is. See this young man as who he truly is. He is a son of God. He is a full-time servant of God. We should always see each other in this light first and foremost. This has helped me deal with attractive people I come across. Hopefully it will do the same for you.

I completely agree. Remember, Gandalf and Lady Galadriel did not give into the temptation of the Ring of Power. Don't be Boromir.

[Smeagums]

Sounds like ldsshine is a troll or something.