Babies! Could It Be Time For Me?

[sibeluver03]

Hello everyone,

I am 20 years old and my wonderful eternal husband is 19. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We are both full time college students and will be moving from Oklahoma to Rexburg, Idaho to attend BYU-I in January.

I am looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about starting a family.

For the past 6 or 7 months, both my husband and I have been having strong feelings of love towards any baby or infant child we see. We've always thought babies and children were cute, but never had really discussed having any of our own. But we now both just have this sudden urge to begin our family.

A few personal examples that have happened to me since feeling intense maternal feelings are:

I am on birth control pills. I missed one day by forgetting to take my daily pill. When it came time for my period, I was a day late. Then when I found out I was not pregnant and had gotten my period, I cried in the bathroom. I don't know why I thought missing one day could possibly result in a baby, but I was secretly hoping.

I have had two different dreams. Might I add that in my patriarchal blessing, I was told that I would have sons. So in my dreams, both of them, I saw the same three boys. One was about 7, the other about 3 or 4, and the third was a new baby. In one dream, the two older ones were playing in the bathtub with boats and other toys while I was changing the baby's diaper. In the second dream, I was playing with a baby boy when two older boys came running in from playing outside. Both of these dreams were within the last 6 or 7 months.

This week, I am substituting at a daycare owned by a family I go to Church with. I just help keep the children clean and mostly take care of the younger children that are still in diapers. I now consider myself pretty good at changing diapers and am not afraid of doing something wrong. In just these past couple of days I have spent with these children, I have developed a great love for them and will miss them all very much when it is time for me to go back home to my regular job.

Last week, a girl friend of mine had a baby shower. I had so much fun looking at all her new baby stuff that got me feeling that maternal feeling strong.

I thought when I got back from the baby shower that I was just feeling "baby fever" like every other girl does. If it is "baby fever" I've been feeling it for a very long time.

I am now expecting my period in a couple of weeks with a possible chance of being pregnant again. (I don't mean to forget pills, but when I do I don't freak out about it at all, I just think that if it is finally time, that's that.) I almost dread that week because I'm sure I'll get my period. But right now I'm really hoping this is it and that I won't see my period for another 9 months.

Now comes the reality part. I do know that babies are not all fun and games. They are 24/7 and will be with me for the rest of my life and even eternity. My husband and I are just college students and so therefore certainly do not have the financial stability to support a baby, but we do have a wonderful family who are very supportive of us. We also are not currently insured as far as maternity goes, but plan to be soon, just in case.

Even through all the cons, all I can think about are the pros of having a baby! And all I can think about is remembing an article a couple years ago from I don't know who. I believe it was in the Ensign, though. In that article, it was about a young couple getting advice from their bishop about school and starting a family of their own. The bishop simply told them to not prolong their wait to have children; to have babies now and then. If it was the Lord's will, He would provide a way for them to care for their new child.

I just don't know what to do. Am I being totally ignorant to all the hardwork and financial problems that come with having a new baby?

I really believe that Heavenly Father sent me those dreams. I really believe those were my sons, telling me it was almost time to meet them here on Earth. I just don't know if the Lord is telling me it is time or if I'm just being selfish.

I know and understand this is really a choice between the Lord, my husband, and myself, but if any of you could possibly give me any helpful advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you for any advice and thanks for taking the time to read this really long post!

-Tara-

-Hopeful Future Mom-

[rosie321]

Hello everyone,

I am 20 years old and my wonderful eternal husband is 19. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We are both full time college students and will be moving from Oklahoma to Rexburg, Idaho to attend BYU-I in January.

I am looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about starting a family.

For the past 6 or 7 months, both my husband and I have been having strong feelings of love towards any baby or infant child we see. We've always thought babies and children were cute, but never had really discussed having any of our own. But we now both just have this sudden urge to begin our family.

A few personal examples that have happened to me since feeling intense maternal feelings are:

I am on birth control pills. I missed one day by forgetting to take my daily pill. When it came time for my period, I was a day late. Then when I found out I was not pregnant and had gotten my period, I cried in the bathroom. I don't know why I thought missing one day could possibly result in a baby, but I was secretly hoping.

I have had two different dreams. Might I add that in my patriarchal blessing, I was told that I would have sons. So in my dreams, both of them, I saw the same three boys. One was about 7, the other about 3 or 4, and the third was a new baby. In one dream, the two older ones were playing in the bathtub with boats and other toys while I was changing the baby's diaper. In the second dream, I was playing with a baby boy when two older boys came running in from playing outside. Both of these dreams were within the last 6 or 7 months.

This week, I am substituting at a daycare owned by a family I go to Church with. I just help keep the children clean and mostly take care of the younger children that are still in diapers. I now consider myself pretty good at changing diapers and am not afraid of doing something wrong. In just these past couple of days I have spent with these children, I have developed a great love for them and will miss them all very much when it is time for me to go back home to my regular job.

Last week, a girl friend of mine had a baby shower. I had so much fun looking at all her new baby stuff that got me feeling that maternal feeling strong.

I thought when I got back from the baby shower that I was just feeling "baby fever" like every other girl does. If it is "baby fever" I've been feeling it for a very long time.

