Convert question- sealings

[Hello]

So I am officially a convert... and am planning to be sealed to my husband. I know we have to wait a year from my baptism to be sealed BUT can he go ahead and ask for his clearance/cancelation now from his ex or is there an requirements beforehand? Do I have to have my temple recommend? I have a temporary one but of course not my official since I have to wait a year. 

[Sunday21]

@Hello So pleased that you are here! Congrats on your baptism!

[anatess2]

1 hour ago, Hello said:

So I am officially a convert... and am planning to be sealed to my husband. I know we have to wait a year from my baptism to be sealed BUT can he go ahead and ask for his clearance/cancelation now from his ex or is there an requirements beforehand? Do I have to have my temple recommend? I have a temporary one but of course not my official since I have to wait a year. 

Hello, Congratulations!   Congratulations, Hello!  (That name is fun to play sentences with, hah hah).

As far as requirements go, your husband is not required to cancel his sealing to be sealed to you. 

In my opinion, his decision to cancel his sealing to his ex should be a separate decision from his decision to get sealed to you.  But that's just my opinion.

[Hello]

The decision to ask for the clearance/cancelation has already been decided. No need for discussion there  We were just told it was best to wait until I was a member but wasn’t sure if it was easier to way until I had my official recommend. Or did that come into play at all? He’s meeting with the bishop on Sunday. But we just were trying to get more information prior so we knew what to except. 

[Maureen]

4 hours ago, Hello said:

So I am officially a convert... and am planning to be sealed to my husband. I know we have to wait a year from my baptism to be sealed BUT can he go ahead and ask for his clearance/cancelation now from his ex or is there an requirements beforehand? Do I have to have my temple recommend? I have a temporary one but of course not my official since I have to wait a year. 

I'm adding a link, a fellas blog about what he learned going through the clearance/cancellation steps.

http://brettsbigbadblog.blogspot.com/2017/06/lds-temple-cancellation-and-clearance.html?m=1

M.

[Iggy]

2 hours ago, Maureen said:

I'm adding a link, a fellas blog about what he learned going through the clearance/cancellation steps.

http://brettsbigbadblog.blogspot.com/2017/06/lds-temple-cancellation-and-clearance.html?m=1

M.

Good article! For Hubby and me, we were both endowed when we met, and divorced for some time. He had to get a clearance from wife #2. It took nearly 1.5 years for the letters to and the interviews with. We were told that the 1st Presidency sets apart only one month a year to read requests - that was why the long wait. I was never asked to write, or even go to any of the interviews. That was because my ex was NOT a member of the church. The only interview I went to was after Hubby got his letter from the 1st Presidency. We went in to be interviewed by the Stake President, and were given our Live Ordinance recommends and told we only had One MONTH to set a date - go and get it done.

Now, Hubby and I were married civilly - so this was just a sealing. One thing that was a bit of a shock to us was, the Stake President kept the letter sent to Hubby by the 1st Presidency. His letter from SL told him to keep it. Haven't a clue what he did with them. Don't really care. We asked the Stake Patriarch and Hubby's Bishop from the ward he was in when he got his endowment and our Home Teachers and Visiting Teachers and a sister who vacationed during the summer at my Branch in Oregon (she lives in Mesa) to be our witness's. So, we had 7 human witnesses, but that room that would seat about 20 felt like it was over full. His Grands & Greats, my parents, Grands & Greats & my little sister were all there spiritually too.

[Hello]

Thank you everyone. It’s a little overwhelming. And disheartening at times. I so badly want to be sealed. And it worries me that his ex could cause some conflict that wouldn’t let us get to that step. And it’s hard knowing that I have to wait. But eternity is worth waiting for. 

[anatess2]

10 minutes ago, Hello said:

Thank you everyone. It’s a little overwhelming. And disheartening at times. I so badly want to be sealed. And it worries me that his ex could cause some conflict that wouldn’t let us get to that step. And it’s hard knowing that I have to wait. But eternity is worth waiting for. 

I don't think his ex has the power to prevent him from getting sealed to you.  Each sealing is independent of the other.  A marriage covenant is between 2 people only.  So the ex's covenant is completely separate from your covenant with your husband.  @Just_A_Guy, am I right?

[Hello]

Just now, anatess2 said:

I don't think his ex has the power to prevent him from getting sealed to you.  Each sealing is independent of the other.  A marriage covenant is between 2 people only.  So the ex's covenant is completely separate from your covenant with your husband.  @Just_A_Guy, am I right?

From what I’ve read they interview her and have her submit a letter regarding her feeling about the clearance. And it is a fact that is taken to determine if the clearance is granted. 

[Just_A_Guy]

17 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

I don't think his ex has the power to prevent him from getting sealed to you.  Each sealing is independent of the other.  A marriage covenant is between 2 people only.  So the ex's covenant is completely separate from your covenant with your husband.  @Just_A_Guy, am I right?

They’re theologically independent, but I imagine that if the ex’s letter raised sufficient concern, it could delay/derail the First Presidency’s willingness to clearance until any disputed facts are cleared up?

[anatess2]

25 minutes ago, Hello said:

From what I’ve read they interview her and have her submit a letter regarding her feeling about the clearance. And it is a fact that is taken to determine if the clearance is granted. 

@Just_A_Guy, does her husband need the ex's approval for the clearance to be sealed to her?  I thought that was just for women wanting to get sealed again.  My understanding is, for men, a cancellation of the first sealing is not necessary for the clearance to be issued?

