Not sure if the "church" is for me anymore I love God and Jesus

[Randommormon]

I've been inactive for roughly 10 years. I still have a testimony and I still believe in Jesus Christ and God in the holy ghost but I also understand that regardless of what her beliefs are our fundamental aspects of being human will never be relinquished. It is mostly for this reason I find it near possible to return to the church despite my aggravating desire. I feel at times though I have lost the ability to have respect for life, Ive had cancer twice and feel as if I'm more distant from life than I've ever been. I teeter every day between being a extremely bad person or staying on track like a "normal" person. I'm 29 divorced lost in the sauce, I now carry herpes from an ex girlfriend i smoke weed to prevent myself from dropping off the planet I'm really lost,hurt, and find survivability near impossible. I know I'll never marry in the church, let alone date a normal person lol so I seclude myself in hate and hide, I feel guilty going to church. I'm lost an need scripture direction...

[Guest]

For some reason one of my very favorite scriptures sprang to mind:

 

 

 

• Alma 32:27

  27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

 

 

I'm sorry for all of your struggles. I sure know that sometimes a person can feel really beaten down by life. Mortality really stinks sometimes. But it's about what we become through the struggles.

 

All the best.

[Vort]

Go back to Church, friend. You will find people who care about you there.

[PolarVortex]

My favorite Scripture: Luke 15:11-32 (the Prodigal Son).  It's never too late to turn from wandering, or to make a U-turn if you find yourself on the wrong road.  The people at church can help you find the right road... if you let them.

[Crypto]

Here is the video version and link for PolarVortex's favorite scripture! :)

http://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/the-prodigal-son?lang=eng
 

[Palerider]

You need to start back to church. Of course you feel guilty etc....the adversary never wants us to be happy. If you start going again you will find that happiness you are looking for.

[james12]

Why are you troubled and why do doubts arise in your heart? Can you by worrying add one single hour to your life?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? O you of little faith. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own. 

 

Therefore, perform the work to which I have called you. Fear not to do good my son, for whatsoever you sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward. Therefore, fear not, do good, let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you. Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven. Amen.

[FunkyTown]

You should definitely go back to church.

Just as importantly, you should also see a therapist. It's clear that you carry a lot of emotional baggage from your bouts with cancer, herpes, your reliance upon marijuana, your anger at your ex-girlfriend and your self-esteem issues from being a divorcee.

Church won't fix those things.

[The Folk Prophet]

You should definitely go back to church. Just as importantly, you should also see a therapist. It's clear that you carry a lot of emotional baggage from your bouts with cancer, herpes, your reliance upon marijuana, your anger at your ex-girlfriend and your self-esteem issues from being a divorcee. Church won't fix those things.

 

I absolutely agree with FunkyTown.

 

However, I want to emphasize the importance of the Atonement of our Savior in "fixing" these things. Turning your life over to God in humility and choosing to do His will, allowing the Atonement to work in your life will "fix" these things. (I put "fix" in quotes because, obviously, cancer is not cured because we become righteous. But the peace of God we need in dealing with such things can, nevertheless, "fix" things). Not overnight, of course. And I fully recommend the therapy idea as well. But the only way these things can truly be fixed is through the Atonement of Christ.

[pkstpaul]

From what I observe, you are little different than a lot of people in a "lost" generation. I am seeing many, many people your age in the same position you are. What makes you different is your knowledge of the Gospel and some desire to reconnect to that part of your life. Most people do find themselves in young-adulthood struggling. Many are fortunate to have supporting family that drive them down a road of college and marriage and provide temporal, moral and spiritual support. Others flounder.

 

Regardless of your past choices and the support network you have, you are still very young. You have many years to be propserous. Certainly you have dreams and goals beyond not falling off the Earth. Find that support network. It should be family, but if not, it can be Church. Your sins are irrelevant. We all sin. Don't feel guilty or unworthy.Simply set your compass to move in a new direction and make the first steps.

 

My favorite saying...no lie..."Action cures fear." (David Schwartz, The Magic of Thinking Big). Making the first steps forward (or picking up a phone) will melt away your fear and motivate you to move more. Start today.

