Your Parents...

[bunnzy]

I go to a therapy group every monday. This monday, we talked about our 'lifes journey'. Part of that was thinking about how we were parented, what we liked about it, and what we didnt like.

For me, i didnt like how overprotective my parents were and how angry my mum got when i did something wrong. I remember being very afraid of her and afraid of making mistakes in case i got in trouble. (i think this may be why i am such a perfectionist!)

But i did like how my mum and dad always made sunday an important day, they always paid their tithing, and we almost always had FHE. We also have a family thing we do - after family prayers when we all hold hands and chant 'families are forever' twice.

So i would like you to be introspective and really think about what you like about your parents, and what you didnt like.

[prisonchaplain]

Wow. My parents were probably underprotective. I appreciated the freedom and implied trust. On the other hand, they seldom shared their opinions, for fear of seeming over-baring. Also, they did not take us to church, not did they go.

[Palerider]

I was always afraid of my Dad....we got along great later in life, but as a kid at home I was afraid of him. Alot of it had to do with his drinking. Later in life he did stop due to health reasons. He never did attend church and always made me go with my Mom. The last 2 yrs of his life he attended church each and every week. We never had alot of money and we also never went without anything.

[CrimsonKairos]

My parents loved us four boys.

They taught us the gospel clearly and powerfully.

They provided our temporal needs and many luxuries beyond.

They refused to divorce even amidst a horrible, horrible trial between them.

My dad taught me how to treat daughters of God by his conduct towards my mom.

My dad never yelled at us boys or my mom, and he never spanked us out of anger. He was the epitome of control and self-mastery and I learned much about patience and long-suffering from his example.

[Dr T]

loved me and let me grow by making decisions when appropriate.

[Annabelli]

I was at an educational lecture and the speaker was addressing the elements of parent/child relationships. He said that 8 out of 10 parents were unable to accept "unconditional love" which is bonding. The speaker went on to explain that this causes parents frustration and they become overprotective and critical of their children.

He also said that parents adopt artificial bonds to amend the situation similar to family traditions, religion, and generosity.

Children too adopt artificial bonds commonly seen as avoiding relationships (does not make friends), choosing false relationships (hanging with the wrong crowd) or becoming estranged from their family (taking up with different ethnic groups).

The speaker added that often family members try to cure this lack of bonding which implements the use of alcohol, drugs, ect.

Bonding or lack of is often passed from one generation to the next.

[bunnzy]

who was the speaker at that lecture, because i have to say that sounds alot like my family situation, how my parents are and also how i am with my stepkids. I do feel i have bonded with my baby though. We will have to see if i still feel the same way when he is a temper tantrum throwing toddler!

Is there any way to break this cycle of artificial bonding?

[pam]

My mom always was there to attend every function that I participated in. Even if it mean getting up at 2 a.m. so that I could get to school to catch a bus for a drill team competition. She would then follow the bus in her own vehicle for the 4-6 hour drive. She worked full time yet still managed to do all of this. Though we didn't always have alot of money growing up...my dad always seemed to have money put away so that we could enjoy our annual family vacations. Those are some of my fondest memories.

They also brought me up to appreciate all walks of life. All ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Perhaps that is why even today I have such utter dislike for any kind of racial/ethnic slurs. Of that I am very proud.

[siouxz72]

One of my first blogs was on this very subject. I just want to say that I'm so blessed to have the parents that I do. Thanks to my mom aka Mimi for teaching me about art and music and flowers and the gospel and to always judge people by who they are on the inside, not how they look on the outside. Thanks to my dad aka Big Daddy for also teaching me about the gospel and music and books and that learning is a life long endeavor. Sure, I got in trouble every once in a while..what kid doesn't?! But I'm so thankful to be able to say I wasn't scared I would get hurt by parents, but rather I would hurt them if my behavior wasn't what it was expected to be. I really was lucky to grow up in my wonderful family, brothers and sister included!

[prisonchaplain]

My parents loved us four boys. They taught us the gospel clearly and powerfully. They provided our temporal needs and many luxuries beyond. They refused to divorce even amidst a horrible, horrible trial between them. My dad taught me how to treat daughters of God by his conduct towards my mom. My dad never yelled at us boys or my mom, and he never spanked us out of anger. He was the epitome of control and self-mastery and I learned much about patience and long-suffering from his example.

Now I know why CK is so patient with us here at ldstalk.

[Maureen]

My parents good points would be that they trusted their children. They gave us lots of space. We never had curfews or strange rules and turned out pretty good, if I do say so. They were not extremists and dealt with regular life and discipline in a balanced way.

My biggest dislike was how they could never admit when they were wrong and therefore never apologize. I think they thought that if their children thought they made mistakes, their authority would be in jeopardy. We would see them as weak, which is just the opposite, IMO.

M.

[bunnzy]

Its good to see that people do have a good upbringing and that they recognise what thier parents have done for them, it gives me hope for me and our family.

[Annabelli]

Once when I was needing a pair of shoes, my mother started asking family members if the pair I wanted was the right fashion for me. By the time that she had collected all the ballots, those shoes had gone out of style!

My father was a firm believer that all females should wear short hair with a tight perm. He also believed that women should wear hats.

He thought a worthy guy for his daughters was a guy who had a fishing license and a good testimony of Zebco fishing reels.

He thought a worthy girl for his sons was a girl who could roll up a newspaper and swat flies and was not afraid of heights while in a pickup truck.

My mother thought a worthy guy for her daughters was a guy with all ten fingers, ten toes and could balance a pencil on the bridge of his nose.

She thought a worthy girl for her sons was a girl who wore sandals year round and carried a big purse.

[Aphrodite]

This is a good topic.

My Dad was my greatest influence growing up. He went back to uni at the age of 46 to get a degree so he could have a career he loved. Since then he has been a great advocate of education and was always there to help with homework or essays, no matter what he was doing, he ALWAYS made time for us kids. When we were younger we used to have a 'dad day' where one of us would go out with him for the day, wherever we wanted, to spend quality time with him. Those things I feel are responsible for my relationship with him today.

My Mum is harder as we dont get on that well now its hard to think back. But she was always there, willing to pick us up and drop us off no matter what the time of day or night. We didnt have curfews either, we were trusted to make our own decisions, which we never abused. we realised we had a good thing!! She aimed to give us everything she could so that we had a great life, even if it meant going without herself.

As for mistakes...hmm. For Mum it would have to be not facing up to her problems and subsequantly lying to us about things. I dont think she realises how much damage she has done with that.

With Dad-Growing up he wasnt very tolerant of things that he didnt think were good. like, our tv programmes, or our opinions. If they didnt match his, they were wrong. I have to say since the divorce he has changed a lot and become much more mellow. He wouldnt be like that now.