Gentle Parenting

[Traveler]

 

The method of “Come follow me” is not only a teaching moment for children – it is a life changing paradigm for a parent that applies it.

 

The Traveler

[Guest MormonGator]

Just now, Traveler said:

 

The method of “Come follow me” is not only a teaching moment for children – it is a life changing paradigm for a parent that applies it.

Parenting is so challenging and so complex that I'm not sure that any one philosophy works for all situations. 

[Traveler]

6 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Parenting is so challenging and so complex that I'm not sure that any one philosophy works for all situations. 

 

Which begs the question – is being a disciple of Christ and an agent of good – hard or is it easy?  My answer is – whatever you think it will be – it will be that and more.

 

The Traveler

[JoCa]

23 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Parenting is so challenging and so complex that I'm not sure that any one philosophy works for all situations. 

Not so.  Parenting is simple and relatively easy.  You only need two things.  Common Sense and The Word of God.

People who have kids and think it's challenging and complex are thinking way, way too much about it.  I think all these new fanged ideas and fads actually do more to hurt raising kids than help.

Edited October 11, 2017 by JoCa

[Guest MormonGator]

Just now, JoCa said:

Not so.  Parenting is simple and relatively easy.  You only need two things.  Common Sense and The Word of God.

I've heard otherwise. 

[JoCa]

3 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I've heard otherwise. 

You heard wrong :-).

Raising kids is all about teaching and training individuals to be responsible, hard-working, God fearing individuals.

The first thing one needs is a good vision of what they want their kids to be when they are out of the house (in general terms). Then everything else that you do and say when it comes to children revolves around shaping and molding to that future.  The actual works of how to do that are found using Common Sense and the Good Book.

If more people did those rather than relied on "experts" the world would be a better place.  People have been raising the next generation for literally thousands of years, to think one in today's society needs an "expert" to tell you how to do it means we as a society are seriously overthinking the situation.

Edited October 11, 2017 by JoCa

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, JoCa said:

You heard wrong :-).

In the end, it doesn't matter. I don't have kids so I don't have a dog in the fight. If you think parenting is easy as pie, great. More power to you. If others think parenting is hard (and I know what I've heard others say, regardless of what you think) fine. 

[JoCa]

4 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

If others think parenting is hard (and I know what I've heard others say, regardless of what you think) fine. 

I understand, I've heard plenty of people say that before and in the past I've said it myself . .. but it's not hard.  When it was hard, I wasn't using common sense nor the Word of God; I was overthinking the problem thinking there was some "magical" key or technique or tactic or tools. 

But there isn't, parenting is about attitude, perspective and long-term goals. Something the last generation knew a good bit about but this generation knows very little about.

What is hard is staying married.  People who say raising kids is hard and marriage is easy, either don't know what it's like to have both or are focusing on the wrong problem.

Edited October 11, 2017 by JoCa

[Guest MormonGator]

6 minutes ago, JoCa said:

 Something the last generation knew a good bit about but this generation knows very little about.

It doesn't surprise me that you complain about the younger generations. Are you aware how cliche it is? Every generation has complained about the ones that follow them. Oddly though, no one seems to grasp that if the younger generations are so bad, perhaps those who raised them deserve some of the blame. 

I'm sure that one day I'll complain and whine  about how bad things are with "kids today" but I'm not there yet. I'm not a millennial either, for the record. Generation X here. 

Edited October 11, 2017 by MormonGator

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

It doesn't surprise me that you complain about the younger generations. Are you aware how cliche it is? Every generation has complained about the ones that follow them. Oddly though, no one seems to grasp that if the younger generations are so bad, perhaps those who raised them deserve some of the blame. 

I'm sure that one day I'll complain and whine  about how bad things are with "kids today" but I'm not there yet. I'm not a millennial either, for the record. Generation X here. 

I am also generation X (or more accurately an "xennial" who fits neither millennial nor generation x).

I think the real reason so many baby boomers complain about millennials are because the two generations are so much alike they can't stand to look at one another, frankly (size, willingness to push moral boundaries, hedonism, political extremism, etc.)  The millennials remind the boomers of themselves, which makes sense, since the boomers raised the millennials to be just like them.  

Edited October 11, 2017 by DoctorLemon

[Guest MormonGator]

3 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

I am also generation X.

