Resolving Conflicts in Marriage

[Me too]

Wow, this site is awesome as this is the only place I feel comfortable opening up fully.  I'm 11 yrs into my marriage and have 3 kids, and have had a lot of marriage problems.  Curious, how do folks on hear solve their marriage issues.  Do you talk weekly at a set time, nightly, some type of companionship inventory like the mission?  

[Latter-Day Marriage]

On 11/15/2017 at 7:23 PM, Me too said:

Wow, this site is awesome as this is the only place I feel comfortable opening up fully.  I'm 11 yrs into my marriage and have 3 kids, and have had a lot of marriage problems.  Curious, how do folks on hear solve their marriage issues.  Do you talk weekly at a set time, nightly, some type of companionship inventory like the mission?  

We tried doing that at first, but life got in the way pretty quick.  For most of our marriage it was just ad-hoc.  If something was bothering one of us and we wanted to talk about it, we would wait for (or create) an opportunity where there would be enough time and privacy to talk before bringing it up (usually in the evening before bed).  We  had lots of times where we 'just talked', not about a problem or something but it gave us lots of chances to bring something up if needed.  

There was a time we decided to read 'And They Were Not Ashamed' together and discuss it as we went (a very good thing for any couple to do).  We had a set time for that each week, but that was the exception, not the rule.  I think a risk in having a set time to 'talk about problems' is that it might encourage a couple to look for problems to talk about, but some people might need that kind of thing to get them to bring things up.  It is bad for a marriage if one spouse feels they can't bring something up for whatever reason.
 

[Latter-Day Marriage]

You might want to check this post on my blog:

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2014/07/how-to-fight-with-your-spouse-and-why.html

[JohnsonJones]

I don't know personally what works for everyone, and I can't say what we will do will work forever.  I can only say for now, it seems that we've had a good marriage.

One of the rules that we have is that every night (and this is beyond family prayers and personal prayers) we have to pray together as a couple.  After that, we have to cuddle (and cuddling is just that, no frisky business) and talk together for at least 5 minutes.  You pray together in the morning, and at least once a week try to have a scripture study together.

I also try to take her out once or twice a week.  It can be lunch, dinner, or even breakfast, but it has to be a date of some sort where we can talk together.

Just things that we do in our marriage.  This only works with a spouse that wants to work with you and do things with you.  From what I've read of what you've written, these things may not work with you and your spouse, but these are things that My spouse and I have and are doing in our marriage.

I find that by including the Lord in your marriage (so that's where the prayer as a couple and scripture study come in) has helped us in our marriage, and as I've seen others include the Lord in their marriage I've seen marriages able to improve.  Vice Versa, though I know there are many successful marriages that do not include the Lord, I've also seen many that fail to include the Lord as much that have fallen away from the Lord and each other.  I think including the Lord and worship as a family are things that can act like glue when nothing else does.

Edited November 19, 2017 by JohnsonJones

[anatess2]

In my house, we simply go through life's journey together.  My husband maturing, me maturing, my kids maturing all within the safety of family, doing our best to be closer to Christ.  We are free to succeed or fail because there is always one thing that is certain - we're all in this together, no matter what.

Edited November 20, 2017 by anatess2

[Jane_Doe]

On 11/15/2017 at 5:23 PM, Me too said:

Wow, this site is awesome as this is the only place I feel comfortable opening up fully.  I'm 11 yrs into my marriage and have 3 kids, and have had a lot of marriage problems.  Curious, how do folks on hear solve their marriage issues.  Do you talk weekly at a set time, nightly, some type of companionship inventory like the mission?  

Having time together to open up, communicate, and love is essential.  Now the timing of that depends on the couple, and can vary through time.  

For my marriage, I work a very demanding job which keeps me away much of the week.  But the current schedule is to at least get off 2 weekday nights, and no weekend work.  The other 3 weekdays I'll work a 14+ hour day.  At other point in our marriage, scheduling has been different.  You got to do what work for you as a couple and as a family.

[Grunt]

On 11/15/2017 at 7:23 PM, Me too said:

Wow, this site is awesome as this is the only place I feel comfortable opening up fully.  I'm 11 yrs into my marriage and have 3 kids, and have had a lot of marriage problems.  Curious, how do folks on hear solve their marriage issues.  Do you talk weekly at a set time, nightly, some type of companionship inventory like the mission?  

My wife and I communicate constantly.  We share everything, which makes us a team and her my best friend.  I can't think of any other way to have a long-term successful relationship.  

[Guest MormonGator]

@LadyGator and I laugh at things and each of us have a very dark and disturbing sense of humor. The secret to our marriage is to ignore problems or laugh at them and they'll go away. We've been married for 15 years now, so we're doing something right. 

We also don't buy a lot cliches in life. If we are mad at each other, we'll go to bed, sleep it off and in the morning 99% of the time we'll forget about why and move on. We've never bought that cliche "Never go to bed angry". 

We both are pretty independent but we talk all day via FB, texting. We don't have a "set time" to talk. In the rare case one of us has a problem we bring it up there on the spot. 

Edited November 20, 2017 by MormonGator

[JoCa]

On 11/15/2017 at 7:23 PM, Me too said:

 I'm 11 yrs into my marriage and have 3 kids, and have had a lot of marriage problems.  

My guess is . . .just simply b/c it is so incredibly common is that real problems happened when you started having kids. Unfortunately in our society many woman have forgotten what it means and how to actually be a wife (the same can be said about some men).  

The #1 thing to fixing marriage problems is one of priorities. The very first role you play in marriage is husband and wife. If that is not the primary role in your marriage you will have problems.  When kids come along, society has brainwashed husbands/wives that their first responsibility is to their children (excepting for when they are infants) nothing could be further from the truth. If you pay more attention to your children than to your spouse, you will have major problems. 

If in your life your spouse is the highest priority (except for God), then eventually no matter the amount of problems you have you will eventually be able to overcome them . . .if that isn't the case then maybe you will maybe you won't.