I Have a Weird Family

[Guest]

I was driving with my son the other day when he said something rather odd.  We bantered a bit about it.  He escalated the level of weirdness of his responses until I was forced to say, "You are a really weird boy."

He responded,"Well, I'm your son.  So, why are you surprised?"  I couldn't really argue with that.

*****************************************

A man was looking for an engineer who could help him develop a new invention for a rifle.  When he and his sister (who introduced us) came to my house to discuss the item, I got a better idea of what he wanted.  But I though the discussion could be improved by looking at a floor model.  So, I asked,"Are you a gun owner?"  "yes."

I began to leave the room to go upstairs and hesitated.  I turned and assured,"Don't be scared."  They both smiled a bit.

I brought down three rifles and two handguns.  The sister was a bit shocked.  But he just laughed.  I guess he felt he had found a kindred spirit.

We spent some time going over the weapons and how his invention would work with each of them.

*****************************************

My eldest was upset the other day and decided to go for a walk to cool down.  When he gets into these moods, he tends to be rather oblivious to the world around him.  He ended up walking on a major road on the shoulder.  He was also barefoot because he hates wearing shoes.  We can barely get him to put them on when we go to church, a restaurant, or shopping.  He does realize he has to wear them for work.

Anyway, the police were called because "someone is walking barefoot on the side of the road!!!"  A friend happened to be driving by and she saw police talking to him.  She phoned us.  I took off in my car to go to the site.

On my way out I noticed a police car coming towards me.  I rolled down my window.  He rolled his.  We exchanged introductions.  When we had discussed the situation I had to ask,"So, people called the police because he was walking down the shoulder of the road?"

"Well, he was barefoot too."

"I didn't know that was illegal."

"Well, it's not criminal, but it is odd behavior."  I rolled my eyes.

Radios went back and forth.  My son is being brought to my home by another officer.  During that time, he discovered that he could get out of a pair of police handcuffs.

Back at my house the second officer told me that he had to search my son and brought out two pocket knives.  I reached for them and said,"Yeah, that's normal."

"That's normal?" I had to look at him weird.  I'm thinking,"Who doesn't carry a pocket knife?"

Eventually, the police completed what they thought was their job.  I was trying to be patient, realizing they have a tough job.

********************************************

We visited the Insect Museum in New Orleans.  Apparently, it is a federal building.  And in every federal building, nothing dangerous (including pocket knives) are allowed in the building.  My infant at the time did not have a pocket knife (we're a family of 9).  Everyone else had a pocket knife.  I emptied my pockets of two pocket knives.  My son emptied his pockets of (if I remember correctly) 5 knives.  Poor security guard at the front desk shook his head.

Then I had to go walk three blocks away where we had parked the car to deposit them and come back to join the family.

**********************************************

We're a reading family.  This is difficult when I came from a movie family.

I was telling a story that involved Harrison Ford.  My family had no idea who he was.

When I speak of Brandon Sanderson or John Flanagan or Shannon Hale, they know all about them.

And at church, seminary, and institute, they are often bored because the classes are geared towards the level of other kids who have hardly even heard the seminary scriptures.

When my son (Ffenix) was 8, he was in the oldest class of junior primary.  Many of those kids (even 8 year olds) couldn't read -- or at least not well enough to read a scripture impromptu.  So, the primary president said,"Ok, it's time for the scripture of the week... oh... (realizing that she had been there long enough to realize that few could even read) and... uhmmm...  let's see... Ffenix, could you come read the scripture for us?"  Seriously, he was the only child in the room that could read scriptures.

**********************************************

So, what is peculiar about your family?

[zil]

41 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Anyway, the police were called because "someone is walking barefoot on the side of the road!!!"

Holy cow!  Whoever did that should just be sent back to the shop for an overhaul!

42 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

I'm thinking,"Who doesn't carry a pocket knife?"

Right?  Even the tablet case I take to church has a pocket knife in it.

44 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Many of those kids (even 8 year olds) couldn't read

This is possibly the most tragic thing I have ever read.

PS: You're a weirdo.

[person0]

Perhaps a weird thing about me and my family is that I read your whole post and didn't think your family was all that weird.    Some good stories though!