Edited January 9, 2015 by pkstpaul

[skalenfehl]

I've been inactive for roughly 10 years. I still have a testimony and I still believe in Jesus Christ and God in the holy ghost but I also understand that regardless of what her beliefs are our fundamental aspects of being human will never be relinquished. It is mostly for this reason I find it near possible to return to the church despite my aggravating desire. I feel at times though I have lost the ability to have respect for life, Ive had cancer twice and feel as if I'm more distant from life than I've ever been. I teeter every day between being a extremely bad person or staying on track like a "normal" person. I'm 29 divorced lost in the sauce, I now carry herpes from an ex girlfriend i smoke weed to prevent myself from dropping off the planet I'm really lost,hurt, and find survivability near impossible. I know I'll never marry in the church, let alone date a normal person lol so I seclude myself in hate and hide, I feel guilty going to church. I'm lost an need scripture direction...

 

It sounds like you have convinced yourself of why you're not worth saving. I tell you that there is nothing random about you. If you were the only person on the earth for whom Jesus Christ would lay down His life, He would do it still. It has taken me decades to try and learn to love myself as Jesus Christ loves me. Satan, that great enemy has you convinced that you are not worth saving. So you have sinned. So what? Join the club. We are all fallen, sinful, wicked people. The trick is to stop listening to Satan tell you why you are not worth saving and start listening to Christ tell you why you are worth saving and why He died for you. Going to church is one step, but it's not the first or the best.

 

The best first thing to do is start talking to the Lord. Get down on your knees and just talk to Him and put all your sins on the altar, so to speak He already knows all your sins. Just let him take them from you. Let your sins become His burden to carry. He already paid the price. Besides this, reading the Book of Mormon will teach you how others who have sinned just as much as you were forgiven and found peace. That's all we really want, right? We want to feel peace. We want to feel whole again. As you learn from the lives of the authors in the Book of Mormon, the Lord will begin to soften your heart and fill you with His love.

 

Jesus Christ is so much more eager to forgive you than you are to be forgiven. You feel all this hate and turmoil and maybe you just want to hold on to it. But Jesus Christ died for the very purpose of healing you. Let Him heal you. Then it's ok to go to church and not feel so awkward being around people you don't know, all of who have their own skeletons stuffed in their closets. You will begin to feel a fellowship with them. And as you get to know them, you'll realize they're just as human as you. Good luck to you and may God bless you as you seek Him earnestly. 

[Roseslipper]

Do not give up on the gospel or on yourself. Hold on tight. Beginning in active is no picnic it doesn't matter how long it's been, go back. The Prophets have told us over and over to come back to the fold. I personally know how you feel and I know that the best thing you can do for yourself is be brave and walk into the chapel on Sunday that's the first step, strive to keep going, this might not be easy @first. Cause Satan want s to keep you were you are at. Don't let him win. It's your fight. Go to the investigate rd sunday school class gain more knowledge and strength, pray,when you are ready talk to the bishop, try to not put this off to long you will do better if you have support from your bishop and others. In time you will feel different, better, in time don't take to much time you will start to read your scripture s. Let Heavenly Father work with in you let the Holy Spirit work in you. Plant your seed of hope it will grow within you if you nourish it,and you'll see in time that seed will turn to faith let it continue to grow in you. It's amazing it really is. The Spirit can continue to grow in you it's awesome let it as you strive to do what is right. Do not give up on yourself!!!! Cause Heavenly Father has not!!!! And He will not....Remember Christ is the greatest physicaon he came to heal us all!!!! Get a priesthood blessing. Watch the miracle s that can happen in your life. This is a step by step progression we all need this step what ever point were @. In a year from now you will feel so much different than you do now.(that s if you don't put off what needs to be done now) I have faith in you. I know that you can do it. I know the Lord will walk with you and help you and all of us on our journey...R report back to us and let us know how your doing... Oh a thought just came to my mind. Call one of our temple s put your name on the prayer list. You can do this every two weeks for as long as you need to. Good luck and if you try know that you will receive help... Love your sister in the gospel.