brady_burns Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years, she recently cheated on my with another man and then left me for another man, when i found out i told her she needed to move out but now i wish i didnt.... is forgiving her the right thing to do, she says she wants to try and make it work but not right now, to me that is not fair its got to be try and make it work now or never, i know that todays relationships if someone screws up once its over, but i want to keep fighting i want to make us grow stronger through these very hard times...... is that the right attitude or should i just move on without her...... she did this to me once before and i forgave her and we made it work, and i thought we grew more close to eachother but now that it happended again i just dont know anymore, god gives us our whole life to change and become better so should i do that with her, im so in love with her but i just dont know what to do anymore.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_jason Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 Forgiving her does not mean you have to take her back. Infidelity is pretty much an inpardonable sin in a relationship, depending on how far it went. The decision is yours whether or not to take her back. You are obligated to forgive her. You aren't obligated to trust her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brady_burns Posted February 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 thanks it means alot to me to have advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 So let me see if I have this right.You were shacking up with your girlfriend, who has cheated on you not once, not twice, but three times. The third time, you finally told her to move out. There is no marital committment, but you expect her to remain solely yours. Every time she sleeps around, she tells you it was a one time thing and she wants to come back to you. Is that right?Well, my answer to your question is the same as Jason's. Forgiving someone is always the right thing to do. But forgiveness doesn't mean exposing yourself to the possibility of her giving you a disease the next time around. Forgiveness doesn't mean ignoring character flaws or patterns of behavior.god gives us our whole life to change and become betterGod also gives children to people who have nookie. Kind of a permanent consequence to such an uncommitted and temporary relationship driven by lust masquerading as love, don't you think?Look - I'm not pretending to be any kind of sinless perfect person. I'm giving you the same advice I wish someone would give me if I were in your shoes. If you have sex with people without some sort of meaningful marital commitment, you're basically admitting that it's temporary. So when you find out she's thinking the same thing and acting on it, you do yourself a disservice by getting all shocked and hurt. You got three choices:* Ask her to marry you, with the understanding that both of you expect complete fidelity to each other for the rest of your lives.* Break up with her and find someone you can see yourself making babies with.* Take her back, knowing that you will never be the only person that keeps her warm at night.im so in love with her but i just dont know what to do anymoreLove is not enough. That's true for married people too.LM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brady_burns Posted February 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 that makes alot of sence, thank you for your advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 she did this to me once before and i forgave her and we made it work, and i thought we grew more close to each other but now that it happened again i just don't know anymore, god gives us our whole life to change and become better so should i do that with her, I'm so in love with her but i just don't know what to do anymore.... This reminds me of women always forgiving the men that abuse them. I say move on. Find a nice girl who can be faithful to you. Moping over someone who does not care the same about you is an inevitable headache. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
checkerboy Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 Coming from someone that had their spouse cheat on them I would say you do need to forgive. If she is sincere in her repentance then you can try to take her back, but honestly after three times do you think she is being sincere? Love hurts, man, I know. Even though my wife cheated on me and we are now getting divorced there are times when I wish we could be together still. It sucks when you love someone and they don't love you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted February 21, 2008 Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 You got three choices:* Ask her to marry you, with the understanding that both of you expect complete fidelity to each other for the rest of your lives.* Break up with her and find someone you can see yourself making babies with.* Take her back, knowing that you will never be the only person that keeps her warm at night.Love is not enough. That's true for married people too.LM I pretty much agree with LM- I just want to add one more thing-Be the type of person you want your spouse to be. Sit down and write out the attributes that you are looking for in a wife, then YOU live those attributes. Don't settle for second best either. Don't be a second best type of person either.Stop this shacking up business. Sex is not a substitute for getting to know someone. Also sex is not the end all, be all of a marriage. Be a friend first, middle and last. Once you are married, then you have sex. Do you really want to marry a woman who will settle for shacking up? What makes you think some woman wants to marry a man who only wants to shack up and not commit himself to marriage, who can not control himself and not have sex before marriage? Who can not respect her enough to control himself and not shack up and have premaritial sex? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mahonri Posted February 21, 2008 Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 Decide right now that you will live the Law of Chastity. It is the only way you will ever be happy. Move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WANDERER Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 · Hidden Hidden If she wants to try and make things work (but not right now) with the expectation that you wait faithfully until things are the right time if ever, with no guarantee of her waiting faithfully during that time, that's what you'll have to accept or not accept..whether your commitment will be equal. I think you might need a bit of extra support to stop the cycle that is going on here and in order to avoid certain situations. Separating is never a great experience no matter what the circumstances are. Link to comment