I think the real reason so many baby boomers complain about millennials are because the two generations are so much alike they can't stand to look at one another, frankly (size, willingness to push moral boundaries, hedonism, political extremism, etc.)  The millennials remind the boomers of themselves, which makes sense, since the boomers raised the millennials to be just like them.  

I never thought about that but it makes a lot of sense. My personal view (and don't take this personal anyone!) is that people complain about the upcoming generations because 1) they can't handle change or 2) they feel guilty about their own failures and want to project it onto someone else. 

It's also odd that people who generally support "individual rights" (like I do) love to clump "millennials" in one large group. 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

I never thought about that but it makes a lot of sense. My personal view (and don't take this personal anyone!) is that people complain about the upcoming generations because 1) they can't handle change or 2) they feel guilty about their own failures and want to project it onto someone else. 

It's also odd that people who generally support "individual rights" (like I do) love to clump "millennials" in one large group. 

That is true as well, there is a tendency to pick on young people.  Always has been, always will be.

Maybe the day will come I, a borderline X-er, will complain about Generation Z as being a generation of mopey, depressed cynics who are slackers and spend too much time being angry at everything rather than working.

Maybe grunge will make a comeback, complete with flannel and long hair?

Edited October 11, 2017 by DoctorLemon

[Guest MormonGator]

2 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

Maybe grunge will make a comeback, complete with flannel and long hair?

It never went away for some of us. 

[JoCa]

1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

It doesn't surprise me that you complain about the younger generations. Are you aware how cliche it is? Every generation has complained about the ones that follow them.

Does it really matter if it's cliche if it's true?? Empirical evidence demonstrates as a fact that children today are less obedient, more disrespectful have more mental health problems, are more atheistic, less God fearing than any other modern generation.  

Saying that "every generation has complained about the ones that follow them" is quite simply just intellectually lazy for not taking the time to study the situation and recognize that yes today's younger generation of children have some serious, serious problems.

1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

 Oddly though, no one seems to grasp that if the younger generations are so bad, perhaps those who raised them deserve some of the blame. 

Oddly enough no one seems to grasp the fact that at some point one has to take ownership of their own life and stop blaming others for their problems regardless of how they were raised.

[The Folk Prophet]

1 hour ago, JoCa said:

 Common Sense....

I've decided that there is no such thing.

[Guest MormonGator]

13 minutes ago, JoCa said:

Saying that "every generation has complained about the ones that follow them" is quite simply just intellectually lazy

I'd rather be intellectually lazy than a walking cliche.  Good thing I can get by on my looks and charm. 

Edited October 11, 2017 by MormonGator

[Grunt]

1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

It's also odd that people who generally support "individual rights" (like I do) love to clump "millennials" in one large group. 

 

As someone who studies marketing, statistics, and trends I understand why people are lumped into groups.  Millennials are no different.  Generations frequently share certain characteristics in large percentages.  How I market to millennials is DECIDEDLY different from how I market to generation Z.  That doesn't take away from the fact that they are individuals and not alike in every aspect.
 

As to parenting, I understand what @JoCa means when he says parenting is easy, but I think he's simplifying it.  I find parenting difficult, but mostly because of my own struggles with patience and selfishness.  I think I do well overcoming those, for the most part, and believe my children are on the right track.  

I also agree with the question of why people, particularly church members, look for new ways of parenting when the church has put forth the Principles of Parenting as a template.

[Guest]

37 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I'd rather be intellectually lazy than a walking cliche.  Good thing I can get by on my looks and charm. 

Are you lazy or are you a . . . SLACKER?

Typical Generation X.

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, DoctorLemon said:

Are you lazy or are you a . . . SLACKER?

Typical Generation X.

Dude, have you seen that movie? It's up there with Reality Bites as two generation defining movies. 

[JoCa]

3 hours ago, Grunt said:

As to parenting, I understand what @JoCa means when he says parenting is easy, but I think he's simplifying it.  I find parenting difficult, but mostly because of my own struggles with patience and selfishness.  I think I do well overcoming those, for the most part, and believe my children are on the right track.  

Exactly.  Being a good parent requires one to become more of an adult and more like our Heavenly Father.  You can't teach responsibility to a child if you yourself are not responsible.  You can't teach patience to a child or selflessness to a child if you are not patient or selflessness.