[pam]

I always have a lighter on me.  Not that I ever need it but it's because of an incident years ago when one of my boys was about 3 years old.  We were out camping and he somehow got this toy wrapped around his neck.  The weight of what was hanging down was choking him.  I don't  know how he did it but we couldn't get it untangled.  Luckily I had a lighter to use on the campfire and the portable stove we had and was able to burn off the heavy part to get it to quit choking him.  To this day, I have always carried a lighter with me.  Call me weird..but......

[person0]

1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

So, what is peculiar about your family?

Oh, I just thought of some weirdness!  My in-laws are first cousins!    They are members and are sealed in the temple with First Presidency approval!  It was a huge ordeal though because when they were young my mother in law's mother wrote a letter to the First Presidency specifically to prevent them from being able to get married in the temple.  I'm not sure what her reasoning was but they were initially barred and had to go through priesthood channels and write their own letter and explain the situation and the incorrect things that her mother had said.  On my dad's side of the family, my aunt and uncle were married and are first cousins, but they are Muslim and no one ever made a big deal about it.

Is there a prize if I win?  

[Fether]

Sarcasm was so rampant in my family that my youngest brother was understanding and using it at age 5

[zil]

6 minutes ago, person0 said:

Oh, I just thought of some weirdness!  My in-laws are first cousins!    They are members and are sealed in the temple with First Presidency approval!  It was a huge ordeal though because when they were young my mother in law's mother wrote a letter to the First Presidency specifically to prevent them from being able to get married in the temple.  I'm not sure what her reasoning was but they were initially barred and had to go through priesthood channels and write their own letter and explain the situation and the incorrect things that her mother had said.  On my dad's side of the family, my aunt and uncle were married and are first cousins, but they are Muslim and no one ever made a big deal about it.

Is there a prize if I win?  

Yes, some of the prizes for this kind of weirdness are listed here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inbreeding#Genetic_disorders

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, person0 said:

Oh, I just thought of some weirdness!  My in-laws are first cousins! 

Clarify:  Your mother-in-law and your father-in-law are first cousins to each other?

[person0]

7 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Clarify:  Your mother-in-law and your father-in-law are first cousins to each other?

Yes that is correct.

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, person0 said:

Yes that is correct.

That is illegal in most states.  And most of the states where it is legal requires that they must be sterile.  Was this in another country?

BTW, yes that is weird.

Edited August 10, 2017 by Guest

[person0]

18 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

That is illegal in most states.  And most of the states where it is legal requires that they must be sterile.  Was this in another country?

They married in the United States.  Virginia to be specific, but they don't live there.  Not illegal, no sterilization requirement.  I suppose they found a work around!  

Edited August 10, 2017 by person0

[pam]

35 minutes ago, Fether said:

Sarcasm was so rampant in my family that my youngest brother was understanding and using it at age 5

My brother and I are the King and Queen of sarcasm in my family.

[Guest]

20 minutes ago, person0 said:

They married in the United States.  Virginia to be specific, but they don't live there.  Not illegal, no sterilization requirement.  I suppose they found a work around!  

I guess I got my statistics wrong.  20 states allow it without any special requirement.

Six other states allow it only if sterilization (whether natural or induced) or genetic counseling is involved.

Remarkably, there is no special concentration in Southern states as would be stereotypically believed.

[Sunday21]

31 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

That is illegal in most states.  And most of the states where it is legal requires that they must be sterile.  Was this in another country?

BTW, yes that is weird.

Legal in Canada! (Which explains a lot!)

Edited August 10, 2017 by Sunday21

[Sunday21]

2 hours ago, Carborendum said:

I guess I got my statistics wrong.  20 states allow it without any special requirement.

Six other states allow it only if sterilization (whether natural or induced) or genetic counseling is involved.

Remarkably, there is no special concentration in Southern states as would be stereotypically believed.

I have friends from Kentucky and they make jokes about this subject all the time. They quote t-shirts with slogans, I will not repeat!

[Sunday21]

2 hours ago, person0 said:

They married in the United States.  Virginia to be specific, but they don't live there.  Not illegal, no sterilization requirement.  I suppose they found a work around!  

The mind boggles!

[Guest]

52 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

I have friends from Kentucky and they make jokes about this subject all the time. They quote t-shirts with slogans, I will not repeat!

If you go to family reunions looking for women, you might be a redneck.

[Snigmorder]

Apparently, according to my mom, when I was 9 or 10 years old, I ran down the street with my machete (yes, it was my machete, I picked it out, and I also kept it under my pillow, not joking.)