I am now expecting my period in a couple of weeks with a possible chance of being pregnant again. (I don't mean to forget pills, but when I do I don't freak out about it at all, I just think that if it is finally time, that's that.) I almost dread that week because I'm sure I'll get my period. But right now I'm really hoping this is it and that I won't see my period for another 9 months.

Now comes the reality part. I do know that babies are not all fun and games. They are 24/7 and will be with me for the rest of my life and even eternity. My husband and I are just college students and so therefore certainly do not have the financial stability to support a baby, but we do have a wonderful family who are very supportive of us. We also are not currently insured as far as maternity goes, but plan to be soon, just in case.

Even through all the cons, all I can think about are the pros of having a baby! And all I can think about is remembing an article a couple years ago from I don't know who. I believe it was in the Ensign, though. In that article, it was about a young couple getting advice from their bishop about school and starting a family of their own. The bishop simply told them to not prolong their wait to have children; to have babies now and then. If it was the Lord's will, He would provide a way for them to care for their new child.

I just don't know what to do. Am I being totally ignorant to all the hardwork and financial problems that come with having a new baby?

I really believe that Heavenly Father sent me those dreams. I really believe those were my sons, telling me it was almost time to meet them here on Earth. I just don't know if the Lord is telling me it is time or if I'm just being selfish.

I know and understand this is really a choice between the Lord, my husband, and myself, but if any of you could possibly give me any helpful advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you for any advice and thanks for taking the time to read this really long post!

-Tara-

-Hopeful Future Mom-

is there ever a good time to have kids?

You will never have enough time, money or patience

Having them now (or anytime for that matter) will teach you a great deal about faith.

The thing that concerns me right now is that you are not financially stable to support a child, nor do you have medical insurance. You are also counting on your family to kick in. Can you really handle that? Sometimes using family relationships in this way can cause problems.

On the other hand some people try to plan everything just right before having kids. In our economy you could have a job today with benefits and be jobless and penniless tommorow.

One of the blessings of children is that they force you to turn to HF a lot to ask for guidance and help and learn to trust in his provisions.

It sounds like you really want children now and feel as though thats where you are being led so you'll have to ask God. All these little things may be God showing you.

[Elphaba]

Hello everyone,

I am 20 years old and my wonderful eternal husband is 19. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We are both full time college students and will be moving from Oklahoma to Rexburg, Idaho to attend BYU-I in January.

I am looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about starting a family.

For the past 6 or 7 months, both my husband and I have been having strong feelings of love towards any baby or infant child we see. We've always thought babies and children were cute, but never had really discussed having any of our own. But we now both just have this sudden urge to begin our family.

A few personal examples that have happened to me since feeling intense maternal feelings are:

I am on birth control pills. I missed one day by forgetting to take my daily pill. When it came time for my period, I was a day late. Then when I found out I was not pregnant and had gotten my period, I cried in the bathroom. I don't know why I thought missing one day could possibly result in a baby, but I was secretly hoping.

I have had two different dreams. Might I add that in my patriarchal blessing, I was told that I would have sons. So in my dreams, both of them, I saw the same three boys. One was about 7, the other about 3 or 4, and the third was a new baby. In one dream, the two older ones were playing in the bathtub with boats and other toys while I was changing the baby's diaper. In the second dream, I was playing with a baby boy when two older boys came running in from playing outside. Both of these dreams were within the last 6 or 7 months.

This week, I am substituting at a daycare owned by a family I go to Church with. I just help keep the children clean and mostly take care of the younger children that are still in diapers. I now consider myself pretty good at changing diapers and am not afraid of doing something wrong. In just these past couple of days I have spent with these children, I have developed a great love for them and will miss them all very much when it is time for me to go back home to my regular job.

Last week, a girl friend of mine had a baby shower. I had so much fun looking at all her new baby stuff that got me feeling that maternal feeling strong.

I thought when I got back from the baby shower that I was just feeling "baby fever" like every other girl does. If it is "baby fever" I've been feeling it for a very long time.

I am now expecting my period in a couple of weeks with a possible chance of being pregnant again. (I don't mean to forget pills, but when I do I don't freak out about it at all, I just think that if it is finally time, that's that.) I almost dread that week because I'm sure I'll get my period. But right now I'm really hoping this is it and that I won't see my period for another 9 months.

Now comes the reality part. I do know that babies are not all fun and games. They are 24/7 and will be with me for the rest of my life and even eternity. My husband and I are just college students and so therefore certainly do not have the financial stability to support a baby, but we do have a wonderful family who are very supportive of us. We also are not currently insured as far as maternity goes, but plan to be soon, just in case.

Even through all the cons, all I can think about are the pros of having a baby! And all I can think about is remembing an article a couple years ago from I don't know who. I believe it was in the Ensign, though. In that article, it was about a young couple getting advice from their bishop about school and starting a family of their own. The bishop simply told them to not prolong their wait to have children; to have babies now and then. If it was the Lord's will, He would provide a way for them to care for their new child.

I just don't know what to do. Am I being totally ignorant to all the hardwork and financial problems that come with having a new baby?

I really believe that Heavenly Father sent me those dreams. I really believe those were my sons, telling me it was almost time to meet them here on Earth. I just don't know if the Lord is telling me it is time or if I'm just being selfish.

I know and understand this is really a choice between the Lord, my husband, and myself, but if any of you could possibly give me any helpful advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you for any advice and thanks for taking the time to read this really long post!

