To Text or Not To Text?

[Guest TheLutheran]

Our cell phone plan includes unlimited texting since last fall. Our youngest daughter (almost 17) has gone from approximately 700 texts per month to over 4,000! Despite the fact that "it doesn't cost any more" we feel this is excessive. At times she has engaged in texting at inappropriate times -- such as when we are visiting her sisters at college or the entire time we are on vacation and this will no longer be allowed. We would, however, like to set a reasonable target. I'm curious to know what text limits (if any) other families are imposing on their teenagers. So far the parents I've discussed it with locally have no restrictions and/or are not aware of the number of text messages their kids produce. Thanks, in advance, for your input! :)

[a-train]

I am done with the cell phone. I have decided it is more of a burden than a blessing. I have never used it to save my life in the 10 years I've had it. Rather than finding it more convenient to contact others, I have found it more annoying that others can contact me.

Teenagers and cellphones: if they want it, they pay it. Let her decide what she wants to do and let her pay for it. As long as your buying, she's texting. But when she's buying, she might think twice. And don't bail her out when the bill is $700 and three months behind. Let it disconnect and have her work it off. There is no teacher better than experience.

-a-train

[WillowTheWhisp]

It's difficult to set a limit as there are times when sending a message might be necessary but the limit has been exceeded. I needed to communicate with my daughter this morning and sent several messages. It sounds like the unlimited facility has made life more difficult as she doesn't have a boundary on it though. I would certainly be asking her to keep it down at least to the 700 she did before. My daughter does 300 - 400 a month but then she also uses MSN when she is at home.

[SanctitasDeo]

I text less than once or twice, but I realize that I am extremely abnormal that way. Our plan does not have unlimited texting, it costs, so I don't really use it. Even we did though, I don't think I would use it much more. Takes to long to say anything. Easier to talk over the phone, and generally if it is important it can wait.

It can be useful, but we did get along without it just fine, and we still do.

[Gwen]

it's a problem everywhere. the new era recently had an article on it. maybe it will give some thoughts LDS.org - New Era Article - Keep Texting from Taking Over

[NeuroTypical]

I dunno. The teenage brain is a chaotic and scary place, still maturing and changing. And from what I can remember of those days, spending hours at some kind of meaningless pursuit seemed to serve some sort of purpose.

I would hook up earphones and crank up music - the same music - over and over and over and over again. At least your daughter is interacting with peers.

Is the content of the texting innapropriate? Because if it's regular teen girl stuff about boys and hair and life and whatnot, I might not be too worried.

I'm not saying some sort of cap isn't appropriate. I'm saying that if sending 4000 giggly irrelevant txt messages per month was my daughter's biggest problem, I'd fall on my knees with tears in my eyes and thank God with all my heart for how good things are going.

LM

[Guest GreenMum]

My advice... take her cell phone away during times you do not want her txting. I mean what kid needs her cell phone on a family vacation when her family is right there! Make her leave it at home during church (this is a big pet peeve of mine, teen txting in church). Ect ect. Tell her she can txt between the hours of xx:xx and xx:xx and that you are going to check the bill and if she is txting at other times, you will take her phone away for x amount of time. After 3 strikes, block txting all together or get her a "firefly" which only allows her to call 4 numbers and emergency. That will teach her a lesson. :)

[Guest TheLutheran]

Thanks for the great ideas. It cracks me up that we're dealing with such a "21st century" issue since our daughters' friends tease them about being raised in the "19th century." We farm 10 miles out of town so the girls aren't exactly cutting edge when it comes to pop culture. They never spent much time watching tv or movies and we've never owned a video game. Phones for the girls were added when they got their driver's licenses to the existing plan that covers all the farm employees.

The New Era article was insightful -- texting can be very rude so we'll specifically outline when it is appropriate -- private time only between 5:00 a.m. and 10:00 p.m. Thankfully she has never texted during church -- just all the way into town before and all the way home afterwards! And I'd say 80% of the messages are to/from her LDS boyfriend who is a great kid.

Thanks again for the input!

[Ray A]

I was a single father with my youngest daughter living with me for most of the time over seven years, one reason I suspect, in fact know, is because I spoiled her more than her mother did. I gave her a limit of $30 per fortnight, for calls and text. This was done on each of my paydays. If it ran out, she had to wait until my next payday. This may seem too generous, but I preferred to part with my money than see a sad teenage girl unable to use her phone. I'm such a weakling, but I just could not even conceive of enforcing bans. What real harm can talking to friends do?