WillowTheWhisp Posted February 21, 2008 Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 My advice would be move on. You did the forgiving and forgetting bit but she didn't change. Learn from that.My further advice would be live your life so that the next person you find will be loyal and faithful. In my book that means living the law of chastity and being the sort of person you want your partner in life to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blainebullman Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 I know exactly how you feel.I have just broke up with my girlfriend(who i was with for over 2 years)because she was hiding stuff from me and then found out she cheated on me.It really hurts and she said she loves me and whats to take things slow but she just wants sex.I think its very hard for people like this to change but what i would do is.If she wants to be with you then be friends for a while,take things slow and tell her to try.If she loves you she will but if she doesnt then don't waste time thinking about her.It will only tear you apart inside. If you stay by the lord imagine the partner you can find.Someone said to me once,maybe the lord is putting bad women in your path that one day when the right woman comes along that you will appreciate her more.Everything happens for a reason and you should learn from this.Stay strong,the lord is with you and the people in this forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 Sounds to me like she wants it both ways. She wants to leave your relationship....won't exactly recommit to you, but doesn't want you to leave. Hmmmmmm......I just can't see how that is good for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMG Posted February 23, 2008 Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 Honey, drop the two timer flat on her butt out by the curb! You deserve better treatment than she's giving you! She wants to have her cake and eat it, too, essentially. No person who truly loves you would put you through that kind of pain repeatedly. Yes, we are all required to forgive each other. But since when did forgiveness require you to act as if nothing had happened? If she's done it more than once, she WILL do it again. Move on! (I'm not meaning to sound or be mean, just echoing things that were said, but not listened to, when I was involved with a cheater.) I know you are in pain, but it will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marsha8 Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years, she recently cheated on my with another man and then left me for another man, when i found out i told her she needed to move out but now i wish i didnt....is forgiving her the right thing to do, she says she wants to try and make it work but not right now, to me that is not fair its got to be try and make it work now or never, i know that todays relationships if someone screws up once its over, but i want to keep fighting i want to make us grow stronger through these very hard times...... is that the right attitude or should i just move on without her......she did this to me once before and i forgave her and we made it work, and i thought we grew more close to eachother but now that it happended again i just dont know anymore, god gives us our whole life to change and become better so should i do that with her, im so in love with her but i just dont know what to do anymore....I would say no. Don't do this to yourself. You deserve better. If she has done it twice and left you she will probably do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelswyth Posted March 3, 2008 Report Share Posted March 3, 2008 I know exactly how you feel.I have just broke up with my girlfriend(who i was with for over 2 years)because she was hiding stuff from me and then found out she cheated on me.It really hurts and she said she loves me and whats to take things slow but she just wants sex.I think its very hard for people like this to change but what i would do is.If she wants to be with you then be friends for a while,take things slow and tell her to try.If she loves you she will but if she doesnt then don't waste time thinking about her.It will only tear you apart inside.If you stay by the lord imagine the partner you can find.Someone said to me once,maybe the lord is putting bad women in your path that one day when the right woman comes along that you will appreciate her more.Everything happens for a reason and you should learn from this.Stay strong,the lord is with you and the people in this forum.I just want to say, as a woman who has been in some dark places and made some pretty big mistakes, that these women are not necessarily BAD. They are human beings living in spiritual ignorance and probably in a lot of inner pain and turmoil. I found my way out of it, and hopefully the other women mentioned on this thread will also come into the light at some time in their future lives. It is hard to find any empathy for someone who has hurt and betrayed you, but please know that the sinner is also suffering for what they do, and very rarely is she (or he) a truly bad, evil person. Just someone lost and grabbing onto anything that seems like it might help (although it never does). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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