-Tara-

-Hopeful Future Mom-

The way you talk about you and your husband wanting your children so what ifyou're young? I can't imagie a luckier child. Yes, there are things that are going to be difficult that we could talk to you about until we're blue in the face, but they wouldn't matter to you, becase you want your baby.

I would advise some parenting classes, only because you are so young and inexperienced. However, you said you wonderful support from our famly, so perhaps even that isn't necessary.

So, go have your baby!

Elphaba

[Jason]

Finish college first. Take it from someone who didn't.

[pam]

In alot of ways I agree with Jason. But only you can make the ultimate decision. As was also mentioned, if you wait until you have enough money to have children you will NEVER have children.

[shanstress70]

Just to throw in another opinion (albeit non-LDS), you were planning to go to college, which means you want a college degree... right? How will you and your husband be able to get your degrees if you have a baby? How will you support your family? Will your husband have to quit college and get a job? I'm assuming you would want to stay home with the baby.

Just think about all this. Yes, it would be awesome to have a baby most of the time... but lets get real... a baby isn't all about a baby in a soft, fluffy pink or blue sleeper cooing happily. It's also about late nights, non-stop crying, arguing over finances (if you're not financially stable), etc.

Even after you think about it, you may decide that having a baby now is worth both of you dropping out of college and pinching pennies. And that's great... just REALLY think about it.

What's wrong with continuing to do what you're doing? It's obvious you like to be around babies, so continue to work in that daycare. Also, do some free babysitting for the people in your church who can't afford a babysitter. I'm sure they'd LOVE to let you share some of their baby's love!

When will you guys be finished with college? 2, 3, 4 years? That's not a long time and you will still be young.

[Brother Dorsey]

Hello everyone,

I am 20 years old and my wonderful eternal husband is 19. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We are both full time college students and will be moving from Oklahoma to Rexburg, Idaho to attend BYU-I in January.

I am looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about starting a family.

-Tara-

-Hopeful Future Mom-

I have just one suggestion.....take your husband by the hand, kneel on the floor and ask the Lord if having a child is what He would have you do.

On a side note.....my daughter starts at BYU-Idaho this Jan. too!

Have fun!

[shanstress70]

Hi Bro. Dorsey. This is not meant to be an inflammatory post, first off. :)

Do you think that if someone wants something SO BAD, they hear what they want to hear from God when they pray? This person is already thinking that when she dreams of babies, it is God sending them to her, telling her that it's time to have babies.

I do think she should pray about it. But I'm also cautioning her to really, really listen to how she feels after that prayer.

18 or 19 years old is SUPER young to get married... let alone get married and have babies WHILE TRYING TO GO TO SCHOOL! And yes, I know that some of you have been successful at that very thing, but I think that is rare. Think of how much you've changed since you were 18! I know I have. Financial problems are the #1 reason for divorce, and 50 - 60% of today's marriages will end in divorce.

I don't mean for this post to be all doom and gloom. I just think that there is time for all that stuff in life. Why rush it? What's wrong with enjoying your new marriage and your college experience?

[shanstress70]

Hopefully this won't be a duplicate post. I posted it and it disappeared.

Anyway, I just thought of something else... You said that you and your husband both love babies. But does he know that you are forgetting your birth control pills, and that you're secretly hoping to be pregnant? This is really something that you guys should be communicating about. If he does know, then forgive me for asking... that's great.

[Brother Dorsey]

Hi Bro. Dorsey. This is not meant to be an inflammatory post, first off. :)

Do you think that if someone wants something SO BAD, they hear what they want to hear from God when they pray? This person is already thinking that when she dreams of babies, it is God sending them to her, telling her that it's time to have babies.

I do think she should pray about it. But I'm also cautioning her to really, really listen to how she feels after that prayer.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints after baptism we are given the gift of the Holy Ghost. As long as the recipient strives to keep the commandments and covenants made at baptism the Holy Ghost will be a constant companion who will always manifest the truth and God's will unto the one who has been given this gift. So, as a member of the church she is entitled to her own personal revelation from God through the Spirit (Holy Ghost). It could possibly be that these dreams and urges she is having are promptings from the Spirit to start her family....that's why I suggested ernest, humble prayer to Father to be assured of His will. Unless you have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost you can not know how strong these promptings can be. However, you do make a good point....sometimes when someone wants something so bad they can talk themselves into that something.....but, it's a lot easier to discern when you have the Spirit with you.

[shanstress70]

Unless you have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost you can not know how strong these promptings can be. However, you do make a good point....sometimes when someone wants something so bad they can talk themselves into that something.....but, it's a lot easier to discern when you have the Spirit with you.

I think this varies from person to person. I never received strong promptings as LDS, but more of a feeling that could go one way or another. That has always been the same before, after my baptism, and after leaving the LDS church, BTW. Just saying that prayers being answered are not always a 'hammer hitting you over the head' kinda thing.

[Aphrodite]

For the past 6 or 7 months, both my husband and I have been having strong feelings of love towards any baby or infant child we see. We've always thought babies and children were cute, but never had really discussed having any of our own. But we now both just have this sudden urge to begin our family.