[skalenfehl]

When I'm driving to work I see girls texting while they're steering. They rest their hands on the wheel so they can steer, text and sort of see what they're doing while trying to do both. Unbelievable! I agree with a-train about letting them pay for it themselves.

As for me, a cell phone is a must in my line of work. It is my life line, but I hate texting. Sometimes it does have its uses/benefits, but I'd rather just call, say what I gotta say, hang up and move on.

Sorry, a little off topic...

[Guest GreenMum]

I think it's a generation thing (to an extent... my mom txt's like mad). My sister and her friends find txting a way faster and easier way to communicate... if it needs to be elaborated on, then they call. I, myself, am in between.

[MorningStar]

If my kids want to text someday, I'll just tell them to invite their friends over for some snacks and games.

With cell phones, I don't think we get enough solitude. I love not having one and it drives me nuts when my friends come over and they answer call after call, as if they are obligated to pick up the phone at all times. I like them for emergencies, but how often does that really happen?

One thing that bothers me though - If I ever get stranded at the side of the road, I am afraid no one will help me because they'll assume I have a cell phone.

[Iggy]

My 2 cents here- limit their time texting, and make them pay for it.

This year I met my step daughter for the first time. It had been 11 years since Husband had seen his daughter. She is 42 years old and she was texting nearly the entire time she was here visiting- 8 hours! The only time she stopped was when she went to the bathroom and in the restaurant.

After we got home from the restaurant, she sat on the sofa - texting and not talking. I went over and took the device from her and put it in my pocket. I have never used a cell phone so I have no clue how to turn them off. It remained on I guess. I gave it back to her after she got in her car to leave.

For 2 hours I refused to give it back to her. I told her that I was so very very sorry- I should have taken it as soon as she brought it out when she got here. She was here to visit with her father and to meet me for the first time, not to play with her cell phone.

She will be here the end of the month for her Grandmothers memorial. Yep, you guessed right! If she pulls it out at Church I am taking it from her and I will not give it back until she leaves to catch the plane home. I am a real MEAN Step Mom.

I will also tell the other guests that all cells phones MUST be turned off while they are in the Church Building. It is the LAW. They aren't members- they won't know it really isn't. But at least during the memorial, there won't be cell phones ringing and insolent adult and teen children texting.

Oh, in my home, cell phones are not to be answered. I tell my guests that first thing. Please put your cell phones on mute and answer them after you have left my house. Yes, I do take cell phones away from people in MY HOME. I do not answer my phone if it rings while I have company. I put my phone on mute and I even mute the answering machine.

I am pretty cold hearted when it comes to that.

[Elgama]

I agree with Loudmouth on this teens are often rude, spend hours doing something mindless - if the cost is bothering you then get them to pay if not I personally wouldn't be worried - whilst my 2 are only little I helped raise my brother and I wish we had interfered less with the harmless stuff.

My personal rules at home with Inspector Gadget for a husband you need them - no phones during family meal time, FHE, prayer time etc and not in bed either (less of a problem with single teen lol) - during those times I expect conversation I think I will do the same with my kids, so I can be sure they can converse

-Charley

[Canuck Mormon]

The thing that gets me the most is when two kids are sitting next to each other texting each other, not saying a word to each other. I just shake my head and laugh. I hardley ever text, it's easier to call the person and have a conversation with them then to send them cryptic messages like "c u l8r" "lol" "bff". Pretty soon, no one will be talking to anyone, it will all be e-mail or texting.

[Aphrodite]

I dont know how she finds the time to send all those texts! I send a lot but nothing like that! Id be grateful she's not doing anything illegal-its only texting after all. If you want to improve her communication skills maybe you could spend some one-on-one time with her. My Dad used to take me out once a month just me and him for daddy daughter time. he did it to my brother and sister too. And tell her to leave the phone at home.

[MorningStar]

Oh you guys, this is a horrible story! Ugh. When my in-laws finally got Internet, they didn't realize the dial-up number they had was long distance. They got a bill for $800 because their youngest son was up all night on instant message with his friend who lived two blocks away. AGH!!!!!

Even if my kids paid for their texting, I would limit their use because they have other things they should be doing, like sleeping, doing their homework, chores, etc.