(Ugh, I really shouldn't be giving comments to this when I know very little of this process).

Edited August 2, 2018 by anatess2

[Just_A_Guy]

43 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

@Just_A_Guy, does her husband need the ex's approval for the clearance to be sealed to her?  I thought that was just for women wanting to get sealed again.  My understanding is, for men, a cancellation of the first sealing is not necessary for the clearance to be issued?

(Ugh, I really shouldn't be giving comments to this when I know very little of this process).

I don’t have any particularized knowledge here; but I suspect it’s a very subjective procedure.  I don’t think there’s a requirement for approval *per se*; I think it’s just a procedure designed to gather information in a way that will highlight any red flags the 1st Presidency should be aware of; and they look at all the info, follow the Spirit and make a decision.  And yeah, per @Maureen‘s link an ex is contacted even for a clearance.

Edited August 2, 2018 by Just_A_Guy

[MarginOfError]

I have been involved in several of these applications. I have seen one take as little as a month from start to finish (the had been married 30 years); one took about three months (they had been married 20+ years and one was terminally ill). On the other end of the spectrum, some we never even sent to the First Presidency.

I would advise you to expect the full process from start to finish to take anywhere from six months to a year. There's no policy that you must wait the year to get started, but I wouldn't send it to the First Presidency until you are close to tell year mark.

I don't know of many instances of the ex spouse holding up the sealing. And even fewer where it was done out of spite. The most common reason I've experienced for an ex to prevent a clearance is when he/she presents credible evidence of unresolved transgression. In one instance, the reason for desiring the clearance/cancellation was, "I'm getting remarried and it isn't a proper marriage if I'm not sealed." The applicant clearly didn't understand that the sealing wasn't just "god's marriage." They seemed to feel entitled to a sealing by virtue of being married. 

What your leaders and the First Presidency are looking for is evidence that your emotional and relational maturity is sufficient that divorce is extremely unlikely and that you have a firm understanding of the gravity of the sealing covenant. People who can demonstrate these characteristics don't have much trouble.

[Hello]

Thank you @MarginOfError  this was really helpful. It can be worrisome if you don’t know the process and the ex is spiteful regarding our marriage. My husband And I have went through all processes to repent for all past transgressions. He is a priesthood holder and has a standing temple recommend. We attend our meeting regularly and have weekly meeting with the missionaries (even now after my baptism as we love our elders and feel they still have so much to teach us!). Our main concern is that his ex would be spiteful simply because she doesn’t like me (that’s another topic for another day) and feels she is owned something because they were sealed together. We strive to live our life now to be worthy to be sealed together and to live as though we’ve already made that covenant. 

[Chilean]

When the process starts he'll meet with the bishop, the bishop will do an application, then the stake president will receive that application and your husband will have an interview with him as well.

The main thing here is the reason for his divorce to his last wife. I'm not asking because I want to know, but I want to ask the questions for you to know. Was the divorce caused by his transgressions? does that include adultery? was that adultery with you? with someone else?

They will ask him those questions. If the reasons for his divorce were the reasons mentioned above the sealing wont happen for 5 years.  You wouldn't be able to start the process until after 5 years.

If all those answers are: "no, that's not what happened". then the process is initiated and he gets interviews with bishop and stake president after filling out the application, and everything is sent to SLC, and when he gets a letter in the mail it will say Nay or Yay.

I just had my first sealing cancelled, and got sealed to my current husband a month ago, the whole process took about 6 weeks.  

Good luck!

[Hello]

No that’s not why they divorced. Too many issues to mention but nothing to that sort of effect however his ex has made it clear that she believes we were together before their divorce. We weren’t but you can’t reason with her.  She blames me for their divorce even though they were separated for more than a year before we even met. So naturally we worry that she will convey this to the bishop and presidency out of spite and delay the cancelation. 

[Iggy]

4 hours ago, Hello said:

No that’s not why they divorced. Too many issues to mention but nothing to that sort of effect however his ex has made it clear that she believes we were together before their divorce. We weren’t but you can’t reason with her.  She blames me for their divorce even though they were separated for more than a year before we even met. So naturally we worry that she will convey this to the bishop and presidency out of spite and delay the cancellation. 

Don't worry about what she is going to convey. Your husband tells the truth, then let the Bishop, Stake President and the 1st Presidency sort it all out through prayer! My Hubby's ex was nearly impossible to even find - then with just one week before the cut-off date, she submits a tome rather than a letter. According to the Stake President it was 35 pages, typed in Times Roman 8 font on both sides!  Rambling, nearly incoherent phrasing and more curse words than any grown man would ever want to read!

We were in the Phoenix/Mesa area, she was living in the most southern area of Oregon. She accused certain things, so Hubby was asked about them. She said, He answered. She claimed, he clarified. One thing ~ she had left the church, was not wearing her garments and had also sent in a Tome to her Bishop demanding to be removed from the church records just a year before Hubby and I married. So why the hold up? Her Bishop didn't consider her demands to be coming from a person who had all their wits about them.

Once we got the go-ahead to go get sealed, we wasted NO time getting it done. Then for a couple of years after Hubby fretted that he would still be connected to her in the after-life. I finally took his concerns to the Stake Patriarch who was also Hubby's Mentor - he counseled Hubby to Let It Go and worry about the now here on earth and live towards being together in eternity with me. We married in Aug of 2004, we were sealed in May of 2006. We celebrate BOTH dates, when we remember 😁