A few personal examples that have happened to me since feeling intense maternal feelings are:

I am on birth control pills. I missed one day by forgetting to take my daily pill. When it came time for my period, I was a day late. Then when I found out I was not pregnant and had gotten my period, I cried in the bathroom. I don't know why I thought missing one day could possibly result in a baby, but I was secretly hoping.

I have had two different dreams. Might I add that in my patriarchal blessing, I was told that I would have sons. So in my dreams, both of them, I saw the same three boys. One was about 7, the other about 3 or 4, and the third was a new baby. In one dream, the two older ones were playing in the bathtub with boats and other toys while I was changing the baby's diaper. In the second dream, I was playing with a baby boy when two older boys came running in from playing outside. Both of these dreams were within the last 6 or 7 months.

This week, I am substituting at a daycare owned by a family I go to Church with. I just help keep the children clean and mostly take care of the younger children that are still in diapers. I now consider myself pretty good at changing diapers and am not afraid of doing something wrong. In just these past couple of days I have spent with these children, I have developed a great love for them and will miss them all very much when it is time for me to go back home to my regular job.

Last week, a girl friend of mine had a baby shower. I had so much fun looking at all her new baby stuff that got me feeling that maternal feeling strong.

I thought when I got back from the baby shower that I was just feeling "baby fever" like every other girl does. If it is "baby fever" I've been feeling it for a very long time.

I am now expecting my period in a couple of weeks with a possible chance of being pregnant again. (I don't mean to forget pills, but when I do I don't freak out about it at all, I just think that if it is finally time, that's that.) I almost dread that week because I'm sure I'll get my period. But right now I'm really hoping this is it and that I won't see my period for another 9 months.

Now comes the reality part. I do know that babies are not all fun and games. They are 24/7 and will be with me for the rest of my life and even eternity. My husband and I are just college students and so therefore certainly do not have the financial stability to support a baby, but we do have a wonderful family who are very supportive of us. We also are not currently insured as far as maternity goes, but plan to be soon, just in case.

Even through all the cons, all I can think about are the pros of having a baby! And all I can think about is remembing an article a couple years ago from I don't know who. I believe it was in the Ensign, though. In that article, it was about a young couple getting advice from their bishop about school and starting a family of their own. The bishop simply told them to not prolong their wait to have children; to have babies now and then. If it was the Lord's will, He would provide a way for them to care for their new child.

I just don't know what to do. Am I being totally ignorant to all the hardwork and financial problems that come with having a new baby?

I really believe that Heavenly Father sent me those dreams. I really believe those were my sons, telling me it was almost time to meet them here on Earth. I just don't know if the Lord is telling me it is time or if I'm just being selfish.

I know and understand this is really a choice between the Lord, my husband, and myself, but if any of you could possibly give me any helpful advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you for any advice and thanks for taking the time to read this really long post!

-Tara-

-Hopeful Future Mom-

Tara,

Obviously at the end of the day, this decision is between you and your husband. However, as I am a similar age and point of life as you, Ill give you my opinion/advice.

I married at 22 which is still young, but I knew it was right and I felt ready. When you get married you feel older than you are. Well I do anyway. So now Im 24 and we've been married a couple of years it feels like time is marching on. My husband is like, isn't it time we thought about children? As we've been married 2 years he feels its time for kids, and the longer we leave it-the longer it is! lol, am I making sense? I was applying to uni at this time for my degree and I said, but I want my education, its soooo important. But I did really think about it. I felt broody too, what woman doesnt? Its a natural way to feel. It doesnt necesarilly mean have a baby right here and now because Im getting these feelings.

Listening to what you say-you are just a baby yourself! Darling 20 years old. At 20 although married you should be getting your education, having fun with your husband, establishing a home, making plans for the future and looking forward to the rest of your lives. Jason is right. Why would you choose to not get an education and have more financial burdens just to have a baby NOW rather than in a few years? (which by the way is not as long as you think, it really isnt). If you dont get your education now while you have the chance, when your mind is young and fresh and you dont have the responsibilities kids bring, you will regret it for the rest of your life. If you wait 3 or 4 years to have a baby, do you think you'll look back with much regret and think, 'oh! I soooo wish Id had a baby four years ago!'. I doubt it. You will look back and treasure and cherish the time you and your husband had as a young couple and be glad you waited.

As for that article about the bishop saying not to wait-In my opinion that is totally irresponsible advice. Surely its better to plan, work towards a reasonable financial situation, finish your education and move on with the next stage of your life-babies if thats what you want. To try and do everything at once-its silly and wrong for a bishop to tell anyone that-do it all at once!!! Why make life harder for yourself than you need to?

Of course, you cant plan for financial disaster. but in my opinion, thats not a reason to have a baby because 'anything could happen anytime, anyway'. If thats the case, then, get your education, have a decent paying job you can do, and your husband, so that you can afford reasonable housing and a reasonable standard of living. This is what I always think:

What if something happened to my husband in the future and I had to support a family? Id need a career to do that, it would make life so much more difficult if I was working at Macdonalds.

What if your husband is made redundant and cant find another job? You might have to take your turn to support the family.

What if your husband has an accident that leaves him out of action for a period of time, or God forbid, unable to work atall??

What if you cant have children? It can take a long time to adopt if thats the route you choose. What will you do in the meantime?