Being a parent is only "hard" in that it requires us to change to become more like God, to model Him and His ways more perfectly.  That's why I say common sense and the Word of God.  Raising the next generation is actually quite fun and thrilling.  To think one is training and passing down values for the next generation . . .it's awesome, awe inspiring and fantastic. 

And it's one of the main ways that God uses to teach us (who are in essence children) how to become more like Him.  It's why raising children is actually very, very important to our growth as individuals and our spiritual growth as Children of God. 

It's why Satan does so much to destroy the family; he does it as much to destroy future generations as to destroy the current generation.  While certainly there are those who for whatever reason cannot have children, having children, raising them is a critical part of God's plan to help us grow and become more like Him individually.  I honestly feel sad and disheartened at those who actively choose not to have children . ..they are damning their own spiritual progress.  I'm confident that God will ensure those who couldn't, through no fault of their own, raise children have the opportunity to learn those lessons. I'm less confident that those who choose not to or who actively damn their own spiritual progress will be given as much latitude.

[JoCa]

4 hours ago, The Folk Prophet said:

I've decided that there is no such thing.

In today's world you are probably right:

common sense: good sense and sound judgment in practical matters.

Considering the changing mores and societal upheaval no one can even agree on what is sound judgement anymore; used to be you could-it was self-evident. Today, we have plenty of people denying reality and quite simply just making up theories in their heads about how the world works to justify any and every action; as soon as that theory gets into the collective hive mind anything against that made-up theory is not "sound judgement"

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

On 10/9/2017 at 9:05 AM, Grunt said:

Tone, environment, culture, genetics, and the like all play a part in the development of a child.  I could try to follow the same template as you and experience different results.  

The same parenting technique doesn't always work with every child within a family.   They are all unique!

On 10/9/2017 at 10:14 PM, SpiritDragon said:

 Based on the situations I've observed the biggest obstacle to effectively managing behaviour is consistency.

So true.  I would rate inconsistency as the biggest mistake parents make as well.

On 10/10/2017 at 8:15 AM, anatess2 said:

Well sure.  Except that "being Christlike" is not mentioned at all in the links you provided in the OP.  Being Christlike is the #1 requirement for ALL parents. 

Not ALL parents.    Not the atheists, the Jewish parents, the Muslim parents, or the abusive, neglectful parents . . .  

11 hours ago, anatess2 said:

As JAG has eloquently pointed out, when you're needing to try new ideas when there's "the template" available, you're risking a generation of experiments.  And the results of that experiment are not going to be felt until generations later.  So, we might think, Oh look - my kids grew up much better than I have.  Then we look at society and realize - wait a minute... is this really what we wanted?  But then we're all dead so it's not "our problem".  It would be for the next generations to "fix", so they end up trying out "new ideas".

I disagree.  What you are saying only works if the method before is PERFECT, and none of us are perfect.  Therefore, we should always be prayerfully seeking improvement.  If we feel guided to pursue a different parenting style, then we should do it.  If what you are doing works for you, then stick with it.  But some of us needed something more than what has been done before.  I'm not defending Gentle Parenting, in particular, simply the idea of prayerfully doing something different with our parenting than our own parents or friends have done.  This is how we grow.  

[The Folk Prophet]

2 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:

The same parenting technique doesn't always work with every child within a family.   They are all unique!

So true.  I would rate inconsistency as the biggest mistake parents make as well.

Wait...  isn't consistency a technique?

[JoCa]

44 minutes ago, The Folk Prophet said:

Wait...  isn't consistency a technique?

No consistency is an attribute; how you implement consistency is a technique.

In life, individuals who have an attribute of consistency are going to be better off than those who are not, another word is reliable, dependable, responsible.  If a parent is in general a reliable person they will in general be reliable for their kids as in they

"say what they mean and do what they say" . . . that's all consistency in raising kids means.

Edited October 12, 2017 by JoCa

[The Folk Prophet]

*sigh*

I think I'm leaving the forum. I'm so tired of being made to constantly feel bad. It just isn't worth it. I just don't need this in my life and don't feel like what I'm trying to offer registers with anyone.

Maybe it's just my mood lately. But I cannot deal with feeling discouraged all the time because of conversations I'm trying to have here.

So....later......maybe.