Another time (9 or 10,) I mounted steak knives to the front bumper of my high powered RC car, each knife sticking out the right and left side with the blades forward. I could've really injured someone!

And another time (9 or 10,) I had this sort of knock off NERF bazooka which fired foam "missiles" which were about 9 inches long and 3 inches wide.  One day I got the bright idea to Mount a steak knife straight down the middle one of these missiles point forward (I had to bust out the plastic grate on the bazooka's "missle mount" to make room for the knife's handle.) I honestly could've killed somebody with this thing. It had the power to launch  this steak knife missle in a pretty straight arc from about 20 to 30 feet away (or what seemed like 20 to 30 feet to a 10-year-old) from target and it would embed itself in the wooden fence like a dart in a dartboard.

Aside from me, my family's normal.

Edited August 11, 2017 by Snigmorder

[Sunday21]

46 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

If you go to family reunions looking for women, you might be a redneck.

Hysterical!

[clbent04]

7 hours ago, pam said:

I always have a lighter on me.  Not that I ever need it but it's because of an incident years ago when one of my boys was about 3 years old.  We were out camping and he somehow got this toy wrapped around his neck.  The weight of what was hanging down was choking him.  I don't  know how he did it but we couldn't get it untangled.  Luckily I had a lighter to use on the campfire and the portable stove we had and was able to burn off the heavy part to get it to quit choking him.  To this day, I have always carried a lighter with me.  Call me weird..but......

Mormon Ethics 101. If a stranger on the sidewalk bumps into you and asks if you got a light, what do you do?

A.) Say yes and help him light it up

B.) Lie to him saying you're sorry you don't have one on you

C.) Tell him you actually do have a lighter on you, but you don't want to be the accomplice to aiding someone in breaking the Word of Wisdom regardless of their beliefs

D.) Pretend you don't hear him and walk on

Edited August 11, 2017 by clbent04

[person0]

7 minutes ago, clbent04 said:

Mormon Ethics 101. If a stranger on the sidewalk bumps into you and asks if you got a light, what do you do?

E)  Say only the word 'sorry' and keep walking.

It's not lying, nor helping.

[clbent04]

1 minute ago, person0 said:

E)  Say only the word 'sorry' and keep walking.

It's not lying, nor helping.

@pam are you going with E as well?

[seashmore]

1 hour ago, clbent04 said:

Mormon Ethics 101. If a stranger on the sidewalk bumps into you and asks if you got a light, what do you do?

A.) Say yes and help him light it up

B.) Lie to him saying you're sorry you don't have one on you

C.) Tell him you actually do have a lighter on you, but you don't want to be the accomplice to aiding someone in breaking the Word of Wisdom regardless of their beliefs

D.) Pretend you don't hear him and walk on

F. Start singing "This little light of mine"

My dad's side of the family loves music and reading, both stemming from my grandmother's influence. He was a disc jockey (like at weddings and stake youth dances) from about 1985-2010, so he would have to keep up with current trends in music. I was three and singing along to Meatloaf's most popular album. As a result, I'm into all sorts of music. Ask anyone who has ever lived with me, and they will tell you that I'll play disco polka, country, Christian pop, progressive rock, and 80s soundtracks.

The only time we took "family photos" was the day I received my own endowment; it's the only time we've all been together. In the front, it's me, my sister, and our half sister (a term I use only in instances when it needs to be clear we have different mothers, such as now) and the back row has my (first) brother-in-law and my divorced parents. We've all been baptized, but my dad and I are the only ones consistently active over the last ten years. (Both my sisters have been semi active.)

My first sister got married with three hours notice to a guy she had only been dating a couple of months (I'd known him for years, so he wasn't a complete stranger to everyone) in a park by a lady they found on the internet. My other sister was married with three weeks notice (seven years and five days later) a month before she graduated high school. I joke I'll give everyone three years notice.

[clbent04]

29 minutes ago, seashmore said:

F. Start singing "This little light of mine"

hahahaha. it's even funnier when you youtube that song which I just did

Edited August 11, 2017 by clbent04

[JohnsonJones]

Well, I suppose my family is peculiar...

We are MORMONS after all.

I am massively into history (being a historian and all...), but ironically, none of my children or any other seems to like history.  It has been their least favorite subject in school.  I don't know what I did wrong in life to make them dislike history so...