So theres many things that could, and do, happen. From my own experience planning as best you can for the future is paramount. If you do all this, and wait to have a baby and something does happen, at least you can say to yourself, well, I know Ive done all I can to be best prepared for this situation. If you dont, have a baby and drop out of college and something happens, you'll be saying to yourself, 'why oh why oh why didnt I wait, and finish my degree??' You will have regret.

Basically, you have nothing to lose by waiting to have a baby. Nothing atall, and everything to gain. You will look forward to having children and be even more excited when the time comes. You look back at your life and think how sucessful you were to get your degree and establish a career. The children you raised, the lessons you can pass on to them. You have much to lose by having a baby too soon. You lose your education, your freedom very young, financial freedom, and the chance to be a carefree young couple in love with their whole lives in front of them.

I think you sound like a really sweet person. I would urge you to think on this extremely carefully. I dont think you are ignorant to what a baby involves, but until you have children no one knows whats involved. My Dad likens having a baby to a bomb being dropped into the middle of your lives. You wont ever sleep. Youll be tired constantly. Youll lose interest in sex, youll have no money, no time for yourself or your husband. You wont be able to just pop out with your hubby, youll have a baby at home. Your life as it is now, will cease to exist. It will be a hard slog.

Think are you really ready for that??

Ive had dreams about things too. I dont think they necesarilly mean anything-they mean what you want them to mean. Of course you will have good feelings about having children. It is right, its the right thing to do. But maybe just not yet. Make it the right place the right time-make sure it is for you.

One final thing-Most people Ive met who have had children young have told me they wished they had waited just a few more years. They love their kids to bits and wouldnt change them-but they wish they'd waited. I dont think Ive ever met anybody who has wished they had kids earlier. Think about that. Maybe ask people you know who have had kids young if they would have done anything different.

Ultimately its upto you, but I would hate to see you struggling and regretful as you seem like a lovely person. I hope Ive brought up enough points for you to think on and consider. Let us know what you decide!!!

Aphrodite

[mom42]

Tara, I think you know what to do, you just want some confirmation that its right. I have never done anything in my life that was more important than being a mother and neither will you. It's the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I've done and has also brought me the most heartache and disappointment. There's always a time and season for everything. You and your husband just need to sit down and talk about your options and then pray about it but never ignore those feeling in your heart it's one of the great gifts of being a women and invaluable gifts needed in being a mother. I've found those feeling are almost ALWAYS right and many times in my life I've ignored them. :)

Hello everyone,

I am 20 years old and my wonderful eternal husband is 19. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We are both full time college students and will be moving from Oklahoma to Rexburg, Idaho to attend BYU-I in January.

I am looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about starting a family.

For the past 6 or 7 months, both my husband and I have been having strong feelings of love towards any baby or infant child we see. We've always thought babies and children were cute, but never had really discussed having any of our own. But we now both just have this sudden urge to begin our family.

A few personal examples that have happened to me since feeling intense maternal feelings are:

I am on birth control pills. I missed one day by forgetting to take my daily pill. When it came time for my period, I was a day late. Then when I found out I was not pregnant and had gotten my period, I cried in the bathroom. I don't know why I thought missing one day could possibly result in a baby, but I was secretly hoping.

I have had two different dreams. Might I add that in my patriarchal blessing, I was told that I would have sons. So in my dreams, both of them, I saw the same three boys. One was about 7, the other about 3 or 4, and the third was a new baby. In one dream, the two older ones were playing in the bathtub with boats and other toys while I was changing the baby's diaper. In the second dream, I was playing with a baby boy when two older boys came running in from playing outside. Both of these dreams were within the last 6 or 7 months.

This week, I am substituting at a daycare owned by a family I go to Church with. I just help keep the children clean and mostly take care of the younger children that are still in diapers. I now consider myself pretty good at changing diapers and am not afraid of doing something wrong. In just these past couple of days I have spent with these children, I have developed a great love for them and will miss them all very much when it is time for me to go back home to my regular job.

Last week, a girl friend of mine had a baby shower. I had so much fun looking at all her new baby stuff that got me feeling that maternal feeling strong.

I thought when I got back from the baby shower that I was just feeling "baby fever" like every other girl does. If it is "baby fever" I've been feeling it for a very long time.

I am now expecting my period in a couple of weeks with a possible chance of being pregnant again. (I don't mean to forget pills, but when I do I don't freak out about it at all, I just think that if it is finally time, that's that.) I almost dread that week because I'm sure I'll get my period. But right now I'm really hoping this is it and that I won't see my period for another 9 months.

Now comes the reality part. I do know that babies are not all fun and games. They are 24/7 and will be with me for the rest of my life and even eternity. My husband and I are just college students and so therefore certainly do not have the financial stability to support a baby, but we do have a wonderful family who are very supportive of us. We also are not currently insured as far as maternity goes, but plan to be soon, just in case.

Even through all the cons, all I can think about are the pros of having a baby! And all I can think about is remembing an article a couple years ago from I don't know who. I believe it was in the Ensign, though. In that article, it was about a young couple getting advice from their bishop about school and starting a family of their own. The bishop simply told them to not prolong their wait to have children; to have babies now and then. If it was the Lord's will, He would provide a way for them to care for their new child.

I just don't know what to do. Am I being totally ignorant to all the hardwork and financial problems that come with having a new baby?

I really believe that Heavenly Father sent me those dreams. I really believe those were my sons, telling me it was almost time to meet them here on Earth. I just don't know if the Lord is telling me it is time or if I'm just being selfish.

I know and understand this is really a choice between the Lord, my husband, and myself, but if any of you could possibly give me any helpful advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you for any advice and thanks for taking the time to read this really long post!

-Tara-

-Hopeful Future Mom-

[shanstress70]

Tara, I think you know what to do, you just want some confirmation that its right. I have never done anything in my life that was more important than being a mother and neither will you. It's the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I've done and has also brought me the most heartache and disappointment. There's always a time and season for everything. You and your husband just need to sit down and talk about your options and then pray about it but never ignore those feeling in your heart it's one of the great gifts of being a women and invaluable gifts needed in being a mother. I've found those feeling are almost ALWAYS right and many times in my life I've ignored them. :)

So you think she should go with her gut and have a baby now, at 20? Tara, would you guys be OK financially if you were to do that? Would your husband be OK if he had to drop out of college or switch to part-time so that he can work to support his family?

Just food for thought...

[Moksha]

My advice? Finish college first and work on cementing your relationship. Babies cause a lot of stress in a marriage. Best to make sure everything is on a firm footing first, so you can do your best as parents.

[sixpacktr]

is there ever a good time to have kids?

You will never have enough time, money or patience

Having them now (or anytime for that matter) will teach you a great deal about faith.

The thing that concerns me right now is that you are not financially stable to support a child, nor do you have medical insurance. You are also counting on your family to kick in. Can you really handle that? Sometimes using family relationships in this way can cause problems.

On the other hand some people try to plan everything just right before having kids. In our economy you could have a job today with benefits and be jobless and penniless tommorow.

One of the blessings of children is that they force you to turn to HF a lot to ask for guidance and help and learn to trust in his provisions.

It sounds like you really want children now and feel as though thats where you are being led so you'll have to ask God. All these little things may be God showing you.

Rosie is right. If you think there is a 'good time' to have kids, you'll never have them. SW Kimball spoke of those that postpone children for other things, such as getting a firmer footing, finishing college, buying a home, etc., etc., as idolatry. I tend to agree, but the main thing is that this isn't between you and us, it is between you, your husband, and our HF. He will guide you in what is right.

We had our first daughter in college. It was great. We were dirt poor, but we paid our tithing and we had enough. She played with the pots and pans and in a box. Didn't seem to warp her that she didn't have a toy Jeep to drive around in.

My point is that the spirit will tell you when it is right. Strive to get that, and don't worry about anything else. And a baby won't add any more stress than already exists. Our daughter brought my wife and I closer together, actually.

[Aphrodite]

Sibeluver-Didnt you post a few problems you were having with your husband a little while ago? About racing around in his car and stuff? Do you think he's ready to be a Father? Are those issues resolved? More things to think about xx

[shanstress70]

Sibeluver-Didnt you post a few problems you were having with your husband a little while ago? About racing around in his car and stuff? Do you think he's ready to be a Father? Are those issues resolved? More things to think about xx

Oh yeah, and 'evil' music.

[sibeluver03]

Thank you all very, very much for all of the wonderful advice. I know that this choice is between the the Lord, my husband, and myself. There are times though that I feel absolute certainty that the right time is now. But there are other times when I feel doubtful, like when I begin thinking about reality and how hard it may be to raise a child on two college students' incomes. But once again, I do thank you all very much for all of your kind words.

Aphrodite and Shanstress70: I am pleased that you remembered me and my previous posts. Yes, I did have a few problems as does every other marriage on this earth. Hmm, racing in his car. Yes, that has been resolved. I am not sure if I mentioned it in my post about that or not, but he ended up with a ticket that cost us $250 and his driving record a 90 probation. The probation was just one that stated that if he didn't get into any more trouble in 90 days, that ticket would not go on his record. I really do believe that solved our problems because he is scared to death to race that car now for fear of getting into trouble. That 90 days is up now, but if he does it again and gets into trouble, the court won't be so easy on him. That problem is in the clouds now.

As for his listening to distasteful music, we have also come to an agreement on that issue. He came to realize that his music was distructive and unpure, (for us anyways). I came to realize that he is my loving husband and he is not perfect. I came to realize that I cannot make him to anything; he has to do it himself and that it is my job to let him know how I feel but to love and support him no matter what he decided to do. He found some hard rock Christian music that I even like a little bit. It is almost exactly like his previous music, just with words of worship instead of anger and sex.

So in answer to your question, Aphrodite, yes, I do think he is really ready to be a father. He has shown me and we have learned together that if we work on our marriage problems together, we will find a solution that works for both of us. Marriages are not perfect and will never be perfect. But we strive to be perfect for each other. =)

[shanstress70]

I'm glad you guys have worked those problems out. There will be more, but the problems are worth working through if you really love each other. If you and your husband are both in agreement that this is the time to have a baby, go for it! You won't be the first people who have done it and succeeded.

[Laureltree]

Tara,

I remember having a very similar experience, 2 months later I found out I was pregnant.. The lord does things in his time, not ours... I have 4 beautiful children I adore...:)

Hello everyone,

I am 20 years old and my wonderful eternal husband is 19. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We are both full time college students and will be moving from Oklahoma to Rexburg, Idaho to attend BYU-I in January.

I am looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about starting a family.

For the past 6 or 7 months, both my husband and I have been having strong feelings of love towards any baby or infant child we see. We've always thought babies and children were cute, but never had really discussed having any of our own. But we now both just have this sudden urge to begin our family.

A few personal examples that have happened to me since feeling intense maternal feelings are:

I am on birth control pills. I missed one day by forgetting to take my daily pill. When it came time for my period, I was a day late. Then when I found out I was not pregnant and had gotten my period, I cried in the bathroom. I don't know why I thought missing one day could possibly result in a baby, but I was secretly hoping.

I have had two different dreams. Might I add that in my patriarchal blessing, I was told that I would have sons. So in my dreams, both of them, I saw the same three boys. One was about 7, the other about 3 or 4, and the third was a new baby. In one dream, the two older ones were playing in the bathtub with boats and other toys while I was changing the baby's diaper. In the second dream, I was playing with a baby boy when two older boys came running in from playing outside. Both of these dreams were within the last 6 or 7 months.

This week, I am substituting at a daycare owned by a family I go to Church with. I just help keep the children clean and mostly take care of the younger children that are still in diapers. I now consider myself pretty good at changing diapers and am not afraid of doing something wrong. In just these past couple of days I have spent with these children, I have developed a great love for them and will miss them all very much when it is time for me to go back home to my regular job.

Last week, a girl friend of mine had a baby shower. I had so much fun looking at all her new baby stuff that got me feeling that maternal feeling strong.

I thought when I got back from the baby shower that I was just feeling "baby fever" like every other girl does. If it is "baby fever" I've been feeling it for a very long time.

I am now expecting my period in a couple of weeks with a possible chance of being pregnant again. (I don't mean to forget pills, but when I do I don't freak out about it at all, I just think that if it is finally time, that's that.) I almost dread that week because I'm sure I'll get my period. But right now I'm really hoping this is it and that I won't see my period for another 9 months.

Now comes the reality part. I do know that babies are not all fun and games. They are 24/7 and will be with me for the rest of my life and even eternity. My husband and I are just college students and so therefore certainly do not have the financial stability to support a baby, but we do have a wonderful family who are very supportive of us. We also are not currently insured as far as maternity goes, but plan to be soon, just in case.

Even through all the cons, all I can think about are the pros of having a baby! And all I can think about is remembing an article a couple years ago from I don't know who. I believe it was in the Ensign, though. In that article, it was about a young couple getting advice from their bishop about school and starting a family of their own. The bishop simply told them to not prolong their wait to have children; to have babies now and then. If it was the Lord's will, He would provide a way for them to care for their new child.

I just don't know what to do. Am I being totally ignorant to all the hardwork and financial problems that come with having a new baby?

I really believe that Heavenly Father sent me those dreams. I really believe those were my sons, telling me it was almost time to meet them here on Earth. I just don't know if the Lord is telling me it is time or if I'm just being selfish.

I know and understand this is really a choice between the Lord, my husband, and myself, but if any of you could possibly give me any helpful advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you for any advice and thanks for taking the time to read this really long post!

-Tara-

-Hopeful Future Mom-

[shanstress70]

Tara,

I remember having a very similar experience, 2 months later I found out I was pregnant.. The lord does things in his time, not ours... I have 4 beautiful children I adore...:)

I don't really believe that if you want a baby, you'll get a baby, regardless of other steps you take. I have heard of a couple people getting pregnant when they were on the pill, but most eventually admit that they had missed a pill or two. If it is true that someone gets pregnant without missing a pill, it's EXTREMELY RARE, as the pill is about 98% effective.

I guess what I'm saying is, if I wanted to have a baby, and God wanted me to have a baby, and I still kept taking the pill, I'm probably not going to have a baby.

[boyando]

<div class='quotemain'>

Hello everyone,

I am 20 years old and my wonderful eternal husband is 19. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We are both full time college students and will be moving from Oklahoma to Rexburg, Idaho to attend BYU-I in January.

I am looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about starting a family.

-Tara-

-Hopeful Future Mom-

I have just one suggestion.....take your husband by the hand, kneel on the floor and ask the Lord if having a child is what He would have you do.

On a side note.....my daughter starts at BYU-Idaho this Jan. too!

Have fun!

Bro D.

I agree with what you are saying. but some times I think that we forget all the steps, to seeking the Lords will, in our personal lives.

First you must search it out in your mind, make a decision, and then take it to the Lord in humble prayer. Humble, meaning being in an attitude of learning, or in other words, if you get the answer that you don't want, you do the will of the Lord.

Sound to me like Tara is looking at it from all angles, before she takes it to the Lord.

Just me thinking out loud - allmosthumble

[boyando]

<div class='quotemain'>

Hello everyone,

I am 20 years old and my wonderful eternal husband is 19. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We are both full time college students and will be moving from Oklahoma to Rexburg, Idaho to attend BYU-I in January.

I am looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about starting a family.

For the past 6 or 7 months, both my husband and I have been having strong feelings of love towards any baby or infant child we see. We've always thought babies and children were cute, but never had really discussed having any of our own. But we now both just have this sudden urge to begin our family.

A few personal examples that have happened to me since feeling intense maternal feelings are:

I am on birth control pills. I missed one day by forgetting to take my daily pill. When it came time for my period, I was a day late. Then when I found out I was not pregnant and had gotten my period, I cried in the bathroom. I don't know why I thought missing one day could possibly result in a baby, but I was secretly hoping.

I have had two different dreams. Might I add that in my patriarchal blessing, I was told that I would have sons. So in my dreams, both of them, I saw the same three boys. One was about 7, the other about 3 or 4, and the third was a new baby. In one dream, the two older ones were playing in the bathtub with boats and other toys while I was changing the baby's diaper. In the second dream, I was playing with a baby boy when two older boys came running in from playing outside. Both of these dreams were within the last 6 or 7 months.

This week, I am substituting at a daycare owned by a family I go to Church with. I just help keep the children clean and mostly take care of the younger children that are still in diapers. I now consider myself pretty good at changing diapers and am not afraid of doing something wrong. In just these past couple of days I have spent with these children, I have developed a great love for them and will miss them all very much when it is time for me to go back home to my regular job.

Last week, a girl friend of mine had a baby shower. I had so much fun looking at all her new baby stuff that got me feeling that maternal feeling strong.

I thought when I got back from the baby shower that I was just feeling "baby fever" like every other girl does. If it is "baby fever" I've been feeling it for a very long time.

I am now expecting my period in a couple of weeks with a possible chance of being pregnant again. (I don't mean to forget pills, but when I do I don't freak out about it at all, I just think that if it is finally time, that's that.) I almost dread that week because I'm sure I'll get my period. But right now I'm really hoping this is it and that I won't see my period for another 9 months.

Now comes the reality part. I do know that babies are not all fun and games. They are 24/7 and will be with me for the rest of my life and even eternity. My husband and I are just college students and so therefore certainly do not have the financial stability to support a baby, but we do have a wonderful family who are very supportive of us. We also are not currently insured as far as maternity goes, but plan to be soon, just in case.

Even through all the cons, all I can think about are the pros of having a baby! And all I can think about is remembing an article a couple years ago from I don't know who. I believe it was in the Ensign, though. In that article, it was about a young couple getting advice from their bishop about school and starting a family of their own. The bishop simply told them to not prolong their wait to have children; to have babies now and then. If it was the Lord's will, He would provide a way for them to care for their new child.

I just don't know what to do. Am I being totally ignorant to all the hardwork and financial problems that come with having a new baby?

I really believe that Heavenly Father sent me those dreams. I really believe those were my sons, telling me it was almost time to meet them here on Earth. I just don't know if the Lord is telling me it is time or if I'm just being selfish.

I know and understand this is really a choice between the Lord, my husband, and myself, but if any of you could possibly give me any helpful advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you for any advice and thanks for taking the time to read this really long post!

-Tara-

-Hopeful Future Mom-

The way you talk about you and your husband wanting your children so what ifyou're young? I can't imagie a luckier child. Yes, there are things that are going to be difficult that we could talk to you about until we're blue in the face, but they wouldn't matter to you, becase you want your baby.

I would advise some parenting classes, only because you are so young and inexperienced. However, you said you wonderful support from our famly, so perhaps even that isn't necessary.

So, go have your baby!

Elphaba

Tara

Most things I disagree with my Sister on, but this is not one of them. You are young and it is going to be hard. But the best things in life are hard.

When John F. Kennedy wanted to inspire a nation, to do those things to put a man on the moon, he said (as best as I can quote from memory) "We choose to do these things and to go to the moon, not because it is easy, but because it is hard.".

Do every thing that you can to find out about family housing, etc, now, so you don't have to worry about that, when you are in the middle of school.

Don't forget your prayer's, and you will be fine. What the Lord tells you will always override any advice that I can give you. -allmosthumble

P.S. I think my Sis was asleep when she wrote her comments. She doesn't agree with what I think, that often. And she didn't spell all her words, correctly. Have the aliens taken over her mind? Just kidding, I love you Sis.

[mom42]

<div class='quotemain'>

Tara,

I remember having a very similar experience, 2 months later I found out I was pregnant.. The lord does things in his time, not ours... I have 4 beautiful children I adore...:)

I don't really believe that if you want a baby, you'll get a baby, regardless of other steps you take. I have heard of a couple people getting pregnant when they were on the pill, but most eventually admit that they had missed a pill or two. If it is true that someone gets pregnant without missing a pill, it's EXTREMELY RARE, as the pill is about 98% effective.

I guess what I'm saying is, if I wanted to have a baby, and God wanted me to have a baby, and I still kept taking the pill, I'm probably not going to have a baby.

Tara, anything is possible for those who have a strong belief in a Loving Heavenly Father. If you feel your father in Heaven wants you to have a baby, he will make it possible. It will never be easy, now or later. Pull up talks from Prophets and apostles on this subject and of course spend time on your knees. Listen to advise from those who understand your religious beliefs, because if your anything like me, my beliefs dictate everything I do in this life. It's who I am. I have NO doubt that our Father in Heaven lives and has a plan and purpose for each of us individually. Sometimes he just wants us to make a decision then go to him, but regardless of what we do he'll guide us. I do know that he is always pleased when a worthy, loving couple chose to have children. You do know that he would never be disappointed if you choose to have children and not yet be finnacally set, that would mean almost all the LDS population let him down. What ever you choose he'll be with you, either way you can do it. Good luck on your decision!